A/n: Sorry about the lack of update guys but I had major writers block for this but now I've cracked it! I'm not sure how you'll feel about this chapter its very angsty but I wouldn't feel totally disheartened either...something might be coming real soon. I'd like to thank Charlotte for helping me crack the writers block! So with all that said and done, I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as possible.
Emma had tried to go back to visit him, thinking that he just needed time to get over the shock of everything and then they'd be able to talk.
She was wrong.
The nurses at the front desk let her in but as she approached Will's room, one of the nurses exiting his room asked her her name and upon telling her the nurse replied that she couldn't let her in.
Emma squeaked out a "why not?" and the nurse apologized saying they had explicit instructions from the patient himself not to let her in.
Will didn't want to see her.
Once again, it wasn't like she blamed him but it didn't stop the hurt that flooded her.
What had she done to that poor man?
She always knew Will to be the compassionate type, he was easily forgiving and couldn't stay mad at someone for too long because that's just how his heart was. The only person she had ever known Will to stay mad at, to not forgive was Terri after she had broken his heart.
And now to learn that she was at the same level as Terri, that he couldn't bare to look at her, that he coldly turned his back on her when she tried to reach out to him...it was more painful that she could have imagined.
So Emma had driven home, fighting back tears the whole way and then collapsed onto the couch in a fit of uncontrollable tears.
She thankful to be alone, she hadn't heard from Carl since their fight the other day and she hoped it stayed that way for a while. She didn't want him, or anybody else for that matter to see her in her state of self loathing.
She hated herself, she truly did. She had brutally hurt and broken a sweet, innocent man who didn't deserve it.
She married a man she wasn't sure she truly loved.
She put a man who she wasn't sure she was really over in the hospital.
She received disappointed glares from her coworkers and students.
She hadn't meant for any of this to happen. She just wanted to be happy. She just wanted to forget that she had ever been hurt.
She pushed Will out of her life but she had pushed a little too far and now he was sick and wanted nothing to do with her.
She longed to see him, to make sure he was okay, to mend his broken heart. She wanted to see his smile, to hear his laugh, to see his eyes light up whenever she walked into the room.
She hadn't seen them since his ridiculous attempts to win her back which she couldn't admit at the time but now that she could dwell on the past were actually flattering.
She wished she hadn't blown him off so easily with just a roll of her eyes, she wished she could have let herself indulge in his over zealous tries for her affection and let herself see that he was in fact doing them because he couldn't let her go. It wasn't just because he saw her as a prize to be won, a little trophy he had let slip through his fingers and now felt he needed to win back. No. It was deeper than that.
It physically hurt him so much that he changed who he was to win her back and when that didn't work he fell into a depression until it nearly killed him. That was not something a man just in competition would go through just to win his prize. It was a man in love with a broken heart who realized his prior mistakes and deeply regretted them.
She glared down angrily at the diamond on her left ring finger. That little rock had done so much damage, broken a man so bad he nearly killed himself, put the final nail in the coffin of a relationship Emma had been slowly killing since she agreed to go on a date with her dentist, and caused her to hate herself and the marriage she was supposed to be happy in.
Biting down hard on her lip to the point where it nearly bled, she practically ripped the ring off of her finger and with a cry of pain, loathing and anger chucked it across the room. It hit the wall, chipping the paint slightly and then bounced onto the carpet, where the light streaming in through the window bounced off the sparkling diamond, mocking her misery.
She narrowed her eyes at the ring and mentally cursed the second part of her now hyphenated last name. She wished she could erase that six letter word permanently so she could just be Miss Emma Pillsbury.
Then she burst into another round of tears, burying her face into a pillow as she realized she was getting angry at Carl. She was of course still angry at him for not telling her about Will but agreeing to marry him was not his fault, it was hers. She could have said no. She should have said no.
