By the time I finished writing the first chapter of this story, I planned to connect it to a previously written, yet unfortunately, deleted story. I can't really say which one it is yet, in the case I'll rewrite that story to make it more consistent with this one. I'm sure it'll be a solo one-shot, as well.
Another thing, I plan to make this fic the beginning story of a growing fic universe, but I'm still on the fence about it. Meanwhile, I'm writing the initial chapter to my next entry, Empire, a Liby-centered piece.
Come, I'm in desperate need of you.
Lupa huddled up on the couch, bringing her knees forward and leaning her head down upon them, wrapping both arms around. She couldn't help but tear up as the red cheek remained stinging.
My arms are wide open, just for you.
Lyra laid down, starring at the empty canvass of a ceiling, feeling awful in having to lay a hand on her cousin, an act quite unlike her. She ascertained that she'd have to hand out a sincere apology and try to make things better. On the other hand, this was Lupa Loud she was thinking about, a formidable challenge, a brick wall that usually stayed a brick wall. The coldest cousin among the roster of cousins, and Lyra didn't have any methods, let alone the mental effort, to reach out to her.
My soul continues to bleed.
And just maybe Lupa and Lyra weren't meant to establish a bond. Maybe leaving her to her own devices was best for the both of them. Come the morning and Lyra would take her leave and hope Lupa would at least not be so aggressive or blunt with the girl.
I'm dying to be told that you need and love me.
7:32 A.M.
"Lupa?" Leia, still in her pajamas, shook the sleeping Lupa. "Lupa!"
"No, I won't have his babies," Lupa moaned out, her legs pressing against each other in a sexual manner. "Mmm, I'm waiting-"
"Hey!" Leia lifted her head up and let it drop back down. "Wake up, I want breakfast!"
Lupa yawned out and rubbed out the crust from both her eyes. "What the shit? Did you seriously interrupt my wet dream?"
"I don't know what that means..." Leia tapped her stomach. "Please get up and feed me," she pleaded.
"What does the tyke want? Hmmm?" The scent on Lupa became clear, a rather rancid odor that entered Leia's nostrils and burned her from inside out. "UGH, DID YOU SLEEP IN THOSE CLOTHES?"
"What's it to you? I didn't have covers as you can see." Lupa sat up and scratched her back. "Morning, by the way."
Leia covered her nose and backed away from the couch. "Let me ask Lyra instead."
"Huh?" Lupa thought she misheard. "Didn't Lyra leave already?"
"No, she's still in the room, but I didn't want to bother her-"
"Oh, fuck you," Lupa cursed softly.
Leia jogged upstairs, coming into her mother's room and seeing Lyra still sound asleep comfortably on the bed. Leia approached and tapped her finger on the eldest cousin's shoulder. "Hi," she simply greeted, hoping to be heard.
"Whozzit...? Lyra turned sloppily to Leia. "Good morning, Leia," she mumbled out.
"Lupa won't make me breakfast," Leia explained. "I just want some pancakes right now."
"Oh-" Lyra narrowed her eyes in disgust. "Tch, that lazy-" She cut away, trying to let Lupa off easy after last night. "Give me five minutes, I'll need to shower."
Leia grew content and couldn't help but grin happily. "Thank you, Lyra."
Lupa placed her earbuds on after connecting the aux plug into her phone. Her experience with Bluetooth devices left her in favor of wired sets due to the cutoffs and random static that interfered, and in once case with Beats, the music sped up for a few annoying seconds. Never again, she'd tell herself whenever she had to replace her earbuds, four times and still counting from the day she got her first phone.
She sank back into the couch, vibing off to Disturbed's recent album, closing her eyes and enjoying what little peace she'd have for the entire day.
Had she her pocketknife, she'd crush the pills between the blade and the counter of the bathroom sink, but fate made it not so. She moaned and groaned and accepted the contingency made available to her at moment's notice.
After a thorough rummaging of the bathroom, she pocketed the cigarette carton and a silver lighter found in the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. Putting those inside her sweater, she sat upon the toilet lid and contemplated having a smoke. It'd be easy, having one or two lung-killers and killing the scent of tobacco with the air freshener spray underneath the sink.
It isn't real...
