Chapter 4

I turned to face Nate. "I think you should go home, this isn't going to be pretty."

He looked confused. "Why? They're just your brothers and sisters."

"Please Nate, just go. I will see you at school tomorrow." I kissed him on the cheek. He smiled and then left the park to go home.

"Nessie, why didn't you tell us you liked someone?" Rose asked

"Why do you think Rose, she didn't want to get abused by me ha." Emmett said obviously very amused with himself. Rose just hit him and in one swift movement he was on the floor.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want dad to find out." I said simply not even ashamed of my answer.

"You...didn't...want...me to know?" Dad asked seeming a bit confused.

"No dad I didn't. I know how over protective you get and how you overreact. I didn't want you to scare away the only friend I have. And I like him. A lot. Please don't ruin this for me because you don't want to see me grow up or get hurt. If anything happens I will just learn from my mistakes, I guess." I gave him this huge speech hoping to just get him to agree to it and keep out of my business. But it's hard to keep things from a mind reader. I noticed that the whole time all this was going on Jasper just stood there silently. Probably just taking in everyone's emotions. I wonder how that affects him.

"Okay Ness, I will trust you on this. Just remember that if anything does happen. I am here and I will protect you." Thanks dad I thought. I couldn't be bothered to speak at that moment I just wanted to go home. I was so tired. My eyes started to droop and the last thing I felt was the cold, hard arms of a vampire lift me up and carry me in their arms home.

That night I dreamt about Jacob.

"Nessie I'm leaving now and I'm not coming back." Jake said to me with no emotion in his eyes whatsoever.

"What, why?" I started to reach out towards him but he just cringed away from my touch as if I was the most disgusting thing he had ever come across.

"I can't take this, I have to leave. I don't ever want to see you again Renesmee Cullen."
"Jake please don't do this." I was on the floor crying now. He just looked down at me. Why was he doing this to me? What had I done to him to deserve this? He spat at me and then ran away from me.

"Jake NO! COME BACK!" I was really crying now "Please…don't leave me…I need you" then everything blacked out.

I woke up sweating so much. I looked out my bedroom window. It was only about 3am.

It wasn't exactly a nightmare. Well it was to me. It was probably one of the worst things that could happen to me if my Jacob left. I wouldn't be able to live without him. He was a part of me. I had dreamt worse. But none of them had the effect on me that this one had. I got out of my bed as quietly as I could, walked out of my room, down the hall until I was outside Jake's room. I silently opened his door and went and lay down next to him. I guess I just needed it to sink in that he hadn't left me. I don't know what I would do if he did.

Jake stirred in his sleep. I stroked his face to calm him but it obviously didn't work. He grabbed my hand and took it in his own. He sat up and I sat up too. There was a look of determination in his eyes. But determined to do what. I soon realised as he leaned in towards me. What? Jake was going to kiss me. I didn't want him to do that? Did I? All of a sudden I wasn't so sure. I always thought it would be a bit messed up if I started liking Jake I mean, he was my best friend. Jake was just inches away from me now but I had control on myself. I couldn't let myself think I wanted him to kiss me. So when our lips were just about to touch I sprinted out of his room so fast that he only had time to blink until he realised I was gone.

I ran straight downstairs to Bella. "Mom, I need to talk to you. Now. Alone. Please." She nodded and followed me into the forest. I didn't stop running until I knew we were a fair distance away from the house where no one would be able to hear us. Then, I broke down and cried. Mom came rushing over to me and held me in her arms and hushed me and tried to calm me but it didn't work.

"Why is he doing this to me? I don't love him back mom, what do I do? I can't keep hurting him like this it's not fair. But its not just hurting him, it's hurting me too. It hurts me to cause him pain like this. To reject him so easily, but I can't return his feelings. I just don't feel the same way. What do I do?" I babbled between my sobs.

"Nessie darling, sometimes the right thing to do isn't always obvious. But you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. Just like when I had to choose between being with Jake or being with your father. When I told Jake I hadn't chose him I cried for the rest of that night and felt like crap in the morning. But I knew in the long run I wouldn't regret it. And I don't." She explained this to me. But she obviously didn't realise no one had ever told me she had had to chose between Jake and dad.

"Wh-what? You had to chose between Jake and dad. What? Was you and Jake in love. I can't believe this. So what he decides that since he can't get you he would go after your daughter. Well that's just great, I feel so special now." I started crying again. Why was he torturing me like this? Did he enjoy seeing me in pain.

"No Nessie, it wasn't like that. I can't tell you myself I'm sorry, it's up to him to explain. But if he doesn't want to that's his choice. Please just trust me when I say that he has a good reason for him not explaining everything that is going on right now."

"I doubt it. Look mom im going for a walk. I will be back in an hour. Tell Jake that I want him to leave. To pack his bags and go home to La Push. If you don't want to do it, fine. Ask Rosalie to do it, I'm sure she would be fine with it. And if he asks why, just tell him that I can't bear to see him anymore. That the sight of him repulses me and I'm not sure if I ever want to see him again." I was lying, obviously the sight of him doesn't repulse me. I just didn't want to see him. I couldn't believe that he was doing this to me and I wasn't sure what I would do to him if I saw him again. I could hurt him because of the pain he is causing me.

"Ness, are you sure you want me to do that? You're not thinking straight. You could regret this in the morning, please just thin-"

"Mom, I'm sure. Please, just do it." She nodded, got up and then ran home. I wasn't sure what I was going to do in the next hour but I had a vague idea of who I wanted to see. I just wasn't sure how to find them.

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