She could have been there at Sectionals with Will, listening to the kids perform, cheering them on and rejoicing happily when they won. She could have been singing along with the lot on the bus ride hope as they cheered their victory. She could have been hugging Will as he happily placed the trophy next to the same one from last year in the choir room.
She could've been rebuilding their broken friendship to the point where she realized he was still the man she had fallen in love with.
Instead, she had to look upon his excited his face and tell him she couldn't go to sectionals because she had a fight with Carl, knowing full well where she'd be going once Will got on that bus.
Instead, she had to watch his heart shatter as she showed him her wedding ring.
Instead, she almost killed him.
And that thought killed her.
It was over a week later when Emma heard the whispers through the halls that Will was back at work. She'd also heard that he looked terrible, even worse than he had been recently.
She tried to look for him but every time she passed the spanish room his door was closed, every time she passed his office the lights were off and it was barren, every time she heard music drifting out of the choir room the only people inside were the glee kids.
She wondered if the whispers were just talk and rumors, or if people had gone crazy and were seeing a ghost. That thought rattled her to the core and she had to push back the nausea at the thought of Will being dead.
Her fears were calmed when she finally saw him, conversing with Shannon from down the hallway. Though her relief was only short lived because the rumors were true: He looked terrible.
His face had more color to it then what she had seen in the hospital but he still looked dreadfully pale. His normally snug fitting clothing, hugging every one of his taught muscles, fell loosely on his thinner body. His hair was slightly over grown and fell over his forehead and ears in messy curls and she even noticed a bit of dark scruff lining his jawline.
He smiled weakly as Shannon said something to him that had her laughing and she nudged him lightly and Emma's heart sank as she watched him wobble on his feet for a brief second. He nodded along to whatever Shannon was saying and his lips moved as he made some sort of statement to agree with her.
He suddenly paused in the middle of the hallway as his eyes met hers over the crowd of students. Her eyes widened and her lips parted slightly as if she were about to say something even though nothing she would say could be heard from the distance they were at. Pain flickered briefly across his eyes and he turned his head immediately towards Shannon, breaking their eye contact, muttered something to her and then turned in the opposite direction, disappearing around the corner.
Shannon searched the hallway inquisitively until her eyes settled on Emma. The two women stared at each other from across the hallway, hurt scrawled across Emma's face, sympathy and pity scrawled across Shannon's. Swallowing hard, Emma slowly made her way through the crowd to approach the football coach.
She paused in front of her, fiddling with her fingers nervously as she shyly looked the other woman in the eyes. "How is he?" She whispered, knowing full well what a stupid question that was.
"He's-" Shannon's voice was light and hopeful but then she paused and her face fell and she shook her head. "I'm not going to lie to you, Emma. He's in pretty bad shape."
A shuddering breath passed Emma's lips and her eyes screwed shut. Shannon's hand brushed against her quivering arm as a means of comfort.
"I feel like such a terrible person." Emma muttered pathetically.
Shannon sighed. "You're not a -" She shut her mouth as Emma's eyes snapped up to hers. Emma knew there was no use denying it even if her friend was just trying to make her feel better.
Emma shook her head, silently saying that no other words were necessary and then she brushed past Shannon, fighting back tears as she slowly walked down the hallway.
Two weeks passed and the only time Emma had seen Will was the brief glimpses from the opposite ends of the hallway. It happened occasionally where they'd be heading towards each other unknowingly, he'd spot her, stop and turn in the other direction.
It hurt more and more each time it happened but as time drew on she also felt herself growing angry. She knew it was wrong of her to be angry at him for avoiding her, she did the same thing when he broke her heart but she just wanted the chance to talk to him. She wanted the chance to make everything better. She didn't know if she could, if it was possible at all but she wanted to try.
She didn't know Will's schedule that well and so it was hard to try and catch him on his free period. She tried going down to his classroom or office during their lunch break but found both places locked and dark. She soon discovered that Will always left school grounds for lunch every day and when she tried to catch him at the door she somehow always managed to just miss him and could only watch helplessly as his old blue car pulled out of the parking lot.
