:coughs embarassedly: I currently have no computer at all. Haven't for a few months actually, since shortly after I came home from Spain. At this moment I'm usin' my boyfriend's lappy but it's hard to get access to it most of the time, cuz when he's not at work he is therefor here. Using said electronic device. And when hes' at work I am usually working on the house. (It's summer and all that, this is Texas and there's lots of fire ants, weeds, lawn watering, lawn care, general house care – and no, mom is still not pulling any of her fair share – not even throwing away napkins! Etc on my plate). Plus I have absolutely no money of my own to replace/fix my old laptop. Hell I even had to have Phil pay my phone bill this month, and I am so not a person who accepts help very well. Whenever he wants to go out, he of course pays (as I mentioned the no money of my own thing) but I am used to being the one who pays. It's a bit... galling. But at the same time I am grateful that I have someone that wonderful and dependable. He's my own Raizo – sans all the fucked up crap – as he's majorly into martial arts (muy thai mostly and some wu shu with a very strong tai chi background – hey he's ABC, which means American Born Chinese – and from San Francisco to boot) and in the Army, so he's my very own little ass kicking (yes he is actually quite little, he's like 120lbs and that's ...only a little more than half of what I weigh... but at least he's six inches taller than me. Unless I'm wearing shoes and since I'm short all my shoes have four to six inch heels which... negates his extra hegith. Poo.) snuggly sweet man. But that is neither nor there as what I'm basically saying is: I have no computer at all basically. There are tons of reviews I need to reply to, there is tons I need to write in general (my book ideas have been beating my brain now for weeks, and I'm on the verge of actually asking Phill to just buy me a laptop already, which he keeps offering but I never tell him which one I want... and hes' smart enough to know that I'm a technophile and very picky about my electronics so he won't just go out and pick one for me), and I feel like I'm going absol-fuckin'-lutely insane without the ability to write my ideas down. I can't write by hand – can't hold a pen for more than two minutes without having my hand lock up and me screaming as a result – and trying to have someone transcribe what I'm saying doesn't work too well either. I just draw blanks. So. Yes. No computer. That would be why things are as they are at the moment. I do have quite a few chapters after this written, it's just getting to a time when I can use this computer. Oh great, now Phil's reading over my shoulder and getting after me about being obstinate, but I'm a prideful sort. Rather cut my nose off than ask for help. Bull-headed, one hundred percent typical Aries. Can't help it.
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Wake Up 13
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Mika didn't dare ask where Raizo had gotten the new car, but she knew. Like the Volvo of last night, it had electronic doors and windows, but wasn't new enough to have GPS installed. The navy leather interior was comfortably smoothed down with age and use, cushioning her fatigued body. Raizo was apparently determined to keep going until he dropped despite her repeated offers to drive. He was right, her body simply wasn't ready to cope with the stress it was being put through, the way he carefully made sure she ate, took her antibiotics that were meant to stave off any infection from the operation to repair her lung and vessels, the steroids to strengthen the muscles and surrounding tissues or the vicodin to ease the pain, was probably the only reason she wasn't even more wreaked.
Tarmac drifted by under the wheels of the BMW in the predawn light, Raizo sitting relaxed at the wheel, the only sign of tension was in his mouth and eyes. Mika knew what he looked like when truly comfortable and at ease, and the tight lines that were barely perceptible was exactly the same as when he had been tied up held in the warehouse. For all the exterior serenity, he had his tells. Deciding that now was probably not a good time to bother Raizo with questions, Mika scooted around seeking a better position for the drive.
"Yes Mika," voice crackling through the quiet car granting her permission.
"Do you like music?"
Head cocked, "I do not listen to it."
"So, you don't like music?"
Eyes slid briefly over to her before going back to the road, "I do not listen to it, I do not have an opinion either way."
"Not at all? Not even a teeny bit?" prodding.
She really didn't want to fall asleep she was already feeling queasy from simply being the passenger. There was a reason why she preferred to drive. Driving was for women, not for men. Mika had a theory that the reason more women got carsick was because men couldn't drive, and it's was God's insurance that women would fight to be able to do the driving most times. So, Raizo was going to be used to keep her awake so that she didn't pass out and wake up puking, and to prevent herself from ralphing all over the interior now, she was going to have to bug him. Which Mika didn't really want to do, because a tense, probably tired Raizo wasn't going to provide much in the way of conversation.
"No."
Well there went that idea, trying another, "What about chocolate? Do you like chocolate at least? I mean all men like chocolate, Ryan would probably whore himself and beg for someone to call him 'Betty' for a tanker full of it..."
