Sophies POV
The conversation with Jasper was hard. The emotions that followed it after were worse. I crawled into bed and allowed the sobs to wrench though my body like waves. I hadn't felt so loved, so welcomed but also so isolated at the same time. I didn't have anything to fight against apart from the memories of what had happened. I knew deep down that I have a lot of trauma to overcome and place away in a box but truthfully I never thought I would survive this long to do that. The energy it took to give away a small piece of what happened was more then it was to go through the trauma. I didn't have the purpose of protecting my little sister anymore. Id lost that sense of who I was. Id always been in constant survival mode and now? There was nothing to survive against.
The memories that surged through my head choked me. I couldn't stop them flowing through my mind like a hurricane morphing into one at times they were moving so fast. I pulled myself deeper into the covers. The tiredness hit quicker, my eyes could barely stay open. Id lost the sense of time. Once I heard Rosealies soft voice cooing, that I was alright and that I could sleep I knew it was around 11pm. The darkness was about to overcome me when I heard Emmetts playful voice above me, and felt the two pairs of protective arms around me. I felt safe enough to allow the darkness to plunge over me.
The nightmares came back again. The same one as normal played out. I battled for my breath back as I bolted up right in bed.
"Hey your okay, it was just a bad dream. Your okay" they both cooed softly. One cool hand rubbing circles on my back. I felt lost again. the panic rose in me. Like a tidlewave crashing upon the shore on a stormy night. The heavy weight on my chest, my lungs burned for air which my throat couldn't allow through. My vision dotted in and out. Black spots appearing suddenly. "Breath sweetie, you can do it" I heard Rosealie say her voice sweet like honey. Until it morphed into concern "Get Jasper and Carlisle. If she doesn't calm down shes going to…" was the last thing I heard.
Once I awoke again, my brain felt foggy. It took me a moment to remember where I was. "Welcome back to consciousness monkey" I heard Emmetts voice chuckle. "how ya feeling?"
"I feel fine, my brains just… foggy? I think. What happened?"
"You had a panic attack then you passed out. Are you sure your okay?" Carlisle. His voice was concerned but I couldn't help but feel safe.
"Yeah im okay."
I sat up slowly, resting my back against the plush headboard at the top of my bed. I felt weak, achy, embarrassed. I wanted nothing but to go back to sleep, but the day was still new. My eyes darted from the four pairs of honey coloured eyes staring at me, concern buried within them.
"Im okay" I croaked unconvincingly. "It was just a nightmare, I couldn't remember where I was for a moment. I didn't mean for it to-"
"Its not your fault sweetheart. Its really not. You don't have to explain anything to us" Rosealies soft melodic voice cooed, cutting me off.
I nodded lightly and drew a shaky deep breath, allowing the emotions of calm Jasper was pushing towards me to take over my body. I still felt out of place, but the calm for now felt refreshing and new. It wasn't until I looked out of my bedroom window to see the darkness was still looming outside.
"what time is it?" I asked tiredly, I hoped that it was early hours in the morning so I could fall back into a slumber.
"Four in the morning. Do you want to try and get some more sleep?" Emmetts normally playful voice sounded a mixture between concerned, hopeful and protective.
Nodding lightly I lay back down, nestling into the fluffy pillows. I hadn't noticed the soft, velvet sheets that encased me before. I felt the two protective arms of Rosalie and Emmett encase me again, hopeful they'd ward off any other nightmares. Praying it would work this time I settled. Breathing in their scents. The smell of fresh roses mixed with the scent of fresh rain filled my nose. It comforted me. Closing my eyes I let out a sigh. A dreamless sleep washed over me quickly, easily.
Waking up to the sunlight beaming against my face lightly. Letting out a yawn I stretched my arms above my head. Looking around my eyes caught on the glistening diamonds on Rosalie's face from where the light bounced off her cheek bone. I tried to snap myself out of my gawk before she or Emmett noticed but I was too late. It was his booming laugh that snapped me out of it. I winced gingerly then smiled.
"So its all real then, every piece of the book?" I asked quietly my eyes saw them nod lightly before I dropped the subject. "Is my sister awake?"
"Yeah she is. Just about" Emmett answered
I nodded and slithered out of bed, making it quickly before turning to walk into her room. We met in the corridor, it was like we'd both had the same idea.
"Morning sleepy head" I laughed ruffling my hand against the rough, slept in braids on her head. "Sleep well?"
"Yeah, best sleep I had in my entire 15 years of life. The beds are so comfy!" She squealed in delight, bouncing up and down with happiness
"Good kiddo, lets get you some breakfast. Meanwhile I need coffee" I grunted. I knew I sounded like her mother but I didn't really care.
I took her hand in mine as we walked down the stairs into the kitchen. We were met with cheery smiles, bright eyes, as if they hadn't been awake for over hundreds of years. I grunted a small good morning, not quiet wide awake, whereas my sister sang good morning at them. I wasn't in the mood for happy-go-lucky but I always tolerated it with my sister. But add on the eight other cheery voices in the room I couldn't cope. I poured myself a cup of coffee groaning lightly, adding milk, sugar and caramel. I turned to bella trying to strike a conversation with me.
"Did you sleep well?" she sang
"Mhm" I groaned
"She doesn't talk to anyone until her second cup. Shes always groggy in the morning" I heard my sister cheer.
"Oh shut up. I can only deal with one peppy person in the morning okay? Now let me drink my coffee" I mumbled before going and sitting on the couch.
