She needs him to hate her. That's the only thought that gets her threw this. He has to hate her. She's seen the future and this is the only way. He has to view her as a monster and desire her death more than anything else or Camelot's time of peace and happiness will never continue. If she doesn't represent all that is evil and wrong in this world he will never forgive himself for letting her down, and it will destroy him.
So instead she will destroy herself.
It shouldn't be too hard - everyone else she used to care for hates her. Guinevere, Gaius, Uther before he finally died, and Merlin most of all.
She couldn't lie to herself: part of her hated all of them too. The people who she had once turned to for help and support when she felt so alone. Guinevere her old best friend who as soon as Arthur had turned his gaze to had forgotten that Morgana exsisted and never once asked what was wrong though she was there so often that she of all people should have been able to see what was wrong. Gaius the old physician who had been another father figure to her but had kept the truth about her dreams from her and had never once tried to really help her, only continueing to say his web of lies that it was nothing. Uther, the man who she had lived in fear of for years who had slaughtered innocent women, children and men, destroying countless of people's lives just so that he could feel safe at night. The hypocrite who used magic when it benefited him but then killed those who did the same. She refused to think of him as her father. In the end she had killed him. His spirit couldn't take it finding out that his own daughter was a witch who wanted his death more than anything else. No one had taken it as a surprise when he was found dead on the ground with a bottle of poison in his hand that he had used to take his own life. She only wished she had been able to make him suffer longer. And Merlin. Merlin the person she had once called her friend. She had turned and trusted him with her secret, feeling that for once she was safe. The lier, traitor and greatest enemy who had poisoned her, and killed her sister. She would never forgive him, and she knew he would never forgive her.
it kills her inside to have these people hate her so. She can never forget what they did to her, but she will always desire to go back to those simple days when they were there for each other. When there was no one she trusted more and she was the innocent naive girl who didn't know their dark secrets.
It was easier back then, but she'll never simply be the Lady Morgana again. No. She is Morgana le Fay, the dark sorceress determined to bring camelot's walls crashing down around her. The evil witch. That's what they call her now, and everyone believes it. Everyone but him, and he is the only one she needs to believe it.
If he doesn't believe it Camelot is doomed, she's seen it. And that is why she will break her heart and destroy anything left living for tonight. She will do it for him.
He has to hate her.
Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot stood outside in the cold night air deep in the forest by a small lake where he and Morgana had spent so much of their time together.
He had been unable to sleep as he had so often the past nights. He had sat up and looked over at his wife Guinevere sleeping next to him, her soft brown curls laying on the pillow and her face relaxed.
He hadn't told her where he was going, actually he hadn't told anyone. Instead he had gotten up and thrown on a simple white shirt and buckled his sword around his wait before sneaking out of the castle using the secret passageway Morgana and he had used so often as children back when everything was simple. Back when their biggest fear was being caught by Uther and scolded at for leaving the castle.
He was the king and he knew that if he had talked to anyone they would have told him that he shouldn't leave without knights to accompany him and keep him safe from any harm. But he was sick of being protected, he was the King of Camelot damn it and he would do what he wanted no matter the consequences.
Staring at the lake in front of him where he had so many memories he finally let his mind focus on the person who if he was honest with himself was always on his mind - Morgana.
He loved Guinevere, he really did. That is why they had gotten married. And he knew in his heart that she loved him also, but they didn't belong together. Or maybe they fit too well together? Everything was too simple, too easy. The only thing against them had been Uther, and after Morgana had taken over Camelot Uther had lost his mind. He had no longer posed a threat to Arthur marrying Guinevere.
It had been a fairytale, everything had been perfect, or so it had seemed on the outside. He had pushed any memory of Morgana he had as far back in his mind as he could, determined to be happy and move on. Guinevere had been able to tell that something was wrong but she had left it alone, calm and patient as always. But they had been married for five years now, and the gap between them had only grown larger.
He saw the way Lancelot looked at Guinevere, as if she was the sun and the reason the earth exsisted and the way Guinevere looked at him as if he was the only one that could protect her and make everything alright. They should have gotten married, not him and Guinevere. Which was why one day when he had found Guinevere crying before she could tell him it was nothing he had told her to be with Lancelot. She deserved happiness, and she wouldn't get it with him. He was glad he had said something, for the first time in a long time Guinevere and Lancelot were both happy.
But Guinevere had continued to watch him, wondering what it was that was killing him inside. He had overheard her and Merlin talking about him, but he had pretended not to.
Slowly they had realized the truth which he still tried to hide from himself - he was in love with Morgana.
He shouldn't be. He knew it was wrong. She was his half-sister, and after all she had done he should hate her. But he couldn't. How could one hate part of their own soul? Cause that was what Morgana was - the other part of his soul. Without her he wasn't complete, and no matter how much he wished that wasn't the case he couldn't deny it. She was the only person he had ever met who understood him inside and out. The only person he had ever met who knew what he was thinking without him having to do anything at all. And he had betrayed her.
