Zim'sMostLoyalServant A/N: Surprise! Bet you all thought this story was dead, didn't you? Well, I don't blame you for that; between a lack of ideas and time on my part, and Invader Johnny being polite and waiting his turn, there was no work being done on this project. But then he surprised me with this idea he'd apparently just thought up for Easter, and it was too good to pass up, so I agreed to help finish it up.
Sorry that this wasn't in time for posting it on Easter itself, but a one day delay isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things. So, happy late Easter, and please enjoy!
Invader Johnny A/N: Happy Easter!... One day later… The idea is basically the desperation Zim has towards getting rid of Keef and the patience Gaz has, which is ironic seeing as she usually has a very short fuse, but here out of the fondness she has towards Zim, she hasn't hurt him despite the fact that he was clearly getting on her nerves.
Disclaimer: It's been awhile, but nope, I still don't own Invader Zim.
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Zim Kills Keef:
Merry Platypus to All
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Gaz could only stare at the animatronic monstrosity with a raised eyebrow.
"Zim, against my better judgement, I know I shouldn't ask because by this point, I'm aware your plans make no sense, but still a very small part of me is curious enough to ask… what the hell are you up to now?"
The Irken was laughing maniacally as he made the finishing touches to his latest creation. Once he was done with that, he took off his goggles; the insanity and anger in his eyes was unmistakably clear, and everyone else would have run for the hills at the sight of a clearly deranged Zim.
Gaz, however, was not like everyone else, and just stared at him flatly.
"I've done it, my scary Gaz-Mate!" Zim said evilly, "I finally made it! The perfect plan to rid myself of the biggest annoyance on this horrible, horrible planet!"
"Who? My brother?" Gaz asked, "Zim, how many times have I told you? You can hurt my brother both physically and emotionally, you can remove his organs, you can even send him on a wild goose chase to one of those exploding head planets, but you can't kill him off!"
"Yes, yes, you still need the Dib-Stink for family pizza night," Zim replied, waving his hand uncaringly, "Worry not, I'm an Invader of my word. I won't kill your brother, simply leave him with internal bleeding if the situation arises."
"As long as we understand each other," Gaz grunted, "And you still haven't answered my question. What are you up to now?"
Zim dramatically made his way towards his girlfriend as he gave her a one-armed hug and pointed at his latest creation with smug pride.
"Gaz-Mate, I have made a robotic bee, a purple moose, and even a Flesh-Eating Demon Squid that GIR ate after I killed it!"
"Just get to the point, Zim," Gaz said as she rolled her eyes, "I don't need a recap of your failed experiments."
The Irken growled in annoyance, but nevertheless he complied. After all, he learned the hard way that it was never idea to antagonize his girlfriend.
"My point is, Gaz-Beast, that today if I'm not mistaken is the holiday you humans call Easter, correct?"
"Yeah," Gaz confirmed with a nod.
"And you humans love shrimp," Zim continued, "And for some reason platypuses, so today the Easter Platypus will make an appearance to your pitiful species!"
Zim then made a voila gesture as he pointed at the huge Easter Platypus animatronic horror in the middle of his lab.
"Is there a reason for this?" Gaz asked, not really caring.
"YES!" he shouted, "Just like you humans love Santa and how he brings you gifts, you humans also love the Easter Platypus to bring you free shrimp! And if I'm not mistaken, there are humans dressed up like the mythical creature all over town giving out those horrible things!"
"Yeah. So?"
"So, of course all I have to do is set up my ingenious Robo-Platypus near that Keef-Pest's house. He will go out to greet my creation, and when he least expects it, the Easter Platypus will turn him into a shrimp using a DNA modification ray gun, and then he will be given to another unsuspecting human and be eaten alive! And then I'll finally be free from that annoying human that just won't die, once and for all!" Zim explained, then started laughing evilly, while Gaz just shook her head.
"I can already see a million ways this will backfire horribly," she thought.
"This will work, or my name is not Zim Knolastname!"
"Wait, what?" Gaz raised an eyebrow, "That's the last name you chose to have while you're on Earth?!"
"It's ingenious!"
"It's stupid."
"Only to you," Zim challenged, "But I'll have you know that during class, that's the last name I said, and I kid you not when I say that your brother almost had a stroke when no one else said anything about it."
"Okay, fine, it's less stupid now."
