An: I'm having a bit of a crisis. Chapter four seems determined to have Raizo and Mika get it on, but one, it's from his POV, and while strangely I love to write from male POV durin' the sexings (I'm female, but male friends say it's a little scary how well I can crawl into their cob-webby, perverted minds) I think it's important to go from Mika's. But also, there's the little snafu (that's actually mil-speak, not French like so many think it is, it means situation naturally all fucked up) that if Mika's got stitches on her major blood vessels, and it's only been a week, possibly two since her surgery she probably shouldn't be doing anything... aerobic at all. And I imagine having sex with a very physically fit Raizo would qualify as extremely aerobic. Also, the other matter is that I think that Raizo and Mika shouldn't just y'know, get it on. She should be super sweet with him once she puts two and two together that he ain't never had access to the poon-tang. Lots of long term making out, y'know, like almost highschool/college first love sickeningly exploratory sweetness. So, any suggestions? I'm leaning towards him gettin' taken care of so to speak, so that I can sidestep the whole 'Mika has stitches in her chest, and could bleed to death if they like y'know rip', and 'Raizo needs some snuggly luffly make-y out-y-ness before gettin' full on access to the luv cave'. And I think it would be more emotionally accurate that Raizo jumping into sex suddenly after the life he's had (rather devoid of warmth, care and contact) he'd probably freak the hell out, run away and like, commit seppuku. Or just go on a killing spree, annhilating all the clans, then dying in a grotesque, video-game-esque final boss fight. Or going on a killing spree, annhilating all bad peoples, and then living on a mountain top depressed, lonely, and dying of old age never knowing that Mika had had his luve child. Or something like that. So! Point being – I know rushing sounds like a good idea, and the chapters begging for it.... but I need some input here ya'll. (Yes, I'm Southern. And in South Spain. G.R.I.T.S baby.)

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Wake up 2

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Berlin. Home. The flight had been long, leaving Mika with nothing to do but think. Even the cheap New York best seller books she toted along for the flight hadn't done anything to alleviate her boredom. And her hurt. Raizo hadn't come to her again after Maslow's visit. It almost made her question if she had hallucinated about his presence those times, but she didn't think so. She wouldn't have been able to come up with so much detail – the smell of green tea, leather and the stubble on his chin – on her own. Not even with the help of the copious drugs in her system. That, and she remembered where he had set the grotesquely PeptoBismal pink hospital cup beside her bed. It had still been there when she woke up to Ryan's visit.

Such a little thing, a tiny detail. But it helped her hang onto her sanity. He had been there, he had been real.

And he hadn't returned.

So now, back in Berlin, Mika was alone once more. The Euro-pol office she worked for had moved all her belongings to a new apartment, an unfamiliar one. Fresh and clean, stinking of a new coat of paint. Her keys chimed as she opened the locks, all five of them, and there were signs that three of them were recent additions, the wood around them bright and scarred. Entering, darkness greeted her eyes.

Part of Mika was scared of the dark, another thrilled, feeling safest with the lights off. Expectant, waiting, like any moment a voice would issue from that abyss. Standing in the doorway, gazing into the dark interior, Mika held her breath, waiting. Of course, nothing happened. No one spoke, no one moved. Empty. Setting aside her disappointment Mika flicked the switch, bathing everything in a lemon-gold light. Her desk had been demolished and was replaced by some modern, IKEA knockoff, and it sat just inside the door, patiently and with a sort of smug accusation.

"Ugh, Mika, you're starting to go crazy," muttering as she tossed her purse and jacket down. "Thinking that furniture has feelings."

"Maybe it does," the voice about made Mika jump ten feet in the air. But more likely it was just a foot. "Careful," firm grip on her elbows steadied Mika, Raizo standing there, as though it were completely normal for him to appear as if by magic.

Emotions flashed through Mika fast as lightening. On one hand she was happy to see Raizo, on the other she was furious. Giving into her main urge, she shrugged his hands away, stepping in fast and close, wrapping her arms around his waist and lay her head on his shoulder. Raizo flinched back, startled, before his own arms came around her slowly, with great hesitation. Standing like that for a long time, Mika's heart slowed down, and her irritation returned.

Pulling away, she thumped his shoulder once with a fist, "God, I hate you! You're such an ass!"

His eyes widened, and this time Raizo did step away, surprise and hurt flitting over his face before the wall slammed down, "Mika?"

"Don't you dare," yanking him back, "go, or I swear I'll never forgive you." Grabbing him into a tight hug once more, "I'm so pissed at you for leaving me like that. I was so worried." Raizo didn't move to touch her, remaining stock still, "Hug me back already, or I'll be angrier."