Lupa had a staring contest with the tiled floor; it looked so shiny, at first glance. Shiny and perfectly white that no one would think to look again and notice that it actually wasn't in reality. All those squares tiles surrounded by black lines, a perfectly symmetrical design that was made incomplete and uneven at the ends, the start of the walls.
It all stops feeling real at some point.
Her appetite weakened, her body, drained of the average energy she was on the verge of forgetting. Why, even those pills, the rattle-rattle of that hand-sized bottle of fifty plus anti-depressants, had begun to have a nullified effect on her. Sadness was sadness, hopelessness was hopelessness, not to be suppressed by some tiny drug manufactured in some generic FDA-approved factory.
My life, a degradation; I am the Gray That Decays.
She yanked out both the carton and the lighter, flicking open the box to reveal it half full of the lung-killers. One or two of these fuckers, would that do it justice? Would it really make her feel better? Would it make her feel a something at all? "How many of these will kill me?" she thought aloud, only audible enough for herself.
The sudden knock at the door caused her alarm; she dropped the lighter after desperately trying to catch it between her pale fingers. "Shit! Who's there?"
"What's taking so long?" Liby was only impatient due to needing to use the restroom, but would have otherwise waited for Lupa to finish up in there. "Come on, Lupa! I don't think I can-"
Lupa sighed, rolled her eyes, and stood up, hurrying out to let Liby go in. "All done, detective," she openly mocked.
Liby rushed in impatiently, neglecting to lock the door this time. Lupa stood waiting for Liby to finish, and the urge to have her smoke rose, almost like an itch that needed to be scratched. She turned her head clockwise, then in reverse, noticing no other soul appearing at either end of the hall. Giving in, she plucked a cigarette from the carton, placing it between her lips before lighting it.
One puff became two. Two became three. Within a minute, the hall lost its purified state of air. White smoke and the nostril-burning aroma rolled out of the cancer stick, freely spreading rapidly throughout the hallway like an airborne virus. By the fourth intake, Liby had finished, exiting with a face of gratification that then died and was replaced by the look of shameful disgust. Liby crossed her arms, quick to scold her cousin. "Are you crazy?! Put that out!"
"Oh, fuck off," Lupa grunted lowly.
"Right now, Lupa!"
"No," Lupa exhaled another mouthful of tobacco smoke upon Liby's face.
Liby made a grab for the cigarette, swiping it right out from Lupa's lips, a critical mistake on her end. Liby lifted her hand in the air, thinking Lupa would try and retrieve it back- but the taller girl of the pair was wrong. Instead, Lupa lunged forward with all her might, knocking Liby down, reintroducing her to the bathroom's tile floor.
What peace did she really deserve after that?
"Mmmh..." Lupa relived that day, condemned to the multitude of angry voices and the incoherent but painful noises that sputtered from lips of both aunts and cousins. She, the labeled party-pooper, had indeed lived up to her name, only being known for turning what should have been a great day for Lacy, into hell for just about everyone, herself included in the madness. "N-no... Stop it..."
Leia had just arrived back down to hear Lupa whispering to herself seemingly. "Stop what?"
Lupa didn't hear or notice Leia, earbuds still lowly playing the songs- despite her no longer listening to them at that point. Lupa opened and closed her hands repeatedly, allowing her nails to poke into her skin. Five rotations of this and her skin broke, allowing blood to seep into her lap. Did I ask for this? Do I deserve to be-?
"Lupa, something wrong?" Leia circled around, noting the seriousness on her cousin's face. "You don't look well..."
Lupa snapped out of it and yanked the earbuds off. "Oh, didn't see you... Need something?" This time, she sounded sincere and far less rude and sassy.
"No, I just noticed you whispering," Leia explained.
Lupa went agape and looked to the bottom of the staircase, hoping not to see Lyra there. "Oh! Uh, yeah sorry... Still waking up here, was just still dreaming," she lied weakly, but with some degree of life. "I'm not used to being up this early on a Saturday, man."
"I'm not surprised, little Miss Messy Hair," Leia giggled.
"Wha-?" Lupa felt her hair and realized the fluffy mess it had become overnight. "Oh, don't you dare."
"You're such a mess!" Leia bawled in laughter. "Did lightning strike you?"
"Suck my ass," Lupa yawned, trying to fix her hair as best she could. "I'll look good once I have my shower."
Leia paused, retreated back into her thoughts, and then made a far putrid face of disgust than last time. "You shower and put on those-?"
