AN: And because I couldn't find the fleshed out version of chapter 15, I'm also posting 16.
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Wake Up 16
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"Mr. Langdon!" Alois cried as Raizo entered his building. "I have some of those things you requested, but I didn't want to bother your lady friend, so I have them here." The building manager always sat at the bottom of the stairs, the small foyer functioning as his office, a beaten desk with a phone on it beside a leather ledger the only proof of his title, "I don't think she likes me much." Three very large white shopping bags were plunked atop the desk, "Would you like me to help you with these?"
Knowing Alois wanted to get another look at Mika, "I can manage." Taking hold of the handles, "When will the next items be in?"
"Tomorrow, in the afternoon." He leaned forward, intent, hands on the desk, "Where do you think I could find a girl like that? The going rate is good..."
"She'll shoot you before I can kill you. And if she does not, then I will make you wish she had," warning the man off, "It is in your interests that nothing unfortunate happens, or it is you I will be visiting first," and then Raizo left him sitting there. Alois had had the misfortune of having to clean up one of the apartments after sending Raizo in to take care of the tenant, and so knew exactly what Raizo could do.
Lugging the small box with the sweet from Gabek's and the three bags up five flights of stairs, Raizo was still not ready to return to Mika. He had no choice though, he had put it off as long as he could get away with. Inside he could hear Mika splashing in the tub, and smell the faint chocolate of melted cocoa butter, it's use incomprehensible. Facing her was not something that could be prevented, and the brave smile she gave him before he left earlier had caused a pain that Raizo couldn't identify.
And despite his efforts, Mika had justified his profession to herself. It was a step in a direction Raizo didn't want Mika to go, he wanted her to stay pure. That was why he guarded her, why he had wanted to keep her close. If he could keep her clean, perhaps it would remove some of the tarnish on his own soul. But he knew that bringing her with him would eventually lead to her being presented with irrefutable proof of his sins. Allowing her to see his CZ 700S had been an impulse decision and Mika's response initially had been exactly what he expected.
Leaning against the door frame, Raizo closed his eyes, still waiting outside, unable to take the last step to open the door. Raizo had waited for her to recoil, waited for her to shiver and back away. He had even tried to make it easier, to separate himself. But Mika had instead reached out, snatching away the chance to let her heal. This was for her, he couldn't blend with her world, he just couldn't.
He didn't deserve the chance.
Blanking his mind, Raizo entered the apartment, the wall heaters had been turned on, to remove the moist chill from the air. The bathroom doors were opened wide, the ancient claw footed tub held Mika, her hair piled high atop her head, shoulders bare and visible over the lip of the tub. Casting his gaze in the opposite direction, Raizo set the bags down, and went to the counter placing the box there.
"Some of the things you wanted are here," Raizo decided later he would tell Alois to add a screen for Mika to change behind to the order of a desk, and a comfortable chair.
"Towels?" water slithered over Mika's skin, Raizo could hear it caressing her body as she shifted around. "I'm wrinkled as a prune, I was hoping you'd get back soon, otherwise I was going to have to use one of the sheets to dry off."
Putting on the kettle to boil, "There is also some sort of bread thing, I hope you like it."
The conversation felt stilted, and Raizo kicked himself. Speaking was not his strong point, Mika usually did enough of it for both of them. She had lain with him, her soft touches had come near to unmanning Raizo, the willing accession, her forceful assertions that he was merely Raizo and wasn't any different than he had been before she acknowledged what he was, it was too much. Raizo couldn't deal with it, didn't want to believe it. Mika hadn't taken no for an answer, demanding that he stay, that he allow her to hold him close and to be held in turn.
Drain disengaged, water sloshed, "About that towel, it's kinda chilly being all wet and in the open."
"A moment," steeling himself, Raizo had to root around in the bags until he hit upon terrycloth. Grasping it, and his dignity, Raizo went to the bathroom, keeping his eyes locked on the floor, holding the prize out, "Here."
The motion of her rising from the bath caused him to snap his gaze up, and he caught sight of more bare female skin than he had seen in his entire life added up. Droplets of water shone like jewels, lending Mika an unreal air like an idol of some goddess in a temple. His overall impression was of creamy dark skin, and Raizo found himself unable to look away, hypnotized. Dark brown nubs stood at attention on high breasts, rounded shoulders flowed down into her long arms, which were moving, taking the towel from his lax grip. Short tight curls lay flat in a small triangle between her thighs, revealing nothing the way a man's body would.
"You can keep looking, but I'm going to dry off Raizo," goose pimples were little dots littering Mika's flesh, her words shattering the spell when she shivered fiercely.
Raizo thought she would be embarrassed, he knew he certainly was mortified by his actions. Yet she hadn't seemed to mind, letting him see his fill as she rubbed the towel over her thighs, then her torso before wrapping it tight around herself. Her cheeks were that deep, dusky rose again, and Raizo thought for a moment she would reach for him, would tangle her hands in his hair. That would have pushed him to the brink, and what little control he had would have snapped. Glad that Mika didn't reach for more than his shoulder as she stepped free of the porcelain behemoth for balance, Raizo held still. Anything else and he would grab for her himself, and violate her trust, which must still be fragile no matter her earlier words. Not trusting his voice, Raizo trailed after Mika as she padded straight to the kitchen, shunning clothing for now.
She lifted the box lid and tore off two chunks, presenting him with one, "You keep feeding me, but I don't know if you feed yourself. So, eat."