Her tone was soft, and Mika squeezed him harder, fighting the sniffle back that wanted to work its way out. The world she had lived was full of facts, history, numbers, and names, never any actual danger. Now the true reality of all those things she researched had been made real, her entire existence had been lifted up, shaken like a rag doll, and tossed down without a care as to how she could find her footing. Raizo had been the only thing that kept her moving through it, his inexorable stride leaving her no room for faltering as rugs had been yanked from under her feet. And then he had disappeared. The days in the hospital had moved with a heavy, dragging step, and nightmares had rocked Mika every time she closed her eyes.

It took too long for her tastes, but Raizo held her again, yet she could hear his heart, and it was thumping quickly in his chest like a caged bird before he took a deep inhale. After that it, his heart rate slowed down, almost to a stop, like he was controlling himself. Allowing her muscles to relax, Mika closed her eyes, feeling secure for the first time since she had awoken in the hospital without Raizo there to watch over her.

A kettle whistled, loud and harsh, breaking the quiet, "I was making tea," by way of explanation Raizo shrugged, disengaging from Mika's grasp.

"I didn't think anyone was here," following him, wanting to take his hand, but Mika didn't push her luck.

For some reason Raizo was here, and that was what mattered.

"I know."

Watching while Raizo moved around as though he had been in her apartment for some time, and he placed two mugs on the counter before pouring the boiling water into them. Steam rose up, carrying the scent of flowers with it, heady and sweet like a garden. Knowing Raizo wasn't much of a talker, hell he hadn't offered any information as to why he was in her apartment let alone anything else, Mika decided to prod him a little.

"So next time I come home, I should just hello the house, and if no one says anything, I should maybe ask my ficus how it's feeling to make sure no one's here, because it seems that only when I talk to inanimate objects I get an answer from animate ones," leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

"The ficus is dead, so I don't imagine it feels anything," holding out one of the mugs, black, declaring to anyone in the world 'Explain to me why I need a man?', and keeping the 'I don't play well with others' for himself.

"My ficus? Really?" voice straining, "That was the only plant I've ever had that I didn't kill! I've had it since my senior year in college. Oh, damn, how am I going to explain that to Mom?"

Raizo's brows rose, "Your mother asks after.... a plant?"

"A tree, it's a tree -"

"A bush actually," elaborating, "in the fig family. From India." He thought a moment, as though searching for further information, "Assam, sometimes it is called a rubber bush." Upon seeing the question in her eyes, "It makes a good poison for making targets sick if not killing them outright."

Pursing her lips, "Fine, a bush. Whatever, it was a gift for my first apartment I had on my own. From my mom, that's why. Along with a whole bunch of potted plants. That promptly died in weeks. You kill people, I kill plants. I'm a plant ninja. Or something."

"Did you water them?"

Giving him a 'duh' look, "Of course I watered them. Twice a day."

"That's why they died," sipping from his cup.

Gesturing, "Why are we even talking about plants anyway? How did we get on plants...?"

"You wanted to ask your ficus how it was feeling."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Mika prayed for calm, "Raizo, honestly do you have any idea how infuriating you are?" Rolling her eyes, "Because I don't think you do. You're either completely obtuse or just very good at deadpan."

"Humor has been mostly lacking in my life," tipping his mug towards her, letting her know his choice of vessel had been utterly intentional.

Finally taking a sip of her own drink, the taste of roses slid over her tongue, surprising for its crisp, almost honey flavor. It kept Mika from saying anything unwise. Like asking if she could grab him, pop in a stupid movie, and hang onto Raizo whilst sitting on the sofa, ignoring the outside world, and allowing it to go up in smoke all by itself.

"You have many mugs," startling Mika out of her daydreaming, shocking her with his initiating of conversation. "More mugs than plates."

Glancing towards the cupboards, "Maslow is always buying me mugs. It's a bit of an inside joke really." Seeing that he was watching her, waiting patiently, "A few years ago I bought him one that said 'Dad to the Bone', I thought because he was married, and on his desk there were pictures of him and some kids, that he had kids..... Turns out he has a niece and nephew, not kids of his own," it sounded lame. Shrugging nervously, "I suppose you'd have to have been there really. So, he buys me mugs – for Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's, you name it, he buys me a mug. I have a whole slew of horoscope ones that are just, well the only way to describe them is wrong. But funny. Wrong, but so funny." It came out without her intention, or checking with her head at all, "So why are you here?"

"There are eight more clans. And..." stopping, uncertainty showing on his face for the first time.