"The Mighty Zim defeated stupidity!"
"I wonder how true that is," Gaz commented sarcastically.
"Let me tell you about the time two idiotic aliens mistook me for a lowly human…"
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Shortly after Zim told Gaz the incredibly stupid anecdote of how he and GIR were abducted by two Yokels from Beyond the Stars, they were soon in front of Keef's house. They watched as GIR wheeled in a ridiculously small kart that had the giant Robotic Easter Platypus on top of it. He giggled crazily as he picked up the massive animatronic and carried it to the front lawn of Zim's target.
"But of course, that wasn't all, as the moment GIR finished with his task he began to breakdance, while making victory noises.
"WHOO! AH Heh heh heh!"
"GIR!" Zim shouted in annoyance as he and Gaz were hiding behind a tree, "Stop with the dancing and, I dunno, go get some taquitos or something! You're no longer needed!"
"YAY! BABY TACOS!" the SIR Unit cheered, "I'm so happy I'm gonna explode!"
"NO! DON'T EXPLODE, GIR!"
"Too late!" the little robot said joyfully, before he blew up, taking out the Robotic Easter Platypus with him. Unsurprisingly, after the explosion, GIR only seemed to be covered in ash, with his disguise torn apart, "I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN!"
Zim and Gaz were covered in charcoal from the tree that had been vaporized by the explosion, and were barely standing. Both, however, were filled with rage, Zim because GIR destroyed six hours worth of work in under six seconds, while Gaz wasn't happy because her Game Slave IV was destroyed in the explosion.
"I hate your robot Zim," Gaz snarled.
"As do I, Gaz-Human, as do I."
They then collapsed onto the destroyed yard.
Six Hours Later:
After having to start from scratch to make a replacement Robotic Easter Platypus, and once more having to transport it (without GIR this time, obviously), the duo were once more in front of their destination. Zim had a broken arm and leg, and as a result had to use a cane to get around, while Gaz had her hands covered in casts, which meant she couldn't exactly play her favorite video game. Or any video game, for that matter.
"As soon as I get the use of my hands again, Zim, I'll be sure to beat you up for dragging me into this, and then I'll turn your little robot into scrap metal!" Gaz snarled as they put the robotic monstrosity into place.
"Duly noted, Gaz-Beast, but completely worth it! Now hide!" Zim declared, as he threw a rock at Keef's doorbell to ring it from a safe distance. He then hobbled away to hide behind a nearby mailbox, Gaz joining him just as the door opened to reveal the ever-smiling Keef.
"Hello world! Who wants to be friends!" he declared cheerfully as he looked around to see who rang his doorbell. Seeing the Robotic Easter Platypus, he gasped in utter delight and ran up to it, "Oh wow, the Easter Platypus! Are you here to give me some shrimp for being such a good boy this year?"
"I can't believe he's actually buying this," Gaz said flatly, watching as the Robotic Easter Platypus started moving in response to Keef's presence, twitching and jerking around in an incredibly stilted and jerky fashion.
"Of course he is," Zim scoffed, watching as the Robotic Easter Platypus started hopping in place and throwing shrimp from its giant basket into the air to scatter around Keef's lawn, "Leaving aside the obvious fact that Zim is a genius who cannot fail-"
"Obviously," Gaz snorted sarcastically, which Zim ignored.
"-Keef is so mindlessly happy that all he can see is the joy that he wants to experience from this ridiculous seafood holiday," Zim continued, then grinned evilly as he watched Keef begin scooping up and eating the shrimp, "Now behold my victory, as the Robo-Platypus strikes while the Keef-Pest is distracted!"
Even as Zim spoke, the Robotic Easter Platypus loomed over the oblivious Keef, it eyes suddenly glowing red. Its beak parted and out from its mouth emerged a large ray gun cannon, which sparked with energy as it charged up an attack. After a few moments, it fired, and a beam shot out of it that headed straight towards Keef, hitting him head on-
ZAP
-and Keef glowed with the energy from the beam before suddenly turning into a shrimp, which flopped to the ground. Watching this from their hiding place, Zim cheered victoriously, while Gaz's eyes widened in surprise.
"Wow, that actually worked? Did not expect that," she muttered in disbelief.
"Victory for Zim!" Zim declared joyfully, "Now we just have to grab… what?!"
