The dew-soaked lawn threatened to drown her slippers, or they would have done if, having almost reached the French-style doors that exited from the Orangery into the gardens, she'd not double-backed to her room to change into her laced boots. Now better prepared, she pulled her shawl more tightly around her shoulders, the early morning air not yet having had the chance to be warmed by the sun that currently hovered barely above the treeline. As she strided resolutely along the gravel path of the rose garden, with its neatly clipped topiary on either side, she felt fully refreshed. She'd slept soundly and at length, her mind no longer plagued by uncertainty. Indeed, Kitty thought cheerfully, she felt resolved!
Her route took her from one garden room to another, each marked by a wall or tall hedge of some kind. Roses were replaced by great lavender bushes, albeit absent of the sweet scent that would consume the senses come the summer, and then lavender gave way to a herb garden and then to another which was characterised by several small pools. It was here she decided to stop, to catch her breath and reach for that which she carried sequestered away in the folds of her skirts.
The parchment she withdrew was already looking decidedly dog-eared, it having been unfolded, read and refolded several times over since she discovered it the previous evening, pushed under the door of her room. If she'd felt any surprise at finding it then it was a sentiment quickly replaced with curiosity as she'd hurriedly broken the seal. She'd half expected it to be further words of warning from her sister but she'd been wrong.
"Dearest Kitty,
My addressing you in this manner may seem strange given we currently reside under the same roof but, as I hope you will shortly come to understand, the information contained here is of such that I cannot quite bring myself to share in person, at least not yet. You see, I believe us to be the same, you and I, both raised in the shadows of others, left to comprehend our own character in creeping and stuttering instalments. I have not had the pleasure of your friendship for long but I sense we could be firm friends given time, and it is in that sense of friendship that I write."
Kitty paused, just as she had when she'd read the opening salvo for the first time. When she'd seen the name 'Georgiana' etched at the foot of the page, she'd thought it to be a childish joke, a secret letter inviting her to escape their older siblings the next day to share in some girlish activity. But, she'd reminded herself, Georgiana was not Lydia, and she was no longer the same girl she was but nine, even twelve, months ago. No, this letter had a significance greater than that. She'd sensed it then as now.
"You will have witnessed, or soon will, the considerable devotion that exists between the new Mr and Mrs Darcy. It has taken me some months to adjust to it but now that I have I find my view on marriage to have altered quite considerably. I am yet young but I have always dreamed of experiencing a great passion, one that is hinted at in novels but never detailed. I've let my imagination run wild over such a thing and in my innocence thought that I would know it when it finally came along. Does that shock you? It shocks me to see it written so. What I have to share I fear will shock you further but I must tell you. I cannot in good conscience allow you to make a similar, yet contrary, mistake to one that I came so close to making."
You likely think me all that is proper and well-behaved, that I could not be induced by any circumstance to run away as you have, but I was. There, I said it! You fled from a man you love, perplexed by the situation in which you found yourself, and I too ran, but towards a man who had confused me into thinking I was in love. You sought solace in someone you trusted, who you felt could understand and advise you, and eventually I did as well.
The man that encouraged my misdemeanour was all that was charming and kind, listened to my self doubt and encouraged me to speak freely of my dreams and of my worries. But it was all a falsehood. I now see all too clearly how he played on my weakness, exerted pressure slowly but surely upon my thoughts to think well of him and poorly of others. He was, and remains I fear, the very opposite of your Mr Lowther. Where you have been charmed by gentle affection, I was swamped by promises of undying love. Where you have found someone willing to serve as your equal, I allowed myself to be lowered and directed. Youth would be a fair excuse if it weren't so feeble. I wasn't scared to become his wife, but determined. I see you are determined, but driven forward by a rational fear. I find myself envious of you, of your sensibility that has prevented you from rushing into a longing commitment without due consideration."
Kitty chuckled quietly to herself, the notion that she was more sensible than Georgiana still tickled her greatly. But the more she'd let herself become immersed in the words so elegantly scribed, so the truth behind them had emerged. Feeling time was marching on, she began moving, her steps taking her closer to her journeys end as she hurriedly located the paragraph she felt herself in need of reading just once more.
"Surely no marriage can be like any other. Elizabeth wishes you to show you how it can be and I applaud her intention, for it is one that is well-meant and, knowing your sister, will be well executed. But that's her marriage and you want something quite different, and why should you not? My brother was required to propose twice, did you know that? Allow your Mr Lowther to and, when he does, for I am sure that he will, consider whether you believe him to be forcing or asking you? Whether he holds you high up on a pedestal or down low towards his feet? Whether he loves you as a good man should, in the way that you love him? For surely if you can see that in reaching the answer to those questions then all else will sort itself out quite easily."
Kitty let her hand drop to her side, the paper held loosely in her fingers. In contrast to her emotions last night, she felt nothing but joy. At the first reading she'd sat motionless for some minutes, her body feeling quite numb until the heat of the tears that she'd felt building finally spilled onto her cheeks. As she'd grasped for a handkerchief she knew they were tears of relief and not the depression that had encircled her previously. That feeling had enabled her to sleep, replaced on awakening by this, an executable, nerve-tingling, all-consuming joy at the idea that what she read was, quite simply, how it was.
She stopped once more, taking a moment to fold the paper and replace it safely about her person and to breathe deeply. The curved arch that marked the gap through the yew hedge stood proudly above her, the final barrier between herself and the wide open expanse at the rear of the house, with its wide lawn that ran happily down towards the lake. Pushing back her shoulders she stepped forward.
