Shota ran through the darkness, out of the park, and back in the direction of his house. He had been frozen in place until given the order to run. He didn't want to leave Nemuri there alone in her heartbreak… but

"Why are you still standing there?" Midnight huffed. "Go! Go tell her how you feel! RUN!"

He slowed his pace as he rounded the corner to his street, his fear and doubts catching up behind him.

'What if she's asleep? Or what if she isn't ready to hear this? Should I wait for a better time?'

He tried to catch his breath as he continued walking to the house, his feet growing heavier with each step.

'Am I really even in love…?'

He stopped in front of the door, staring down at the ground. He knew he was just psyching himself out. Trying to talk himself out of it. It was always easier for him to avoid his problems rather than facing them head on. Fighting villains came easy to him… but any issue in his life… he had been running from all of it for so long. He was even running away from Hizashi at this point and he hated it.

'You haven't changed a bit… I know you're scared, but you can't be happy if you keep pushing everyone away.'

Midnight's words rang through his head again and he could feel the pain welling up inside his chest. She was right. Even though he left her and broke that cycle he never really changed. The problem was never between them. The problem was something he'd been doing for a very, very long time. He was always so scared and it was always so much easier to run away and ignore everything rather than facing the issues head on.

If he really wanted to change… If he really wanted Suzumi… Starting now he would have to change.

The fear within him started to fade as he recalled the look on Suzumi's face every time he used his quirk on her. The small and gentle smile on her face… The soft blue in her eyes and how soft her hair was. There was just so much peace in that moment… and now he realized that she felt like home. The strange and nostalgic feeling he felt every time their eyes met… So soft, gentle, and welcoming.

While she breathed in that breath of fresh air he was silently being welcomed home, enveloped in a gentle hug as the smile grew on her lips.

Shota gripped his shirt, feeling the stinging feeling of longing grow in his chest.

'When was it…? When did I fall for you? It wasn't when I met you in the hospital after you were shot by Keiji. I was so disturbed by your story and I did want to help protect you then.. That's why I stayed with you in the safehouse until you were able to go to Shizuoka… No. It was when you had to leave. When you were so sad and scared to leave my side. You knew you couldn't ask to stay with me… so you did your best to start your life in Shizuoka for my sake… I wish you would have asked to stay, but even if you did I don't think I was ready then. At that time I thought I could move on and forget you… But I saw you everywhere after that, even when I closed my eyes. I was just so full of regret and I came to hate myself for letting you go. You were the most beautiful thing and I hated myself for pushing you away.'

He pulled his keys from his pocket and turned the lock.

'The way you screamed for me at the hospital when you woke up… No one has ever needed me that badly– No. I really fell in love with you when everything was falling apart at the compound. I was so scared I would lose you before I got the chance to love you!'

Shota entered the house and took off his boots as quickly as he could, tripping over them as he hurried down the hall to find Suzumi. All the rooms were dark except for the light of the TV in the living room. With his quirk he was unable to find her at the kotatsu, but when he fully entered the room he was able to make the futon reappear on the floor. He sat down at its side, thinking on whether or not he should wake her up. He watched as it rose and fell with each breath she took, the TV murmuring in the background.

Suzumi sighed, giving up on pretending she was asleep. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, doing her best to avoid his gaze. "I didn't expect you to come home so soon…" She managed a weak smile, looking down where her fists gripped the covers.

"...What's wrong?"

It was obvious she had been crying for a while. Her eyes were puffy and wet. That certain part of him regretted asking his question as it caused more tears to roll down her cheeks. He couldn't help but recall those nights he overheard her crying in the other room. Back then it was something he could easily ignore… but now it was painful. Just like how he wanted to take away her pain in the hospital. He wanted desperately to stop the tears cascading down her face.

He watched as she opened her mouth, but she decided against saying anything, shaking her head instead. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, giving up on the facade.

Suzumi was surprised to be pulled into his embrace, but didn't fight it as he wrapped his arms around her. The smell of cigarette smoke no longer lingered on him or his clothes, just the comforting smell of himself and the outside as her cheek rested against his shoulder. The way he rested his head on hers made her heart ache and squeezed more tears from her eyes.

