Chapter Five: Truffles and Nudity

It had been a week exactly. One week of nothing productive—or rather, one week of watching Xiaoxiao Liang feign stupidity and reread introductory C++ manuals and ask how to turn on a desktop. There was absolutely no point in hiring her to hack into the Pentagon, L realized, as she was here to milk his money completely dry and then pretend to have no idea how to do it.

L dropped another sugar cube into his already over-sweetened coffee and flinched mechanically as soon as he heard the much too familiar "L, L come here!"

L tried his best to ignore the impish calls mushrooming behind him from the treacherous mouth of the greatest, and only, mistake he had ever made.

"You know, there's really no point to denying your real identity. Right, Ryuuzaki?" She yanked him around with one hand when he failed to turn to face her, "I mean, even if you pretend to be my boss, I'm still going to hide things from you. In fact, it's such a lose for you if you keep being my boss—because between a detective and an employer, the employer's the one who usually gets blamed for sexual harassment."

L arched an eyebrow. He knew where this was going…

"And, you know, I can't say that nothing happened between the two of us, L. Oh, you were so rough back there in the hotel, and in front of the poor children…you're such a beast, L!" She threw her head back and laughed to the enormous, disgusted blank L was drawing over his face.

"Is that everything?"

"By the way, I found this in your computer." She presented him her laptop, "Go ahead."

He was vaguely suspicious of her massive grin, but did as told anyway. A moment later he sat face to face with facsimile reproductions of all the copies of criminal investigation reports he had written—and, on the window in the front, the contract which the Pentagon had signed with him for catching—

L jerked his head up, subtly pleased. At least she had progressed from doodling pandas, which she claimed to be her direct relatives, on his laptop… although a bit too far. L wasn't sure if he liked the present Xiao (her usual computer-hacking, oblivious-to-private-property self) or the one a day ago (who was singing a Beatles song so loudly that L could hear it a floor below the bathroom) better.

"How did you find this, exactly?" L asked absentmindedly.

"Well, they were kind of scattered haphazardly and…" She gestured somewhat with her hands, flinging them about to show that it was really L's fault for making his hidden files so accessible, not hers for prying into a locked computer in the first place.

"And did you hack into my computer to find this?"

"Well…"

"Did you know that hacking into personal property here in America has the same legal repercussions as trespassing private property—up to fifteen years in jail with a five hundred thousand-dollar fine?" L tried to replay the trick he had used with the hidden cameras a few days ago, when the two were caught together in the London Police station. However, by the gleaming smile on Xiao's face, L could tell that she had already learned her lesson… and excellently so.

"And, did you know that signing a fake contract with an employee and pulling a company out of your ass counts as fraud, and can lead you up to twenty years of jail-time per offense? Well, you do the math, L, because I think detectives are probably better at adding up jail times, especially since you'll be staying there for two centuries."

L could foresee the rest of the debate—the two of them would be stuck at picking at illegal actions the other had taken prior to their own. And at the rate that the two of the committed crimes, there would be plenty to pick at—only god knew how long Xiao planed to milk it.

Xiao reclaimed her laptop and began skipping away with it, stopping at the door to flash him a victorious smirk, "Anyway, between the two of us, you were in the wrong first. Well, I suppose I did start hacking into the Pentagon first, but hey—since you don't have any proof of that—technically you started it all with your Gummy&Bear Corporation."

And then L realized it, a second too late, like noticing that a spit wad was in fact a spit wad when it was a mere half inch from joining your eyeball.

She had confessed.

She confessed hacking into the Pentagon, L repeated to himself. That was an open challenge towards him. It was like pasting an "I'M AN AFGHAN SUICIDE BOMBER, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!" banner on her own head and dancing gleefully before an American S.W.A.T. team. At this point it was obvious she was itching to get caught… or rather, to see him try to catch her.

L stared at Xiao, who reflected his gaze back mercilessly. They must have had been at it for minutes before L suddenly discerned the true implications of her confession.

And, when he did, he could barely hold down a lopsided smirk. It seemed as if she hadn't meant to dig that grave on purpose, because suddenly the smile on her face began dropping at the speed of a dead bird. The look of panic that was consuming her face only fueled L's malicious grin.

L knew that, as a gentleman, he probably should not take advantage of the slip-of-mouth which came along with her confession. But it wasn't as if she was so much of a lady either, and L knew that if she was in his position, she would never let it go. And so, L didn't let it go either.

"Well, as you have confessed to hacking the Pentagon, that gives me sufficient proof to demand for a warrant to place you under arrest. It takes twenty-four hours for a warrant to be issued, but since the Pentagon is top-priority, there is no doubt my request will be granted in a dozen."

