A/N: So here's part three. There's going to have to be at least one more part though, probably two, since the story isn't done yet.
Not long after that day, I'm dusting shelves when I catch a glimpse of motion in the corner of my eye. I turn my head and am surprised to see Natalya standing in the doorway. She is staring at me with the same unreadable slight frown she always wears. I smile at her and continue dusting.
"Toris." I'm startled; she's never called me by name before.
"Can I help you?" I answer. Natalya doesn't reply for a minute, only continues to stare as though she were trying to pierce a hole in me with her eyes. Then she says abruptly, "How is your back?"
I blink at her in confusion. "It's getting better," I say, hearing the uncertainty in my own voice. "I mean, it's healing…" I trail off as she comes towards me. Her face hasn't changed, but her eyes are beginning to look a little strange. I feel a sudden twinge of apprehension as she veers around and behind me, and then an agonizing pain as she smacks me on the back. Tears spring involuntarily to my eyes; I can't restrain a gasp, and I have to steady myself against the wall so my knees don't give way. Even with all the violence Natalya's shown me in the past, I've never known her do something so calculatedly vicious before.
Natalya walks the rest of the way around me to stand in front of me, studying my face again. Generally after doing something to me she just goes away; she doesn't usually express interest in the results. Another anomaly in her behavior today.
"Why did you do that?" I ask, and I'm not sure if I mean her hitting me or just everything lately. Again, she stares silently for a second, then says, "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?" All I did was stand there. She started everything, for some reason I can't fathom.
"Why do you just submit to whatever anyone does to you without trying to defend yourself?" The strange look in her eyes is back, and I recognize it now as anger, the same anger I can also now hear in her voice, which has only ever sounded contemptuous in addressing me before.
"I…" I'm out of my depth in this conversation and floundering. "I don't…I don't know, I mean, well…" I step backwards as Natalya takes a step towards me. "Listen."
She stops, stands still. I bite my lip, trying to gather my words, hyperaware that she is standing much closer than usual. "It's like this." I find that I am twisting and untwisting my fingers together, so I clasp my hands behind my back. "With Iv…your brother. Do you think I'm here because I chose to be? He brought me here and keeps me here. He can do that. He's much, much stronger than I am. I can't do anything to defend myself against him. I've tried-don't you know that? I've tried!" My voice is shaking. I didn't intend to get so emotional, but she can't know that this is an issue I've stabbed myself with over and over, my own helplessness and enforced passivity. I suck in a quick breath, let it out just as quickly. "I have to let him do what he wants." My voice is steadier, but there's a defeated tone in it that makes me flinch, hearing it. Maybe this is part of why she hates me, my weakness. It's not a pretty thing.
"And you." I'm clutching my fingers together behind my back, so hard they hurt. "I don't…have a good answer for it. Not really. Just that…it's you." I'm aware that I sound like a fool. I don't know what else to say.
Natalya cocks her head at a very slight angle, as though she were studying me. I look away for a second, then back. There's yet another unfamiliar expression in her eyes, one which makes me a little uneasy. Abruptly she moves towards me; instinctively I jerk backwards, and fetch up hard against the wall, realizing that my hands are still behind me as she stops barely short of physical contact. I can't move unless she steps back, so my hands are stuck. Ordinarily I would be quite pleased to have her so close, but I'm a little afraid of her just now.
Natalya stares directly into my eyes with that funny look in her own. She seems as though she could keep this up all day, but everything I've just said to her keeps playing itself over in my head and it's bringing up thoughts and memories I don't like, and I can't bear it. I turn my head aside, swallowing hard, feeling my mouth trembling, and I am ashamed that once again she's getting a nice close-up view of the gaping holes in my defenses, and I wish she would stop looking at me, and I shut my eyes against everything.
Unexpectedly, I feel a hand on my arm, and my eyes fly open. I look round at Natalya again, as she brings up her other hand and reaches towards me. I flinch a little-can't help myself-and Natalya pauses for a minute, her eyebrows twitching together momentarily. Then she gently lays her hand against the side of my face and keeps it there. I stop breathing.
After a moment, Natalya steps back, and without explaining herself or saying goodbye she spins on her heel and walks rapidly out of the room. My legs suddenly give way, and I collapse on the floor, feeling first the pain in my back, from my arms having been pressed against it, and then dizziness in my head. I have no idea what just happened, but putting it all together I feel as though I've been standing in what I thought was a stationary place with clearly defined boundaries, but the ground has suddenly begun to slide, and when I reach out for the walls I thought were there I encounter only empty space with nothing to brace myself against, and I don't know what to do with all the strangeness. Intellectually I suppose I should be pleased that Natalya seems less hostile, but everything that's happened this past few days seems to be suddenly crashing down on me at once and I can't seem to muster up any happiness, only a sick feeling of uncertainty, and I draw my knees up to my chest and bury my face in them so the world will go away.