Iruka worked in the missions office on Chirstmas morning. Kakashi brought him coffee and sat with him behind the desk to keep him company. Neither of them were particularly happy about it. But, it was what it was. What was worse were the nin trickling in from missions that had run late or gone wrong. They were hell to deal with and Kakashi wasn't helping. When he wasn't expounding on the fact that the only thing he envied in Iruka's work were the wheelie chairs, he was sprawled in one with his feet on the table making a mess cutting out paper-chains.
"Sir." The man appeared distracted. Iruka was as polite as possible. "You need to fill out section 3A properly."
He frowned down at his work. "I want to get home to my kids."
Iruka sympathized, "I would like to go home too. But, I can't do that until this paperwork is completed."
"How can you say that when you're sitting here, dicking around with Kakashi?"
Iruka was a bit taken aback. Kakashi was unfazed. He pulled open his newest paper chain. It appeared to be a dog with antlers. He looked extremely pleased with his own cleverness. Iruka wanted to smack him.
He smiled. "I apologize. But, there's no accounting for Kakashi. I'm not his keeper." Even though he badly needs one Iruka added mentally.
"What do either of you have to go home to anyway?"
"Excuse me?" Iruka's mouth fell open.
"I'm going to have you fired." he concluded suddenly.
Iruka's empathy abandoned him. Kakashi reached for the scissors again. Iruka had no doubt he was going to say something in their defense. He was, unsurprisingly, skilled with smiling as he delivered vague and chillingly disturbing threats. But, they'd had the I can stand up for myself talk one too many times that year so, before he could say anything, Iruka cut in:
"Is that so? Well, I'm going to have you killed."
Kakashi did a poor job of stifling an utterly unmanly giggle with a cough. They both gave him a dirty look. He hummed and poked the scissors so they lined up with the edge of the desk like that would make their workspace look more neat. It didn't. Iruka rummaged in the bottom drawer for the Missing Nin Assassination Order-form Version 5B and began filling it out.
The man's eyes widened in shock. "You can't do that!"
"I believe I already am." He wrote the man's ninja identification number at the top of the page. "Kakashi, didn't you just hear him plotting to overthrow the government?"
"Why, yes." Kakashi cupped his chin thoughtfully. "Yes, I think I did."
Iruka offered the pen. "Then sign here, please."
"Gladly." Kakashi put his mark on the paper with a flourish. "Tsk, tsk. You should have been more discreet."
"What?" The man growled in consternation. "No!"
Kakashi picked up the scissors and idly twirled them on a finger. "Permission to accept this mission?"
"Yes, dear."
"You wouldn't," the man laughed. There was a twinge of nervousness to it.
Kakashi stood with all the deadly grace of an experienced assassin.
"I suggest you start running," Iruka added helpfully.
"Wait! Wait." He picked up the pen again. "No, I'll fucking fill out the form again, you crazy bastards."
Kakashi waited until the man left the room to say, "Iruka, you are fearless and I love you."