"Hey, babe, what do you think of this photo? I think we should put a picture of the two of us in that spot on the wall right there. That way it can be the first thing we see whenever we come in." Philippe pursed his lips in thought, his brows furrowed, and held the framed picture up to the wall. The two of them smiled down at him from the frame, standing together on the Observation Deck of the Eiffel Tower. Philippe gave a small smile back, letting out a breath. How happy they looked in that picture – and yet, he could still detect a trace of stress around Nadine's mouth and eyes.
He could still remember that day as vividly as if it had been yesterday. A little over a week after Lila's arrest, Mylène had taken him aside and warned him that Nadine needed to get out of the apartment, to relearn how to experience life. He had nodded in agreement, though he had been at a loss for how to approach it with Nadine – she had still been so fragile. That had been when Mylène suggested that they could spend some time together and do something fun as just the two of them; Philippe's first idea had been the Eiffel Tower.
Nadine had almost frozen up the moment they reached the Champ de Mars, though with a little encouragement she had followed him to the Tower and walked with him up the stairs to the Observation Deck, where they could look out over the whole city. She had clutched his railing tightly, barely looking away from the park itself; Philippe had covered her hand with his own, giving it a reassuring squeeze. For himself, Philippe had found his eye drawn to the distant spot near the north end of Paris where the Tarasque had first merged together, where the Heroes had first faced off against it. That had been his first experience with the Beasts; every moment of it had been sheer terror. Still the outline of its swath of destruction had remained – a scar across the landscape of Paris, cutting a path straight through the city and past the very spot where they had stood at the top of the Tower. He remembered spotting la Gymnaste during the battle, not straying far from Killer Bee and Cerna. To think: he had assumed that Nadine was safe with her family, well away from the danger; she had assumed the same thing about him. But in reality they had both been there, fighting the Tarasque together, albeit unknowingly.
Still the thought rang out in his mind: what if she had been killed by the Monster? Would he have realized before it was too late? The very idea of it sent a cold shiver down his spine.
As they had stood on the Tower's observation deck, Nadine had turned to look in the direction of the newly-constructed Nouvelle Bastille prison, standing out in stark contrast to the cityscape around it. That was where Lila would spend the next decade at least. Nadine had tensed in his arms and turned away from it, burying her face in his shoulder. With a sigh, he had pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned toward the distant Arc de Triomphe, with its new monument to the Heroes of Paris and their allies. Nadine, shaking in his embrace, hadn't looked up for a long moment, though finally, in the end, she had turned in that direction. On spotting the distant monument, her eyes had lit up, and that had been when he had pulled out his phone to take this picture.
Walking across the small apartment to look at the picture, Nadine shrugged and looked away. "Sure… if that's what you want."
Philippe glanced down at her, and his stomach clenched anxiously. Grinning, he held up a second picture. "Of course, I was also thinking about this one," he mused, showing her a picture of both their families, taken at the restaurant two weeks ago when they had told their parents that they were planning to move in together.
Nadine swallowed, looking back and forth between the pictures. "I… like whichever one you like," she finally told him, meeting his gaze with wide and vulnerable eyes.
Philippe's eyes widened slightly, and he put both pictures down on the old entertainment center they had picked up at a resell shop last week. This wasn't how decorating their apartment was supposed to go – this wasn't how their relationship was supposed to go! He wanted his happy, enthusiastic girlfriend back. Damn Lila Rossi. "This isn't just my apartment we're decorating, you know…" he reminded her slowly, choosing his words carefully. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he continued, "This is for both of us. And you need to be happy with it, too."
"I know!" Nadine's eyes widened, a little too much, and she nodded energetically, clenching her teeth and grinning. "And I'll be happy with it as long as you're happy with it!"
"Babe." Philippe let out a breath and sat down at the kitchen table, gesturing for her to join him. "What's wrong?"
She blinked. "Why should anything be wrong?"
He raised an eyebrow. "I was kind of hoping you would have an opinion on something when it came to decorating," he told her. "I remember in lycée, when you were on the decorating committee for the end-of-year dance two years ago, you knew exactly what you wanted to do, exactly how it was supposed to look – and you were so excited to bring your vision for it to life. All of that, just for one night. But now, when we're setting up our first apartment together, which feels like it should be a lot more important, you don't seem to care about it at all." Leaning forward, he placed one hand on the table in front of her. "Nadine, what's wrong?"