He sighed, the sort that said he was doing his best to remain patient, "Is there something you need Mika?" making it clear in no uncertain terms he wasn't in the mood to speak at all.
"No," unsuccessfully Mika struggled with a yawn, her jaw popping, "no, I'm just a little queasy."
The window beside her rolled down, his hand fiddling with one of the controls, "Breathe slowly, and lean forward. Fresh air will help."
Fresh air did help some, but it didn't really distract her. Earlier they had stopped at an older apartment building, and Raizo had left her in the car as it idled in park then he came back some fifteen minutes later with a stuffed messenger bag over his shoulder and what looked like a cello case. Mika was fairly sure Raizo didn't have a cello in there, but it was about the right size to hold all sorts of weapons. With that and no backward glance they left Berlin.
So now, on the road, heading south and slightly east, they were making for the border. Mika wasn't certain where Raizo intended on going, but it appeared that they were heading for the Czech Republic. It was the closest border in the direction they were going and the only one Mika could come up with.
Having slipped accidentally into a fitful doze, Mika woke to the car having stopped. Straightening up she looked out the window, the couple street signs she saw were still in German. Confused, there was no sign of Raizo.
Almost ready to get out, Raizo appeared, leaning over the passenger window, hands braced on the roof, "We change cars now." He opened the door for her, handing over a greasy package that was heavy with the smell of onions, "Eat."
With that little bit of direction imparted, Raizo began unloading the car and toting their things to a dull silver sedan, another Volvo, but much newer than the one from last night. From the way it sat on its wheels, Mika could tell the engine was loaded for bear. Feeling like a useless lump, Mika took it upon herself to grab one of the bags, but a sharp look from Raizo stilled her actions. He had had no sleep, no food that she knew of, had driven, and was now taking care of everything. Frankly, it annoyed Mika. Opening doors, fine. Buying dinner or lunch, fine. Doing for her what she couldn't do for herself, in his words, – somewhat fine. But doing everything was not fine.
Grumbling, parking her butt against the BMW's hood she tore into the contents of what Raizo had given her. Inside was a sauerkraut and onion laden sausage – not bratwurst – with a couple baby potatoes on the side. Either that was all he had found nearby, or Raizo simply had figured out that anything greasy would make Mika quite happy. Or possibly he was just trying to pack some poundage on her to replace what she had lost.
Mumbling around a mouthful, "You do realize I'm not an invalid, right? I can do some stuff for myself. Just no running, no jogging, no butt kicking, and no aerobic workouts for five weeks."
"Come on," was Raizo's only response.
Forgetting for a moment Raizo's hearing, "And no fucking anyone I want to either. Damn."
Wandering to the powder silver car, Mika plunked down with ill grace. The tension had gotten thicker, with Raizo leaning heavily towards ignoring Mika completely, and Mika becoming bored with being ignored. Which, thinking about it, almost made sense. After the way Raizo had nearly eaten her alive at the Hotel Palace Berlin, he may need to gain some sort of distance. Mika just didn't want him to, and the silent, command laden treatment wasn't to her taste at all. If she thought he'd get the reference, Mika would've taunted him with a 'yessah massah' like Mami from Gone With the Wind for an answer to his next barked order. So, Mika slouched, in silence, arms crossed staring out the windshield. Any move she made would be rebuffed – for conversation, let alone any sort of touch. In the confines of the car, there wasn't much Mika could do about it that wouldn't either cause an accident or make Raizo withdraw further.
Rubbing at the tender spot over her breast, a habit that had quickly formed, Mika paused. This morning, in the early hours, Raizo had touched her, had sat over her stroking her while she couldn't do anything to spur him to further action. His large hand had been heavy, but gentle, curious but not quite shy.
"You had someone in mind, like, Maslow?" expressionless, the question not casual.
Tensing, Mika looked over at Raizo, "What?"
"For your aerobic workout," and Mika finally noticed that never had she heard Raizo swear. Growl, hiss, say something under his breath that may be a curse in some foreign language, but no actual cursing.
Was he stupid or something? Looking at Raizo like he'd grown a second head – if she had wanted Ryan, why in the hell would she let Raizo kiss and paw at her like in the hotel? Or why would she seek his caresses, why would she hold him? Why would she ask him to crawl into bed with her repeatedly? Could it honestly be that he was that obtuse, or did he want her to humiliate herself by flat out throwing herself at him?
"Ugh," making a sound of utter disgust, supremely cross.
