Chapter 18

"Did you speak to Marian?" Will asked the moment Robin returned to the camp. "Does she know anything about Djaq?" Robin filled them in on the details he'd learned from Marian and explained the intricacies of the plan she'd already set in motion.

"So...we're relying on Guy and Allan to make this plan work?" Much asked in disapproval.

"They cannot be trusted." John declared. "We need a new plan."

"She's going on too many assumptions." Will agreed. "We're assuming that she actually convinced Guy, that Guy will be able to convince the sheriff, that the sheriff won't be able to convince Guy, that Allan will be let go and be willing and able to help, and that Allan will be able to get her out before the sheriff tortures her for information. There's nothing certain about this plan. It's all luck."

"The only certain thing is that we're racing against time." Robin agreed. "Even if the sheriff believes that Djaq turned on us and is ready to use her for his own ends, there is no chance he'll let her leave Nottingham without getting the information he wants from her first, one way or another." Robin explained. "That means that no matter what happens, we have to get her out tomorrow."

"What if Marian's wrong and he's already started torturing her tonight?" Will asked.

"If she gave us up, they could be on their way to the camp now as we speak, ready to barrel in here any second!" Much nearly shrieked with panic.

"Do you only ever think about yourself?" Will asked Much. "You're more worried about if she gave us up, after we turned on her, then you are about her being tortured?"

"Will, we all know how you feel about Djaq, but continuing to snap at us isn't doing any good." Robin said. "If she told them how to find the Pact, then she's told them how to find the camp. If she's told them how to find the camp, they've got all of us. There will be no one left to get her out."

"Except Allan." Will agreed. "If we can count on that sleazy, degenerate, swine to…"

"Will." Robin said seriously. "Stop. I'm not happy with Allan either, but we need to focus on a plan. I'm open to suggestions."

Here's a suggestion, Will thought to himself. Why don't you step down? He didn't say it out loud though, he just simply got up and left without a word. He heard Much call his name as he walked away, followed closely by Robin telling him to let it be, and then he heard no more as he wandered off into the night.

Will walked through the forest aimlessly, lost in his thoughts of Djaq waiting for a rescue in the dungeons, until he found himself at a familiar clearing with a very familiar looking branch. He stopped and stared at the scene for a moment, trying to place when he'd been here before, and then it came to him. He could see it clear as day as the memory played out before him. Walking along this exact path over a year ago, coming across Djaq washing her arms and chest with her back facing him, announcing to her that Robin was looking for her, and watching in shock as she spun around at the sound of his voice, revealing her chest and the fact that she was a woman to him in the process.

He was so surprised at the time, and admittedly a bit excited at what he saw, that he never stopped to consider it from her perspective. She had to be so worried, he realized as he remembered the way she rushed away from him, letting the branch hit him as she pushed it out of her way. She wasn't pretending to be a man for fun, it was for safety, for protection. If some other man had discovered her secret...He didn't even want to consider the possibilities. It had to take so much trust and faith in us to stay here, with a group of men who knew her secret, and we let her down.

He knew from the first moment she joined the gang that he felt inexplicably drawn to her but he wasn't certain when that feeling turned into love. He hadn't thought about it much in the beginning, he just knew he was more concerned about her safety and well-being than anyone else's, he wanted to spend every spare moment in her presence, and every time he was paired off with someone else instead of her, he felt a moment of crushing disappointment. The moment he'd noticed she'd gone missing that day, after they had interrupted Gisborne's celebration for King Richard's birthday, that's when he knew for certain that it was love and probably had been for some time. He'd been so frustrated with Robin, who couldn't even seem able to bring himself to care that she'd been captured, that he thought he might've hated him a little that day. He felt the same way now.

The memories of today plagued Will's mind. It had started out nearly perfect, with him just sitting with Djaq by his side, fletching arrows, occasionally sneaking a glance over at her or brushing his leg against hers. How could everything have turned to hell so quickly? He remembered the look on her face once Robin made his first accusation, that she had went behind their backs to visit Allan and had pleasured him with her mouth, how shocked and offended she was that he would even think such a thing of her, let alone openly accuse her of it, and then it all went downhill from there when he extended the accusation to include half the men at the castle, even Gisborne. He hadn't wanted to believe it, he wanted to believe that the horrified look on her face and her vehement denials weren't an act, but he had to admit to himself that even he had brief moments of doubt.

