Chapter 24 - Day 826

"It's negative," Lucy whispered. She took the test and threw it into the small, white garbage can next to the sink.

"Lucy…"

She heard Tim say her name loud and clear, but Lucy ignored him. She made her way out of the bathroom and headed into the kitchen. Grabbing the full coffee pot that Tim had made that morning before she had peed on a stick, she poured herself a cup.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tim asked, joining her in the kitchen.

Lucy doctored up her coffee the way she liked it and took the mug with her as she made her way through the house to the hall closet. Tim followed her. She took out the vacuum cleaner. As she went to plug it into a nearby outlet, Tim placed his body in front of hers. He put his hands on her waist.

"Let's talk," he said.

"I don't want to talk," she answered, trying to skirt around him, but he wouldn't let her.

"I do."

"The test was negative," Lucy said, matter of factly. "I'm not pregnant."

"Yeah, I got that. But you must have feelings about it. I have feelings about it."

"Then please, tell me, what are you feeling?" Lucy snapped. "Because this has nothing to do with you."

"That's not fair," Tim said calmly. "Having a baby takes two. This is both of our futures, Lucy."

"You're right. I'm sorry. But you have no idea what it feels like to be failing at the one thing I am biologically supposed to be able to do."

"You're not a failure," Tim stated.

Lucy looked at the floor, concentrating on the vacuum. "Let's just forget it. We said we would get housework done today. Let me vacuum. You can start the laundry and…"

"No. We are going to talk about this," Tim insisted. "You have always told me that I need to work on expressing my feelings. Well, this is me trying to talk about how I feel. I'm sad that you're not pregnant, but I'm also hopeful. Because it will happen in time. And maybe I'm even a little relieved because I don't know what kind of dad I'm going to be and the thought of raising a child is scary and…"

She met his eyes. "You are going to be a great dad."

"I didn't have the best role model."

"That doesn't matter. You are a good man, Tim. And you will teach our child how to be good and kind and fair and strong."

"You're right," Tim agreed. "Someday I will teach our child those things. And so will you. We will figure out how to be good parents together."

"If I can get pregnant," Lucy said quietly.

"You will."

"You don't know that."

"I believe that," Tim stated.

"I don't," she said, her voice faltering. Tim could see her letting go of her tough exterior that she had been faking ever since they saw the results of the test.

Lucy finally let go of the vacuum. She slid down to the floor, resting her back against the wall. She brought her knees up to her chin. Tim sat down across from her cross legged. He reached across the hall and put his hands on her knees.

"Talk to me," he persisted.

She sighed. "I thought for sure it was going to be positive this time. My period is a few days late and I tracked my cycle this month and we've been trying a lot."

"I have no complaints in that department," Tim said with a smirk.

"But it's been five months since I've gone off birth control," Lucy replied.

"You said it yourself that it can take time to get pregnant. Especially after coming off the pill."

"I thought it might take a month or two. Three at most," Lucy said. "Not five months."

"Then we'll just keep trying. And I read that stress can play a big part, too in trying to get pregnant. We're both stressed at work and the stress of trying to get pregnant. I'm sure it's not helping."

"You read that somewhere?" Lucy asked with a small smile.

"I…read a few blogs."

"That is very sweet. But what if I can't? What if there's something wrong with me? What if my mother was right and I'm too old and I waited too long? What if I can't get pregnant?"

"First of all, you are not old," Tim stated. "And there is nothing wrong with you."

"You can't say that for sure."

"You're right. I'm not a doctor. But I think in this case we just have to be patient. It'll happen when it's meant to happen."

"You don't believe in things like that," Lucy pointed out.

"You're rubbing off on me," Tim said, taking Lucy's hands.

"But what if there is something medically wrong with me?"

"Then we will cross that bridge if we get to it together. Let's…give it a few more months. If we're still not pregnant by the end of November, we'll both go see a doctor. Remember, it takes two to make a baby. After all, it could be me causing the problem."

Lucy squeezed his hand. "Thank you for saying that. Not every guy would admit that."

"I hope you know by now that I'm not just every guy."

Lucy smiled. "I do know that."

"And hey, look at the bright side, this just means we get to keep trying."

"I suppose that is the silver lining," Lucy admitted.

"Now come on, let's go out."

"I thought we had agreed to do chores around the house today," Lucy reminded him. "I can't remember the last time the whole house got vacuumed or dusted or…"

"It's a beautiful day outside and…"

"It's LA. It's always beautiful," Lucy interrupted.

"True, but we both have the day off. Forget housework. Let's go out and do something together. Get in a better headspace."

"A better headspace? Have you been reading the books in my meditation room?"

"I told you you're rubbing off on me. Besides, I have an idea of somewhere we can go."

"It's not a baseball game, is it?"

"No. You're going to like it. Trust me."

Lucy sighed. "Ok. But at some point we do need to vacuum."

Tim got up off the floor. He gave Lucy his hand and helped her up.

"Maybe we should stop by the store and buy one of those robot vacuums on the way home," Tim suggested. Lucy rolled her eyes as she put the vacuum back in the hall closet.

A few hours later, Tim and Lucy were walking hand in hand through an outdoor sculpture garden. As Tim had stated, the weather was perfect for being outside. Since it wasn't a weekend, the grounds of the art museum weren't overly crowded. The grass was lush and the trees, plants, and flowers around them were blooming beautifully. Tim and Lucy stopped in front of one of the art installations. It was made of different colored metals welded together. The metal stuck out every which way, giving the piece no real shape. They both stared at it, trying to make sense of it.

"Ok, I know I don't really do art," Tim said. "But this I really don't get."

"Neither do I," Lucy agreed.

Tim pulled the small map they had been given out of his pocket and found the art piece listed on the map.

"The piece is called Power," Tim read. "I still don't get it."

"I guess the metal is powerful?" Lucy suggested.

"You guess? You're the one who is supposed to be good at understanding art."

"Well, art is subjective," Lucy explained. "You don't have to like or understand all of it."

"Well, I definitely don't understand this," Tim replied.

"I sort of like it."

"You do?"

"It's…chaotic and different. It certainly makes you stop and think."

"Yeah, stop and think what the hell is that monstrosity?" Tim joked.

Lucy laughed. "Ok, you're right. It's a strange art piece." She turned to look at Tim. "Thank you for taking me here today. How did you even know about this place?"

"I saw an ad for it on the side of a bus. You know that heart sculpture we walked by earlier?"

Lucy nodded. "Yeah. That one was really nice. The heart was made up of all of the things that the artist loves."

"Well, a picture of that heart was on the advertisement. Something about it reminded me of you. And I knew you would love this place. And I did promise in my wedding vows to go to art museums with you. Today seemed like the perfect reason for a visit."

"Well, thank you," Lucy said, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him. She pressed her cheek against his chest. "I needed this. I needed to get out of my head about the pregnancy thing."

"I know."

"You know me really well."

"I do."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed in me," Lucy admitted, lifting her head so she could look at him. "I keep picturing the face you used to make when I was your rookie and I did something you didn't approve of and…"

"First of all, we are so far from those days when you were my rookie that I don't even know if I could make that face anymore. And Lucy I am not disappointed in you because you're not pregnant. I told you, we are going to figure this out. It's going to work out. And there's going to be some day in the near future when we look back on this conversation and wonder why we were so worried."

"You always know the right thing to say to me," Lucy said. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He leaned down and kissed her gently. "Now, come on, I'm hungry and there's a great Korean restaurant a few blocks away."

"Is that really why we came here? For the Korean food nearby?"

"I plead the fifth."

Lucy laughed as she took his hand.