Riley's POV
The look in Dean's eyes made my stomach drop but the pain I felt embedded in my heart was stronger and I knew I needed to get out of there. Seeing Sam so hurt was what made my own front crack and memories of times with Jess flooded every corner of my mind and the simple act of breathing was becoming difficult. Hailing a cab was the only logical way to move around quickly the Comet being in storage miles from where I was. Concentrating on my breathing I gave the cab driver the address of the Hidden Tap and closed my eyes, another memory flooding me.
"Come on Riley, you've got to live a bit." Jess was in our kitchen berating me for refusing to get a fake ID.
"I can't afford to get in any kind of trouble Jess otherwise I will lose everything here."
"You won't get caught, unless you're the "attract all the attention" type drunk and we get kicked out of the bar. I promise he's a pro all you need is fifty bucks."
"I never thought you were the rebellious type Jessica Moore." I chuckled when she offered me her most innocent look with a smile. "Does your boyfriend know who he's dating?"
"Sam already has his." She smirked mischievously.
"That little traitor didn't even tell me, some best friend he is." I huffed. "You know that's your fault, right?"
"I plead the fifth." She chuckled as I rolled my eyes.
"Fine. Fake ID it is."
"Yes."
And this is how I found herself sitting at the bar at the Hidden Tap and Barrel Pub with four shots of tequila, three of which were empty.
"Hey Riley, it's been a while." Eying the newcomer as I emptied the last shot, I flagged the bartender for four more.
"It's been a minute Brandon."
"I heard about Jessica, I'm sorry." Her name from someone's lips other than Sam's was painful to hear. I closed my eyes to center myself while the alcohol worked its way through my system.
"Thanks." Downing my fifth had the familiar sign of a buzz coming on. "Now if you don't mind." I downed the sixth before I felt his hand on mine.
"I know how close you and Jessica were, it must be hard. I can't imagine what you might be going through."
"Then don't." I pulled my hand away and downed the seventh. Thoughts were a jumble in my now fuzzy brain; the anger, the power, the grief. Getting smashed was meant to shut out those feelings but having Brandon this close was only doing the opposite. The grief fueled the anger at myself for not being there to protect Jessica so Sam wouldn't be feeling the way that he was at this very moment and the anger only fueled the unknown and unstable source of power that was developing inside every fiber of my being since the loss of my dad. "And besides, since when do you care what happened to Jessica? It's not as if you were friends."
"But I'd like to think that we were, at least that's what I thought." He slipped his hand under mine, linking our fingers together and running his thumb against the back of my hand. "I'm there for you if you need someone to talk to or just dump wherever you're trying to drown with those shots."
"Who says I'm drowning in them?" I swallowed the last one as he glided his thumb against my knuckles, the simple gesture had me closing my eyes.
"Come on Riley, don't pretend that's not what you're doing." I ignored him and ordered two more that I knocked back in rapid succession.
"Don't you dare tell me what you think I'm feeling or not feeling." Standing from the stool had my head spinning and my body stumble lightly. "I've got to use the bathroom." I used as an excuse to pull away from Brandon and what the alcohol was making me feel with his closeness.
"Let me help you." His hands found their way to my hips to make me stable on my two feet. "Let me guide you." His voice had gone down to a whisper as I walked with unsteady steps. Feeling his hand dip under my shirt but unable to stop him I heard an unvoluntary moan escape my lips as we neared the bathroom door.
"I'm fine now." I stumbled as I tried to turn to face him, my back hitting the wall, Brandon suddenly in my personal space.
"Yes you are." His lips were rough, a stark contrast to what my memory was conjuring of Dean's as they kissed me. His body was pressing into mine as my arms came around his neck, ignoring the images of Dean and I kissing and what it made me feel when he did. "You taste even better than I imagined." I moaned into his next kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing as much of my body into his as our tongues battled for control. The rational part knew this was wrong, that I should stop him but the confused, emotional part let him numb all these emotions into submission with his lips and body, mine responding in kind.
"Get off her." His voice had a sudden sobering effect as Brandon was ripped away from my body.
Dean's POV
The little amount of time spent in the Impala was more than enough time for my head to be spinning with different scenarios. Sam was at the motel and he was far from fine, his grief entangled with the root of our family's pain. The pattern established in my head and the pit of my stomach tightened at the thought that anyone we loved was destined to suffer the same fate. Was Riley destined to die in the same gruesome way because she was tied to the Winchester name? Was she simply a target because of the feelings that we were both trying so hard to deny? My instinct to protect Riley was now in high gear as I parked the Impala in front of the Pub and my priority was finding her quickly. It was busy enough that I had to scan the bar to find her but when I did, a sudden fire shot through my veins at the sight of her against a wall with some guy's tongue down her throat.
A jolt of jealousy followed the fire at the sight of her wrapped all around a stranger. Save for a boyfriend in high school that I knew of she hadn't been with anyone. I had been the only one able to get close to her in the last days and those emotions were as mixed in my mind as I thought they were in hers. Mixed with her hidden grief at the loss of Jess and her most recent brush with an unexplained power her vulnerability was far too easy to exploit. Marching in their direction with a determined step the anger hummed at the surface just asking to be released.
"Get off her." I wrapped my hand around the fabric of the guy's coat, yanking him hard off Riley.
"Dean?" She blinked twice in surprise.
"Hey, are you okay?" I cupped her cheeks and looked her over.
"Yeah, I'm okay." She panted.
"You better get lost before I actually lose my temper." I shielded Riley as I took a step in the guy's direction. "You so much as look at her again and I'll end you."