Nadine gulped, blinking away moisture from her eyes. "I…" Her voice trailed off, and she looked away. "I don't want to go to Sabrina's party," she finally burst out.
Philippe started, his brows furrowing in confusion. "Er… what?"
"I don't want to go," she repeated. "I don't want to have to look at all our friends, all in the same room, and have to explain, again and again, just why everything that happened for the last year is all my fault! What if they all blame me for everything that happened since school started last year?"
Philippe let out a breath. "If you don't want to go, then you don't have to," he told her. "It's entirely up to you; no one is going to force you to do anything. Period. But…" Nadine's breathing hitched, and she looked up at him, her eyes widening slightly. Philippe gave her a reassuring smile. "No one blames you for anything that Lila did."
"Well, they should!" Nadine shouted, slamming her palm on the table. Her breathing hitched, and her eyes widened in shock. She sniffled. "They should."
"No, they shouldn't." Philippe shook his head firmly. "All of that is on her. She's the one who was abusing the Bee Miraculous. She's the one who was working for the Lynchpin and manipulating people. She's the one who turned on Ladybug and nearly ruined everything when we were fighting the Tarasque. She's the one who attacked Ladybug and the others. And she's the one who tried to blow up the city so she could get away from the Heroes of Paris. None of that is on you. You trusted her, and she manipulated you into helping her." Nadine tensed, and Philippe gasped. "I–I'm sorry," he apologized quickly, starting to put his hand on her arm before thinking better of it and placing it back on the table. "I didn't–"
"No," Nadine interrupted him, giving him a small, reassuring smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. And I know that you don't blame me for anything I did while I believed… her." She let out a breath, swallowed. "I know Lila was the one manipulating me; I just… I thought I could trust her, you know? I thought she was my friend. Even though she kept saying terrible things about all my other friends – about you. Even though every promise she made that I could meet Ladybug she broke. I still, I trusted her, but I really shouldn't have." Looking down at the table, she chuckled humorlessly. "I guess Lila's still controlling me."
"What do you mean?" Philippe gulped, trying to suppress the anxious bile in his throat.
Nadine frowned. "Every time I see Sabrina for counseling, she reminds me that I need to move forward, that I can't let Lila have so much power over me anymore. When I'm afraid of her, when I blame myself for things that she did, it just leaves me under her sway. It lets her keep controlling my thoughts, my actions." She blinked. "But it's so hard! If I had only realized, if I had only said something to someone, how much of this would never have happened?"
Philippe shrugged. "We can't know that," he reminded her. "Maybe we could have stopped her sooner; maybe she would have slipped away and we would never have gotten the miraculous away from her. There are so many unknowns – there's no benefit to trying to sort them out. All we can do is try to move forward, to heal from all of this. But I promise, it is going to get better. I'm here with you – I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to help you heal from this, no matter what it takes."
She smiled, letting out a breath, and met his gaze. "I know – I don't know if I could do any of this without you. You, Sabrina, Marinette…" She sighed. "Maybe I will go to the party," she decided. "Just for a little while. At least long enough to see Sabrina and tell her congratulations."
Philippe nodded in agreement. "That sounds like fun," he agreed. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you there."
Nadine nodded, blinking away the wetness in her eyes, and looked around their apartment. "I think I prefer the picture of our families," she told him. "The other… it… reminds me of the last time I was at the Eiffel Tower." She swallowed. "With Lila. And Marinette."
"Oh?" His eyes suddenly widened. "Oh. Yeah… we can go with the other one," he agreed quickly.
"Thanks." Nadine looked down, seeming to withdraw back into herself.
Sighing, Philippe held his arms open. "We do still have an hour or so before you leave for the party," he pointed out, raising an eyebrow.
Even before he had finished speaking, Nadine threw herself into his arms and wrapped her arms around him in a fierce hug, burying her face in his chest as he rested his chin on her forehead.
It wasn't perfect – it might never be like it was before. But maybe, just maybe, she would be okay.