Chapter five – A Will to Change
After her walk, Tawna couldn't summon the strength to return to her own room, knowing Pinstripe was still there. So instead she sat down on one of the stools at the bar. The bartender leaned toward her, propping one elbow on the bar as he diligently polished a glass.
"Hey babe, what are you doin' up so early? You had a late night, better rest up."
Tawna snorted in irritation.
"I'm not tired right now, Nick. Just give me something with a little flavor."
Nick shrugged his shoulders and departed to fix her drink. Tawna took a deep breath and let it out as slow as she could. It didn't matter how hard she tried to calm herself down, she would always revert to her nervous habits. Twirling her hair between her fingers was one rather annoying tendency, and another was drumming her fingertips. She had acquired these habits shortly after moving in with Pinstripe, a few years ago. Now, she hardly noticed when she succumbed to her habits. Her mind was always so full of anxiety that her constant quirks didn't bother her.
As Tawna drummed her fingers on the bar, awaiting her drink, she caught a glimpse of a figure moving toward her. In the daylight hours, the club was almost always empty. The scum who enjoyed a good drink accompanied by a lap dance usually crawled out from beneath their rocks in the evening. However, at times some of the diehards weren't ever prepared to go home. When Nick placed the drink down in front of her, Tawna took a quick sip. The taste hit her hard and she coughed.
"What is this stuff?" Tawna demanded hoarsely.
Nick smiled. "Oh yeah, careful with that. If you're not tired, you will be after a cup of that stuff. But don't go hog wild, the taste'll knock you on your ass."
Tawna sighed, and offered the glass in her hand another glance. She lifted it up to inspect the contents, and then closed her eyes tightly.
What the hell? I'm not leaving this place anyway, let's make it as painless as possible. She thought dejectedly, and took a long swing.
She was prepared for the taste that time, so recovering wasn't too challenging. In her line of work, Tawna had her share of drinks, but being part animal she could not become addicted to any type of alcohol. She hated the stuff, but it did make working a little more tolerable. The guy Tawna spied had moved a little closer, and she could see out of the corner of her eye that he had his sights set on her. Tawna groaned and took another drink.
"Heavy drinker, eh?" A gravely voice said as the guy slipped into the chair beside. "I like that."
Tawna didn't respond. She found the easiest way to deal with trash was to keep silent and let them lose interest on their own. Unfortunately, it rarely came to that. The potoroo leaned on the bar next to her, a disgusting and unnerving smile on his face.
"What's the matter, sweetheart? Not in the mood for chitchat?"
"I'd prefer to finish my drink without being bothered, so please leave me alone." Tawna said as she edged away.
The Potoroo quickly made up for the space Tawna had retreated, and then some. Tawna could smell the liquor on the Potoroo's breath, and she turned her head in disgust.
"I know you, you know. I come here all the time and watch you and Pinstripe's other girls dance around up there. But you know what," The Potoroo brushed his nose against Tawna's bare shoulder. "You're my favorite."
Shivers raked up Tawna's spine as she quickly jerked away.
"I'm flattered." She snarled through clenched teeth. "I have to go."
As Tawna stood, the Potoroo quickly grasped her arm. Tawna's heart skipped a beat as she attempted to pull away, but it was futile. The Potoroo was still smiling.
"Come on now. You haven't even finished your drink."
"I'm not thirsty anymore."
"Then why don't you give me a little preshow demonstration?" The Potoroo lifted a bill from his pocket and waved it in front of her face. "I'm good for it."
Tawna twisted from his grasp and stepped back. She glared hard at the slime before her.
"I'm not on shift right now."
Tawna turned on her heel and wove through the tables until she reached the other side of the club. From behind, Tawna could hear the potoroo chuckling.
"Hey, don't worry, I can wait. See you tonight, baby."
Tawna nearly retched, but she didn't offer any retort. There was no point. Chances were he would be waiting for her, when he would actually be at the liberty of rubbing his dirty hands all over her. Tawna's misery once again attempted to consume her, but she fought it. There was no use in being so utterly depressed when there was no way out. It would only make the situation worse. The sun was setting, so it was nearly time for the night to begin. Tawna decided to return to her room to ready herself for the show.