"It's okay…" Shota tried to comfort her, wondering if he should try to make her explain herself or to push his own agenda…. But feeling her body shaking against his, he decided that this was enough. If this was all she needed right now then he would be happy with it.

"I'm sorry…" She pulled away and tried to avoid his gaze while she did her best to erase the evidence of tears from her face. She wished that he would look away and let her disappear. "It's just…"

He waited for her to continue for what felt like forever. "It's just…?"

Her smile was gone now and he watched her expression sour, illuminated only by the light of the TV. Slowly, he reached out to touch her hand but before he could make it, she brought both up to cover her face.

"I'm just so sad..!" Suzumi gritted her teeth, pressing her hands to her face. "I'm so lonely and I've always been so alone… I've always been alone! There have been so many times that I've wished that I could just disappear– Just fade out of existence entirely. I've been holding on for so long and trying my hardest to live and to fit in… but…" She removed her hands and let them float back down to her lap in defeat. "It's so hard. I have always wanted to be like everyone else- to actually be seen and heard and to have anyone care about me! About the things I wanna say and do and be… but I… My parents… my brother… Kei….."

Shota reached out and gripped her hand gently before it faded away and disappeared.

"I love you."

Suzumi looked over at him in shock, her mouth hanging open slightly. It went unseen as he turned his head away in some sort of flinch. The words sounded so foreign to her, she hadn't heard them in so long. Yes, she had heard those words said by her parents before, but the word 'love' had always been so hollow and empty. Only used passively and never really on purpose and never heard again once she had lost control of her quirk. There was no love in that house… no love in an arranged marriage… no love in that man she killed…

But Shota… The way he said it.. with such weight and meaning and conviction!

Suzumi reached out and grabbed his right arm with her left hand and reached for his face with her right. Her fingers pushed past the heavy veil that was cast over her body and, for the first time, she found that the burden was no longer unbearably heavy. She cupped his cheek and pulled him back to face her, silently begging for him to say it again. She suddenly found herself starving for those words.

Shota stared in amazement as Suzumi seemed to pull herself into existence. As if she were moving through a portal and becoming visible on the other side. On his side. First her right arm became visible before she pulled her head through, followed by the rest of her body as she leaned forward to grab his attention. She wore a confused look on her face… an expression so confused and desperate.

It was as if he suddenly found the magic words to make her appear.

"I love you…" He repeated, this time in a whisper.

He hoped that this would be what she needed to remain anchored on this plane of existence. That this was what she needed to not feel so alone anymore and isolated. That she could finally feel like a normal human being and to lessen the pain she carried.

It was enough. Suzumi's expression melted away and her eyebrows pushed up as she pulled him closer.

"I love you too!" She could only manage to mirror his heavy whisper, gripping his jaw and pulling him into a soft kiss.

Only he could melt away all the pain she felt. Only he could ever see her. She felt so unbelievably lucky to finally have this moment and to finally be allowed to love him. She pulled her lips away and relaxed back in her seat on the futon.

"I'm sorry… That no one else has given you the love that you deserve." He pulled his capture weapon from around his neck and set it on the kotatsu before doing the same with his goggles. "I don't want you to disappear… and I want to make it all up to you." He lifted the covers and snuggled in beside her, hugging her tightly. "I don't want you to ever feel alone ever again… because I love you.. so much."

Suzumi smiled softly at the wall as she felt his arm around her belly and his chin rested against her head. She raised her hand to her face to look it over as it was still visible. The pain she held in her chest was still there… but she felt so happy to be closer to him and to be in the safety of his arms.

She wondered how long it would last this time… How long until she would disappear again and have to start over from the beginning, trying to figure out the trick of her quirk. Her question was answered way too quickly as her gaze fell to her pinky finger. The second the memories of the pain and her punishment from Keiji flooded her mind, she was gone.

It was the most terrified she had ever been in her life. Nothing was scarier than that night, waiting for him to enter his room. Even the fear she felt as Keiji found out who Shota really was didn't come nearly as close… because during that night she wasn't all alone with him. Her hero was there.

