Ahhh! Long time no see everyone! I finally got this chapter done, and I'm really pleased with how it turned out. I think it's my favorite so far. :D Well, enjoy guys!

BPOV

Three things I thought of right when I woke up.

The first: How great I felt. Not only did I just feel refreshed, I felt good. I couldn't remember the last time I felt that good. It was almost an alien feeling in me, feeling so out of place among the other, more prominent feelings.

The second: How amazing the pillow I had felt on my head. It was a little hard, yet not like a brick. And a little soft, but not mushy. It was warm, surprisingly, and it felt so relaxing along with the heartbeat that was coming from…it…

Which brings me to the third: How that pillow wasn't really a pillow. My eyes opened wide and I turned my head ever so slightly to confirm my suspicions. Yes, I was right. The pillow was not a pillow; it was the chest of Edward Cullen. A blush crept it's way up my cheeks and I moved to get up, only to find that I couldn't. His hand was gently wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him.

The events of the previous night popped into my mind and my blush deepened by the second. I couldn't believe how I'd made such a fool of myself in the restaurant in front of Edward, Alice, Jasper, and the whole other crowd of diners there. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I remembered the nightmare I'd had, and the same eerie chills crawled up my spine, making me shiver inwardly. Then, finally, the kiss. I rested my now tomato shaded face onto his chest again, closing my eyes at the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

My eyes trailed their way up his body slowly, shamelessly ogling at him when I knew I wouldn't be caught. His T-Shirt was loose, but tight enough where I could still see his muscles peeking through, trying to stay hidden while at the same time showing their presence. When my eyes got to his face, a small smile grew on my face. He was asleep; his lips puffed out just a little, and copped hair wild and sticking out in every direction. I had the strangest urge to scream out and grin like an idiot. I didn't.

Peeking over at the clock, I saw it was just a little past 6, and decided to go back to sleep. Edward usually slept until at least 9, so I could go back to sleep. I closed my eyes, and as I drifted off, felt him shift slightly, let out a small noise, and tighten his grip on me. My heart squeezed just a little bit tighter.

I wished I could stay in this moment for ever, not just because I was feeling good for a change and Edward was with me, but this was just too damn comfortable. When I woke up a little later, I felt too lazy to even open my eyes.

Though I did, and the knowledge of where I was flooded to me again. Would I ever get used to that? Woah, slow down Bella, you might not even be around long enough… My head berated You're forgetting that it's you. He'll come to his senses soon and realize what a mess you are. Then it's back to cotton pillows. I sighed softly. That was probably true.

I snapped out of my thoughts and tilted my head a little, to get a better look at his face. He was awake, his forest green eyes staring at the ceiling. "Hey," I called softly and retracted my arm from its position across his stomach.

His eyes shot to me, surprised. They were red, strangely enough. Maybe he was rubbing them "You're up," He stated emotionlessly.

"I am," Was my genius reply. Nobel prize winning response there, Bella.

The warmth that was so present in his eyes last night was not there anymore. His eyes were cold and detached. "I'm going to make breakfast." He said and, without hesitation, got up out of bed and left the room. I stared after him, dumbfounded. What had just happened?

I got up a minute after him, and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on hot, feeling the tension in my muscles ease as the scalding water pounded on my back. I was trying not to over think Edward's mood too much, but it was bugging me. Was he regretting kissing me? Of course he was, Bella. Who wouldn't? I closed my eyes, trying to get the negative voice out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, it remained. Just as it always had.

By the time I had washed my hair and gotten out of the shower, I was pretty sure that Edward was completely regretting the kiss. It was a mistake getting closer to him, and I knew it. He just couldn't handle someone as crazy as me. I thought to my current conditions. I had an apartment in Forks, but I'd no doubt been fired from my job after my long, unexplained absence. I'd have to find a job. Then I could go back home and at least try to pay off all my bills. I just knew I couldn't stay here. If things were too awkward for Edward, then I couldn't burden him anymore than I was.

I changed into a long sleeve and skinny jeans (Alice's idea, ugh), ran a brush through my hair and brushed my teeth, going in slow circles to calm myself down. Edward would think I was even crazier if I went to breakfast freaking out.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I realized the house was quiet. Very, very quiet. I walked into the kitchen, and there Edward was, clutching a cup of coffee with a bowl of cereal in front of him. If things weren't so strange, I would've laughed. Or course Edward's version of "making breakfast" was pouring some cereal. He couldn't cook for shit.

We sat there in silence, him sipping his coffee and staring intently at the cup, purposely not me and me staring down at my bowl of Frosted Flakes, stealing occasional glances at him, because they might be some of my last.

I was about to tell him that I would be moving back to my apartment soon, when he abruptly stood. "I'm going to get groceries," He uttered as he walked into his room and shut the door. I jumped at the slam that was made. Wow. He really was mad.

Edward came out a few minutes later. Without another word to me, he grabbed his keys and left his apartment. I stared at the front door, and finally let the tears come. Small sobs came out of me as I marched shamefully into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I sat on the cold, white tile, brought my knees to my chest, and rested my cheek on them, crying. Edward could've been one of the best, if not the best, things that ever happened to me. And it hurt, because he regretted every second of it.

