Iruka guessed this is what he got for forbidding Kakashi - still buzzed from the jounin Christmas party and a little bit sore with him for throwing him from bed the night before - from burying his face in pornography as they did their holiday food shopping. The man was a silly drunk. He stood in the fish market stall next to Iruka displaying one of his many talents - ventriloquism. He held a sardine near to the school teacher's ear squeezed the sides of it's face to make it's mouth move. His singing pitch was off.
"Silent night, holy night."
"I'm sorry," Iruka mouthed to the fishmonger, who simply stared at Kakashi with mounting bemusement. If nobody were around to watch he would have picked up a fish of his own and made a little choir. But, he had appearances to keep up. He had to at least pretend to be the adult in this situation. Iruka turned and snapped. "What is the matter with you? Didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with dead animals?"
"All is calm," the fish inched closer, "all is bright."
"Stop that."
"Stop what? I can't help it that I had the good fortune to pick out a singing fish." Kakashi responded flatly. He squeezed the fish extra hard when he sang the line, "Holy Infant, so tender and mild." The fish's eye oozed out of the socket onto the floor. Kakashi spoke for the fish, "Oh, no! Iruka-sensei, my eye! Kiss it better."
He pressed the fish to Iruka's cheek. It was slimy and cold. Iruka made a show of taking a deep, calming breath and reached for his wallet, "How much for the fish?"
"Have it, just... get out. You're scaring away my customers."
Kakashi turned and walked from the store without having to be asked twice. Iruka jogged the few steps to catch up.
"Must I amuse you every second of every day?"
"Yes, sugar," the fish answered.
"Don't touch me." Iruka growled. "Don't call me that in public."
"I love you," the fish sounded hurt but, Kakashi was smiling.
Iruka wasn't sure if he wanted to murder him or kiss him. He could have done without the fish being thrust against his cheek. But, the rest of it was pretty funny.
"I love you too, you annoying son of a bitch."