She tried to canoodle herself into staying after at a glee rehearsal by talking to some of the glee kids but they explained that Will hadn't shown up at a rehearsal since he got out of the hospital.
That stung Emma most of all. She knew how much Will loved the glee club and it was the only thing that brought him happiness over the last few months but now he couldn't even bring himself to attend glee rehearsals.
She was now more determined than ever to fix things between them. She tried planning times where she'd bump into him in the hallways once she finally learned his schedule but he was always one step ahead of her. He would always be talking to somebody in the hallways at all time, making sure to be deep in conversation so she couldn't interrupt him and then ignored her completely when they would actually pass each other.
More than a few times she felt like running after him and forcing him to talk to her but she didn't want to make people think any less of her. She needed to catch him alone.
She laid off for a couple of days just trying to observe him quietly and then finally she found her opportunity. She overheard him setting up a private one on one tutoring session with one of his students after school. She knew he'd like to clean up after the student left and that would give her the perfect opportunity to talk to him alone.
Once school ended that day she hung around in her office, trying to concentrate on paperwork for a little while before she headed over to Will's spanish room. She paced around the adjacent hallway until she saw the student pass her on his way out.
Her heart leapt in her throat as she looked in the direction of Will's spanish room. She sucked in a breath, anxious thoughts swirling her mind about talking to Will for the first time in a while.
She paused in front of his closed doorway, bit down on her lip softly and then knocked quietly. She held her breath as she waited for his response and then let it out slowly when his voiced called out, "Come in!"
She slowly turned the door knob and as she entered quietly, Will spoke again, "Did you forget some..." He trailed off as he looked up from his desk to see her standing in the doorway. She smiled shyly and lifted her hand in a small wave.
His face remained stony and emotionless as he stared at her, blinking quietly. She swallowed over the sudden lump in her throat and then cleared her throat as she closed the door behind her.
Will's eyes twitched at the action and his brow furrowed in slight puzzlement but he still remained still and silent.
"Will," She began and she hated how foreign his name sounded passing her lips, "We need to talk."
His eyes narrowed slightly as he continued to stare at her quietly, making her shift uncomfortably where she stood but she managed to keep a serious expression her face.
Will licked his lips, shrugged and dropped his gaze to desk, returning back to whatever paper he was grading. "There's nothing to talk about."
Her brow furrowed and she took a few quick steps towards him. "There's plenty to talk about!"
Will's shoulders visibly tensed and his hand froze above his paper. Emma stared at him sternly, her hands beginning to clench into fists at her sides, her breathing deep and even.
"Alright." Suddenly he dropped his pen onto his desk and fell back against the back of the chair, turning his slightly cold gaze to her. "Fine," He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows at her, "Let's talk."
Emma was a little taken a back that he gave in so easily so she remained speechless for a good moment or two. Then when she finally found the words to speak with, her hands unclenched and relaxed at her sides and she took a few more steps towards him, her face softening. Will eyed her warily, his eyes narrowed in suspicion but he made no move to stop her or back away.
"First of all," She began in a gentle, caring tone, "How are you?"
Will's brow furrowed considerably, confusion and skepticism washing over his face. A sardonic smile then began to tug on his lips and his eyes clouded over with a dark humor, obviously trying to hide the real pain he was feeling.
"I'm just great, Emma. Thanks so much for your concern." His tone had a little bite to it and she winced, her breath catching in her throat.
"Will-" She began to protest in a soft whisper.
"Why are you even here, Emma?" She hated the way her name sounded on his lips, like she was some sort of disease he wanted to get rid of. "I'm sure your husband won't like it that you're talking to me." He practically spit out the word as he unfolded his arms and turned back to his desk to avoid her eyes. He picked up his pen and began to dig the red ink into the paper he was grading, mumbling a curse under his breath as the pen suddenly bled leaving a few nice blotches of red ink all over the student's paper. He chucked the bleeding pen into the garbage and it slammed against the metal with a loud bang and he practically ripped his top drawer open, rifling through the materials inside with a vengeance.
