A/n: non-yaoi lovers, this is not something you'll like
Chapter XVI
Chapter Sixteen Summary: fully devoted to Sasuke, this chapter tells about how his relationship with Itachi had been developing, how it made him miserable yet the happiest person in the world
Once again, Sasuke was left alone in a freezing wind-blown world where there was no one but Itachi and him, yet the former seemed so far, that only a dim figure of his was visible against the grey horizon. There were others, close ones - Sakura, Kakashi and Naruto. That last one with stubbornness and determination had somehow made his way into Sasuke's lifeless universe. The young Uchiha hated him for it just as much as he used to hate his brother, and he forced the image of the blond-haired boy out of his thoughts. Uchiha Sasuke the avenger. Uchiha Sasuke knows no love. Uchiha Sasuke cannot love, and once on the battlefield with Itachi, there was nothing except fury, boiling in him, together with Mangekyou Sharingan burning in cold ruthless flames. Oblivious of everything, he saw the one who he had been chasing throughout his life, and he beat ever-so desperately and vehemently, putting his hatred into each stroke as well as the longing for unrealized dreams and ruined hopes. He was going to kill the one who had taken everything from him, but most importantly, his own self.
The decision to beg for mercy for his brother was made there on the spot, in the heat of passion. Yet, having no regrets, he then had to deal with another problem – how to live, how to carry on. Settle the formalities and pay costs while Itachi was recovering in the hospital was his number one task. Hassling, time-consuming, requiring an awful lot of willpower, but helpful for getting rid of the bugging thoughts.
How should I act?
How should I behave with him?
What should I speak about?
- Itachi?
The realization that nii-san was there and so close, was driving him insane. When Itachi was in hospital, unconscious as he was, Sasuke spent all his free time at his bed, watching moveless and such a dear face, the face that haunted in his dreams, and he wanted to raise his hand in a wish to touch it, feel it, make sure it was no play of fancy – yet he wouldn't dare. Fingers trembling, breathing stuck in his throat, he couldn't take his eyes off the familiar features. Like crazy pounded his heart, and he could barely understand himself, bits and pieces of former hate filling his chest, seeming meaningless to a confused young man. Having taken revenge, after defeating his brother, after he won… what was the point in attaining power? Loathing, as he was gradually bringing it up, seemed pointless too. What he needed was figure out what feeling roared within him now.
When informed about Itachi's awakening, the Uchiha immediately rushed to the hospital, with no idea what emotions swept him over at the moment or what he was going to talk about with the other, he only knew he had to be there, all but plunging into a small room, dead in his tracks at the door.
The elder was sitting on the bed, head slightly lowered, while Sasuke stared at him unable to make a move, mind empty, before Itachi turned to face him slowly,
- Sasuke? – there followed a quiet question
The dark-brown eyes looked into his. No, not into – through his. That was when Sasuke gave a stifled cry, then closed his mouth with his hand. 'He can't see.'
Things untangled at once. The abrupt ending of the illusion created by Mangekyou Sharingan during their fight, Itachi's odd, uncertain movements afterwards. He can't see, he's blind. The cursed Mangekyou betrayed its master. Sasuke collapsed in the doorframe, palms on his eyes.
It's been several weeks since Itachi got his own house, shackled with a thin steel strip of a bracelet-detector. Sasuke visited him some times as he brought food and did the chores while all looked like it had come back to square one, Itachi growing distant and aloof, letting the younger sibling, as if benevolently, take care of him. They were not on speaking terms, mainly because Sasuke didn't know what to talk about, but in his heart, mixed emotions amassed step by step. Irritation, resentment, spite, longing… Nii-san didn't seem to care a bit again. Reluctantly, the younger of the brothers went along the street, wanting to avoid the building, yet there was something drawing him there. Whatever he did, however important his work was, eventually, he ended up thinking about Itachi. He simply needed to see him, be next to him.
Besides, he wanted so much nii-san to notice him at last. One day, Sasuke broke loose.
A common visit – he opened the door with his key, then shut it gently, messing with he lock. No one stood there to greet him, no one responded to the noise.
- Itachi? – he called out, passing through the darkened hallway to the living-room. – Itachi!
'Enough,' the guy gritted his teeth and swore to himself. How dare he ignore him? No longer was he a little boy, asking to teach him how to throw shurikens. He had defeated him, damn it!
