My High
Chapter Two: Sanity vs. Reality
Helga had barely registered the feeling of lips against her own when Wolfgang left. Something about changing his mind on confronting her parents if she remembered right. That had been only a few hours ago yet every minute felt so long and drawn out she could have sworn days had passed. It didn't take long for the sun to rise, shining brilliantly through her cracked open blinds and straight into her lidded eyes. With a groan Helga pushed herself up and off of the mattress, ready to greet the hell she called home.
As if on auto-pilot she made her way to her vanity dresser, popping open the slim drawer for her morning pills. She hadn't even grabbed the bottle when her eyes caught sight of the mess in the mirror looking back at her. Helga dropped the pills quickly, hissing through her teeth as she pushed up the shockingly short hair that fell around her ears. Helga groaned quickly throwing a gray beanie over it, she'd have to deal with that mess of a decision later.
Helga clutched onto her desk as the sounds of people bustling about downstairs reached her small ears. Her eyes quickly traveled to the clock- twelve thirty. Helga sighed and hurried over to her closet, clumsily fixing her bra straps as she did. Thoughts flashed through her mind as she glanced over her clothes, gingerly picking out a few at a time for comparison.
This was it. Today was the big day. She was finally leaving Hillwood for good, on to bigger and better things. Helga pushed a pink sweater like dress over her body, pushing some old brown boots onto her feet. No more ignorant family or pestering sister-
No more reminders of him.
Helga flinched as she hid her head under her sweater, keeping the blinding light from her eyes. No, she couldn't think about that today. She couldn't let him in her mind. This was supposed to be a happy day; she couldn't fall into that trap again. She wouldn't let herself feel that way again…she wouldn't.
Helga nearly jumped out of her skin as rough hands suddenly slammed against her oak door, the sound echoing through her ears as she groaned. No more late night drinking for her…
"Olga! Wake up! You've got visitors!"
Helga groaned, dropping her head in exasperation before snapping towards the doorframe.
"ITS HELGA BOB! HELGA!" She screamed. With a low sigh she threw open the door and headed out into the now empty hallway. It didn't take long before she was downstairs and all eyes fell upon her shaggy hair cut. There was a small 'oh my' from Phoebe and a gentle snicker from the girl beside her.
"Well I've heard of bed head but Helga, you ever so take the cake…" Lila called out sweetly. Helga knitted her brows together in anger as she grumbled grabbing the small girl's hand.
"Shut yer' trap and fix this!" Lila rolled her eyes playfully and followed after Helga up the stairs. Ten years ago one might have stood flabbergasted at the sight of Lila and Helga seemingly getting along with one another. As Phoebe packed away some kitchen cutleries for Helga to bring, even she couldn't quite explain how the relationship had formed. One night they were bickering with each other like usual, and the next-
This.
Phoebe suspected something had happened between the two that both dared not speak about, but, if she was to look at it rationally it was only natural that the two become friends. Lila, though quiet, was perhaps just as manipulative and dark as Helga's own soul. The difference was each of them miraculously held some kindness in their bitter bones. Lila showed her own off as much as possible while Helga hid it away in some dark corner where only the privileged were allowed.
Phoebe could only catch a glimpse of it on some days, and others, the walls came crashing down and she came running into the girls arms with eyes full of tears. Phoebe paused for a moment, looking for at her hands as she twisted up her face. When was the last time Helga had come to her for advise…had come to her for- well…anything?
It seemed like so long ago.
Phoebe gave out a small huff as she hoisted the box of kitchen supplies towards the u-haul that sat dormant outside the blue household. Yes…the more she thought about it the more suspicious it all seemed. Helga no longer burst out in her angry rants in class, nor had she ordered Phoebe around in years. All of those lovely poems about love and death and happiness were gone and instead replaced with silence.
Compared to the friend she had loved during elementary school Helga seemed so…calm…so- mellow.
Phoebe had attributed that to Helga merely growing up but, now as she dissected the memories, it seemed more like she had been replaced by an emotionless being. She had mistaken apathy for maturity. Now, as she placed her beloved friends things in the moving van she realized that she had missed the symptoms for so long that even she doubted Helga could ever be returned to her normal state.
Phoebe's eyes turned up sadly towards Helga's window as she watched the two girls play fighting one another for control of the scissors. Had Lila noticed it before? Had she seen to downward spiral Helga was taking? And if so, when?
Phoebe hopped onto the U-Haul's boarding dock, watching as Mr. Pataki and Miriam paced in the living room. Maybe if they had been raised differently, if they'd had some sort of help along the way, they'd have made better parents. Bob, although seemingly unaffectionate and violent, could be seen looking through the old photographs, only now noticing that Helga had never smiled in any one of them. Miriam had all the good makings of a mother, but with none of the willpower to do so.