Emma watched him silently unsure of what to make of his behavior, she had never really seen Will angry before. She had heard a few times how he had snapped at the glee kids about their behavior and at Sue for hers but she had never witnessed it first hand, especially because of her.
His words cut like a knife through her heart and her hands began to ball into fists again. She took a few deep breaths and then spoke evenly, "I'm not married anymore, Will."
Will froze in his search for a pen. He stared in silence at the drawer for a good long moment and then slowly lifted his head to meet her eyes, his own narrowed in confusion. "What?"
"I said, I'm not married anymore." Emma repeated and held up her left hand for proof. She hadn't worn the ring since she threw it at the wall that day nearly a month ago but she was telling Will the truth.
Carl came back a few days after that, begging for her forgiveness and trying to sweet talk her. However, Emma would have none of it and it ended up in another huge fight that ended in Emma demanding an end to their "mistake of a marriage." Carl complied easily and an annulment was processed and done within a week.
Will's eyes searched her frustrated ones as she continued to hold up her bare hand, her face frozen in a frown.
Then suddenly to her complete surprise, all of the anger and coldness washed away from Will's face was was replaced by a familiar sadness. She lowered her hand, her brow furrowing at his odd reaction and he bowed his head, slowly closing the drawer, forgetting all about the red pen.
He placed both hands on the desk as he stared blankly at the sheets of paper. "I'm sorry Emma."
Emma's eyes widened and she blinked at him, staring at him in utter shock and confusion. "W-what?"
"I'm sorry." He whispered again, this time in a more pathetic, tearful tone.
Out of all the things he could have said, of all the things she was expecting him to say that was the last thing she ever expected to hear.
"Sorry for what?" She questioned quietly.
Will closed his eyes tightly, his hands falling onto his lap as he took a few deep breaths. Still refusing to look her in the eyes he finally said, "I'm sorry for ruining your life."
Emma's jaw dropped so quickly it was almost painful. Her face screwed up in complete bewilderment and though she desperately tried to correct him words failed her.
"I led you on, broke your heart, chased after you when you clearly didn't want it and ruined your marriage all because I can't handle the pain of heart break." He muttered brokenly and ran a hand over his face.
Emma continued to blink at him in shock, air filling her lungs as her mind screamed at her to say something but the only sound that would escape her was a small squeak from the back of her throat.
"So..." He cleared his throat as he slowly stood up, pushing his papers off to the side of the desk. "I'm done."
"Done with what?" She squeaked, almost too afraid to ask and find the answer.
His arms flattened tightly against his sides as he stared at the ground silently for what seemed like ever. He slowly lifted his head to bravely meet her eyes and swallowed as he responded quietly, "This. Us."
A small gasp passed her lips and her eyes widened as she shook her head, horrified. "W-Will..." She whispered.
He turned his head away, his eyes closing as his face contorted in pain. "I keep hurting you, Emma. It's too painful for you and its too painful for me. We're...we don't belong in each others lives."
"N-no." She squeaked in protest, wanting to scream it at him instead but her whole body seemed frozen and numb.
"I think its best that we don't see each other anymore." He concluded in a whisper.
Emma could feel her heart pounding away in her chest, her lung felt like they were struggling for her air and tears pricked at her eyes but all she could do was stare helplessly at him.
He grabbed his jacket and satchel off the back of his chair, put on the jacket, swung the satchel around his shoulder and wordlessly walked towards the door, passing her without a single glance.
"Will!" She cried, turning around wildly, her wide and frantic eyes settling on his tense back. He paused momentarily at the doorway, his hand holding onto the doorknob, the only sound filling the room being Emma's quick, shuddering breaths.
Will then pulled the door open slowly, whispering, "Goodbye Emma" and left her to her tears.