The look of paranoia on Xiao's face had now officially vaporized, leaving a coy smile to which L found no response. Dear lord, was she actually happy? L found himself at a loss.

Xiao curtsied clumsily, the coy smile growing into something of a Godzilla, face-splitting grin, as she spun around, "Since you don't have a warrant now, I'll be taking my leave."

"Would you like a drive towards your destination, perhaps?" L offered to her quickly disappearing figure. A contemptuous laugh followed, echoing through the hallways, "Are you offering me a ride as a detective, who is trying to hunt me down, or as a boss, who is trying to get into my pants?"

"Someone begging for a ride, like you are, is in no position to insult her caregiver. I will be waiting outside. And please drop that finger—it is rather unladylike." L smiled to himself at the lack of response, imagining the look of disgust on her face as she probably did drop a finger.

"Using the international airport might be a better choice than the bus station. After all, you are now officially America's Most Wanted." L advised once the car pulled to a stop.

"Why, that's incredibly flattering. When'd you get the chance to broadcast our marriage?" She snarled rather unpleasantly as she kicked the door open.

"I was quite serious. That's your face on the television screen." L pointed his gaze at a flat-screen TV hanging on the wall of the bus station. Xiao's face was flashed there for barely half a second, with her name and age and height, before the commercials went up.

However, it seemed as if the Chinese girl didn't even bother to look up from dragging her suitcase out of the car's trunk.

"You don't happen to have any cash on you, right?" She suddenly demanded, thrusting her hands into the pockets of his jeans without permission. L felt violated and, strangely enough, also an enormous urge to smile, "No."

"Do you also want to pretend to be a loan shark, in addition to my boss and detective?" She pleaded, clasping her hands together with a bright smile. It was almost foreign compared to the face which was frozen in stubborn frustration just minutes ago.

"I left a blank checkbook in your backpack."

She grinned sheepishly, "You know, it's really obvious you're more interested in helping me run off than catching me."

"Since I will be arresting you sooner or later, I'd also like to help you run as far as possible to extend the enjoyable process of catching you."

"Why, hello, L's ego! I didn't know you had a voice!" Xiao mumbled, grinning from ear to ear, "Let's make a bet."

"Yes?"

"For thirty minutes from now you may do absolutely nothing." She waited for a reaction. He said nothing.

She continued grimly, though her eyes were sparkling with excitement, "But, after thirty minutes, you are free to call the FBI and CIA and all the Russian spies on the North American continent to find me. If you can have me in handcuffs, which must be personally dawned by the Great Detective L, by nine o'clock sharp tomorrow morning, you can ask three things of me. And I won't deny. On the other hand, if you find me after then, you will get me out of jail and somehow dismiss all my charges of hacking into the Pentagon. For free."

"That is an absurd trade-off." L stated blatantly, though Xiaoxiao looked completely serious, "I know."

"Fine." L conceded. He knew he was just as excited to win as the woman before him, if not more. This was a level of entertainment he had never had a chance to enjoy before; it was an actual hunt.

Thrilling.

Xiaoxiao Liang marched off upon hearing his agreement, without another look back. L watched until Xiao and her luggage disappeared into a bus completely and opened his phone with two germaphobic fingers.

The moment Xiao entered the bus station L felt at the top of the world. Unbeknownst to his former employee, he had now informed every security personnel in the transportation services of a high-risk suspect in their system and the need to monitor their tapes. He had given them pictures and profiles of Xiaoxiao Liang, complete with voice-recording.

There was not a chance in hell the Asian girl could get away, even if she was an ambassador. All the bus and taxi drivers on the east coast now had her face by heart.

L could see it in his mind's eye. By nine o'clock tomorrow he would walk quietly into wherever she had thought was the cleverest place to hide and hold up a pair of handcuffs, and she would try to logic her way through it but eventually give up and he could then have her at his will.

Justice is served.

L took a sip of his coffee and opened his computer, about to view to the security tapes which he had ordered to be sent directly to his laptop. He wanted to watch her movements first hand and read her mind. It was the most basic trick: catch a criminal by being the criminal.

He watched in silence as she bought tickets, argued with the retailer about the price, and then marched off into the woman's washroom. In ten minutes she boarded the bus towards Central Station—albeit in a strange fashion, walking inside backwards (with her back facing the inside and chest facing the door). When she sat down she immediately opened her laptop.

L chuckled—she couldn't do much with it at this point. He had made copies of her hard-drive, so her trying to erase evidence of having visited the Pentagon would be useless.