Lupa knew where she went with it and gave a confirming nod before Leia finished the question. "Less clothes on laundry day."
"YOU ARE NASTY!" Leia howled throughout the house. "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SPARE CLOTHES?"
"Leave me alone," Lupa brushed off.
"LYRAAAAA!" Leia was repelled back to Lyra, catching her just in time before she entered the bathroom. "LYRA, SHE'S NASTY!"
"What's happening?" Lyra turned the knob, but didn't enter inside. "What did she do?"
"SHE'S JUST DISGUSTING," Leia dramatically wailed again.
"Stay in your room," Lyra advised warmly. "I'll handle her when I'm out, okay? I'll make you a nice pancake platter."
"With juice!" Leia pleaded innocently.
"Of course, with juice!" Lyra smiled down at her, then entered the bathroom, locking it behind in case Lupa would try something sketchy, as it had been her MO. Lyra didn't need to be harassed, let alone bothered by the likes of her, and would have happily been a thousand miles away from her if no one believed Lupa had zero chance of creating some disturbance while babysitting Leia, or something unspeakably terrifying than so. After the incident with poor Liby-
Aunt Lucy wasn't playing this safe... Then again, aunt Lola agreed to this... But maybe having a secondary was always the plan... She undressed from her night gown, turning the shower faucet on. Cold water erupted from the showerhead instead of the main head; the switch had been left to release from the shower instead. She hung her dry clothes in the rack opposite the tub, waiting for the hot water to rain out.
Leia retreated and locked herself in her room until she was certain Lyra had finished and left downstairs, which by then she'd unlock and follow the lead babysitter into the kitchen. Her small stomach let out another ravenous growl of pure hunger. Surely the eldest cousin was fast, just a few more minutes until she had the smell of steamy, freshly-made pancakes enter her nose. The wonderful yummy-yummy deliciousness arising on this waking morning. Maybe mother not being here wouldn't be so bad, perhaps the time would fly rather fast. Maybe.
8:09 A.M.
Lyra, Lupa and Leia, at different speeds, ate their breakfast platters, mostly keeping to themselves. Naturally, Lupa made the most noise as she clanked the knife and fork before her past through the pancake. She devoured larger pieces than the others, trying to finish rapidly for reasons they didn't know. And if she wasn't unladylike enough, Lupa burped out and grinned before covering her mouth. "My bad, dudes."
"How disgusting can you be, you cow?"
"Is that a challenge?" Lupa hooted.
"Please eat," Lyra policed calmly. "No disputes here."
"Mind your manners, Lupa."
"Not today, gremlin."
"Hey-" Leia childishly threw up a finger at Lupa.
"I know you heard me, Lupa," Lyra addressed again, "I know you did."
"I'm just about done anyway," Lupa exhaled, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, Leia, are you enjoying those?"
Leia closed her mouth and chewed as she looked up at Lyra, grinning and nodding. "Mhm!" she went with joy in both heart and tone. It made Lyra smile back, making her happy to know she had perfected one breakfast dish of many, which would serve to be useful further into the future.
"I'm glad you're enjoying it!"
"Whoop-dee-doo, you must be a regular Ramsey if you know how to do pancakes, right?" Lupa's sarcastic side remarked. "I'll be impressed if you knew how to make lasagna."
"You like lasagna?" Lyra thought she misheard.
"What's it to ya?"
"Nothing, it's just-" Lyra laughed lightly. "That's the first dish I've tried to make myself. My brother Lemy loves it, and I wanted to learn to make it by the time his next birthday came. That was two years ago, and... I messed up four times before I got it right. My mom laughed at my second failure, to the point she was red in the face."
"You know how?" Leia was somehow impressed.
"Of course, as long as we have the right ingredients, silverware and the right pan, I could make some before-" Then, she gulped.
"Before...?"
"Oh, don't be so vague," Lupa grunted, "go on and tell her what we decided last night."
"Tell me what?"
Lyra sighed. "Didn't need to say anything yet, but alright."
Leia had stopped chewing on her food, eagerly listening.
"I decided the best course of action was for me to step in and take over Lupa's duties. She'll be leaving as soon as possible."
"Oh... Well, I can't complain," Leia went after swallowing her food.
"Of course you can't, you're on board," Lupa bitched.
"Why do you sound mad? We all know you don't wanna be here."
