Huge Author's Note: Oh my gosh! Another chapter! I'm on a roll...

Except maybe not this week. For one, it's Christmas this weekend (duh) and two, I'm making my sister-in-law a scarf for Christmas. And instead of just doing a plain old knit/pearl pattern, I decided to go all out and do a cable knit with really fine yarn and small needles.

Yes, not exactly the best plan on my part.

The point is that if it's not done by Christmas, I'm going to make it my business to do nothing but knit until it's finished, which means, possibly no update next week.

Some more points:

1.) Some of you are really going to hate Bella in this story. Maybe not hate, but definitely be frustrated with her.

2.) I don't own the characters. I just like to mess with their minds.

3.) Follow me chicabonita519

And last but definitely not least...

5.) MERRY CHRISTMAS! I pray that God blesses all of you (whether you celebrate or not) not only this holiday, but all the time.

Chapter 3 – Telling Myself

I bought these new heels, did my nails,
Had my hair done just right.
I thought this new dress was a sure bet
For romance tonight
Well it's perfectly clear, between the TV and beer,
I won't get so much as a kiss.
As I head for the door I turn around to be sure.
Did I shave my legs for this?

"Did I Shave my Legs for This?" – Deana Carter

"What are you up to, Alice?"

At the sound of the tinkling bell of the main entrance for her boutique, Alice looked up from folding shirts to find her very beautiful, but very irritated, friend.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Rose," she smiled innocently, placing a stack of sweaters on a display.

"You know what," her friend crossed her arms. "What were you thinking springing Edward on Bella like that?"

Alice fluttered her eyelashes. "What? I was just inviting him to a friendly get together. There was no need for him to stay home alone last night."

Rose did not say anything. All she had to do was continue to glare at her friend, arms folded over her chest, to make Alice talk.

"Fine!" she raised her arms in exasperation. "I don't want Bella to marry Mike, okay?"

Rose furrowed her eyebrows. "Why not? They're great together."

"They are," Alice admitted, biting her lower lip. "But she was better with Edward."

"For a whole week?" Rosalie scoffed. "Come on, Alice. Bella loves Mike. Mike loves Bella and treats her like a princess. You can't deny that."

"No, I can't. But you can't deny that when Bella and Edward were together she acted completely different. I don't doubt that Bella loves Mike. I just think she loved Edward in better way. A way suitable for forever."

"Loved Edward? Alice, you've got to be joking. You heard her when we left Tahoe. It was just a fling."

"God," Alice rolled her eyes. "Even you can't be that blind. They were totally in love."

"So what? It was four years ago!"

Alice sighed. "I know. But I also know that they're meant to be."

Rose snorted.

"Give it time, Rose," her friend pleaded. "Just watch how Bella and Edward interact. If in a couple months' time, you don't see any hope there, then I'll give up. I promise. Tomorrow night we're all going out for dinner and a few drinks. You can start then."

Rose stood, her lips in a thin line. "Fine," she huffed. "But if…" She was cut short by the door bell once again, this time to see their mutual friend all through.

"Hey guys," Bella greeted. "Rose, what are you doing here?"

She paused just long enough for Alice to speak for her. "Oh, she was just seeing if she could find a new outfit for tomorrow's dinner. You know, Rose. Always updating her wardrobe."

"Just like you."

"Just like me," Alice smirked. "So what are you doing here?"

In response to her question, Bella grinned. "I'm here for a new outfit as well. Mike has plans for tomorrow night."

"Really?" Rose raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow directed at Alice. "So you're not coming out with us?"

Bella bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "Well, I suppose not. Mike was pretty adamant about having the night to ourselves at his apartment."

Rose coughed, giving Alice a significant glance before turning her attention back to Bella. "Well, I think I saw the perfect dress for you the other day. Demure but sexy."

Alice quickly nodded. "I think I know the one you're talking about, Rose. Let me go get it."

Within a half hour's time, Bella had secured a new outfit and the ladies had plans for a girls' night in while the guys had poker night. As soon as the door closed behind Bella, Rose turned to Alice shaking her head.

"It's not going to happen, Alice."

"Trust me," she contradicted. "It will. I know love when I see it."

FMO

"I'm out," Mike threw down his cards, leaving just Edward and Jasper to duke it out through a card game.

"I thought you were going to clean me out?" Edward smirked.

Mike shrugged. "I'm having an off day."

"Right," Emmett guffawed. "Isn't every day and off day for you?" Mike gave him the middle finger, causing Emmett to laugh even louder. "Classy comeback."

Edward laughed with everybody else around the table. Despite being in the same room of the fiancé of the woman that got away, he found himself having a good time. He never had very close friends in Chicago once he graduated undergrad, so it felt good to actually belong.