Seeker had left her alone in Keiji's room, her hands tied behind her back. She tried to wriggle free and to get to her feet but she was tied up so tightly she couldn't separate herself from the chair without seriously injuring herself. Her heart and mind raced at such intense speeds she couldn't keep up. The only thought in her head was the need to escape. To run. To get out of there and to run away as far as her legs could take her. But she couldn't. She knew that they would never give her the opportunity to escape again. Never again.

She dreaded the look on his face. Dreaded what he would do to punish her. Dreaded his quirk. She felt as if she was about to throw up.

But she froze as the door opened across the room. She was filled with an intense feeling of terror as Keiji walked in and very slowly turned around to close the door behind him. She held her breath as he flipped the lock and lingered there for an agonizing moment before finally turning to face her.

'I'm going to die'

Keiji's face twisted down into an angry and disappointed scowl and the second their eyes met she could feel the fire ignite within her chest and begin to choke her. The tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Keiji- I'm sorry…!" Suzumi choked out.

She closed her eyes and flinched as he sucked in an angry breath to begin screaming at her, but instead, the burning from her chest faded away. Suzumi opened her eyes in surprise, lifting her head up to face him only to receive a terrible blow to her cheek. With all his strength he punched her across the face and if she hadn't been attached to the chair then she would have crashed to the floor.

She went blind for a moment, blinking away the sparkles in her vision as he finally began yelling at her. Before she could stop seeing stars, he grabbed her chin and pulled it painfully up to face him.

"You fucking liar. All of you! Fucking liars! Thieves and liars! Don't you dare try to feed me that bullshit! You were never coming back- don't think that I'm stupid, Suzumi!" His loud words dripped with anger, betrayal, and disgust. "You talked to the police, didn't you?"

Suzumi was still too shaken up to speak. Her mind was still somewhere far, far away, punched clear out of her skull. She tried to mouth something, but she was so jarred she couldn't remember her own language. Too stunned. Keiji had never been this violent towards her before.

"Didn't you?" Keiji swung his arm down again, grabbing her throat this time and slamming her head back against the wall with such violent force. "What did you tell them?"

She swallowed hard, barely managing it under the tight grip he had around her neck. She winced in pain from both the impact and from her arms being wedged between the wall and chair. The room was spinning and all the yelling and pain fogged up her mind. Even if she wanted to respond, she couldn't remember a single thing she told the police… the detective… that hero.

'He's not coming.'

Keiji finally let go of her, causing the chair to return to all four of its legs, and shook his head disappointedly as he walked away. Before she could catch her breath she could feel the fire spark to life within her lungs once again, but this time it was much stronger. It burned so intensely, suffocating her in his anger and hate. She coughed and tried to gasp for air but as much as she struggled, the more intense his quirk became. Sweat began to form on her skin and she so desperately wished that she could end her own suffering. To just end it all and finally be done with it.

What kind of husband is this?

What kind of life is this?

What did I do to deserve this kind of life?

Mom…? Dad…?

Just…. Why…?

Suzumi nearly passed out from the intense heat and lack of oxygen, but the grip Keiji's quirk had on her was loosened significantly as he started ranting. She gasped for air and willed the life and strength back into her body as he went on about wifely duties and betrayal. How he wished that he hadn't missed his shot and regretted that she wasn't dead. That he should kill her now but…. BUT…

Keiji turned around, a sadistic smile cracking across his face. Suzumi's heart skipped a beat. She wanted so badly for that smile to mean that she'd been forgiven and that the punishment was over, but she knew whatever he was thinking was much, much worse.

"That's it!" He stifled a laugh, a terrible look of glee erupting in his expression before it all faded into an eerie calmness. "You really fucked up this time, Sakamoto…" He sighed and shook his head in a fake pity as he approached her again. "If you would have done what you were supposed to then this wouldn't have happened. You know better than to fuck with me…" He reached down and grabbed a handful of her hair, leaning down to hiss into her ear. "Now I'll make you regret it. All of you. I'll track down your mother, your conniving excuse of a father, and your brother. I'll find all of them and kill all of them and destroy every little thing that belongs to them. Then…" he leaned in even closer, dragging his tongue across her cheek to taste her tears, "i'll kill you… but first…"

He leaned back, pulling a switchblade from his pocket before moving in uncomfortably close to cut free the ties around her wrists. He got to his feet and bit at his bottom lip, watching her closely as she rubbed at her wrists before cupping the painful wound on her face. She could already feel it swelling and the terrible ache of the pulsating pain in her head, face, and body.

