Anastasia met up with Hap and Tasja at the back of the scout car. "So what are the other complications?" Hap asked

"It's not too many. First this system is going to create voids in a sensor's picture. This means if the sensor normally detects something like a group of trees, or a mech size hill or rock it will disappear as I pass between the sensor and that object."

"I don't think that's going to matter to most automated sensor systems." Hap said

"Someone monitoring the sensor may notice though. This brings us to the second point, as you saw it causes anomalies for sensors. A savvy technician will quickly ascertain their system is being affected by an external source. This will compel them to investigate. Therefore there is a likelihood all this does is buy us a little time before the fortress sends a force out to look into the anomaly, which will result in us being detected."

"I think you're putting a lot of faith in technicians knowing their kit, and giving a damn. Just in case though, we'll reiterate to Mags that if the defenders detect us, she'll need to be ready to act quickly and aggressively, which is rarely her problem."

"Right. Finally, there is the small problem that I won't be able to target anything while my system is configured this way."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm using my target and tracking system to target sensors, track their frequencies and then respond with a carrier wave that will cancel them. This means my weapons have to be fired in manual mode. I've also programmed it to slightly over power anything it detects, which may also raise my 'mech's heat. Especially if I have to engage multiple sensor systems. This is another reason why I'm not sure I should employ my weapons."

"Of everything we talked about just now, this actually seems like the biggest problem."

"Once we've destroyed the air defense's power generator I should be able to return my 'mech to normal function, so it's only a problem for the first part of the operation."

"The part where we don't have air support."

"Ah yes, this is another potential point of friction. There is a small chance I won't be able to restore my system. Should that occur you'll have to direct Kate."

"Anastasia why didn't you bring these problems up when you first had this idea?"

"I wasn't sure how things would work honestly." Anastasia shrugged.

Hap shook his head.

"You could use a grease pencil." Tasja said

"I'm sorry, how would that help?" Anastasia asked

"You take your 'mech to a known distance range, fix the right arm to 90 degrees at the shoulder and engage a target at about 150 meters. Then you take the grease marker and make a mark on your canopy where the laser hits and where the majority of your missiles fall. You now have a reference point for firing." Hap said.

"That sounds wonderfully primitive." Anastasia said, "How do you know so much about it?"

"We had a guy back in the RDMM who had a Centurion-AH, the variation with the AC20 class Luxor DDX-5. His T&T had some serious problems. Command told him they were going to fix it, and revert his 'mech back to standard Centurion CN9-A."

"The problem was he'd burn through ammo too fast and between the extra AC20 rounds and him having to come off the line to rearm it was generally a headache for command. He preferred the heavier cannon, so instead of letting his mech go into maintenance he just used the grease pencil method. He rarely hit anything with his missiles, but he was murder with that DDX-5. As long as he could qualify at the range, command couldn't make him send his 'mech off."

"You can also just make a mark and then just adjust your fire off of that. I don't know we have a good range here." Tasja said offering Anastasia a black pencil.

"Thank you." Anastasia said gracefully, "See Harold, one of the issues is now resolved, and once more, one of your irrational adhoc plans is coming together."

"You know this is more your plan than mine."

"Doesn't really matter as long as we're successful and everyone comes back, right?"

"Yeah." Hap nodded, "Tasja you guys need any more help?"

Tasja looked over to where Masja and Brant where welding armor plates back to the foot of Joker's Firestarter. "No. I think we're good. You guys should get some rest. It sounds like you'll need every advantage tomorrow."

Hap and Anastasia started to walk back to the main area of the camp. "You want to go find Joker and Mags and build a bonfire? I know how much you enjoy just sitting around with everyone. I'll go get your poncho liner and 'fall into your lap'."

"I don't know. Joker will probably talk nonstop about how he used his Firestarter to incinerate two platoons of jump infantry. Of course he's probably been retelling that story enough now it's two whole companies."

"You could prevent that by telling him, and everyone about the brilliant work I just did."

"You really think I could explain what you just did in a way that would interest Joker, Mags and whoever else is going to be drawn to our bonfire?"

"I think you'll do your best."

"I think I'll just call it a night."

Anastasia looked him in the eye, "What's wrong?"

It was the swarm attack. There was this woman trying to break into my cockpit, and for one moment our eyes locked and I could see that she was as old as you or Mags. Then Joker hit her and her platoon mates with flamers and she was dead. I was just struck by how this woman had hopes and dreams and then she was gone."

"Her hopes and dreams were to kill you and take you 'mech."

"I know. It was just…it's one thing when you're squaring off against another 'mech, and you take them down. If the mechwarrior doesn't eject they'll probably die, we all know it, but at least it's a relatively even match. If they die there is some space between you and them. Even taking down tanks didn't feel like this. It was…" Hap looked at her, at a loss for words.