Especially when he could kick everybody's asses at poker. He smirked as he laid down his winning hand and pulled the pile of chips towards him.

"Won again."

"Dude, you must be counting cards, or something," Mike complained. "You've won every hand."

Emmett smacked Mike on the shoulder. "Nope. Edward's is just the fucking best at everything. Kind of annoying."

His cousin rolled his eyes. "That's not true, Em."

"Oh yeah. I forgot you suck with girls. Remember in Tahoe when you were being such a pussy with Bell… Shit! Jasper! What the hell?" Jasper rolled his eyes and gestured towards Mike. "Oh. Yeah. Like I was saying, he didn't want anything…" It was obvious he was trying to backtrack quickly without much luck.

This time it was Mike who interrupted, putting up his hands at Emmett, but when he spoke it was towards Edward. "It's all right. Bella told me."

Edward didn't know whether or not to be relieved. On one hand, no one had to hide anything about the relationship that he once had with Bella, but on the other, Bella must have been completely over him if she was so truthful with Mike.

What he definitely felt was embarrassment.

"I'm gonna get a beer." He hoped to have a moment to himself as he grabbed a beer from the fridge, but to his dismay, Mike had followed him.

"Hey man. There's no hard feelings," he informed Edward. "I know it was a long time ago, and really no one could blame you for going for Bella."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "I suppose not."

His competition, if he could call Mike that, shook his head. "She's a great woman. She made me the happiest man on earth the day she agreed to marry me."

Edward nodded, taking a gulp of his beer. He found it extremely difficult to remain stoic. He couldn't be sure if Mike actually saw through his façade. Edward could just not shake the feeling that Mike was subtlety warning him that he knew Edward still had feelings for Bella. He believed that Mike was warning him not to get in the way of his happiness.

"Besides, it's obvious that she no longer has feelings for you."

And there it was. The stake through Edward's heart. He knew then what he was denying all along.

It wasn't that Edward still had feelings for Bella.

It was that he never stopped loving her.

FMO

Bella straightened out her brand new dress that she bought yesterday before knocking on Mike's door. As she heard heavy footsteps make their way to the front entrance, Bella wondered once again why she still did not have a key to her fiancé's apartment.

And her friends wondered why they weren't living together.

She brushed her thoughts aside as she heard the deadlock turn and saw the door open to reveal a rumpled Michael, dressed in sweats and a T-shirt. Although his eyes lit up when they fell upon this beautiful woman, Bella just stared in shock. She had come prepared for a romantic dinner, and here was Mike, dressed as if was planning on spending the evening on the couch, drinking beer and watching baseball.

"Babe, you look breathtaking," he breathed as he leaned in for a kiss. With a flick of his tongue against her lips, he pulled away, bringing Bella inside with him. "What's the occasion?"

Bella shrugged. "I thought we were having a special night together."

"Babe," he grasped both of her hands in his. "You know every night together is special."

She desperately tried not to roll her eyes at his corny line, but she could not stop from grimacing. "So what's the plan?"

"Well, I bought the ingredients for lasagna. I thought you could make it for dinner."

Bella sighed. "I guess I can do that."

"Great! Thanks, Bella." With a chaste kiss on the cheek, Mike left her side to sit on the couch. Just as she thought, baseball was on the television and there was a beer on the end table.

Slipping off her high heels, Bella shuffled her way to the kitchen to begin dinner.

An hour and a half later, Bella was placing the hot pan on the table that she set. "Honey," she called. "Dinner's ready." When she heard Mike's footsteps through the kitchen she called out, "Can you get a bottle of Chianti?"

"Wine? I was thinking I'd just drink beer."

Bella inwardly sighed, willing away the tears. It wasn't as if she could blame Michael. When she remembered the conversation where they made plans for the evening, not once did he say it was a special occasion. All he asked for was a night at home. It was her imagination that created the idea that the night would be different than every other night spent together. After all, did she really believe that just because they were engaged, Mike would become more romantic? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

"Well can you pour me a glass then?" I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.

"Sure thing." A few minutes later, Mike entered the dining room, holding her glass of wine. "Do you think we can eat in the living room? The Mariners are about to start playing."

So much for romance.

FMO

Edward was the first one to see Bella walk through the door. He was standing at the bar ordering another pitcher of beer when the flash of midnight blue against fair skin caught his eye. Turning to fully view her, he felt his breath catch in his throat. Her off-the-shoulder dress hugged her curves perfectly, ending mid-thigh. Her long legs were emphasized by the black peek-a-boo heels she wore.