All Phoebe could do was hope she found her way to AA soon…soon enough to fix things with Helga, soon enough to save their daughter from the path they took.
"Really Helga, I still don't understand why you felt the need to cut your hair so short…I loved your long hair." Lila whispered. There was a hint of genuine sadness as she cut at the girl's messy blonde blocks. Helga watched as pieces fell to the ground, her eyes moving into Lila's.
"Let's just say it was an urge." She mumbled. Lila pulled back to overlook her work before nodding.
"I saw Wolfgang leaving your house this morning…so you two are still-…together…are you?" Lila asked, nearly biting her tongue with every word. Helga rolled her eyes, flinching as she felt the cold brim of the scissors against her ear.
"He's a good guy." Helga mumbled. She could almost feel Lila rolling her eyes as she snipped faster.
"Right…I'm sure he is Helga. I just think you can do better than him."
There was a tense silence between the two as Helga crossed her arms angrily, her feet tapping against the floor with a soft rhythm. Even she didn't really like Wolfgang that much, but it bothered her that Lila wasn't 'approving' of him. Who the hell was she to decide if he was worthy of her or not? Helga snapped her head up to her, making Lila yelp as she pulled the scissors away right before they entered Helga's skin.
"Jesus Helga! You almost made me kill you!" Lila shrieked, her voice nearly three octaves higher than normal. Helga didn't seem to pay any mind as she waved an angry finger at the young woman.
"Wolfgang's got more baggage than you'll know Lila, and he's a really good guy for all of the shit that he's gone through! As for me, well, who is anyone to say what I'm worth?" Helga cut herself off before ranting about how she wasn't worth anything compared to him. She didn't want to start up yet another fight with the young girl.
"Ok…ok…" Lila whispered holding up her hands in defeat. She sighed before brushing her fingers through Helga's hair once more, looking for any missed pieces.
"Honestly it's just nice to see you fighting back." Lila whispered to herself. Helga looked up at her quizzically, tightening her fist.
"What do you mean?" She asked lowly. Lila swished Helga around quickly, smirking as the girl's face nearly glowed in surprise. Helga moved her fingers through the previously ugly cut, unable to believe how different she looked. Or rather how…cute…she was. A sharply edged bob around her chin made Helga smirk despite herself.
"Not bad miss perfect, not bad at all." She muttered. Lila smiled, leaning her arm against Helga's chair rather cockily before winking at the blonde bombshell. Helga laughed making Lila's eyes open in surprise. Helga stared at herself, almost unable to believe what she had done either.
She hadn't even realized how long it had been since she'd laughed.
"Helga…did you take your medicine today?" Lila asked quizzically. Helga's eyes popped as she hit her head, quickly reaching for the dresser's drawer.
"No, I'd forgotten, thanks Lila." Helga mumbled. Lila jumped into action, pushing the drawer closed before Helga got a chance to put her hand inside of it. Helga furrowed her brows together in anger before pushing at the girl's side for her to move.
"Lila! Get out of the way!" She complained. Lila shook her head quickly.
"No, listen to me Helga, you don't need these medicines ok…just listen to yourself, only a day off the medicine and you're already laughing and fighting me like your old self." Lila argued. Helga growled, pushing harder but the girl remained firm.
"I need this medicine…the doctor said so." Helga grunted out. Lila flinched but dug her shoes into Helga's carpet for better friction.
"Maybe one, or even two of them, but you don't need them all Helga. No one does." Helga stopped for a moment as Lila sighed, digging her head into her palm as she tried to think of the right words to say to the girl. Finally Lila pushed against the drawer, determined, and stared down at Helga's skinny frame.
"Helga…I'm not saying that these pills don't work….but they're not for people like you…listen to me…please- there's nothing wrong with you….Dr. Bliss knew that, and that's why she never gave you any of this- this…poison! All you need is someone to talk to, someone to hold, someone who LOVES you…." Lila sighed moving away from the drawer as Helga stared down at it.
"Those medications are for sick people Helga…people whose minds have rotted away….there's nothing wrong with your mind Helga…you're just a broken person….a broken person that can be fixed….but not with this…never with this…" Lila took out a bottle of the prescription drugs before placing it in Helga's hand.
"I know that these drugs make you feel like you're in a safer place Helga, but they're really just hiding you in someplace far more dangerous…and I hope that someone helps you out of it before these things eat your real personality up alive." Lila whispered. Helga groaned throwing the pills into her mouth, swallowing them quickly.
What did Lila know…she hadn't felt the pain Helga had, she'd never lived a day in her shoes…and she most certainly didn't know anything about Helga's mental status. Did the drugs take away some of the inspiration in life? Sure. Did they maybe make her a bit less in tune to the world then she had been before? Maybe. But the drugs did make her feel safe….made her feel sane. And she wasn't about to give that up just to write a few crappy poems again…