~ PD ~
James Lowther lifted his eyes to the heavens in grateful thanks that his selected route, from his room in the guest wing of the house to what was, by an ordinary standard, the grandest of back doors, did not alert anyone to his presence. He prided himself on being an amiable, friendly sort of chap but he had no desire to be delayed on his quest despite the hour still being unfathomably early. The soft rugs that ran the length of the landing corridors had certainly aided his passage, as had the absence of any squeaks or bumps of the doors. As he slipped near silently outside, he felt himself momentarily shocked by the cold air that greeted him, a feeling replaced by an instant regret that he'd not chosen his heavier coat.
As he adjusted to being outside, he took in the true beauty of the place, an ethereal mist rising from the lake in front, its clouds swirling over the banks and stretches of grass on either side before disappearing into the wooded areas that peppered the valley sides. He considered Mr Darcy to be a fortunate man in many respects, and he still had some hope of securing for himself a marriage of equal bliss, but to have such a place to call one's home was something that he knew he could only imagine.
The rustle of leaves and movement somewhere to his right shook him from his reverie and, espying its cause, brought a gentle smile of greeting to his face. He tipped his hat at the approaching figure.
"Good morning, Miss Catherine," he said genially as the customary greetings of nods and curtseys were concluded.
"And to you, Mr Lowther," she replied, her lips curled into a similar expression. "I had not thought you were fond of a dawn adventure."
Her teasing tone had him smiling further and he found it no hardship at all to agree. There was a pause as they both considered their next move but he beat her to it but, he thought, only by a moment.
"Can I be so bold as to invite you to accompany me?" he enquired. "I believe your sister would not be too horrified at us being unchaperoned if we remained in the open view of the house."
Kitty gave her wordless consent as they set off together, their footsteps quickly falling in time with one another as they found a familiar rhythm. It was several minutes before they found a topic on which to converse, a loud splash from the water giving rise to her speculation as to its cause and he eagerly welcomed a conversation to which he could contribute without risk of anything much. This exchange led quickly onto his enquiring as to her views on Pemberley more widely, as to whether she felt her sister as contented as she'd hoped her to be, a wish she'd expressed to him on a previous occasion. As he listened to her confirmation that she was delighted to find both Mr and Mrs Darcy so happily situated, he felt the knot in his stomach tightened, the sense of a moment approaching.
Their tour of the western flank of the house complete, they turned the sharp corner to begin their parade of the northern section. Here it was as shaded as before, the space segmented as it was on the south side into a series of smaller gardens, The tops of trees on the hills above hinted at the growing strength of the sun, their leaves becoming increasingly illuminated and giving the promise that they'd soon feel it for themselves. He continued in his attention to her, asking as to her plans for the upcoming day. She answered easily, her voice sounding as melodic as it had just days before. Last night he'd discerned a tension that she'd done well to disguise, and he'd fretted on it. To his relief he sensed it gone and it gave him cause to hope.
His pace slowed and with it hers too. Neither spoke as achingly slowly they instinctively acted with one mind as, catching the gaze of the other, they moved towards a mottled marble bench that was positioned against a wall. He waited until she was settled before joining her, a gentlemanly distance maintained between them.
He shifted awkwardly in his seat attempting to find quite the right angle and tone in which to commence his address, his head bowed low as his confidence dipped momentarily. As he began with an introductory pleasantry, she cut him off with a hand placed gently on his arm. He regarded it for a moment, noting how her slender fingers curved delicately over the course material of his sleeve and how warm they seemed to feel despite being several layers away from his skin. He dared to look up and baulked a little at finding her dark eyes staring directly into his own.
"I do not require a second proposal, Mr Lowther," she offered quietly, her voice even and warm. "For it occurs to me that I have not properly addressed the first. I would be grateful if you would allow me to do so now."
"I would allow you anything, Miss Catherine," he replied in earnest. He was sorely tempted to place his free hand over hers but resisted.
She smiled inwardly and instantly knew him to be sincere, the knowledge bolstering her yet further.
"I think you know I have enjoyed your attentions over the last few months, your company and conversation were unexpectedly received but I found them to be more than welcome. I had not imagined a gentleman would ever seek out with any degree of sincerity any opinions that I might hold."
She paused to refocus her gaze towards the house, the initial stirrings of the household in evidence with the shutters of several rooms already open. Her stance did not alter but as she continued she seemed to speak into the middle distance.
"I know myself better than others perceive I do, and I know I am yet young, and with it prone to outbursts of silliness that do my character little credit. It is on this that I lay blame for my most recent behaviour. It was entirely undeserved by yourself." She turned towards him, her hand unmoved but her eyes capturing his own more, her tone sudden desperate as she squeezed his arm. "If I have caused you pain and I beg your forgiveness, for I do not think I could live without knowing your love and respect for me was secure."
"You need not ask, Kitty, you have it unreservedly," he stuttered unthinkingly.
Her eyes widened at the use of her name, his face flushing as he realised his lapse. But she recovered more quickly and it was with considerable relief she replied, "In which I am entirely relieved and thankful…James."
"So, you will marry me?" he uttered, somewhat aghast that the moment may finally have come.
Kitty giggled with delight at his surprise and, ignoring propriety yet further, moved her hand downwards to slip it into his own. "Yes, Sir. I most certainly shall."