She was definitely overdressed for the bar that his friends and he were at as made obvious by the admiring stares of the male customers. It was obvious that she came from somewhere a little more formal, and it was no secret that she had plans with Mike that night. So what was she doing there?

Just as her eyes met his, he was interrupted by a pitcher being placed in front of him.

"Thanks," he told the bartender. "Just put it on the tab."

As he turned to face Bella once again, he felt the warmth of a body next to him. Glancing down, he once again met the eyes that he admired. Where joy usually sparkled in her eyes, however, sadness had taken over. He wanted to say something – anything – that would force the sadness away, but their revived friendship was too new – too fragile – to say anything.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey."

The once-couple stood in awkward silence trying to look anywhere but at each other. Finally, Edward cleared his throat. "Come on, I'll show you where everybody is seated."

As Bella followed Edward through the crowded bar, she was forced to take hold of the back of his shirt so that she would not get lost. Immediately, she felt the heat of his body radiating through the shirt. At the same time she gasped, Edward took in a raspy breath at the feel of Bella's hand barely brushing his back. He was immediately taken back to the time when she freely touched his bare skin in both loving and seductive ways.

As these memories flooded his brain, he could barely contain himself from turning around to embrace Bella in his arms. His body still remembered what it felt like to hold her and what it tasted like to kiss her. As the booth where his friends were congregated came into view, he breathed a sigh of relief. He knew he could only keep his willpower for so long, and there was no way he could risk losing Bella now. He may not have her as a lover, but he would keep her has a friend.

"Hey, sexy bitch!" Rose called out once she caught sight of Bella. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah!" Alice chimed in. "I thought you and Mikey had a romantic date planned."

Bella slid herself into the booth next to Alice and sighed for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day. "Well, I thought we did. He just wanted a quiet night watching baseball."

"Looking like that?" Emmett pondered. "What the hell is wrong with him? I totally would have banged you. Ow! Woman? What's your problem?" he asked Rose who still had her hand in the air.

"I'm right here, asshole."

"So?" he shrugged. "It's just Bella."

"Gee, Em. Way to make a woman feel great," Bella scoffed.

"Forget about it, Bells," Jasper interrupted, putting a shot of a clear liquid in front of her. "All us men have stupid days."

"Speak for yourself, bro," Emmett muttered.

Rose rolled her eyes. "You, especially, you big lug."

"Well," Bella picked up the shot of alcohol as if to toast everybody. "Here's to imperfect men!" She quickly shot down the liquid fire and slammed the glass back on the table. As she lifted her eyes from the table, she could not help but catch those of the person sitting across from her. Edward's eyes were like liquid emeralds as he stared into hers as if searching for something.

"Are you okay?" he asked so quietly, it was almost a whisper.

Bella nodded. "Yeah. It's not so bad in the big scheme of things. I was just putting unrealistic expectations on tonight."

Edward frowned, his eyes turning darker. "I don't think it's so unrealistic."

Nothing was said between them, but their gazes were locked. Neither could look away from each other, both trying to decipher what the other was feeling. Moments passed where conversation flowed freely among the company, but either nobody realized the tension between the man and the woman, or at least nobody was willing to disturb them.

Until Rose decided that Bella was in need of another shot. Slamming a glass in front of her, she demanded, "Drink up!"

Bella's eyes tore away from Edward's to meet Rose's amused expression. "What?" Bella asked. Her friend shook her head, only to meet the eyes of Alice.

As soon as Bella was distracted by taking the shot, Rose leaned over the table. "I'm with you."

Alice's answering smile was blinding.

FMO

The night passed quickly. After the initial tension between Bella and Edward dissolved, they both eased comfortably back into the conversation among their friends. Although they did not necessarily speak directly to each other all evening, they felt comfortable being in each other's presence without any further awkwardness.

Bella could not understand why there would be any awkwardness to begin with. Two nights prior, they were able to talk comfortably. But Mike was also with her. Now they were two single people in the midst of two loving couples.

As the group gathered their things to leave, Bella felt a wave of dizziness wash over her. "Oh boy," she said as a hand came up to her head. "I think I drank a little more than I thought."

"You can't drive home like that, Bells," Alice informed her friend.

Bella rolled her eyes. "I know that. I'm not that stupid. Who can take me home?" The question was automatically asked as none of her friends lived particularly close to her. It completely escaped her mind that she now had somebody sharing the same apartment complex.

It was Rose who realized who would be the designated driver of choice. "Edward, obviously."

Bella's head snapped around to look at Edward. Her cheeks became warm with a blush as she asked, "Is that okay?"

"Of course. We'll have to take your car. I came with Emmett and Rose."