She didn't knock before entering the room, and as she strode in her heart somersaulted. Pinstripe was on the bed, moaning happily as he planted slobbery kisses all over Veronica. It was not as though Tawna wasn't used to Pinstripe locking lips with other women, she'd discovered his unfaithfulness long ago, but it still hurt her when she witnessed it. Even upon seeing her, the pair did not stop. Tawna averted her gaze and walked toward her closet.
"Hey girl, where've you been?" Pinstripe asked when he finally tore his mouth from Veronica. "I almost got up to look for you."
"Did you? Doesn't look like it to me." Tawna tone was acidic.
She didn't wait for Pinstripe to respond. She just opened her closet and walked inside without another word. She could hear mumbling from the bedroom.
"No baby…come on…" The voice was Veronica's, obviously encouraging Pinstripe to continue where they left off.
"The club'll be opening in a half hour. Better doll yourself up."
"Just a little longer…"
"Beat it Veronica. I've got things to do."
There was a quick sound of rustling followed by the slamming of a door. Tawna hoped Pinstripe had left with Veronica. She didn't want to see him. Tawna quickly chose the dress she would wear for the night, and brought it out into her room. She grimaced when she saw that Pinstripe had remained. Pinstripe was sitting on the bed with an aggravated expression.
"So, what the hell's your problem?"
Tawna rolled her eyes and tossed her dress on the chair. "I'm surprised you care enough to ask."
Pinstripe groaned. "What is it now? Holy crap you're a high maintenance chick. You get upset about the smallest things. Are you pissed that you caught me making out with V?"
Tawna didn't trust herself to look at him. "I've accepted your tendency to suck the faces off other women long ago Pinstripe. Your philandering is no news to me."
"Well, than what is it?" Pinstripe threw up his hands. "Why are you so moody?"
Tawna sniffed back her rage. "I'm sick of being felt up by any random creep whenever it pleases them. You may be fine with switching women every night but I hate being passed around from slimeball to slimeball."
"Well, I agree with you there honey." Pinstripe said as he leaned back, scratching his chest absently. "The majority of my customers are guys who are out for a little fun. But you can't let that bother you. It's your job. Be professional about it."
Tears scorched Tawna's eyes. "How can I be professional when I'm selling myself to men I hate?"
Pinstripe smiled. "Well, you sold yourself to me pretty damn quick."
Tawna turned away, angered and mortified and every possible feeling in between. She rested her hands on the back of her chair, forcing herself to calm. Suddenly, she felt Pinstripe behind her. He reached his hand around her to grasp the lacy maroon dress she had chosen. Pinstripe whistled.
"Now this is a nice one. Been a while since I've seen you in something so snazzy." Pinstripe gently turned Tawna around to face him. His grin was horrible, and Tawna could guess exactly what was on his mind. "First, let's get you warmed up."
Pinstripe slowly guided Tawna to the bed, and Tawna obediently followed. As she gazed up into Pinstripe's warm garnet eyes, somehow her anger began to disappear. She hated Pinstripe. She repeated this phrase to herself over and over again. Yet, when she was in his arms, something bewitched her. He was just so handsome, and she felt so lonely. Pinstripe wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her neck tenderly. Tawna inhaled deeply, and allowed her eyes to flutter closed.
Pinstripe continued to kiss her across her throat, and she leaned into his embrace. Soon enough, his hands probed for the straps on her dress, and he guided the fabric downward. Tawna snapped out of her possession as though she'd been doused in ice water. She held the dress before Pinstripe could completely remove it, and the latter furrowed his brow in confusion. Tawna tilted her head to one side.
"I really have to get ready, Pinstripe." And she turned away.
Pinstripe was silent for a moment, but then he laughed.
"That's why you'll always be my favorite girl, Tawna. You're not easy. All right, I'll see you tonight. Dress sharp."
Then Pinstripe threw on a shirt and left Tawna alone in her room. Tawna stood for a few moments without moving a muscle, but eventually she relaxed and began to dress. Why could she not escape a man she despised so strongly? The answer was obvious. She was terrified of being alone. Tawna fitted her purple dress around her frame, and quickly passed a brush through her curly hair. After a touch of lipstick Tawna slipped into her heels and strode toward the door. She laid a hand on the handle, and after a few hesitant moments she opened it and walked out of the room.