- Itachi! – eachoed the shoult, after which a bunch of keys, angrily tossed, landed at the wall. – You deaf?
- What is it, Sasuke? – a tired and somewhat mocking voice sounded just behind him.
He turned around only to face the elder right beside him,
- Uchiha, - the guy hissed through his clenched teeth and narrowed his eyes, overwhelmed with rage. – You listen! I'm fucking sick of it! I'm not a seven-year-old, and you don't have a fucking right to treat me like a foolish little brother! I'm running off my feet to look after you, going against the whole village just to fucking help you, and I deserve at least a drop of respect!
- It was your plan, wasn't it? – a calm reply. – So I have nothing to do with it
This was the last straw – Sasuke couldn't help it,
- I hate you… - he growled, his arm ready for a hit to wipe away that air of indifference. – I hate you!
His fist never achieved its goal. A moment later, he found himself pinned to the wall, hands gripped so firmly, he had no chance for escape.
- Why didn't you kill me? – a simple question asked in an ever-composed tone, yet which caused him to still, forgetful of resistance
But really, there was something that had stopped him after all.
Fear, a mad fear of losing. Then he took a look at the second one, almost feeling a soothed anger flare up anew.
How dare he ask this? Sasuke had had mercy on him, so graciously sparing the loser of a brother, despite all the evil he had caused him, and what Itachi was doing now was have a cheek to argue with him! It looked like he uttered something inarticulate, and afterwards, his irises changed their color to crimson.
- Mangekyou Sharingan! – he yelled, eyes suddenly burdened
Earlier, he had not suspected how much strength required the higher form of Mangekyou Sharingan, but he got accustomed in the end, even though still stunned at the initial pressure on his eyes in the first seconds.
The guy stared at Itachi, fully determined to give his brother a lesson, and eventually make him respect him. A cry sounded – a sudden awareness struck him. Mangekyou was powerless against the blind.
He had spent years seeking strength. Love, friendship, hope for a better life. Everything thrown on the altar - all in vain. Itachi was… out of reach… Sasuke, the winner, lost again.
The black wheel of Mangekyou spun and dispersed. The younger Uchiha lowered his head as he felt his hands un-captured when the elder let him free. They rested like this for several minutes, then Sasuke looked up, his chest painfully tightening, white knuckles trembling,
- Nii-san… - he whispered, laying his palm on Itachi's torso
Beneath it, softness and warmth, heart beating smoothly, the younger raised his hand to Itachi's face, fingers brushing against such a soft, delicate skin.
- I hate you… so much… - this followed by a slow dreamlike lean forward before he touched his lips.
Of stir, there was none, yet Sasuke couldn't but feel his muscles tense and his breath hitch up. He didn't respond, which didn't matter to Sasuke, as he kept kissing him tenderly, shyly, lovingly, like he had never kissed anyone, never in his life, and in these moments, instantaneously, indignation along with malice vanished without a trace. Understanding all the wrong of the act, he stuck the feeling deeper, to the farther edge of his consciousness while his being was filled with a delightful sense of completeness, just as if a part of his soul, the part he had lost years ago, was there with him again.
Sasuke drowned in that experience, something he finally got to admit. Before his eyes golden dots danced, giddiness taking him over. Underneath Itachi's shirt, slipped Sasuke's hand, and around his neck, wrapped the other one, simultaneously burying it into the thick hair of his ponytail. It was when the other one pulled back.
Sasuke, panting, leaned against the wall, reaching out to his brother with a childish, desperate gesture as though afraid to let him go. Gently, but firmly the man caught his wrists and set him to his feet, ever-so neatly. A glimpse into a serene, stern even, face was enough for the younger to recover. Did he just?.. His cheeks flushed. One thing was dreaming about it, but this was a way different story.
- The keys, you had flung them somewhere, - said he mutely, releasing his brother. – They should be in the corner. Look for them, will you?
- O… okay, - Sasuke mumbled, ignoring the oppressive heat, which in waves-like motion spread over his lower stomach
A dense fog his thoughts got enveloped in denied any rational idea, and the aching sensation had him week in the knees. A few deep breaths, before he obediently settled down to the search.
His nii-san always knew what to do in any situation.