"I was never here out of the goodness of my heart, you little imp," the albino sputtered, "this was an agreement I made with my mother to avoid some serious punishment."
"What?" Lyra stammered about. "B-but didn't you say this was-"
"Community service for Leia and aunt Lola after she called dear mother, at least that's how mother put it as." Lupa crossed her arms. "And I'd be off the hook if I didn't mess up here either..."
"What did you even do to begin with?" Lyra then didn't need that to be answered, she had a couple of ideas. "Never mind."
"I wanna know," Leia chimed in. "Tell us."
"It's very... No-no."
"Then why do it?" Lyra zeroed in on Lupa this way.
"Cause I wanted it, and I wanted it badly," Lupa sighed with a clear emptiness that emitted from her voice. "And I still do..."
"Can you tell me?" Lyra asked warmly. "I won't tell anyone, I mean."
Lupa tapped her fingers among the table counter. "Goody-Two-Shoes Lyra... Well, it'd be a matter of time until it gets out... Keep this to yourself, I really mean it."
"Uh, sure-" Lyra gulped once when Lupa practically jumped up off her seat. And had herself be privy to what Lupa wanted to keep a secret as long as possible. And had her whole body shut down, mind going in a sudden state of overwhelming shock and disgust. She had known Lupa to be a bad influence, but nothing like this. "THAT IS NOT RIGHT, OH GOODNESS!"
"Will you keep your voice down?" Lupa had turned a tomato shade of red, which only infuriated Lyra further.
"WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING?! YOU ARE NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD!" Lyra hadn't noticed that she rose up, towering over Lupa as she yelled away. "WHY DID-?"
"Fuck off, you asked to know!" Lupa held over Lyra.
And without warning, Lyra vomited, spilling her digested food out all over herself and the edge of the table. She then bent down over her plate, coughing violently over her breakfast. Leia herself cupped her mouth and fled the scene with a gravely queasy feeling churning deep in her system. The chair she had occupied fell hard on its back, making a racket for a moment, but a moment that added to the chaos.
"Oh, fuck..." Lupa had then bit into her bottom lip, legs quivering away due to the physical memory she was just about ready to get used to. "Mmmmgh... Not now, damnit."
"Waghhhh!" Lyra tried to speak to curse Lupa, only ending up coughing and sputtering still. She picked up a plain napkin and wiped her mouth twice. "What the actual hell is wrong with you?! Why would you-?"
"Oh please don't tell me what I've been doing for at least twice a night every week is wrong, because," she had the figurative balls to tap her womanhood along with her statement, "it feels right when he ravages my vagina."
"EXCUSE ME?!"
Lupa grinned devilishly. "That's right, woman of God, I love getting dicked down."
Lyra shot her eyes to where Leia had been sitting. "If that girl had heard you-"
"I LOVE GETTING DI-" And Lupa had ran Lyra's patience dry, prompting the elder cousin to move rapidly to cover Lupa's vulgar mouth from running off. As a result, the table was moved off its normal place, plates shaking momentarily, long enough to play an unorthodox note not meant for any sort of music enthusiast. Lyra tumbled down head first, pushing Lupa with the falling weight, smacking her right into the wall behind her. Lyra heard a hard thud after she met the ground.
"Bitch!" Lupa sent a foot ramming against Lyra's head in revenge. "You hurt me, bitch!"
"Get out..." Lyra croaked out silently, mere moments away from erupting at full force. "Right now."
"No, I don't think so-" Lupa risked it all, betting on Lyra to retain her softness or perhaps break into tears, but she had never been so wrong before. There was truly nothing scarier than the next several seconds ahead of them; Lyra screamed in a fit of rage, getting up and shoving Lupa back again into the wall, then dragged her with an arm around her neck, leading her towards the front side of the house. Lupa struggled to break free, but Lyra had proven to be much stronger than her. "LET GO!"
"YOU'RE LEAVING THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!" Lyra roared over her.
"NO!" But Lupa was no match for Lyra, ending up being thrown into the front porch. "FUCK YOU! LYRA!"
Lyra immediately shut and locked the door as fast as she had opened it. "Just leave, Lupa! We don't want you here!"
"MY PHONE IS STILL INSIDE!"
"Okay!" Lyra inspected the side window. "I'll slide it through the window."