"You're fucking crazy."
"You have no idea." The words came out as a growl making him flinch and take a step back. "Now. GO." I turned back to Riley. "Look at me." The look in her eyes hurt as the pain was so clearly etched in them. "How many did you have?"
"Ten." Shit. She was far worse off than I thought.
"Alright, let's get you back to the motel, Sam is waiting for us." She offered no resistance as I guided her through the throngs of people.
"She's gone because of me. I agreed to leave with you and I left them exposed." Her words were slightly slurred as a single tear fell down her cheek. "I should have stayed to protect her; she'd still be here if I had stayed."
"Riley don't, please." She was starting a downward spiral that I needed to stop in its tracks.
"Don't what Dean?" The cool air suddenly hit us as we left the warmth of the pub. "Sam probably blames me for not being there to keep her safe when he couldn't."
"Riley, STOP." I wrapped my hands around her upper arms and pressed her lightly against the brick wall of the building to try to shake her out of her head.
"I can't. It just hurts so much." Her body pushing forward and her lips on mine had me rooted in surprise. Her tongue pushing against my lips had my resolve slip as I kissed her back, my body suddenly pushing into her, trapping her without anywhere to go. "I just want to feel something else, or just nothing, I don't know." She pressed her palms to my chest and I took the opportunity to step away slightly to take a breath, my mind taking control again.
"You can't drown your feelings like this Riley." Closing my eyes to will my own down and the strength to help get through this her next words had an effect of an ice-cold shower.
"You don't even want me." My eyes snapped open.
"How can you even say that?" The knowledge that she was drunk wasn't lost on me and maybe that was why she was saying those words but they were the farthest thing from the truth. "Don't you know that I'm using every ounce of strength I have not to give in? That I don't want to just drown myself in you? But I know that if I let you in I'll be putting you in danger, just like mom, just like Jess."
"I can protect myself Dean; you, are just a coward." The words were out and they were spiteful and another kind of anger spread through me and as quickly as I had stepped back I was kissing her again. The kiss was rougher, my tongue demanding access that she gave up willingly as my body pressed into hers. Her arms were pulling me into her and her hands running in my hair as I groaned into the kiss. Every fiber of my being wanted her and I showed her just how much I wanted to. I needed her to know that I could never not want her. Pressing my knee between her thighs had her moaning and relaxing into me as we kissed the rest of the world slipping away until the sudden buzzing and ringing in my pants broke the spell, leaving us panting with sexual energy cackling between us still.
"Sam." I answered.
"Did you find her?" His voice was frantic on the other side of the line.
"I did and we're on our way." Riley slipped past me as I slipped the phone back in my pocket. The ride back to the motel was tense, Riley refusing to even look or even answer me and she was out of the car as soon as it was parked and I found her crushed in a hug with Sam.
"Are you okay?"
"Still a bit buzzed." She chuckled nervously. "I'll just go take a shower." She pulled herself away from Sam and disappeared behind the bathroom door.
"Still buzzed?" Sam hissed.
"Ten shots if she's telling the truth."
"We need answers Dean."
"We'll leave in the morning and we'll find them." Both our eyes were trained on the bathroom door and in my case the emotions were mixed. And swirling.
Riley's POV
My brain was in a jumble as I slipped under the hot mist. It was still a bit hazy from the alcohol and a mix of different sensations; I couldn't stop the discomfort at the thought that I had let Brandon paw at me to try and burry every other feeling flooding me. It was a selfish move and I was thankful that Dean had stopped me from making a bad decision. Closing my eyes, my body felt exactly what Dean had made it feel while it was trapped without anywhere to go. It had quieted Jess's loss just enough to heighten the emotional entanglement I felt towards him; I had pushed and he had pulled while I was trapped under his body only for me to force him into making a move. Only for him to push me away yet again. There was equal parts confusion and lust in his eyes as he had found my lips after my accusation, his body doing, giving me what only he could. Even now as I stood alone under the water my body still felt the hum of what I couldn't have and the temperature against my skin sent a delicious, forbidden shiver down my spine all the way down to my toes. The thoughts kept invading my mind as I washed my body and hair and no amount of ignoring was working to quiet them down. I could hear the boys shuffling on the other side of the door as I changed back into some clothes. Their voices were muffled and no doubt talking about me and the last thing I needed was the two hovering with worry.
"You guys didn't have to wait for me." I found Sam in bed and Dean on the couch with his hands behind his head, a look of surprise in their eyes as they didn't expect me quite so fast.
"We just wanted to make sure that you were okay."
"I'm okay, how're you?" He simply gave a nod in acknowledgement of his own state of being. "That's good so now that all of this girl talk is over I'd like to go to bed." With no objection and my shotgun under the pillow, I slipped under the covers at the same moment Sam turned the lamp off.
"Night Ri."
"Good night Riley." Dean's voice held a hint of remorse at his earlier action.
"Night." I mumbled to myself mostly and kept my eyes closed under the darkness of the room. My mind kept replaying the last weeks from Dean showing back up at Stanford to my father passing, the vampire nest, my mixed feelings for him and finally Jess's death by fire and my breathing became shorter, harder. "Why does this keep happening?" I whispered in the dark, a lone tear finally falling down my cheek. I felt the bed dip with Dean's familiar weight as he slipped behind me and pulled me closer into his chest as my body trembled with silent cries. I grabbed his arm and held it against my chest as his lips found the top of my head in comfort the two unaware that Sam was still awake to hear everything next to us.