To Zim's utter shock, the shrimp that Keef had turned into had started glowing again, and without warning, it suddenly turned back into the orange-haired child, who blinked in confusion at what had just happened for a moment, before shrugging and going back to his free shrimp. More surprisingly, however, was that the energy that had transformed him suddenly shot out of his body and back at the Robotic Easter Platypus. As Zim and Gaz watched, the monstrous robot mascot sparked with the energy for several seconds, before it suddenly turned into a mountain of shrimp that promptly collapsed on top of Keef.
"Oh wow, even more shrimp! I must have been a really good boy this year!" Keef exclaimed happily as he popped out of the mound of shrimp, which he began to cheerfully devour.
"…Yeah, that's more like it," Gaz said after a moment of taking this all in, while Zim just stared, jaw totally slack.
"I… but… he… HOW?!" he stuttered, before finally screaming, "None of that makes any sense! How did he change back?! Why did the DNA transformation energy get rejected out of him?! And why did it affect the Robo-Platypus? Robots don't have DNA!"
"Yeah, I get it, stop yelling right next to me," Gaz grumbled, rubbing her ears, "So your plan screwed up as usual. Can we go now?"
"GRAAAHHH! Why won't he just die?!" Zim continued to scream, before flopping onto the ground and beginning to roll around, yelling incoherently. Gaz grimaced at the noise, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend's pathetic display. She'd already regretted agreeing to help him with this stupid plan every moment of it, but seeing him despairing over its failure was getting on her last nerve.
Still, even her twisted dark heart had a small shred of empathy in it, which usually manifested as her love for her father and tolerance for her brother. But, since she started dating Zim, that tiny bit of compassion had extended to him, and as such she found herself in the rare situation of feeling bad for someone else's suffering, and wanting to do something about it.
Grumbling, Gaz flexed her hands, immediately breaking the casts on them as her dark willpower healed them. She then marched over to Keef, who looked up from his shrimp feast as he sensed her approaching.
"Oh, hi Gaz! Want some of this shrimp I got from the Easter- GCK!"
WHAM
CRACK
BAM
The familiar sounds of Gaz dooming someone snapped Zim out of his despair, and he looked up to be greeted by the sight of Keef having had all the shrimp stuffed into his mouth, bloating his head up like a balloon. Meanwhile, Gaz had twisted the rest of him up like a human pretzel, wrapping his limbs around his torso and tying them off in a knot.
Pausing to make sure Zim was watching, Gaz then picked Keef's warped body up over her head and threw him as hard as she could, causing him to quickly disappear over the horizon. Once he was out of sight, she dusted her hands off and planted them on her hips as she turned to face Zim.
"There, happy now?" she demanded.
"…Well, he'll probably come back anyway, but Zim appreciates you inflicting some torment on him regardless," Zim said as he got back to his feet.
"Whatever, I just did that to shut you up," Gaz replied, before turning and starting to walk away, "Now, you're going to buy me some Bloaty's to make up for this headache, got it?"
"Yes, my love-pig!" Zim said happily, hobbling after her.
"Oh, and Zim?"
"Yes, Gaz-Beast?"
Gaz punched the Irken in the face with all her might, which resulted in it getting sucked into his skull.
"That's for dragging me into this stupid plan of yours," she sneered.
"Wow, she only hit Zim once," the Irken said happily, "The Gaz-Beast must really love Zim!"
In the end, he'd take what wins he could get.
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Meanwhile in space, Keef was floating, still in pain but smiling nevertheless as he somehow said, "That's the closest thing to a hug I've ever gotten! Best Easter ever!"
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End
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Invader Johnny A/N: I hope you all enjoy the insanity of this fic. Basically, this came as a result of one lazy Sunday and then inspiration struck after seeing an episode of the Easter Bunny in South Park… Weird.
Anyway, gotta say that I loved the bit with the Easter Platypus turning into shrimp, that was way better than what I originally considered, do thank ZMLS for that one, XD.
Invader Johnny Signing Off.
Zim'sMostLoyalServant A/N: Well, hope you all liked that. Again, full credit to IJ for the story idea, and specifically for writing the opening scenes and the last few paragraphs. As for me, I wrote everything from when Zim rings Keef's doorbell to when Gaz beats up Keef.
Once more, happy late Easter, and please review!