But, after a few minutes, she suddenly shut her laptop and dragged her luggage off with her from the bus. L frowned. What was she doing? Maybe she had taken the wrong one. But the probability of that was definitely less than forty…

L gazed, lost, she climbed back onto the bus two minutes later.

What was going on? Thankfully, the bus was empty, which gave L plenty of opportunity to narrow his sights on her. The silence lasted another four minutes before other passengers began boarding and, finally, the driver hopped on.

She seemed relatively composed throughout the entire ride and departed on the fourth stop, at DuParc Garden. L sent out a notice to all taxi drivers and security personnel in the area, ordering them to follow her movements exactly.

However, when even after ten minutes, not a single person gave him a notice about seeing or picking up an Asian woman in an odd T-shirt and jeans ripped past repair, L began growing slightly worried. Did she walk off on foot? She might do that, to avoid him. In that case, he was in terrible luck, due to the massive number of transfer buses located within walking distance from the area.

But Xiao wasn't the type to do something like that. To Xiao anything physical was too taxing. Walking a mile, for an apartment-confined computer-addict, was equivalent to hiking up and down the Great Walls forty times. Add in a few suitcases and she might as well just drop dead on the spot. But there wasn't much else to do if she was to trying to avoid all the surveillance cameras for eleven hours.

L frowned. His intuition said that something was going to be off. There was something wrong. He rewound the tape to when she had arrived on the bus and walked off the bus and realized—

He had been had. He had been completely, completely had.

She had walked on the bus in such a way so that, when the tape was rewound, it would be a video of her walking off the bus. She was therefore able to copy and paste her image into the surveillance tapes at the DuParc stop. In reality, she probably had not gotten off at all. In fact, she had been on her laptop not to erase evidence, but to doctor tapes.

L bit his thumb, nibbling on it without any ease as one side of his brain bombarded questions at the other. Was she still on the bus, then? Yes, she must still be on the bus.

L smiled suddenly, realizing that technology was working in his favor after all. Xiao could hide her image on tape, but she couldn't hide her shadow.

All the seats in the back row were occupied, so Xiao must have sat somewhere near the middle or the front. L recalled that she had a relatively large suitcase. Therefore, she must have sat on aisle seats in order to free up the window seats for other passengers. If she sat in the front, then passengers getting off the bus would have to walk around her suitcase—as has been demonstrated in prior stops. Therefore, if she had erased herself and her suitcase, then L would be able to see passengers unnaturally walking around an invisible object. That would mean that she was still on the bus.

Additionally, the stop at which she departs would show a line of passengers seemingly waiting for nothing, congested at the back of the bus (while in actuality waiting for Xiao to struggle out of the bus), and then suddenly moving out (when Xiao finally escapes the bus, probably swearing about her heavy suitcase).

L folded his fingers together and felt it all coming into his hands.

Xiao could hide her image, but she couldn't hide her existence. He combed through the tapes with great detail—and found it. She hadn't gotten off DuParc Garden. Her abandoned seat was left wide open, despite the crowded bus. Furthermore, boarding passengers looked at the "empty" seat for a while (a bit longer than he expected) and moved on hesitantly, walking around an invisible parcel next to the seat on the aisle. The invisible-on-tape Xiao must have sat there, then.

And so L scrutinized the tapes, feeling rather productive and victorious. However, the sense of victory disappeared when he realized that the seat remained empty even at the second to last stop. Did that mean that Xiao was planning to get off at the last stop? But the last stop was the bus station, where L had dropped her off…

L frowned, suddenly lost. Why would Xiao go through all the efforts to hide herself if she wasn't going to do much at all? L studied the scene of the last stop. It was more than strange.

If Xiao was in her seat as he had imagined, there must have been people moving extra-slowly behind her as she struggled her way to the door. However, all the passengers hopped off at normal walking paces, which meant that Xiao must have waited for everyone to get off. However, the door shut as soon as the last passenger departed… which meant that Xiao wasn't one of the last. The bus driver did not pick up his microphone to shoo anyone off, which meant that Xiao had left the bus… without getting off. L frowned.

Xiao hadn't been on the bus at all?

L's eyes opened wide, thoughts running in a noisy havoc around his brain and crashing into one another. What was going on? Why had that seat been left empty, then? But it must have been Xiao sitting in it—but why didn't he ever notice her getting off? Or did she really get off at DuParc?

Suddenly L realized that he was on the losing side of the bet. But he did still have another trick up his sleeve.

Xiao sipped a latte happily in her hotel room as she read the instructions for installing a listening device. Imagining the look on L's face filled her with delight. There was no way on earth he could guess that she was actually living just a floor below him.

An hour ago…

Xiao could barely stifle a laugh when she overheard a bus driver's walkie talkie: "X.L. CONFIRMED TO BE ON BUS 345B—SSSHT—ALL SECURITY PERSONNEL DIRECT FORCES TO ROUTE 345—BZZZT." She caught the bus driver's frightened gaze in the mirror as they stood side by side, soaping their hands in the washroom. After glimpsing a photo of herself (not a flattering one, to boot) in the hands of a security guard, Xiaoxiao knew immediately what L was up to.

It was unfair, technically, that he was watching her with the eyes of a thousand cameras and a few more thousand bus drivers and janitors and ticket-sellers. But, she had agreed to it, after all. At least he didn't take it literally and begin bombarding her bus with CIA agents.

Xiaoxiao sighed and climbed onto 325B. She had planned originally to go to Central Station, and there mingle in and disappear by blacking out the security cameras for two hours—during which she would have ample time to get far away from L's possible allies.

But obviously the plan had changed. She didn't expect L to follow her so closely, and even inform the poor, confused bus drivers. She tapped her forefinger against her lap impatiently, trying to come up with a plan until she realized that L was probably watching the security tapes through his laptop, which meant that he was using a wireless signal to connect to the bus station's security cameras, which meant that it was hackable.

To Xiao, the word "hackable" was like the word "edible" to a two-year old, which was like the word "START!" for an Olympic sprinter. The moment her brain fired off the "hackable" signal she was on auto-drive, tapping away excitedly on her laptop and wiggling inside everywhere she wasn't supposed to be.

Within moments she had gotten a hold of L's lines, and could see his screen from her own. So he was watching her, after all, and even had the cameo on her zoomed in extra-close. The tapes were muted—no sound available, the box said—and Xiao realized that she could use it all to her advantage.

She snuck around a bit more, using his computer to view the security cameras in all the other buses. She noted that, like the one in which she sat, all buses were dead empty. There was another bus in particular that looked remarkably like 345B. In fact, the view from its security camera, when merged over the view for 345B's, fit perfectly. Not even a piece of trash was out of order.

And then the idea came to mind.

Xiao set up a timer, ordering a "tape-switch" in two minutes sharp between the bus in which she sat—345B—and its twin, 398D. Since there was no camera between the buses, she could easily switch buses and make it look as if she had merely gotten off of 345 to get back on it. But there was a risk: if anyone stepped on either bus during the two minutes, the switching of the tape would be as obvious as hell (with people disappearing off one bus to magically appear in another within a split second) and L would be chuckling at her failure from afar. Then again, it wasn't as if she was left with many other options.

And so, having completed her homework, she shut her laptop and skipped off, swearing about the weight of her suitcase. In three minutes she climbed aboard the fortunately still-empty 398D. From her seat she peered into 345B and noticed that, as planned, it was empty as well. She smiled to herself. L was probably wondering why she left the bus and came back on for no reason. No, he was probably over-thinking it.

Xiao understood, even with the little time that she had spent with him, that L was one who had always over-estimated others… which had usually always worked to an advantage for him. However, for Xiao, it wouldn't be—as she was keen on exploiting it and confusing the living shit out of him.

Within minutes other passengers began piling on. Soon the bus departed, during which Xiao occupied herself with writing a Crime-Scene-Evidence-Do-Not-Touch note on L's stationary (that she stole while she snuck around his "company").

"Next stop, Grand Palace Hotel. Passengers, please take your bags and prepare to depart." The automatic machine declared. Xiao blinked, aware that it was the hotel in which L stayed. She couldn't hold down her smile. Within seconds she taped her "DO NOT TOUCH" note to the chair and hopped off the bus together with her suitcase.

She marched promptly back into the hotel, ordering a room right beneath L's under the name of "Ryuu Kazi." For seconds she considered that maybe she was too cruel… but that was before she remembered his pompous: 'Since I will be catching you sooner or later, I'd also like to help you run as far as possible to extend the enjoyable process of catching you.'

Watari knew that L was no longer on top of them game by looking at L's reflection in the limousine's mirror. His face, though expressionless, was tense. The detective was hunched over his seat in his normal thinking position and had a thumb in his mouth as he pried his eyes into the computer screen.

Watari leaned his head into the headset. This was the first time he had seen L so focused, which was rather disappointing, as this was probably the least threatening case L had faced in his career. After all, a mere, motive-less girl hacking into the Pentagon to display obscene messages about the central staff's undergarments once a week for entertainment was hardly worth looking into. If it wasn't the Pentagon, she would probably have been sent to the detention room in some high school office and that would be the end of it.

