Thanks to Sanguiyn my wonderful beta, who not only saves me from grammatical errors, but also dresses as a super hero when she does it.
Disclaimer:
Loosely based on '10 Things I hate about you', which was based on Shakespeare's 'Taming of the Shrew'.
You all know that I don't own the Harry Potter characters (JKR does). But if I did, something like this would happen to them...
"Well, that was an absolute waste of my precious time," Draco growled after he and Blaise had bid farewell to the Gryffindors and turned down the staircase leading towards the dungeons.
Blaise made a strangled noise in response, grasping the banister for support and wincing as he sidestepped uncomfortably down the stairs.
When he noticed the way Blaise was hunching over and squeezing his eyes shut, Draco stopped walking. "Blaise, are you alright?" he asked concernedly. "Do you need me to take you to the hospital wing?"
Blaise opened his eyes to see Draco's worried expression and the comforting hand that he had just placed on his arm. Draco was never one to show his feelings publicly. As a child, he'd been taught that emotion showed weakness and that opening himself up to people would usually mean opening himself up to going a little crazy. And craziness was definitely not a commendable attribute as far as the Malfoy family name was concerned. Therefore, it was much easier for him to be alone, and simply have meaningless sexual trysts whenever he felt like it.
On the outside, Draco always appeared to be a bit cold about most things, especially love. In actual fact however, Draco had an air of warmth about him. Underneath his practiced nonchalant tone and sour demeanour, Draco was a good person. But only Blaise got to see his caring and considerate side.
To Blaise, Draco was kind and reliable. He always offered to help him with his Potions homework, bought loads of expensive things for him on his birthday, always managed to make him laugh when he was upset, and helped him whenever he was in need.
"I-I'm fine, Draco," Blaise managed to gasp out, pulling his arm out of Draco's hold. He knew that Draco was concerned for him because he thought he was sick, but he also knew that Draco's anxiety would immediately change to anger when he found out the real reason for Blaise's limp.
"You're not fine," Draco insisted. "Something is obviously wrong. You're walking funny, something is clearly hurting--" Realisation dawned on Draco's face and his gaze immediately travelled south to Blaise nether regions. His mouth dropped open and he squeaked in horror.
"I'm going to hex you, you wanker!"
"Out of fairness, you only said that you would hex me if we snuck off behind a book self," Blaise said with a shrug. "We didn't go anywhere."
"No! Instead, you decided to get each other off right in front of me!"
"You needn't worry because Seamus didn't get to finish what he started, hence the limp!"
"Doing it when I'm right in front of you is way worse than sneaking off!"
"We made sure that you were busy."
"Oh yes," Draco drawled sarcastically, "shoving a History of Magic textbook under my nose really did the trick. What if I had looked away from Potter and seen you?"
"It seemed unlikely," Blaise smirked. "You couldn't take your eyes off Potter."
"How dare you! I did not, for one second, enjoy spending time with that scrawny, four-eyed git!"
"Well, if you weren't so focused on Potter, what else distracted you from noticing what Seamus and I were up to?"
"You bastard! Not only did you fool around with Seamus while I was right in front of you, but now you're accusing me of being interested in Potter!"
"You almost snogged him last night!"
"Almost! That doesn't mean anything!"
"It means that you must have wanted to if you got so close to doing it!"
"Listen, Blaise! Stop trying to change the subject! The fact of the matter is that you dragged me along to the library to baby-sit Potter, just so you could get a hand job from Finnigan!"
"Do you think that I actually enjoyed having you and Potter there with us? Of course I didn't! I hated it! I just want to spend time alone with Seamus, but I can't because Potter is incapable of any human interaction whatsoever and doesn't trust anyone outside his Gryffindor circle!"
Blaise was at the end of his tether. Craftiness and Slytherin heritage be damned. Pansy was right. It was never going to happen. Draco couldn't stand being in the same room as Potter, and Potter couldn't even look Draco properly in the eye.
Blaise wanted to be with Seamus badly, but it seemed like a lost cause. Right now, he just felt like packing it in.
Plus, it really wasn't fair on Draco. Even though Blaise had an inkling that Draco was attracted to Potter, and he himself had a yearning for Draco to settle down with someone, it still wasn't what Draco wanted. Draco always went out of his way to prove that he should be a good arm swinging length away from Potter at all times, and Blaise didn't have the right to force him to act otherwise.
Yes, Blaise may have been crafty, Slytherin, gay, horny and picky, but he, like Draco, was a caring and loyal friend when it came down to it all.
"I'm sorry for doing this to you, Draco. I shouldn't have forced you to spend time with Potter, especially considering your history together," Blaise apologised weakly, as he began to hobble down the stairs. "It was unfair on you. I'll just forget about Seamus."
"You really want Seamus, don't you, Blaise?" Draco remained at the top of the stairs, watching his friend's retreating back pensively. "You want to be with him. You want to commit to him. Personally, I can't understand why you would want to commit to someone, but you seem to really care for him."
"Well, that's pointless now. I'll never be able to be with him." Blaise turned around and looked up at his friend dejectedly.
"I can't believe that you're giving up this easily!" Draco exclaimed in disbelief. For all the years Draco had been friends with him, Blaise had always behaved like the typical Slytherin: plotting, manipulating and doing whatever it took to get his way.
"Believe it."
"Stop right there, Blaise Zabini. You are many things, but you are not a quitter. You're a Slytherin! You're cunning! You always get what you want!"
"Not this time. Potter won't let anyone near him, which means that I can't go anywhere near Seamus."
"He let me near him."
"But Draco, you said that you didn't want a serious relationship."
"I like fucking. I'm not ashamed of that, Blaise. I just fuck a lot of people because I can and I have no commitments or responsibilities." Draco began to walk down the rest of the staircase to join his friend at the bottom. "But now I realise that I do have a commitment, and it is to you as your best friend. So, if it's Seamus you want, then I'll help you get him."
"But you don't even like Potter. How are you going to stand dating him? You do realise that dating actually involves being around the person that you're going out with," Blaise reminded Draco, shocked at his sudden change of heart.
"Well, maybe just being seen with the Saviour of the Wizarding World will be enough to keep me happy. Besides, do you know how many blokes I could get if I bedded Harry Potter?"
"But that's another thing, Draco. You can't sleep with other people while you're dating him."
"I know that. I mean for when after I break up with him."
"But if you break up with him, Seamus and I still won't be able to go out. What about the pact?"
"Listen, what we need is a plan. A crafty, devious, Slytherin-style plan that will benefit us both."
"Okay then," Blaise agreed. "But before we scheme, I'm going to have to take a cold shower… a really cold shower."