I scrolled through my phone absent minded, sipping on my coffee. I half listened to the peppy, wide awake conversations coming from the kitchen and sighed. I couldn't form a clear plan of my day through the brain fog. I started to list everything I knew was true in my head to try and clear it.
My name is Sophie Maria San- no Cullen. I am 16 years old. Ill be 17 in a few weeks. I am sat in my new home. Im drinking coffee. I own a horse. My family were vampires apart from my sister. I felt alone. Isolated. I wasn't going to fit in here. My sister was a natural meanwhile I was the outsider.
My train of thought was lost when I heard Edwards voice right next to me. He was poised graciously next to me on the couch, smiling.
"Sorry what did you say?" I asked raising one of my eyebrows.
"interesting coping mechanism you have there" He scoffed lightly.
"Stay out of my head Edward" I snapped, my tolerance for people poking around in my brain was low.
"Sorry.. I couldn't help it. Your going to be okay, you just need time to adjust to everything"
"Everyone keeps telling me that! Meanwhile your all dancing on fucking egg shells! So don't tell me im okay alright!" I shouted, standing up, slamming my mug on the coffee table. I turned and stalked upstairs. "Everyone just leave me alone!" I shouted down before slamming my door.
Yanking on a pair of black running leggings, a pink sports bra and a oversized t-shirt. I huffed. Before putting my trainers on. I grabbed my headphones, blasting music through my ears I jogged down the stairs.
"Im going for a run." I mentioned as I was half out the door. I slammed it behind me before allowing my legs to do the work.
I ran, the breeze on my face cooled the anger that bubbled up inside me. I took no care to where I was going, only what I was going from. It took a while before my lungs burned, my legs felt heavy like lead, I slowed to a stop and stretched lightly before placing my hands behind my head to open up my lungs. I drew a few deep breaths, taking the time to gather my thoughts. I walked around in circles to prevent my legs ceasing up.
It was moments before my lungs stopped burning, my legs fell back to their normal weight. But the fatigue entrapped me. I looked around to see I was in the middle of a wide open field, in the middle of nowhere. The rolling hills around me, the breeze brushing lightly on my face. Falling into the soft grass I lay on my back. My lungs still gasping like a puffer fish. I watched the clouds roll lightly across the light blue sky. Grimacing when the view was blocked by Rosalie and Emmett glowering down. I hoped silently that the grass would swallow me whole.
"Your fast for a human" Emmett laughed flopping beside me. I felt the ground shudder lightly. "But we still managed to keep up. Now d'ya wanna tell us what happened back there or…"
"I don't like it when he pokes his nose into my head. Especially when im trying to cope. I certainly don't need him laughing at me" I mumbled. Stupidity washed over me slightly. "But I knew it was going to be hard, turning out of just surviving into actually living. I guess I knew when I got bad. It was the moment I realised I was more afraid of being awake then spending the night with my nightmares. I knew it was getting bad when I spent days convincing myself that coffee was a meal and another day of not cleaning my room wouldn't hurt anyone. It was worse when I realised I wasn't staying alive for myself anymore, trying to heal was too exhausting. The sight of my broken pieces on the floor became some sort of comfort. Because my depression and I, we formed a bond, where it tells me I cant leave my bed today and ill listen because it doesn't seem worth fighting anymore. Sometimes I see myself standing over a pier looking into a stormy sea and… well im not saying id jump but if I happened to fall in I don't know how hard id fight to keep afloat." I carried on. Allowing my mouth to spew what thoughts came into my head.
Id forgotten momentarily who I was talking to. I couldn't be bothered to keep walls up between Rosealie and Emmett. It was hard enough trying to protect myself from everyone else. I needed at least two people I could trust. I sat up slowly to try and see their faces to gauge what was going to happen. My breath got trapped in my lungs when I looked around to see my entire family apart from my sister staring at me. Wide eyed. Shocked at what they just heard. I reminded myself to breath before anyone else had the chance. I stared at the grass, my nails digging into my palms lightly.
Surely I should've guessed the rest of the family would've followed, sending Emmett and Rosealie to test the waters on how I was. I sunk back into my shell. Theyd already heard things I didn't want them to hear. But before my mind could take a turntable for the worst my mind instinctively turned to my sister.
"If your all here, then whos with Amelia?" I choked out, keeping my eyes trained on the lush green grass in front of me.
"Renesmee and Jacob came back for a month or two, so the entire packs here. Shes in safe hands" I heard Carlisle say comfortingly.
I knew there was something else he wanted to say so I cut him up short.
"So you left her with a bunch of werewolves. Well we best get home, for one she needs breakfast. For two I would like to meet the people you've so very easily left my sister with" I replied, I heard the self-righteousness in my own voice. Standing up slowly.
I had no idea what toll my impulsive run would've taken on my body. It still felt drained of energy. The drying sweat caused my clothes to cling to my skin. My legs felt like jelly. I felt a cool hand grab my arm, I shook it off. "I wanna run back. If you guys want to I dunno speed back ill find my way" I mumbled lightly.
"Nope not happening. You were already low on energy to begin with. And your body is severally dehydrated, and your blood sugar has probably dropped we are not risking you passing out" I heard Carlisles curt doctor tone come out.
Before I could open my mouth to reply I was already scooped up against Rosealies cool frozen body and we were running. I closed my eyes not wishing to see the world whizz by in a flurry of colours. I only opened them when I felt myself be placed on my feet.
We were at the front door. A pack of bronzed, muscley men waited for us inside. My sister dancing around them in circles, laughing, chattering. She was so much better at socialising then me. I hid behind Rosealie gingerly and smiled