"Visceral" Anastasia prompted.

"Yeah, I just saw these soldiers get incinerated, I even thought I could hear her scream. It was something the day David was killed and I fought with that tank lance. I think in 90 seconds I had either destroyed or called down fire on three out of four of those less than two minutes I had almost killed twelve people.

"The crew in the tank that was left surrendered, and I let them help one of the other tank crews who had been burned. I think by the time the crew got to them only one was still aive, and he was badly burned. I watched them try to help their lancemate but they realized he was too far gone, so one of them chose to give him a lethal dose of painkillers, and then they all started arguing about it. I couldn't help feel like I was part of that miserable situation ."

Anatasia held up her hand, "Your part in all of these things is as a combatant, just like everyone else. If one steps onto a battlefield in a mech, or drives in a tank, or walks on as infantry they are responsible for their risk to life and limb."

"I know, but it doesn't change how I feel." Hap said, "How do you handle this?"

"I haven't seen quite the same things you have. I feel some responsibility for David's death, but I didn't pull the trigger, nor did I order anyone else to do it. I feel like I put everyone at risk because Comstar is hunting me, but I'm not directly at fault, and I'm doing everything I can to limit everyone's risk. I try not to think too much about it, rather I focus on us, my studies, and training Selene.

"Yeah Mike said something similar about not losing yourself to the death and destruction, but instead working hard and being creative."

"Mon Amour, Mike is dead, nor does that sound like something he would say." Anastasia's look of concern increased.

"Sorry, Tasja and I were talking and I'm doing a bad job of remembering exactly what she told me. Basically Tasja used an inferno round to kill a sniper that was harassing one of the Company's forward re-arm points. The sniper had killed or wounded several of the techs, and I think she had a crush on one of the techs that was killed. Afterward she was nearly inconsolable with rage and loss and Mike told her she couldn't let things like this change her. He suggested she work harder or get a hobby."

"That sounds more like Mike, though a true Mike quote would generally end with a backhanded insult that almost sounds like a compliment."

"Yeah, I'm still not getting it right. I'm worried Anastasia I'm not cut out for this life. I think when we get to New Avalon I'll need to find a counselor."

"Okay, find a counselor, but that doesn't mean you're not fit to be a mechwarrior. You went through the psychological evaluations at Albion, and clearly they felt you were mentally and emotionally capable. There is nothing wrong with seeking mental health."

"We'll see if my leadership agrees. I'll be the new guy that shows up to the unit and one of the first things I'm going to tell them is I need time off to see a psychologist. How's that going to look?"

"If they're smart, they'll think your wise." Anastasia said quietly, "The unit may have a counselor that you can check in with. You're trained in counseling, how would help someone like yourself?"

"Anastasia, I got a four year degree in psychology with an emphasis in family counseling. I'd need practical work with a real counselor, and more training before I could hope to help anyone."

"But you have had some training, what does that training tell you?"

Hap shook his head, "I don't know." He thought for a moment, "Mike might be onto something. Sometimes when you feel overwhelming stress over time you need some stress relief. A hobby or a creative outlet is usually good for that."

Anastasia gave Hap a coy look, "I know another outlet for stress relief."

Hap looked at her confused for a moment, "I don't know if we're going to find a private place, but I could use some stress relief."

"Privacy is not a problem. We have a coyote trained as a guard dog. We'll go to our sleeping area, put Selene outside and 'relieve some stress'. Selene will ensure no one disturbs us."

"Selene can be a guard dog?" Hap said as he put his arm around Anastasia's waist and started to lead her toward their shelter.

"Oh yes. Mags trained her to stay in front of a door and bark if anyone comes near, and Mags knows what it looks like so she'll probably steer her and Joker clear until we're done."

"How'd I miss this?" Hap asked.

"They did it while we were on that 4 and 8s watch schedule for the Phaidin. Remember that one day we came back to the warrior lounge and Selene sat there and barked at us?"

"And when we got Selene to calm down and got into the lounge we found them looking a little guilty…I should have guessed."

"Yes Mags explained it to me later, it seems that even though Mags enjoys a reputation of being wild and reckless, she prefers privacy when it comes to certain aspects of her life. So she taught Selene how to stay in front of a door, and bark if anyone tried to enter."

"Clever." Hap said as they came to the prefab shelter.

"Selene, sit." Anastasia said as she pointed to the ground. "Stay and guard. Guard." Anastasia handed Selene her bone and pulled out a dried beef ration. Selene watched her as Anastasia opened the ration, ripped it in half and gave the Coyote half. "Guard."

Selene quickly finished the meat then sat down and looked alert as Hap and Anastasia stepped over her and entered the shelter.