Quinn stared at her baby through the clear window, her heart beating fast. Her eyes drank in her child, the baby's fair skin, the little blonde wisps of hair peeping out of her tiny pink hat, those tiny fingers she had the urge to kiss.
It was all too much.
Her heart ached. Nine months. After nine months Quinn had never felt closer to anyone in her life, not even Rachel. This baby was with her through it all. She was there when her parent's kicked her out of her house, when she was kicked off the Cheerios, when Finn dumped her, when Rachel kissed her, when she came out to Kurt. Her child was the one constant in her life.
And she was about to give her away.
A small hand suddenly rested upon Quinn's shoulder. She sighed at the touch, finding comfort in the gesture, her body warming up. Without even looking up, Quinn knew who it was.
"Hey," a soft voice whispered into her ear.
Her heart skipped a beat. The hand began to rub circles into her tense shoulders. Quinn felt herself drifting away.
The brunette gazed into the window, her eyes scanning for a specific infant. When her eyes caught sight of a small pink bundle in a clear incubator, she didn't need the label to know she was Quinn's.
Rachel had never seen such a remarkable human being. Her lips formed a smile and she felt her eyes getting misty. The baby's hands were covered with mittens, her lips covered by the ventilator, and yet just by looking at her tiny face Rachel knew she had to be Quinn's.
"Quinn?"
Quinn turned her head around and met Rachel's gaze.
"Yeah, Rach?" she all but whispered.
Rachel knelt to the ground and pulled Quinn's face into her hands, her thumb gently stroking her cheekbone. The touch sent that familiar electrical spark shooting through Quinn's numbed body. Rachel felt so good.
"God, I-she's just beautiful," the brunette choked out, a tear dropping from her eye onto Quinn's kneecap.
Before Quinn could control it, her own tears fell. She was about to cover her face with her hands when another set of hands grabbed them. Rachel held onto Quinn's shaking hands and once again brought her lips against Quinn's cool skin.
Quinn's heart swelled as Rachel's soft lips caressed her hands. Her eyes fluttered shut as relished in the moment. It was so easy with Rachel.
She let Rachel's lips linger and kept her eyes closed as her world slipped away. All that was left was Rachel, her lips, and the smell of her lavender perfume.
Rachel released her hands and stood up slightly. Then she extended her hand to Quinn, offering to help her stand.
"I-I'm too heavy, Rachel. There's no way that you can hold me up."
"Nonsense."
With that, Rachel snaked her arm around Quinn's thin waist and somehow managed to get the blonde safely on her feet. Quinn hadn't even felt a twinge of pain; instead she felt stronger as the tiny brunette held her steadily without any sign of strain. Heat radiated from both girls' bodies, lighting a fire in the pits of their stomachs. Rachel turned her head and looked back at the baby girl, a sigh escaping her lips.
"What am I going to do?" Quinn asked brokenly, desperate for advice.
Rachel turned her attention back to the blonde and stared deeply into her eyes.
"Do you love her?"
It wasn't even a question for Quinn.
"More than anything."
"Does Noah want to keep her?"
"Of course he does. He's in love with me."
Rachel was silent.
She couldn't blame the boy.
Rachel watched Quinn closely, noting the wonder in her eyes as she gazed more than lovingly at her daughter. She was so beautiful even after almost dying, being rejected by her mother, and dumping Puck. Her porcelain skin glowed with motherhood. Rachel took a deep breath.
"Quinn?"
Quinn's eyes remained on the infant.
"Mhm?"
"Uhm- not that I don't enjoy admiring your child, because believe me I do, but-," she paused dramatically, "what exactly are we?"
Quinn broke her gaze to look at the insecure brunette. Fear flashed across her eyes.
"I-I don't know," she confessed and looked down to the floor.
Rachel released her breath and went for it.
"Well, you told me that you're gay. Does this mean well, that you have feelings for me? Because you should know that I have feelings for you, Quinn. Deep feelings and I fear for my heart's safety."
Quinn smiled briefly at the girl's honesty before grabbing the hand holding her waist and squeezing it hard.
"I do have feelings for you, Rach. You know that."
Rachel beamed, but Quinn hesitated.
"But, I just don't know right now. I've never felt this way about anyone and it-it scares me. Do you think we can wait for a little while before we declare ourselves anything? I still like you, that will never change, but I don't know if I'm ready to come out to everyone, you know?"
Rachel's heart sunk, though she tried to hide her disappointment.
"Rachel…" Quinn started, feeling guilty for hurting Rachel.
"No, Quinn. That is quite alright. I understand that you need some time to figure out what you will do with your daughter and then move on to your sexuality."
"Rach, just tell me what you're feeling, okay? Are you mad at me?"
Rachel shook her head.
"I'm not mad at you, Quinn. I guess, well, I guess I'm just confused. What are you afraid of exactly?"
"I –I just need some time to process all of this."
Rachel nodded slowly. Her heart broke slightly, and her chest tightened. Despite her acting training, a tear fell down her cheek. Quinn winced at the sight and went to wipe it away with her thumb, but Rachel pulled away and slowly set Quinn back into the chair.
"You're mad at me," she whimpered.
"Quinn, I'm not mad at you. I understand. I just need to go home and sleep. I'll be back tomorrow to visit you and your baby, okay? Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
Quinn stared deeply into her brown eyes and saw the hurt and the pain swimming through the chocolate swirls. She felt a pang of guilt as the brunette leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. Once she registered the feeling, she wanted more, she wanted more of Rachel; but when she tried to deepen the kiss, Rachel pulled away and placed a tiny kiss on her cold nose.