Will had never forgotten that Allan admitted that he liked her that day too, at the same time he did himself, and he'd always worried that Allan would be the one to steal her heart. Before Allan had betrayed them and left the gang, Will always noticed the way he seemed to flirt with her so effortlessly, the way Djaq would respond in turn, and he'd wished he had the confidence to do the same but he never did. He kept his feelings hidden and seethed with jealousy whenever Allan made his moves on Djaq. He worried that he would lose her and have to sit and watch while she was with Allan everyday, right in front him, kissing and cuddling with his best friend. He was almost a bit relieved when Allan left the gang because, though he'd lost one of his closest friends, he thought his competition was finally gone, but he felt the old jealousy rise again every time Djaq defended Allan, wondering if her faith in him had more to do with her feelings for him romantically instead of simply not wanting to turn her back on an old friend. When he heard the first accusation today, just the one about Allan, he believed it. He believed that all of his worst fears had finally come to pass: that she had chosen, but she hadn't chosen him.

I didn't believe her, he thought. I said I did, but I lied. When Robin said she'd shared herself with Allan, I believed it. Even if only for a moment, I thought that it was true. I turned my back on her too. Why should she ever trust any of us again if we couldn't trust her?

It hurt him to think about it, but he recalled her words from earlier. 'Neither of you knew what you were talking about.' How can I make her see that I did? I knew then and I know now and I meant it. I've never been more certain about anything. He supposed it didn't matter, since she had already made her feelings perfectly clear. 'Even if you did, it doesn't matter. It will never happen.' He remembered the bitter tone in her voice when she spat out that 'it doesn't matter how many bags of silver Robin throws at me, my answer is the same.'

He'd tried to tell her that he loved her, but she cut him off before he could. She threw what Robin had done to her back in his face, as though it was his fault. He'd wanted to kill Robin in that moment, both for hurting her and for destroying any chance he might have ever had for true happiness. Maybe it was true, maybe she would've never felt that way regardless, but how could he ever be sure now?

'I just want to make it clear. I have only ever been a friend to all of you, including Allan, and that's all I will ever be.' I guess she's made her choice. Her choice is neither of us. Never happen. It will never happen. Only ever a friend. Never, never...just making it clear. She said it so casually. How could she say it so casually, like it didn't even matter? 'Just making it clear, everything you've ever wanted will never happen.' She wouldn't even hear me out. And I can't even blame her. Why would she? Why would she ever want to be with me? Allan and I were both fools.

He took his tag off from around his neck and held it between his fingers, looking down at the intricately carved design of a bow and arrow he'd etched into it by his own hand. Do I even still belong here? He thought of the camp, his home now for the past several months, that he had designed himself and built by hand. He thought of the fact that Robin was still sitting in that camp right now, probably getting ready to go to sleep for the night, safe and warm in his bunk, while Djaq was locked away in a dungeon.

What am I even still doing here? What is HE still doing here? I'm the one that built this fucking camp! I built it for us, for her, for Robin Hood's gang. I followed him into the forest after he saved my life and I dedicated my life to him because I believed in him. I believed in what we were doing. I believed in his mission. All of it was a lie. The great Robin Hood is a fraud who turns on his own friends in an instant, without evidence, without even listening, who ties women up in the forest and grabs at them while they're screaming at him to stop. We all told him to stop but he didn't care, he didn't listen, he only cares about what he wants. It was the same when she was captured the first time. He didn't care about her, he only cared about the king and Gisborne. He was ready to torture him to death, his famous justice forgotten in an instant. He'd be ready to let any one of us die without a second thought as long as he got what he wanted. We're not his friends, we're just the stupid peasants he can order around to do his bidding. He still acts like any other lord, whether he still has his lands and titles or not. Will threw his tag on the ground and slid down against a tree to sit among the twigs and fallen leaves.

I want him gone, Will realized as tears sprung to his eyes. I want him gone so she'll stay. And if she goes, all I want to do is follow her, wherever she goes next...but she doesn't want me. She doesn't love me. She never will.

The thought he wanted to consider least crossed his mind next. None of this will matter if we can't rescue her. She'll die. She could be dead by this time tomorrow, tortured to death, alone in a dungeon, thinking she has no true friends left at all.

He looked up at the moon and stars and sent up a silent prayer to a God he was starting to doubt his faith in. Please, let Allan do the right thing. Spare him. Save him so he can save her.

He thought about the challenges they were about to face within the next day, the danger Djaq would be in, the changes that would inevitably be coming, and he realized with terrifying, absolute conviction that even if everything else was uncertain, one thing was absolutely clear to him. If she dies, I'm done with this. I am done doing the right thing. I will kill Robin and the sheriff myself.