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Wake Up 17
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Mika had inot/i intended on pretty much forcing oral sex on Raizo. It had just... happened. Then again, Raizo did basically attack her, making Mika feel like a tiny creature being consumed by a much larger one. That was the second time something had happened where he went wild, was it any wonder she had reciprocated? Still, it made Mika feel horribly guilty, she was for all intents and purposes the 'adult' in this situation. So that made her doubly responsible for her actions. When she had touched his penis he had seemed so ashamed, he had wanted to hide it from her, to hide his arousal.

As though it was really something to be ashamed of.

How could she explain that it was natural, normal, and most certainly not something to be ashamed of? He easily accepted that her pleasure was normal, but not his own. Now that was unnatural. And stupid. Mika found herself wishing she could resurrect Ozunu and disembowel him. Very slowly, because that old asshole deserved it and far worse.

Raizo was currently draped over her, and his weight felt good, like it belonged there. One black denim clad thigh was carelessly thrown over hers, his position mirroring how she usually lay over him. Smiling, allowing the soft image to distract her from thoughts of vengeance on deserving monsters, Mika started massaging the many knots on his shoulders.

"Mika?" his voice was small, shy.

Pushing her thumbs into a particularly nasty knot, "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry," whispering, "I shouldn't have let you see my weakness."

Stopping, Mika picked up his chin, urging him to look into her face, to see her expression, "Weakness? Oh that most certainly wasn't weakness. Why would you think that Raizo? And if it was, why would I have wanted to see it? To touch you there, to suck you?" Shaking her head, kissing Raizo between his short fuzzy eyebrows, "I liked doing that for you, I want to do it again, any time you want me to. I want you to touch me here," rubbing against his leg, "I want to make you feel good, and I want you to make me feel good. It's normal, natural, it's not weakness." Amending, "But as much as I want that, I only want it if you do too. Really, I'm the one who should be sorry."

Raizo frowned up at her, "No."

"Yes," tracing his lips, "I should have stopped when it was clear you weren't comfortable. It was wrong of me to do that. Not the part where I used my mouth on you Raizo, but the fact that you had asked me to stop and I didn't honor it. That's my fault, and that was wrong."

His frown deepened, "You wanted to do that?"

"Yes," confiding, "I've been thinking about it a long time. About what you may feel like inside me, about how soft your skin may be. About what you'd feel like laying atop me, buried as far as you could go."

Muscles in his jaw worked, lips trying to form words Mika thought, "You want that? With... me? Even after..." he could no longer hold her gaze, and looked away, "you know what I am Mika. I'm not fit, I'm weak. I'm... bloody."

Sighing, Mika cuddled him closer, "You're you, and I know how you treat me. You treat me good, you're wonderful to me Raizo. You've been shut out from the world for so long, and yet you're so good to me. That doesn't speak of a bad person, it says to me that you're much more than a simple... job description." Hoping to reassure him, "If we were to set what you do for a living aside, and I only took into consideration how you treat me, how you work so hard to keep me safe, to keep me whole – not just in body, but in mind – what do you think I would see? I'd see a man, a good one. One who makes me feel... all sorts of things. One I'd like to be close to. I mean, of course it helps that you're attractive, but I think you could look like a pug and I'd still want you. Well, maybe not a pug, but something so ugly it's cute." It took some work, but Mika wiggled down, so that Raizo's head wasn't on her shoulder, so they could be face to face, "What I want ultimately Raizo is for you to be happy, and for me to be happy. And yes, I want very badly to have you as close as I can physically get you, but I'm afraid of taking advantage of you. Like I did earlier." Laying a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, "It would probably be pretty easy too. All I would have to do is touch you until you were overwhelmed, and then I could have you in me, moving over me. But, I'm scared that it would hurt you Raizo. That it would hurt you in here," tapping his temple, "and here," over his heart. "Not physically, but it could be an abuse of trust. And I don't want to do that to you ever."