When she had been lost and alone he hadn't helped her, instead he had convinced himself that she was fine though in his heart he had known it was wrong. He had let he move farther and farther away from him, and never once tried to fight back for her. When he had found her in the woods scared and only in her undergarments he hadn't comforted her - no he had only focused on Guinevere postive that nothing could ever hurt Morgana. It was Morgana! She could protect herself, something she had been telling him for years. He had always known it was a lie, but why had he let himself pretend it wasn't? He had finally seen how scared and freaked out she was when he and Merlin had arrived at Camelot to find everyone asleep but Morgana. When Merlin had left for a moment he had turned to find her shaking in the corner, her facade of being fine, gone for a moment. He had wrapped his arms around her and held her for a moment, telling her that everything was going to be alright. But then Merlin had returned and she had put her mask back on, acting as if she was fine. When Morgause had taken her away it had destroyed him inside. Uther wasn't the only one not willing to give her up. He couldn't accept that she was gone. But then again had she ever really been gone or had it all been a show? After the events of the last time he had seen her when she had taken over Camelot with Morgause he didn't know what to believe. That day he had seen her in the woods he had thought that everything was going to be alright. She was back, and he refused to let anything take her away from him. He hadn't realized how much she had changed, that no matter how much he faught for her she was already gone.
He hadn't been able to protect her. She had needed him and he hadn't been there for her. He had stopped being her champion and he would never forgive himself.
He gazed out in the forest and his heart skipped a beat for a moment. No it was only a trick of his mind torturing him.
"Hello Arthur." That voice, that cool voice that huanted him day and night spoke. He would have known it anywhere, but it was the last voice he expected to hear.
"Morgana?" he said automatically standing up.
She stepped out of the darkness of the forest that conceled her, and he lost his breath at the sight of the beautiful woman in front of him. Morgana hadn't changed over the years, except for her vivid green eyes which seemed to see everything as she looked at him. Her dark brown almost lack hair hung loosely down her black in perfect ringlets, and her skin was as pale as the moon above them.
He suddenly took in the fact that she was wearing silver armor, very much like what she had worn before she left and a sword hung from her belt. Standing there in front of her she looked very much like a Warrior Goddess, beautiful and deadly.
He quickly unsheathed his sword and aimed it towards her. "Take another step towards me and it will be the last witch." He spits the words out of his mouth. No matter how much he loves her and wants to hold her close he knows he can't - she's a witch and an enemy of Camelot while he is the king and it is his duty to fight her.
"Careful Arthur, you've never been able to beat me," she says a coy smile spreading across her face.
"What are you doing here?" his voice is harder than he intends, but he is still filled with anger over the last time he had seen her.
"Why to kill you of course. Or are you really that naive to think that I'd let the son of that monster Uther Pendragon live," she spits the name out of her mouth filled with hatred.
"Don't. You. Dare. Speak. Of. Him." He says taking a step towards him, trying to restrain his hatred. "All he did was love you, and you betrayed him - your own father!" The truth still hurts him but he hopes it will hurt her more. He's right, pain spreads across her face.
"That man was not my father. My father was Gorlois, not that hypocrite tyrant who slaughtered innocent men, women and children because he was afraid of his own shadow! I'm glad his last days were filled with disgust and fear that I would come back for him. Maybe in the end he started to realize what a monster he was. I only wish i could have been there to break him more."
"Enough!" he shouts, furious at her for insulting his father.
"What are you going to do Arthur Pendragon? Kill me? You don't have the strength. Your weak, just like Uther always thought you were. Weak and unfit to rule Camelot." Her words hit home, and he raises his sword and attacks. He can't kill her, he knows it, but right now it doesn't seem like such a bad idea.
Quicker then he realized was possible she has drawn her sword and blocked him.
"Really, is that the best you can do? If your the greatest warrior Camelot has it will be easy to conquer."
She smiled wickidly at him and he attacked again but she blocked him. He took a step back and they circled each other, both watching each other's every movement.
"What would you know about ruling Camelot? You shot innocent civilians, and the people hate you." He taunts back, knowing that this will be a hard memory for her. She always cared about the love of the people more than anything.
"That's because i'm a witch, Arthur. A cold heartless witch." She gives a wicked smile that makes his heart turn cold and he automatically attacks using every move he knows. He's forgotten how good she is, and when they finally break apart they are both breathing heavily.
"What's the point? You never could defeat me, and you never will." She teases him her voice cold.
"We'll see about that." He hisses back.
And then she attacks.
Morgana's faster than Arthur. He's always been stronger and more powerful, but she knows his weaknesses. She's faster and more cunning, using more tricks that throw him off balance. She's always known what buttons to push to anger him, and she sees in his eyes now that she still has that ability.
Try to kill me. Please. Hate me.
She's doing well, she can tell. As she attacks blow after blow she sees the anger in his eyes, and her heart starts to break. It's killing her but she has to keep at it.
Her sword gets dangerously close to hurting him but she fights it just in time. She can't kill him. Not that it would be easy to kill him, Arthur is the best fighter she has ever faught. She was lying when she said she could easily conquer Camelot. Not that she is planning on trying. She and Arthur have always been each other's only real opponents when it came to fighting. She's counting on that now.
Except there's an opening. She can knock his sword away and kill him. She sees it so easily. He's left himself open, something no one but her after fighting against him for so long as children would notice.