Was it over? Did she make it?

Keiji looked down at her impatiently, playing with the switchblade in his hand. If he really wanted to kill her he would have already done it at least five different ways by now, but no… he had something even worse planned for her. She waited for her next instruction silently from the chair. She was too terrified to speak or to move; to incite the wrath of his anger once again. She knew he had enough resentment towards her to keep going on all night, maybe even days if he roped in his anger towards her family.

"Get down on your knees and beg." Keiji ordered.

Suzumi slid to the floor, collapsing onto its cold surface.

Beg. Beg. God she was so tired of begging. Falling to the floor for forgiveness and redemption from things that were never her fault. Begging for love from people who were never going to reciprocate. Giving every ounce of her soul and body to someone unworthy just for that tiny, tiny ounce of hollow love or praise. As if being invisible wasn't enough, the eyes she was unable to escape were always the most brutal and unforgiving. The people that should have loved her the most took and took and took and took and took and never gave.

Suzumi pressed her hands out past her head and groveled in defeat. She barely recognized her own voice as it sounded just as hoarse and hollow as her singed insides, begging for forgiveness. She knew he wouldn't forgive her, but still waited for his next order, or for him to leave her alone in the room without another word.

She yelped out in pain as he dug his heel into her left wrist, pinning it down on the floor. As she pulled at his ankle with her other hand, he ignored her, leaning down to take his penance.

Such terrible pain staining the floor red. As if she thought that the pain he had already dealt her couldn't get much worse… he always found a new and more painful way to hurt her.

And he reveled in it.

Keiji laughed as he straightened up and took his weight off of her hand, finding satisfaction in the fact that this was the first time he was able to see any real part of her; this little piece of her he stole away as payment.

While she writhed in pain and tried to stop the bleeding, he walked away and continued to laugh. She tried to get to her feet to find some bandages, but her legs failed her each time. Her vision started fading and she felt so, so incredibly weak…

Her only thought as she fell to the floor… the only thing on her mind… was Shota.

note.

Oops, looks like I'm bleeding out onto the page again.

Back before the end of the last arc I was considering Keiji doing some nail removal torture to punish Suzumi until I learned about their little pinky penance and in a way this is much worse. Both definitely suck a lot though.

Keiji is such an amalgamation of so many people for me, but mostly it's just anger and hate that make up who he is. Not just the anger and hate I've received from other people, but from myself as well. Even after killing him off he is never truly gone. He will continue to haunt Suzumi for a long, long time.

I keep thinking about the line "I cannot love you more than I do now" and it's been such an important line for me recently and I don't want the meaning to be lost on you if you don't already understand it. It sounds kinda convoluted. It's like… I want to love this person so badly because that's just what's in my nature. The first traits that make up myself are loving and caring, but because of how the other person is and all the negative actions they have taken towards me I've decided that I cannot keep going on like this. No more empty unreciprocated love. At first glance it's like "I cannot love you more than I do now" meaning I was loving you at 100%, but now it's no longer the case. I am supposed to love you but I cannot more than I do right now. I don't love you anymore and I'm walking away.

Also it was like 90 degrees the other day and now it's snowing. Spring is so strange here I swear…

For Keiji and Suzumi's portion of the chapter I found myself drawn to Cherry Wine and Dinner and Diatribes by Hozier but the most important song is NDA by Billie Eilish. The lyrics "Did I take it too far? Now I know what you are, you hit me so hard. I saw stars. Think I took it too far, when I sold you my heart. How'd it get so dark? I saw stars." Just hit so hard and heavy.

Anyway, I'm excited for Suzumi to start to figure out her quirk and to see some change in Shota as we will be focusing a lot more on his issues and backstory in this arc. And yes I totally did think it was necessary to do the cliche run to profess your love to your significant other trope.