He shook his head, his expression disbelieving, "You couldn't abuse me." Raizo continued, and his logic was staggering, "And if you could, it is no less than I deserve."

Mika wanted to throttle Raizo, just a little bit, he was being stupid. Not that she didn't understand in theory, "You do not deserve to be abused Raizo. You've had enough of that in your life. No more. Not with me." Taking his head in her hands, leaning up until his eyes almost crossed, "I would never hurt you on purpose Raizo. You have done nothing to earn that, not after what I think was done to you. If I'm anywhere near the truth, if I've got anything figured out about you so far, the life you led – the dehumanization, the abuse, the programming – that was more than enough pain for ten people's lifetimes. You've suffered enough Raizo. I can't make it go away, I can't wipe the slate clean for you. But I can be here, all it takes is you letting me."

"Why?" uncomprehending, "Why would you want to? I have hurt people, I have maimed, I have killed, I have tortured. All things you abhor. And yet you want to stay by me?" Raizo sat up, and Mika let him, copying the move, "Because I protect you? Because I've killed to keep you safe?"

Laying a hand on his knee, "Some of it's that. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't." Thinking about how to put it, "Some of it is not the fact that you killed for me Raizo, but the fact that you were willing to go to great lengths for me. For me the person. You didn't have to, as soon as you were through using me as bait, you could have gone on your way, never mind the consequences to me. But you didn't." Drawing one of the sheets around herself, not because she was uncomfortable being naked with Raizo, but because she could see that it was distracting him if the way he licked his lips unconsciously, eyes drifting over her from time to time, was any indication, "And some of it is the physical. I'm a healthy female, you're a healthy male, biology can take over sometimes. Another part of it is because I just..." Searching, Mika couldn't find the exact words, none that were fully accurate, "Because you make me feel peaceful. Calm. When you kiss me, when you touch me, if it had been someone else, my pulse would be galloping like a horse. But with you, I feel comforted. Happy. Like things are right in my world, no matter how crazy they are in actuality. Holding you is like being wrapped up in front of a fireplace while there's ten feet of snow outside, a cup of hot cocoa in hand. At the same time, it does drive me crazy because I just don't know what to do with you sometimes. I don't know how to get through. I want to know you, what you like to do, I want to be with you and do those things – go for walks, watch movies, you know. Be human together."

Raizo mulled that over for a long time before replying, "What do you want me to do?"

Holding in a growl of frustration, "I want you to hear me. I want you to know that I'm not going to reject you out of hand." Smacking a fist in her palm, "You let me see that big gun of yours on purpose, didn't you? You were so sure I'd be mad at you. And I am Raizo. But not because of you being an assassin, but because you wanted to make a self-fulfilling prophecy where you were denied even basic human comforts and contact. You tried to use me as a tool to beat yourself up with."

This had to be the most honest conversation Mika had ever had with another human being. And Mika could see Raizo trying hard to grasp it, even if he couldn't completely understand it. Which was more than she could hope for, and was a good start.

"It seemed best," he pushed both hands through his hair, tugging at it, "to keep you separate from me so that I could keep you safe. To give you space, so that you would not be stuck here, in my world. You don't belong here, it is a bad place."

Disappointed, "So you won't think about working with the agency? Or something else? Maybe, maybe you could become an instructor of some sort after all this. You do have options. You don't have to stay here either. If it's such a bad place, then it's not fit for you either."

"I know nothing else," shrugging, resigned. "It is what I do."

Not willing to push, Mika wasn't going to let go of it entirely either, "Well, whatever you decide, I'm still sticking to you like white on rice as long as you let me." Gesturing, "In fact, that's what I really want you to do – is let me try to show you more. To show you what you deserve, and to show you that I want to be where you are. That you have a home, wherever I go, that you have a place there, that you're a part of me, and I want to be a part of you. It's your choice to take it or not, but I want you to try and let me give that to you."