"She really does have your nose, Quinn," she whispered into her ear, causing the girl to shiver at the tone.
With that the brunette walked away, resisting the urge to run back and hold Quinn a little bit longer. She turned the corner and stood at the elevator. As her finger pressed the button, the elevator door opened, and to her surprise, a woman clad in a black business suit met her eye.
"Rachel?"
"Mom?"
The woman was stunned and she barely made it out of the elevator without the doors closing on her. Rachel was frozen in her position.
"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly.
The air thickened with tension.
"Well, I heard about what happened after we won Regionals. I just wanted to see if Quinn was alright. She is alright isn't she? She didn't die? The baby is okay too?"
Rachel was confused at her questions. Why did she care about Quinn? Since when did she even know who Quinn was?"
"No, Quinn and the baby are both doing fine," she said coldly.
Rachel noticed her mother's shoulders relax and a sigh release from her mouth. Still confused, the brunette resorted to what she always did when she was lost: overanalyze the other person's body language.
Her mother was standing tall, albeit leaning away from her daughter, her nails looked as though they had been bitten off and she could see that her mother's cheeks were flushed. Then it clicked; her mother was upset about something.
"Is everything alright?"
Shelby's eyes widened.
"Of course I'm alright! I-," she looked down. "Could you tell me where Quinn is staying?"
"Uh, it's she's in the ped ICU. Make a right down at the end of the hallway."
"Thanks, sweetie. I'll talk to you later."
And then just as soon as she had come, Shelby was on her way towards Quinn, her heels echoing in the distance.
-/-
"Which one's yours?"
Quinn whipped her head around and saw a familiar woman staring intently into the window, her eyes scanning for the right infant.
"Oh, I see her now," the woman giggled. "She looks like you."
"What are you doing here?" Quinn asked hesitantly.
"When I was little, I dreamed of having a baby girl," she said, ignoring Quinn's question.
"I had this doll that my mother gave me and I'd play with it for hours. I fed it a bottle and changed its diaper. At night before I went to sleep I'd sing it a lullaby. I always figured I would have plenty of time for children. When I met Rachel's dads, my career was flourishing and children weren't really on my mind. I-I didn't realize how painful it would be to give away my baby girl. But, like I said, I thought I would have plenty of time for children on my own. A year later my doctor told me I had a tumor on my ovaries.
Quinn heard the woman inhale sharply, tears welling up behind familiar brown eyes.
"I'll never be able to have children. All of that time I thought I had was gone."
Quinn sat in the chair speechless. "I'm sorry," Quinn managed to get out.
"It's okay. I believe my time will come. What are you going to do with her? Your baby, I mean. Have you decided yet?"
Quinn sighed, running her fingers through her tangled hair.
"Well, I don't know. My-my parents kicked me out and I've been living with Puck, the baby's father. He really wants to keep her…"
"But?" she asked curiously.
"I just don't know if we could handle it. I love my daughter. I want what's best for her, even if-if that means not living with me."
"I understand. You are so young, Quinn. If I may, I think adoption will be the best choice for you. Your daughter deserves the best and living with two teenaged parents does not sound like the best to me."
"What are you trying to say?"
"Well, I came here for a reason. You see, when I finally met Rachel, I had these, these unrealistic expectations. We'd run to each other in slow motion and embrace in a meaningful hug. We'd cry, and I'd hold her and tell her that I loved her, but I didn't realize what meeting Rachel actually meant. It meant she would want me in her life, and I'm nowhere near ready to deal with a teenager. I want a baby, a fresh start. She and her dads have made memories that we will never share. It's too late for us. I know that now."
"It's never too late," Quinn whispered.
"Quinn, you don't understand," Shelby began, picking at the hem of her dress.
"No, Mrs. Corcoran, I do understand. All a girl wants is- is her mother, a woman who will hold her and love her and accept her for who she is. Rachel has been through puberty without a mother. She has been through sixteen years without you, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want you in her life. If anything, that's all she wants. I know- I know what it feels like to lose your mother and, well to be blunt, it's hell."
Shelby nodded in agreement, a bit of guilt mixed in with her somber expression.
"Does this mean you're keeping your baby?"
Quinn was silent.
"I don't know."
Shelby put her hand on Quinn's shoulder, this time cooling the blonde rather than calming and heating her like Rachel's touch did just minutes before.
"I know how hard this is, honey. I've been there. I know you are still unsure, but let me give you another option.
Shelby took a deep breath and looked intensely at the blonde.
"I would be more than happy to adopt your child. It's about time I took a vacation, and I am more than equipped to handle an infant. Plus it is in her best interest-,"
"Best interest?" Quinn spat, suddenly furious. "What about Rachel's best interest? How do you think she would feel if she knew that you would rather take care of my child than take care of her? It would feel pretty shitty I'll tell you that."
"Quinn, please think about this. I have more than enough money to take care of her and give her a great life that you could never-,"
"I think you need to leave, now," Quinn growled, her words filled with venom.
Shelby stood still, her eyes gazing over to the sleeping child, Quinn's child.
"You're making a mistake," she said as she turned away, walking towards the elevator.
A sob wracked though Quinn's body.
Rachel has been living without a mother for sixteen years.
Quinn had been living without a mother for only a few months.
But they were motherless just the same, both living with holes in their hearts where their mothers should be.
Both girls were searching for someone to love them, someone to fill that void inhabiting their hearts.
Rachel filled the whole where Quinn's mother should be.
Rachel accepted her and loved her through everything.
Rachel was Quinn's somebody to love, and there was a chance that Quinn was Rachel's somebody to love.
And Quinn had just let her go.