Bella nodded. "That's actually better. Then I don't have to leave my car here. Can you drive stick?"

"Yeah. My car is stick."

As the couple-that-wasn't talked, the whole group of friends had been walking towards the door. With good-byes said, Bella found herself leading Edward to her truck. Although it was from the 50s, Bella loved it. It was a gift from her parents when she learned how to drive, and with plenty of maintenance and care, it continued to run, although she was afraid it was on its last leg.

Although the truck had been good to her, the weather had not been good on the exterior. The rusted metal of the truck always persuaded people to believe that there was no way the truck could run.

Edward was no different.

"This is your car?"

Bella nodded. "Isn't she a beauty?"

Edward looked at her incredulously. "You're serious?"

"Of course I am," she frowned. "I love my truck."

"Does it even run?"

She rolled her eyes. "It got here didn't it?" Bella grumbled as she read for the passenger door. Before she could reach it, however, Edward's hand was on the handle, opening it for her. His other hand was extended, as if to help her in the truck. Tentatively, Bella reached to grab his hand as if she climbed into the truck.

She didn't exactly need assistance to climb in her truck. After all, she did it every day. But she could not ignore the chivalry that Edward was showing. The fact that Mike had never helped her into a car, never mind open a car door for her did not escape her thoughts.

Knowing where her scattered thoughts were leading, Bella shook her head slightly. She could not; no would not compare Edward to Mike. There was no reason to. She and Edward were just friends, and she was going to marry Mike.

She was startled out of her thoughts as Edward closed his door once he was settled in the truck. "Okay," he stated as the truck roared to life. "You'll have to tell me how to get home."

"Turn right out of the parking lot."

Some time passed with the only words spoken between the two of them was the directions Bella gave to their apartment complex.

"So why'd you switch from middle to high school?" Edward's voice broke the silence.

It was the first time Bella had heard his voice in pure silence without another noise polluting the timber of his voice. It was as smooth and calming as she remembered…

"Bella?"

"Excuse me?"

Edward chuckled, sending another shiver down Bella's spine. "I asked why you switched from middle school to high school."

"You remember what level I taught?"

His eyebrows furrowed together. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

She shrugged. "It's just been a long time…"

Silence surrounded them once again before Edward cleared his throat. "So?"

Bella bit her lip as she thought of how to phrase her answer. "I loved the kids," she began. "But I wanted to teach at a higher level. There is only so much depth to conversations you can have with twelve and thirteen-year-olds."

The sound of Edward's laughter vibrated through the air again. "I suppose you're right."

"So why'd you move here?" Bella questioned. "Weren't you settled in Chicago?"

"I guess," Edward grimaced. "But there wasn't anything there that really kept me there. At least here I'm close to Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme. And Emmett, of course."

"Was it hard? Leaving friends?"

"I didn't really have many close friends."

"You didn't?"

"No," he shook his head. "I was just so focused in med school, and I didn't get close to anybody. Not beyond school, anyway."

"No girlfriend?"

There was no doubt in Bella's mind that if Edward couldn't see her, she would've slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. She could not fathom what would make her ask such a question. What did it matter to her?

Luckily, Edward did not seem affronted by the question. "No, no girlfriend."

It was once again silent in the car, the awkwardness almost palpable. Bella was desperate to rid herself of the feeling, so she continued her questioning.

"Did you drive here from Chicago? Or did you fly?"

"I drove. I wanted to see the country."

"I bet it was beautiful."

"Very," he murmured looking at her as she stared out of the window, oblivious to the attention she was getting.

"Hmm," she hummed. "I would love to drive around the country some day. Just get in the car and drive. Go wherever I feel like going."

Edward could not help but picture her – hair blowing in the breeze from the open windows as she drove through the desert or the flat farmland. He was in the front seat and they were fighting over what to listen to the radio. Slowly though, the picture of him seated beside Bella faded into one of Mike smiling and laughing with her.

Suddenly, he was uncomfortable being in such close quarters as Bella, but relief was in sight as he pulled into a parking space. Without saying a word, he exited the cab and hurried to open the door for Bella, once again offering a hand to help her step to the ground.

"Thank you," she whispered as she released his hand. "I guess I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Later. Good night, Bella."

"'Night, Edward."

As he stared at her retreating form, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He knew he needed Bella in his life somehow, but the ride home told him how difficult it would be to be friends with her.

Because he was damned if he knew how to do it.

'Cause I'm acting as if
This blue sky's never gonna rain down on me.
I'm telling myself
This true love's never gonna leave me lonely.
Unless there's something I've missed, I'm acting as if

"As If" – Sara Evans