"LYRA, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Lupa kicked and pounded at the door fiercely. "OPEN UP, IT'S TOO DAMN COLD OUT!"
"Crawl under my car, get warm!" Lyra suggested savagely. "I'll gather the stuff you brought, give me a moment."
Lupa tried for the doorknob again. "OPEN UP, YOU BITCH!"
Leia stood frozen at the base of the stairs, watching Lyra keep Lupa out. She had cleaned herself up already, but her guard had gone up, entire body knowing the unfamiliar essence of fear. To say she felt like crying would be putting it lightly; her mind, creating cracks and crevices that left her momentarily unsound up there. "She- she's not gonna hurt us, is she?"
"I have things under control," Lyra grinned awkwardly. "Where's all her stuff? Could you go fetch everything she brought?"
"Y-yeah, okay!" Leia dashed into the living room, picking up the only two things Lupa brought with her, the phone and the wired earbuds. "This is all she had!"
Lyra wrapped the earbuds around the phone once taking both items, and opened a window and tossed the phone out the other side. "Goodbye and good luck!"
"MY FUCKING PHONE!" Lupa blasted. "LYRA, YOU'RE GONNA PAY IF YOU CRACKED IT!"
"A crack doesn't mean it's broken," Lyra went as she closed the window. "Call an Uber or something! Again, goodbye and good luck!"
"FUCK YOU-" Lupa's voice muffled down once the panel had separated her and the outside world from Lyra and Leia, but her yelling continued. Lyra pulled the curtains over the window to avoid looking at Lupa. "YOU'RE A WALKING L, YOU HEAR ME?!"
"What does that mean?" the clueless Leia asked wholeheartedly.
"Come help me clean up the mess at the table," Lyra instructed, already developing a growing headache. "Ugh, that girl is exhausting, I tell you!" she groaned as she picked up her mess of a plate, taking it to the sink. "Bring Lupa's plate, will you?"
"Of course!" Leia complied as Lyra ordered, taking the unfinished breakfast into the sink, where Lyra dumped the food into the garbage disposal and emptied it out. The plates stacked up under the hot water, utensils being put to the side. "I wasn't finished yet-"
"Save yours for later," Lyra suggested. "You shouldn't eat right now, not after throwing up. What we need right now is some warm tea to calm the nerves."
"Tea..." Leia liked the sound of that. "I'll have some, thank you."
"I bet I can find the-" Lyra disappeared into the kitchen, moving about quietly as she searched for a rectangular package of tea bags. When she did, she picked up a pair of cups, filled them with water, and placed a tea bag in each of the cups before heating them on the microwave. Leia noted this in her mind; the way mommy did it was different. She'd put the bag after heating the water, add a spoon of sugar and mix both about. Leia wanted to open her mouth to denounce Lyra's method, but by now she was certain Lyra needed the tranquility the atmosphere was just bringing upon them. "This should do the trick. Here, the first one's yours."
"Thank you!" Leia expressed graciously. "Y-you're getting paid, aren't you?"
"No, why?"
Leia shook her head. "Well, you should be, for dealing with Lupa."
"Oh..." Lyra took out her hot cup from the microwave. "Well, I don't mind doing it for free. I'm not really complaining."
"Still..." Leia blew upon the tea to help cool it down before sipping. "She's too much for you, I can see that and I'm younger than both of you."
"Yeah..."
Leia eyed the cup, but then looked back across the table at her tall cousin. "I don't think-" she began, trying not to intersect her words, "I told her I didn't need a babysitter, Lyra. I could do just about anything to make it through the weekend and still, she only saw me as a child incapable of- of changing, growing up. I've done things she didn't like-"
"You want to show her you're old enough to be here alone?"
"Yes... Yes!" Leia admitted. "I wish she could see that."
"I'm sure she will, Leia, in due time," Lyra believed, grinning with hope.
"C-can I share something?" Leia breathed slowly but deeply, and taking in some confidence along with the air, she had the courage to let Lyra in on one of her personal facts. "I find it s-scary- No, I mean, I find you guys scary-" she trembled as she owned up to it.
"Us? Who do you mean?"
"You guys, you and the others," Leia stopped and gathered the simpler words, "I mean all my cousins, you older teens, you're all scary to me..."
Lyra had picked up her cup to take a first sip, but denied herself that once Leia opened up, setting it back down again. "I'm not following, how are we scary to you?"