Once I got my sniffles under control, I reached over and opened his cabinets, finding all too familiar his box of razors in the spot I was all too familiar of. I took of the safety cap and rolled up my sleeve, looking at all the other little lines that decorated my arm. With a whimper, I bought the blade to my wrist and sliced quickly. "I am insignificant," I whispered to myself. "I an unloved," I brought the razor down a little and sliced again, this one a little deeper and a little move painful. An involuntary wince came from me, and I watched as a thread of blood found it's way to the surface, "I am…" I poised the blade a little farther down, closer to the crook of my elbow "unimportant…" With that word I sliced the hardest, biting my lip to prevent a moan and throwing my head back to rest on the wall. Letting out a sigh, I stood and washed my arm until the blood stopped, then pulled my sleeve back over the cuts so they were nice and hidden.

I stepped out of the bathroom once all the evidence of my little activity was gone and walked back into the kitchen to clean the dishes and the kitchen. The cleaning kept me busy, and I was relieved to forget about the problems at hand, even if it was just for a little while.

My head snapped up as I heard the rumble of his garage door opening. The butterflies in my stomach returned, and I was nervous all over again. Though, this time, it wasn't for his kiss, it was for his regret and his anger. Edward walked into the kitchen, his expression unreadable, and set once plastic bag on the counter. Then, he spun on his heel and left the kitchen, going back into the bathroom.

I took off my rubber gloves and turned off the sink, walking over to the bag to unpack whatever it was he bought. Knowing Edward, it would probably be ice cream cartons or some frozen food.

It wasn't frozen food.

In that bag, filled almost all the way, were boxes upon boxes of razors. I blinked a few times, trying to register this. Why had he gone all the way to the store to get so many razors?

My head shot up as I heard a noise, and I found that he was watching me through the doorway in the kitchen. His face was serious and cold like stone. "Why did you buy so many razors…?" I asked.

Edward, keeping his face the same, walking over to me slowly, and leaned on the countertop opposite to me. Then, with a voice that matches his cold eyes, said, "I thought you might need them."

I stared at him, eyes widened and mouth open just slightly. Some might think that he was just trying to be considerate, but he was far from it. This wasn't a kind gesture. It was a message. Somehow he'd found out that I wasn't just using the razors for my armpits and legs. "Edward…w-what are you talking a-abou-"

"Please, Bella, don't play me for a fool. I know about it. So you can just cut that crap right now." I gasped and backed up a step. "Do you enjoy doing that to yourself?" He said, his words sharp like daggers "Does it feel nice?" He reached his hand into the bag and pulled out a package. Then, he opened the package and pulled out a razor. No. "Because…" He removed the safety cap. No no no… "I don't see much pleasure in this…" In one swift motion, he slid the razor over his wrist, cutting himself. I gasped and tears found their way to my eyes. "Or this," He did it again, I bit my lip so hard I thought it was going to start bleeding "or…this." Another slide toward the bottom of his arm, almost in the spot where I'd made mine not an hour earlier.

"Please stop!" I finally found my voice and squealed at him, grabbing his hand in one of my arms and pulling the razor out of his other hand.

"Why?" He asked, his eyes angry and his voice acidic "Does it hurt you to see me like this!" He shouted at me. I cowered away from him, finding myself backed into a corner in the counter. "How do you think it feels for me to see this?" He shot forewords and grabbed my wrist, holding it out in front of us and pulling the sleeve down to reveal a plethora of cuts I'd inflicted over the past years, months, days, and most recently, minutes. I yelped out, feeling a little pain from the cuts and his tight grip. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn't look at him. I was too ashamed.

"I…"

"No! Save your excuses, Bella! I don't want to hear it! Honestly, Bella, how could you do something so disgusting to yourself!" He reprimanded.

I must've gone crazy then, because something clicked in my head, and his words repeated over and over in my head. '..how could you do something so disgusting to yourself!' So, that was it. He thought I was disgusting.

Somehow, I found the courage to rip my arm away from him and shout "Well, I'm sorry, Edward! I'm sorry that I'm not as perfect as you! And I'm sorry I don't have a perfect ass family like you! With perfect mom and dad, and your perfect sister, and every ones all happy doo and in love! And I'm sorry that I'm so disgusting to you, Edward! I'm sorry that I hate who I am so much that I just want to die and do the world a god damn service! I'm sorry that this pain that I have that I have felt slight relief of through cutting myself is just oh, so disgusting to you! Maybe if I'm just so, disgusting, I should just leave, and stop contaminating your perfect life!"

Edward was quiet after that for a minute. When he responded, his voice was quiet, but still held the hated it had before "Maybe you should." That confirmed it. Without another word, I pushed past him and walked to the front door.

Now, you might be thinking at this point, that Edward shouted, "Wait!" just as my hand touched the knob and I stopped and he ran to me and kissed me right there, telling me how much he loved me and that it hurt him to see me in pain, stopped me from ever walking out that door and away from his house forever.

It never happened.

I know! Curse cliffies! But do not fret, the new chapter should be out soon (and I actually mean it this time). Now that this is up, I can finally sleep. x)

If you have any questions, drop 'em to me in the reviews and I'll try to answer them (provided they won't give away the plot or they aren't completely stupid (: )

Reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading!