Disclaimer: I borrowed most of the characters in Gakuen Alice which owned by Higuchi-sama. The song isn't mine either.

Writer's Note: Okay, It'll probably take time before I update this story after this. June 1st is the start of my class as a college freshman. So I'll make this story as nice as it can be. I hope everyone will enjoy! I'm sorry for the grammar error and this was slightly rushed. By the way, if you got the right guess, I dedicate this chapter to you!

Think About Love.

It this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
It this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love

L-O-V-E, what is in me
L-O-V-E, oh if this isn't love
L-O-V-E, what is in me
L-O-V-E, oh if this isn't love

Jennifer Hudson's If This Isn't Love

Fifth Chapter: Feelings.

Unfading Beauty.

҉-҉

The birds swooped low. They seemed so peaceful but for me, they were selfish. With my chin on my palm, they only let me watched yet they never let me join. Maybe you were already saying in your thoughts about how crazy I am.

When I was young, I always told my father that I am a bird. I can fly like them. But as I grew up, I found out that those were just my dreams. I always dreamt that I'm a bird and I flew from place to place. It hurts when I found out that I am a human and I can never be a bird. I can never fly and worst was I can never be free like them.

"So she's Luna Koizumi." I took a side-glance in front. It was Anna who whispered at Nonoko.

"Do you think she'll be a great friend?" Nonoko asked but Anna shrugged and the conversation ended.

Luna was the girl we met yesterday at the backyards. Damn and she was the one who dragged Natsume, letting him escape from his work. It was his freaking detention…with me.

Yes people, I ended cleaning the whole mess. I didn't tell Jin-jin about it. I'm such a good person, right? Praise me! But I actually planned something evil for him. Hohoho.

Oh and I found out that Luna's hair was fake. How did I found out? Talk about the gossips. Though I never participated in those, the girls screeching voice made my ears listened to it. Everyone said she was trying to imitate Nobara Ibaragi. You know the famous teenage model? Yeah, that one. And she did it pretty well! A perfect replication!

But you know what irked me about this bi—Luna?

"How come you haven't called me?"

"Ehh? Natsume would be the first one I'll call! But I don't have his number…"

It was Yuuto who had been flirting with her. I can't tell her to go and shag herself and stop flirting with my fiancé because, well, no one really knew that I'm engaged with Yuuto. Then I also remembered Yuuto mentioned about the girl that he loves. The actual reason why he was angry with me was because—according to him, I snatched Luna's position. And the reason why I'm mad at him was because he loves another girl.

Do I love him?

No, definitely not. That was what I've been telling to myself because I don't know what love means. But I always felt jealousy and anger whenever he ignored me. According to Wikipedia, that meant love. Whatever I felt, it was love. Though, I continued to convince myself that it was not.

For a reason of I don't want to know that I felt love. I don't want to know that this is love. And I don't want to fall in love.

"The Yuuto that I'm seeing disgusts me."

I looked in front and saw the pouting Koko.

I scoffed. "Then you'll be disgusted everyday from now on."

"Why is he flirting with her? Doesn't he love you?"

Koko and the others didn't know that we were angry with each other. They didn't know that we didn't like each other. That was why I can't understand why Koko confessed to me even if what he knew was I like Yuuto. They knew that I didn't know what love means though. But they said I probably know what like meant and that was why they came to conclude that I like Yuuto yet I didn't love him. Very much confusing but that was it.

"He likes me. I think he was trying to make me jealous." I replied with a wag of hand.

"Then aren't you?" He raised his brow to me.

That caught me off guard but then I smiled at him. "I trust him."

"How lucky that brat." Koko sighed.

Ѿ—Ѿ

How ironic. I didn't even notice it, the class ended already. I was walking in the hallway towards my favorite place. Yes, it is the usual Library. As I passed by, I heard familiar voices talking about something. At first I ignored it but then I heard my name.

"Let me ask you, how did you fell in love with Mikan?"

I stopped and poked my head. So a male's bathroom was their meeting place? And what kind of question was that, Mochu.

"She comforted me when my mother died." Koko muttered. I gasped. I was trying to act friendly not flirting! He…he fell for me just because of that? "Her smile is a thing that I can't afford to loose anymore."

"Me, I love her because she's kind and a beauty. Not to mention, strong." Kitsuneme chirped as I got choked by my saliva. H-he also loved me? What was with these guys?

"She's the only girl in the dorm. I can't help but to look only at her." Mochu said with his head down. They all sighed while I turned my heels and started walking away.

I placed my hand on my chest then heaved a sigh. Was this a punishment because I can't accept that I'm in love? Many people had come to love me, was that a punishment? So that was why they were acting weird yesterday in the class…

Ѿ—Ѿ

I opened the door of the Library. I felt great since there were few students in my favorite place. After I logged in the counter, I scanned the place and looked for a table to stay. My eyes widened as I saw Ruka seating at the near end of the table. I walked over to him.

"Can I join you? Ruka-sama?" I smiled.

He looked up to me and nodded. "Why not?"

"Thank you." I pulled the chair and sit on it as I grabbed out my bag and pulled my notebook.

"Mikan," He called and I looked to him. "Can I call you that?"

"Uhuh." I flipped my notebook and started answering the homework given by Jin-jin.

We both stayed quite after that. I finished my homework after fifteen minutes and stood up to look for a book to read. Ruka did the same. I was browsing the History category and of course, a dictionary. I saw Ruka picked the Biology book and we both walked back to our chairs.

"You love history?" He asked. I nodded in reply.

"And you love biology."

"Yup," He beamed. "By the way, what happened to the guys yesterday? Were they fighting over you?"

I coughed. "H-how—"

"Aha! So they're in love with you!"

"Oh gosh, how come you know?"

He giggled and shrugged his shoulders. He placed his chin on his hands and stuck his tongue out. "Secret,"

"No fair! You know about that!" I pouted.

"They will be punished right? It's one of the rules of your mother. And besides, Yuuto might get mad." Ruka stated. He pushed his book away and smiled at me.

I stared at his ocean-like eyes. Will it be alright if I'll open up to him? "Ne Ruka, can I trust you?" Because right now, he is the only one I can tell this to. Natsume will just laugh about this and tell me I'm stupid.

"Hm, depends upon you. If you feel like I can't be trusted then follow what your vibes tell you." He shrugged. He got a point there but I don't know if I had vibes.

I sweat dropped. "Okay. I trust you so please don't tell this to anyone—especially Natsume—and hear my rants. For now, you are the only person I can talk about this to. Hotaru is not really interested about my problems and my other friends might tell silly things. They have a weird opinion."

Ruka just blinked his eyes on me as he sweat dropped.

Ѿ—Ѿ

"I don't understand! I'm just being me, Ruka. I don't intend them to fall for me and I never want them to! Why are they making my life so difficult than already it is?" I banged my fist to the table. Ruka just stared at his coffee while I glared somewhere.

We went out of the library and decided to stay in a coffee shop near our dorm. That was obvious since you really can't make some noise in a Library, right?

"That's the point Mikan. Because you are being you, they fall for you. I mean, in school you are like the greatest student and in the dorm you are the very stupid girl, annoying, terrible cook. In short in school you are perfect while in dorm you are imperfect. And your personality in dorm is who you really are." Ruka stated. His voice sounded like it was just as simple as that.

"Ruka, you don't—"

He looked at me and cut my words. "Trust me Mikan, I understand you."

I sighed. "So you mean they love my imperfect side?"

He nodded. "They like the exact you. That's because they can get near you. If you are perfect they feel so intimidated and it's not like it is you."

"How come you know that?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Maybe because I feel the same way with them? I love you too."

"Ruka," I narrowed my eyes and threatened him.

He guffawed and winked. "I kid."

"Knew that," I rolled my eyes as he continued his enjoyment.

"Natsume was pestering you to become his girlfriend, right?" Ruka asked, suddenly changing the topic to the most dreadful subject.

I gritted my teeth as I closed my fist. "And what about that jerk?"

"Did you know why?" He took a sip at his coffee but his eyes were fixed on mine.

"He said it was to make the gaga girls jerk off his life." I mocked then Ruka grinned.

"Such a bad-ass liar yet you didn't notice." He stated while I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What do you mean?"

"Actually,"

And that totally made me speechless.

Ѿ—Ѿ

"We're home!" I shouted and inspected the house. The lights were off in the kitchen and no one was in living room. Ruka who was behind me, went in and looked around the place.

"They're not yet here." He muttered.

"Why? It's already six pm." I furrowed my brows then took a seat on sofa.

"I'll call Natsume." Ruka grabbed the telephone and punched some numbers. I watched him. "Natsume, it's me."

I reached for the remote control of the television and turned it on with a low volume. Ruka continued, "Where are you?" I stood up and walked in the kitchen, switched the light on, and picked up a banana. I laid my back on the wall while I munched the fruit. "N-Nagoya?"

We both widened our eyes. Ruka turned to me and tilted his head. I ran to him and snatched the phone. "N-NATSUME! What do you mean Nagoya? Is mom with you?"

"Yeah, she's with us. Everyone is here." His doll voice replied.

"Why?" I cried. I'll kill you mom, I will do that!

"Luna invited us."

"Huh? What for? And why did you left us alone?" I angrily asked as my grip on the phone tightened.

"It was for Luna's welcome party," He groaned. "And what do you think is the reason why you were left behind with Ruka?"

"Yuuto—"

"He is with us, of course." I stayed quiet and it was only our breaths that can be heard by now. "Jealous?"

"Obviou—! Ah." My hand automatically touched my lips as I heard Natsume scoffed. I am sure he was smirking now. How frustrating! Why am I acting weird?

"Come here."

"What?" I looked at Ruka who was listening to my answers with Natsume.

"I'm lonely, come here."

"Natsume…" I smiled a bit while Ruka stared at me and looked puzzled. This might be the first time he saw me with a tender expression.

"I'm lonely, come here, I need Ruka. And not you."

"W-what? I-I know!"

"Tch, I bet you thought it was you that I wanted to come. I know that Ruka won't leave you so you will be the one to bring him here." I can see that he stuck that annoying tongue of him out. "Stuuppiid."

"Argh! I hate you!"

"Yeah right, whatev—Yuuto, how many times should I tell you that I don't like you?"

I flinched. Was that Luna's voice? Then before I could ask Natsume, he dropped the call. It was as if the time stopped even my breath. The noise around me disappeared and the beat of my heart was the only thing I can hear. I saw Ruka opened his mouth but I can't hear what he was saying. My grip loosened and the phone fell on the floor as Ruka held my shoulders and shook me.

I am the bird that got caught by a person. That person became my owner and took my freedom away by locking me in birdcage. He never cared about how I felt when he did that. I was angry with him because of that. But because he gave me food to eat and a birdcage as shelter, my feelings quavered.

T.B.C.