"I... I don't- I don't know, I can't explain it, but I get t-terrified-" Leia unearthed deeper, "I feel funny when I try to talk with you guys on whatever app or texts or-"
"Wait, you're not just ignoring us?" Lyra questioned. "You're... You're afraid of trying to associate with us, is that it?"
"I guess so, yeah..."
"And you don't know why, you just are...?"
"I don't know... Look, I know it's weird but that's just how I feel. And..." Leia pointed to the front of the house. "All of that, I don't want to be around-"
"I'm..." Lyra sucked her breath and held in her apology, feeling it wouldn't be enough. "I understand."
"I wish I was able to talk more, I just... I don't know-"
"Hey, don't worry about it," the mature young woman went, "it's fine to be silent. Whatever the problem is, I'm sure you can solve it."
"How can you be sure?" Leia shook her head in denial. "I don't even know what's wrong with me."
"There isn't anything wrong with you, Leia," Lyra caressed verbally. "You're normal as normal can be, I can see that you're struggling, you might even be in pain. I don't know what you're going through in here-" Lyra tapped on the temple of her head. "But you're experiencing normal things, Leia. Your feelings and your thoughts are acceptable. They are things many feel, and have felt before, okay?"
"I'm normal, and this is normal," Leia found herself repeating, trying to heed Lyra's words.
"Yes, but you have to keep yourself open, if you get me."
"Y-you mean, share what I feel, right?"
Lyra smirked joyfully at Leia's ability to understand. "See, you get it! I only wish that maybe Lupa could open up... She's kept her heart closed and gives us all the... Well, she puts a wall in between each and every one of us..." Lyra fell silent and turned away, eyes squinting almost as if they were about to tear up. "It wasn't always like that with her, she used to be happy, actually. She and Lacy were equal in personality, even. Bubbly girls with infinite enthusiasm, but that all changed when-"
And where Leia had been seated at a moment ago, another being, a grand illusion, took form, a hollow body of a former living being, void of humanity and spirit. Lyra blinked, resetting the trick her mind had played on her. Had to be a trick, ghosts weren't real. Ghosts weren't able to be seen simply like the way she had seen the late Loanne, a mere blonde girl of the family tree who passed away at the early age of seven.
"I don't think your mother ever mentioned, but Aunt Lori had a daughter once, one year older than me..." The shift in tone had become noticeably dark that Leia almost didn't want to hear it, but the profusely blinking of Lyra's eyes that suddenly happened told her this was essential to hear. "Her name was Loanne, and she died when she was seven, Leia. I remember that day too well, and so do most of our aunts. I don't know if Liby and Lacy do, they were too young at the time, and so was Lupa, but Loanne and Lupa were close, you see, and... The photos of most of Loanne's parties, you can see her and Lupa having fun with each other. I think Aunt Lana recorded some footage, even."
"Lupa...?"
"Lupa broke," Lyra put simply. "Loanne's passing had a toll on us all, and for Lupa, it made her who she is today."
"Dark and uncaring?"
Lyra shook her head. "All she is in this day and age is afraid, Leia. Afraid to be soft and undo the walls around her heart, because she believes she will wind up hurt again if she does these things. In other words-"
"I rejected my humanity," Lupa stated through the tobacco smoke that fled her lungs. "What's the use of sentiment if it's used negatively? Why subject yourself to feeling pain in an attempt to try and establish what you hope will be a friendship or connection that transcends this lifetime?"
Lyra folded her hands together under her and set her chin upon them. "So you're willing to never feeling happiness again because you don't want things going real bad, I see? But that's completely wrong and you're wrong for that. That's a long-term problem, Lupa, not a solution to avoid your pain."
"I think it is."
"You're literally keeping an empty hole in you, one that will only grow larger..." Lyra sighed with exhaust. "This isn't healthy, let Liby or Lacy help you, if not me. I know you care for them-"
"Not that much, bible girl," Lupa displayed coldly. "They could use makeovers."
"You mean you want them to be more like you," Lyra corrected. "You stop that, they are good girls."
"And I'm not, right?" Lupa took another hit of her cigarette, then circled her eyes around the park. Her nails clanked off-tune upon the birch table. The breeze was light, but enough for Lyra to be annoyed by her dancing hair.