Yet, somehow, L had been spending more time on Xiao's case than any other. A case that could have ended a week ago was now, somehow, in a dramatic bet that Watari felt was definitely going to do something to L's career—good or bad, the old man couldn't say.

Watari jumped when, suddenly, L's voice filled the room.

"Yes, this is Detective L… please broadcast what I say next immediately. 'Xiaoxiao Liang, twenty-one years old, of Chinese decent, height five foot six inches, have recently escaped an isolation ward. She is currently diseased with an evolved strand of the Ebola virus, which is ten times as infectious and as fatal as the mother virus. Anyone who comes within audible distance of Miss Liang must call 492-093-8273 as soon as possible with their current location and the time of contact.'"

Watari frowned. What was L trying to pull off now? Terrorize an entire state into cooperating with him?

"Yes, I have sent you a photo of Xiaoxiao Liang… Please post this quickly, as it is urgent... Thank you…Goodbye." There was a pause, "Watari, back to the hotel."

Watari nodded, though secretly worried for L. The way L was acting was a bit too spontaneously—he was now more similar to his suspect than himself. And, of all people, L was the least likely to be influenced. So who exactly was Xiaoxiao Liang?

It took but ten minutes until he had gathered all the necessary information, sent a message to CNN taking back his previous statement and apologizing for 'a mistake,' and grabbed a pair of handcuffs. He waited impatiently for the elevator.

Xiaoxiao Liang had probably turned off all her digital devices in order to avoid him. Since L had never observed the Chinese girl even once watching television, he knew that it wasn't likely that she heard of his stunt while she locked herself away.

It was too bad that she was going to have to hear it with a pair of handcuffs.

L could not have been happier as he approached the door. Xiao was in there. This time he was sure. She had even booked the room under Ryuu Kazi, to mock him. L wondered what expression would be on her face as he opens the door—surprise, maybe, or anticipated defeat and depression. The door was unlocked, so he stepped inside without knocking. A brief glance revealed her to indeed still be inside. Her luggage was all over the place—backpack open, suitcase half unpacked, and a sandwich barely eaten on the table, next to a plate of…it couldn't be… but…

Raspberry Truffles with chocolate filling and freshly melted caramel topping, powdered sugar, and glazed berries and almonds! L's eyes widened as he scampered forwards, towards the marvelous plate.

He reminded himself that he was here for Xiao, and this was very likely one of her ploys. But, what could she possibly put inside the truffles? Poison can only be inserted into baked goods like these if the goods were homemade. And, L knew, there was no way in hell someone like Xiao could ever have the patience to construct such a work of art. Plus, how would she be able to get her hands on poison within a few hours, anyway? (L did secretly check her suitcase just before she left.)

L studied the desert and glanced quickly at the noted beneath it:

"Dearest boss,

Please present the world with a more beautiful photo of me next time. I suggest the one with me in the obnoxious yellow summer dress, in which I am actually smiling and the sun highlights my tastefully-styled hair. Also, can't you give me the Black Death or something? Ebola's getting a little old.

Love,

The fake-molested employee.

PS: Don't you dare eat touch those truffles. They're poisoned with cyanide. I promise, if you have them, you're going to want to kill yourself for the rest of your life."

L recognized immediately the incongruity in her threat. It was obvious she wasn't used to threatening others outside of making immature comments on the computer. If the truffles really had cyanide, L would drop dead first and have no chance to want to kill himself later. Therefore—

L smiled. Perhaps they were somewhat toxic, though. After all, Xiao was the type to enjoy irony. He stared at the delicacies. Perhaps he could… yes, he could just smell them. And when he finds her, he will eat them in front of her.

And so, he picked up a truffle with two fingers and brought it to his nose. He took one whiff and—

L opened his eyes to a blood-curdling scream. What had happened to him? He remembered clearly smelling a truffle and now there was an old lady at a door far away from him and he couldn't move his limbs and…

He understood immediately why she was screaming. He was stripped completely naked, with not even the mercy of his underwear. An undersized pillow covered his crotch, behind which strands of his pubic hair poked out.

The truffles lay inches away from his mouth, but his four limbs were tied down—arms to the headboard, legs to the bedposts. He turned to the cleaning lady, attempting a smile, "Excuse me, but… could you…"

"NO!" She shrieked and scampered off, dropping her mop on the floor with a flop. L sighed at the predicted failure. What time was it? There was some sunlight through the curtains. Cleaning ladies usually come in the morning—He froze. It couldn't be.

L twisted his neck, trying to take a glimpse of the clock on the wall and to calculate the probability that it was nine o'clock. However, when he saw the hour hand, his face turned completely pale.