When nothing further was forthcoming, "And what? And I win a million bucks? And you want a sex change, I mean, I hear they do really good work in Sweden, but I don't think you'd look good in a dress. I mean, maybe you would, but, really now. That's a sudden change. And breasts? I'm not too sure about that, then again, I don't think they'd have to give you implants, not with all those muscles. A little duct tape and ta-da you'd have a set of double 'D's."

Raizo was looking at her like she had grown another head, "Are you feeling alright Mika? The medicines are they.... altering your mind?

"No," finishing her drink swiftly, "No what I mean is, is that I'm not a telepath, you have to be clear sometimes. It's like, you're about as transparent as a brick wall. I need you to actually just tell me things straight out, explain your thought process. Something. Hell, anything would do. Because I'm a good, over-glorified librarian, but I'm not so good that I can simply intuit what you mean from a simple statement followed by 'and'."

A muscle ticked in his jaw as Raizo clenched his teeth, "And I need your help. But, I do not want to put you at risk, and you will be if you help me. Yet you will not be safe until they are all eliminated. Neither will Maslow. Or anyone else who knows of them."

"What about you, when will you be safe?"

Unable to hold her gaze, or unwilling, Raizo looked away, "That isn't important."

Mika wanted to argue, it was important, at least to her, and it should be to him too. But there was something in his posture that warned Mika not to say that, that if she did he would disappear as soon as her back was turned. And that was something she didn't think she could take. Not right now, not so soon, not when she felt so alone and frightened. The calm was an act, something reflexive, because hysteria wouldn't get her anywhere at this time. Hysterical screaming, crying and hiding under her baby blanket could come later. Preferably much later.

Clearing her throat, "So you need my help."

Appearing relieved that she wasn't going to debate anything with him, "Possible locations for the other clans. I have been able to narrow down to a province in China, and that there must be a compound in South Korea. I need evidence before I go further."

"Don't you think you should rest before you do that?" taking the few steps to narrow the distance, her hand hovered over his abdomen. "I don't know how long it will be before I can get you any real information Raizo, I'm on medical leave from work. If you were a Euro-pol agent, I'd say you could use a little medical rest too."

"I'm fine, the wounds are healed," as if to demonstrate, Raizo lifted his shirt enough to show a fresh set of scars on his stomach.

Mouth going dry, Mika touched the area in awe, "That's some neat ninja trick. Wish I could do that." Except Raizo shouldn't even have marks like that on him, no one should go through the suffering he clearly had. And some of it had been for her, some because of her. Feeling guilty, continuing to caress the scars, as if she could erase the pain they represented, "Even so, you probably still need downtime Raizo, no matter what. This has to have a cost for you, to do this. It has to take energy somehow, it's a basic equation."

"Mika," there was a hitch in his voice that caused Mika to snap her head up, to look into his face, and she could see the strain, the faint tenseness at the corners of his mouth, "Mika I am..." shuffling a step away, forcing Mika to break contact, "I am willing to pay the cost. It only comes from within me, there is no price others have to pay for me to do this."

Relenting for now, "Okay, I trust you," with her life, but not with his own, "but I still won't be able to do anything to help until I get back to work."

Maybe that would buy some time for him to rest. It was the best she could do, and probably all Raizo would allow her to. He could sit there and focus on saving her life, or protecting others, or righting wrongs, or haring off on some insane mission. But for now, Raizo's life was her thing to watch over,

Forcing false brightness into her voice, "So, you'll keep me company, right? I may need you to stick around and chase away any bad guys that come in the night, using your awesome kung-fu-ness."

"I have already seen to the current threats, you're safe enough here, for now," frowning.

"There's people after me, now? Right now?" Mika knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she was.

Shaking his head, Raizo continued to grimace, "No, I already took care of things. I don't know how long it will last, but you may need to be ready to move again. A month, possibly two or three. Then you should change residences. Take only those things that you must have, that which is most important if you take anything at all."

His grimness reminded Mika of how precarious the situation truly was. What she had meant as a lighthearted statement, to Raizo had a much deeper, darker, literal translation. The feeling of safety evaporated like dew under a noon sun, and she shivered once, arms wrapping around herself in a hug.

"You'll stay then, right," uncaring of the desperate tremor. "Right?"

"I said you were safe for now Mika, don't worry," side-stepping verbally, but coming closer on his own this time without Mika having to draw him in, a hand moving to hold one of her elbows.

"I can't not worry Raizo," Mika leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his collarbone, staring at the gray shirt that lay tight over his chest. "I'm scared. I'm very scared Raizo. Please don't leave me."

Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, then, "For tonight."