"I'm fine," picking the kettle up and pouring the boiling water into tea pot, sprinkling a hefty amount of leaves into it, giving the leaves time to steep.
A much smaller piece was held up to his lips, "I don't care if you're 'fine' Raizo. Eat it." The heat of her body was close, Mika was standing as near to him as she could, only a few millimeters separating her from him, "I won't eat if you don't."
Relenting, Raizo moved to take it, but instead Mika shoved the confection against his lips, forcing him to open his mouth. Along with the pastry, the tips of Mika's fingers entered his mouth, stroking the inside of his lip on the way out. Not tasting the sugary sweetness, Raizo could only think of the citrus-salt of her essence that he had sucked off of them. Tensing he looked at Mika as her tongue came out to remove any of the sticky honey that was on them from the sweet, focusing on her own morsel. She must have felt his scrutiny, because she paused in mid-lick, eyes meeting his.
Face dipping, Mika tore off another bite sized piece, holding it up to him again, "You like it?"
Raizo wondered if Mika was even remotely aware of what she was doing to him. One minute he was resolved, sure of what he was doing, the next she broke him down with words or touches, countering everything he thought was real. He felt like little more than a pendulum that's chain was held in her nimble fingers, swung back and forth, like she was using him for some sort of divination.
"Mika -" before he could complete the thought, she pushed the second bite into his mouth.
This went on, her eating a piece, licking her fingers clean, then giving him one, until the honey-fruit loaf was half gone. Not once Raizo could actually taste anything, it was only the memory of Mika's juices that flooded his mouth with saliva. Why that was Raizo didn't know, nor did he particularly care while Mika would glance up then away, only to look back into his eyes. A strange sensation, similar to what he felt in Berlin, but the burn was slow. It kept Raizo from moving, from protesting, or from saying he didn't want any of the sliced strawberry that topped the bread being fed to him. And he found himself hoping that Mika would kiss him, would want that again even after what she found out.
That yanked him back to reality with harsh cruelty like a slap upside the head, or canes on the soles of his feet.
"If you are thirsty," stepping back seeking to switch her attention and his to something else, "you will have to boil the tap water to make it fit to drink."
"I'm not thirsty," she reached for him, and Raizo wanted to run. He didn't know what he would do if she touched him, and she was still so delicate, wounded from the disabused vision she had of him, "I just want to be held."
She said that so often, that she wanted him to hold her, to hold him, to not let go. Was there nothing more in her world, in her desires than to hold him and be held? No one was that simple. Her fingers hooked into one of his belt loops, drawing him close, closing the last inches that separated them. That horrible ache, it was centered in the vicinity of his groin and his heart, even his lips were joining on the action, similar to the way his hands had the one time his control slipped.
Running purely on willpower, Raizo enfolded Mika in his arms, refusing to give into the urge. Later, much later, Raizo would have to seek release as a preventative measure. Rough orange terrycloth met his palms, still damp from wicking away the residue of Mika's bath, further reminding Raizo of Mika's near naked state. And the vision of her bare body hit him like a bullet to a distant target's head.
"You're shaking," hands snaked under his jacket, stroking, "are you alright?"
Knowing he should say 'yes' Raizo found his head shaking in the negative, "No."
She leaned her head back, staying pressed tight to him, "Is there anything I can do?"
Rolling his lips inwards, Raizo bit down, as the only way to stop himself from saying 'yes', from leaning down and capturing her mouth with his. A mad thought of ripping the towel from her body, and licking and nipping her from head to toe and back up again forced a deep groan from him. Shuffling, Raizo sought to push Mika away, to hold her at arms-length. Raizo needed distance now. It didn't succeed, except to make Mika stumble into him, the material falling some with the motion.
"Raizo?" And then she was stroking his cheek, his jaw, "Raizo, tell me what you need."
Heart thundering in his head, throbbing heat filled Raizo's body, madness tinging the edge of his vision. Everything narrowed down to Mika, to her lips moving as she spoke. To the top of a partially bared breast, and a beast roared inside Raizo. Taking her shoulders firmly in his hands as the last shreds of his control shattered, Raizo dipped down, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, past her lips, cutting off whatever Mika was saying. He couldn't hear it anyway, not over the rushing in his head.
He shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be simply taking. Not from Mika. But he was utterly powerless, while he tugged the towel from around her, it landed with no more than a whisper. Mika tilted her head to the side, pulling away from his mouth, but that didn't matter either, and Raizo found his lips going the length of her neck, before he bit down on the juncture of shoulder and neck. What had been a sigh turned into a whimper, her throat vibrating, and Raizo felt air on his stomach as she caressed him, lifting his shirt partially.
This time when Raizo picked Mika up, he was almost prepared for her legs wrapping around him. He had even planned on it, rather than hoisting her up from her waist, he bent and grabbed her thighs, leaving Mika little choice but to hold him like that. Strong thighs locked down, bringing that secret hidden place flush with what was straining in his jeans.
Moist, hot lips touched the shell of his ear, "Take me to bed."
[REDACTED]
Mika made a satisfied hum, "Mmm, was that so bad?" she was leaning over him, nuzzling at his face.
Unable to say anything, neither agreement nor disagreement, Raizo wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face into her chest. It had hurt, and it had felt wonderful. Frightening and uncontrolled. Shaking like a leaf, Raizo hung onto Mika like she was the only real thing in the world. This must be what she felt like when she held him so tight, like he was anchoring her to reality, just as the peaceful pace of her heartbeat held him here.