"I will," Raizo sucked his bottom lip, something Mika was noticing him do more and more, particularly when he was nervous, "try. I can't promise more. But I will try."

Relieved, Mika held her arms open, "And that's all I ask. So, could um, would you like to be held some more?"

He swallowed, hands fidgeting in his lap, "It is unwise."

Letting them drop, "Why?"

"I will touch you," fingers drummed on his leg, "I will touch you and I do not know if I can stop after I start. Not," Raizo's look pinned Mika in place, "not when I know what you want of me. Knowing that you would not... stop me."

Melting under the heat those words contained, "Dr. Asako said I had to wait until I healed more. But, if we took it slow - "

"There was nothing slow about earlier," Raizo had a definite point.

Squirming, "Mmm, then maybe we could make a deal."

"What sort of deal?" the velvet of Raizo's voice had been thickening, his gaze becoming sharper, and Mika wondered if he could tell she was getting wet.

Suddenly Mika felt shy, like she was the one who was inexperienced, "Touching only, with hands," clarifying, "and kissing."

Mika found herself on her back, all that kept Raizo from her was the very thin sheet. It did little to keep the warmth of Raizo's body from her, and Mika arched, as Raizo kissed her with abandon. He was propped up on his forearms, the ends of his hair tickling her cheeks. The thickness of his tongue as it licked and swirled around hers was almost as satisfying as sex, the pleasure that filled Mika's senses far outpacing anything her hands could coax from her body. Every time Raizo touched her like this, like he was a dying man gasping for air, Mika buckled under the onslaught. Add to that the weight of him between her thighs, his abdomen and hips tightly pressed to her, and Mika was going crazy.

Breaking away, Raizo's mouth so demanding, Mika couldn't take it, she had to make noise. Mika wasn't usually one to be all that loud, but under the current circumstances, she could be forgiven. Her legs stroked Raizo's, her foot was shoving a pant leg up, rubbing at the back of a muscled calf with the sole.

Raizo huffed a chuckle into her ear, "That's not a hand."

Moaning, "So?" Yanking on his pants, wanting him to get rid of the offending barrier, "Off, take these off." Craning her neck, Mika held one side of his face, and sucked at a spot just below his ear, "I want to see you, to touch you."

Muscles flexed, raising Raizo off of her, his actions contrary to his words, "You shouldn't."

"But I do," saying it with conviction, and hoping to divest him of his pants before he changed his mind, Mika wriggled so she could better reach, yanking the denim down his narrow hips, she giggled, "Show me yours and I'll show you mine."

Raizo apparently took it to heart, rolling away from her and kicked his legs free of his trousers, then reached for the edges of her sheet, unwrapping her. He was kneeling, and when Mika moved to sit up, he planted a hand on her shoulder, pressing her back down. His eyes were locked on her body as he parted the sheet, revealing her to his gaze slowly. Feeling like she was an oversized present, Mika lay back letting him take the lead. While her heart was probably going faster, and for more time than it should, Mika felt no pain, she wasn't even aware of anything past the light in Raizo's eyes.

He sat back, inspecting his work once she was bare, palm running from her belly to hip, hovering over her femininity, "You're beautiful."

Glad for the fact that blushes were at least somewhat masked by her coloring, "You're not half bad yourself."

"May...?" still not touching her sex.

Mika nodded, reaching down to open herself, but again, Raizo stopped her, "Raizo?"

"Let me, I'm the opener of difficult things anyway," which made Mika laugh outright, and Raizo almost smiled back, a crooked tip to his lips.

[REDACTED]

"Please," he embraced her tightly, even though the thick weight twitched in her grip, and Raizo's voice resembled nothing so much as a growl,"I... I can't."

Saddened, Mika stopped, "Okay. Please let me know if you change your mind, because I really liked doing that for you."

He nodded, tucking his face into her shoulder, his hold tightening, "I will." A hint of promise, "Later, I just need... some time."