She stops her sword mid stroke and takes a step back to prevent herself. Except Arthur notices. He sees the change of emotion in her eyes and she knows that he realizes she could have just killed him.
Her heart is beating quickly and she tries to think of something cold to say. This isn't part of the plan. He needs to hate her.
"You can't kill me Morgana," his voice is calm as if he is stating a fact.
"Course i can. There's nothing i want more," she lied except this time he can see threw her lies. When did he learn to see threw her mask while she was gone? She had once been unable to keep anything from him, but those last few years they had spent together he had been so oblivous to her that he had never been able to see threw her lies. Why could he suddenly see threw them now?
"You can't kill me. " He droped his sword on the ground and stood infront of her his palms open. "Do it. Prove me wrong."
She wanted to stab him, just to get that righteous smile off his face. She always hated when he was right, and there was nothing she had enjoyed more than proving him wrong. Except this time he wasn't wrong.
She cursed and sheethed her sword. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to try to kill her and she was supposed to escape by a trick of magic at the very end, leaving him desiring her death more than anything.
She turned from him from a moment and steadied her breathing after the hard fight.
"You can't kill me. Just like I can't kill you." he says simply looking at her with his clear blue eyes.
"Arthur..." she says, breaking inside. " There's no other way."
He took a step towards her and she automatically steped back, keeping the distance between them. "What are you talking about?"
She looked straight at him. "You have to hate me." Please understand, she silently thought Please.
"I could never hate you Morgana. I've tried." And before she realized what was happening he took three strides towards her and pinned her to the tree behind her and kissed her hard.
She should have pushed him off. She should have said something horrible, but instead her body reacted before her mind could catch up.
She kissed him back just as hungerly as he kissed her, as if her life depended on it. His hands encircled her body and her hands wraped themselves around his neck. He pressed his body to hers and she moaned. She bit his lip and he only kissed her harder. They were still fighitng each other with their mouths, both demanding control and neither willing to fully give in to the other. She yanked his shirt off of him and roamed her hands up his bare chest.
She felt his hands at her back undoing the buckles that kept her armour on. She felt it fall to the ground and they break their kiss for a moment as he pulls her shirt off of her and she slipped out of her pants.
They stoped for a moment and he looked at her, standing their in the moonlight. She realized what they were about to do and looked at him.
He slips off his pants and takes her in his arms, easing her down on the ground. Their kisses are less harsh now though still filled with passion. The kisses were slow and deep and he kissed her all over her body making her shiver with delight.
And then they are one.
They layed on the ground, with Morgana's head on his chest and his arm wrapped protectively around her.
He sensed her half asleep but he said it anyways.
"I love you."
She simply moved to be closer to him, and he knew she had heard though she didn't say the words back. Silence passed between them before she spoke again.
"It will never work, destiny has come between us," she whispered and he saw the tear fall down her cheek. He reached out and whiped her tear away. Morgana who never cried.
"I won't let it. We'll find away," he promised.
She gave him a weak smile and he tightens his arms around her, before she shut her eyes and fell asleep. But he stayed awake.
He couldn't loose her again. He doesn't know what he would do without her. For the first time in years he felt that he was complete, that everything was right in the world.
He fought the sleep that threatened to consume him. He didn't want this night to ever end.
He looked at her so peaceful and innocent in her sleep. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His personal goddess. No wonder people called her Morgana le Fay. She couldn't be human.
Yet just like the goddess he knew she was unpredictable. She was dangerous and deadly, but he knew that underneath her hard exterior she was still lost and alone.
"I love you." he whispered once more, before sleep took him.
Morgana woke as the first rays of sunlight shone threw the sky. The sun was rising and it took her a moment to realize where she was. She felt Arthur so close to her and the events of last night came back to her. What had she done? How had her plan gone so wrong? She turned her head to look at him and was filled with the desire to never leave.
He loved her, and she loved him though she hand't said it. But she had to leave him.
Even though it was the last thing she wanted to do she quietly pushed herself away from him and pulled on her grey shirt and pants before slipping her boots on and buckling her sword to her waist.
She would never harm Arthur. She couldn't. She loved him more than life and she would sacrifice her life in a heartbeat before she let any harm come to him.
Except for this one time where she had to hurt him. It would kill her, but he would understand. She had to leave, they didnt' belogn together.
She bent over and kissed him on the cheek before standing up.
"I love you too," she whispered and with that she was gone.
Arthur woke up alone on the forest floor, his heart felt like it had bee split in two with Morgana gone, but he hadn't expected her to stay. He knew her too well. He pulled on his shirt, pants, and boots and snuck back into the castle. He would continue to rule Camelot, and he would force himself to fight again knowing that she was out there somewhere and that she loved him. Because yes, he had heard those final words she whispered to him, though he had always known it. He would become the greatest king Camelot had ever known and he would keep the kingdom in an era of peace and prosperity. He hadn't needed to hate Morgana for her vision of a prosperous Camelot to occur, he had simply needed to know that his Morgana was still there. And she was. And in the end she was the one who took him to Avalon, where the two broken souls could be one.