Falling quiet once more Raizo left her alone. Again. How much more clear did Mika have to be? And how rude to ask her if she wanted Maslow. Ryan was married for Christ's sake. That not only took him off the menu, but made it so that while Mika found Ryan attractive in a powerful older man fashion, she would never make a move, think about making a move, or reciprocate if one was made on her. Raizo had to at least know that.
"As soon as this blows over," both of his hands were gripping the wheel, "you will be able to return to him."
That was enough. Tired, irritable, feeling ignored, and now insulted, Mika turned to face Raizo in her seat. Feeling the flush of anger ratchet up her blood pressure, her mouth hung open, incredulous, and despite the discomfort that originated from straining vessels, Mika wasn't going to bother calming down. Mika didn't have words for it. No wait, she did.
Sucking in a deep breath, "First off – your question was not only impolite, but hurtful. Second off – I'm not obligated to answer it. Thirdly, if you're so unobservant as to not be able to see the forest for the trees, then you should go hit your head until the lose screws in it wiggle back into place!" The car swerved with no warning, Raizo jerking the wheel to the side, throwing Mika into the door, and she scrabbled to brace herself, "Fuck Raizo! What the hell is wrong with you?" and then they were on the side of the highway, the sudden pull off scaring Mika. Clutching her chest, "Raizo, you better start talking, and quick or I swear I'm going to slug you for being an ass."
Knuckles white on the wheel, "Sorry Mika. I must be fatigued, my mind," tendons jumped in his neck, "is on many things. Perhaps, you should drive."
It was sudden, uncalled for, and out of character. Heart rate slowing down, back pressed to the door, Mika simply stared. Comprehension dawned. And she really wished new answers to the Raizo dilemma wouldn't always come after an argument, or strong words were thrown. He was jealous, on top of confused.
Squinting, "Why would you think I'd want Maslow?"
"He wants you," the very suggestion was absurd.
Barking out a short laugh, "You're joking. Maslow? Want me?" Shaking her head, Mika snorted, "Anne was a model for years, and designs clothing now. She's still one of the most beautiful, inside and out, women I've ever known."
"I am aware of his marital status," with measured graceful violence, Raizo jerked his door open.
"Alright," climbing from her side of the car, walking over to Raizo, who was glaring at the passing cars, "chew on this then Raizo. I'm in the car with you, on the run, do pretty much whatever you tell me to, kiss you, hold you, ask to be held by you, all while going to some place I don't know, leaving everything I do know behind."
"Why would you do that?" where had those questions, those assumptions come from?
Raizo was acting like a loose cannon, so far outside his norm, that Mika was worried for him. Ever since the kiss, ever since he had had to summon the strength to not hump her into the ground, or let her hump him into the ground, Mika couldn't really say which was which, Raizo had been.... different. Stiff, formal. Bossy. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours. He was acting like an ignorant child.
Brought up short, perhaps, she needed to be more direct, because that's sort of what he was – as ignorant as a child, if not more so, "Raizo I'm here with you because I want to be. Yes, I'd like to be safe, I'd like the other clans to be taken down. But right here is where I want to be."
Hands shoved down into his pockets, thumbs hooked over the fold, "We're going to Prague," as if that was a valid response.
"Okay," spreading her hands out, "like I said Raizo, I trust you, I'm here with you. I don't know what else to do or say to show you that. But, if you come up with something, let me know. Because this pissy Raizo that's appeared isn't the one I know very well." Not that she actually knew Raizo all that well.... "And I miss the nice one." When he didn't move or say anything, "Well, if you've got some directions to wherever we're going in Prague, I can drive Raizo. You could catch an hour or more of sleep. It may do you some good."
He still didn't look at her, "No, I can drive."
"Well you said you were fatigued Raizo, which I'd have to agree with. I know you act like you're Superman," gravel crunched under her shoes, "and to me, you pretty much are, but you're still a man. I can drive, honest. Just tell me where to go, I could wake you up when the signs say we're near Prague." Sidling up to him, Mika hooked her arm through his, "Go on, please? Meditate or whatever it is you do Raizo. Let whatever's on your mind settle into place. You can tell me about it if you like, or whatever you think is best. But just give yourself a little time to figure it out, and to rest. You don't have to do everything all the time. I'm here to help, and not just as bait."
Finally Raizo looked down at her sideways, "In Prague you won't be bait."
"Okay, well whatever I'll be in Prague doesn't matter right now Raizo, getting to Prague does," hugging his arm, Mika slid her hand down partially into his pocket, searching for his fingers to give them a stroke, "I'm guessing that you want to get somewhere safe before the Euro-pol agents start checking all the border crossings, fairly quickly, so come on," pulling gently, "you sleep while I drive."