"I didn't say that-"
"No need to, that's what everyone thinks, but I'm okay with being me, I'm not some blindly ignorant fuckwit living in a fantasy of fucking rainbows and false gods or whatever."
"I'm sorry life is beautiful and that you can't see that."
"Oh, fuck you," Lupa retorted, giving Lyra the finger. "See, that's the lie you live. It isn't beautiful. Take those chemicals off your diet and take a good look around-"
Lyra laughed and did as Lupa said. "I see kids playing happily on that playground over there," Lyra pointed out. "That's life, at work."
"Life is... Life is the six o'clock news, where they tell you about the recent school shooting," Lupa argued. "Life is drowning in a lake. Life is the big World War III scare that had everyone panic. Life is people going missing. Life is people ridden with cancer and a timer."
"Life isn't only like that..." Lyra fought. "You're only saying the bad things, you know that-"
"No, no, no! Bad? These are realistic things we deal with on a daily basis! Our mothers lived the COVID era, we're barely recovering the Marburg virus epidemic. How many died from both epidemics?"
"C-cures," Lyra stumbled, "we have cures- Shots for Mar-V."
"Was that before almost five thousand died or after?" Lupa held out a downward thumb. "That's not beautiful, is it?"
"We were talking about you being cold."
"I'm as cold as the cold stuff that happens here in this planet. You can't change me, Lyra."
"I don't want to change you, Lupa. I want to help you so that you can be better. Granted, you're the only one who can make the changes, but you need to be shown that your ways now-"
"Are not wrong, you clown." Lupa just about finished her cancer stick, mashing the ash end against the table, cutting it down to size yet again. "I told you, I won't live like you. I won't have it, to hell with changing for the better."
"You're missing out, you know."
"Missing what?" Lupa pulled out another card in the argument. "It's enough to see you guys happy, it's not like it makes me nauseous or some shit. I'm still capable of feeling happiness and such, it's just... It isn't all the time with me, alright? S-so fuck you for having me explain myself to you, and fuck you for having the wrong idea about me. I'm not devoid of emotion, but sometimes... Yeah, I'd like to be."
"Would you, really?"
"Of course..."
Lyra found herself agreeing with Lupa, understanding that sometimes a lack of empathy was needed to remedy against a cycle of pain. "That's fair, I suppose... I can't tell you how to live, I know that, but please don't... Like, don't push any of us away, you're already far enough from us. And between us, Liby and Lacy want you to give your share of bonding with them."
"Of course they do, those knuckleheads."
"Do we have an understanding? I lay off your back as long as you play your part in this, simple stuff."
"Fine-"
Lyra held her hand out. "Then seal the deal, Lupa."
"Your human customs are beneath me-"
"Shake my hand, dummy!"
"You're not gonna make this easy, are you?" Lupa whined, closing the deal. "I can't believe you care this much."
"I can't believe this is the direction this fic is taking."
"What?"
"What?" Lyra repeated, acting clueless, as if she wasn't a character made from a subfandom in another one of those communities that formed from the love of a cartoon. "That's all for today, you're free to go."
"I didn't need your permission, bible dork," Lupa sassed, standing up. "I bid you farewell, and may you see me in a better light."
"Hopefully so," Lyra prayed. "Best of luck to you."
"I won't be needing it, dear cousin. You'll see, however long it takes. Count on it."
How can I trust you to keep your word when you provoke me like this? Lupa remained leaning upon the door, hands bleeding from scratching and punching in her ravenous attempt to get back inside. This was one of those times where she allowed her anger to take the helm. Usually it took her to places beyond the lines not meant to be crossed, becoming more of some beastly being to those closely around her. She could argue that she was letting loose some inner stress she needed to get out of her system, but her methods were questionable in any which way.
She made no effort to wipe way her blood-stained hands. Didn't even move them once she set them down. Early morning, she hadn't had her daily coffee dose to keep her person awake with the sufficient energy this time. She had worn herself out and wanted to lay in the comfort of a nice bed. None of this worked for her, wouldn't have worked for a hundred years.
Why the hell do you hate me? Why are you-
No one was going to work with her, the way she was.
-just like the others?
And as she stood laying there underneath the roof, the birds continued to sing away their melodies, the trees swayed about with the medium breeze, and the clouds overhead casted shadows. These clouds, hiding away the sun from the people below. Hiding away the sun from a girl with a stone cold heart.