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Okay, here's teh second chapter for my new story... I really hope you like it... Enjoy!

CHAPTER 2 – finding the past

Carlisle's POV

I led Esme back inside the house. I knew we had to get her some clothes of her own. Maybe Edward could try to get some of her personal things, if I could find out her address. I would try to get it. Surely Esme would like to have some of her own things, some reminders of her past. Maybe these things would even trigger the memories of her past.

Edward was sitting in the living room as we entered. He slightly relaxed as he saw that everything went alright. There were no problems, Edward… I thought silently and smiled at how well Esme had coped with everything so far.

"Hey, had a good hunt?" Edward asked lightly. Esme looked at him, not sure what to answer. I stepped next to her to help her out. "Yes, I think we found some nice deer." I answered. Esme smiled shyly. "It all went smoothly." I said, not thinking about the little incident. Esme lowered her head next to me. I gently touched her shoulder. "It was nothing, don't feel guilty." I told her gently. Esme nodded. "Do you want to take a shower? Or a bath? I will show you everything and lend you some more clothes, okay?" I suggested. Esme looked up at me. "Yes, I would like that… Thank you." She smiled shyly.

Esme's POV

Carlisle showed me the way to the bathroom and handed me some towels and more of his clothes since I didn't have any of my own. I thanked him again and then closed the door behind me.

The bathroom was huge and I instantly felt out of place in there. Somehow I knew unconsciously that I wasn't used to something like that, but more simple things. But I couldn't deny that I found it beautiful and liked the little bit of luxury. I really enjoyed the white walls and the clean surfaces.

I carefully took my clothes off and then stepped in front of the huge mirror. I gasped. My body looked different. My skin was of course pale, like Carlisle's and Edward's but also flawless. I held up my arm and checked it for a scar I just knew had been there, but it was gone. There were no flaws on my body. It was still slender but with womanly curves. And my hair was thicker, no longer thin and brittle. It looked so soft now, like silk and it was shining in that soft caramel colour I always had loved. But what shocked me were my eyes. The shone in a bright crimson and looked really frightening, showing what I had become. Or what monster I could be, but would never allow myself to become, because of Carlisle. I couldn't disappoint him… But still, the crimson of my eyes was disturbing and I looked away from my reflection. Carlisle had explained about my eye colour before, that it would change to gold in a few months but I still didn't like it that way.

I turned away from the mirror and let steaming hot water fill the tub to my right. I wanted to relax now and calm down a bit, since my emotions were still running high from all the things I learned today.

Slowly I let myself sank in the water, applied some flavoured bath oil and closed my eyes.

Carlisle's POV

I had showed Esme the way to the bathroom and gave her some towels and clothes so she could clean herself after the hunt. After that I went back down to Edward. I sat down in the armchair opposite him and looked at him. "Do you have her address?" Edward asked me, responding to my thoughts. "No, but it can't be difficult to find out. I will get some information at the hospital tonight and maybe you can go tomorrow then… I think it would be nice if she had some of her own things." Edward nodded. "Yes, probably." He agreed. "You know, I could also go on my own, now… it is late already and until I have found out where she lived it will be dark. I could get some of her things and then come back here. So she wouldn't be alone too long…" he said. Yes, maybe. You are right; it is not a good idea to leave her alone so much just yet… yes, go now… I have to go back to the hospital today… I can't stay away without arousing suspicions any longer… Edward stood up and nodded at me. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He promised and went to get his coat.

Edward's POV

I made my way into town, carefully listening to the thoughts of every person I met. I ran towards the outskirts of town, to the district nearest to the cliffs. I thought it would be most logical to start searching for hints of Esme's former life there, since she jumped from the cliffs.

My way led me up to the cliffs. I was far from a tracker and it has been three days since Esme's fateful jump but I still hoped to find a hint where to go. I made my way up, checking the ground for any signs, like footsteps but found nothing. The ground was stony and dry. There was nothing to be found so I went back from the cliffs into town. It was almost dark now and only few people were still outside. I listened to the thoughts of every person I met, searching their minds for any clues.

Finally, when I was about to go back to Carlisle and Esme I heard something. I had gotten into a very poor district of town. There were old, shabby houses, the roads were dark and probably dangerous for humans. I was walking by a little shop when I heard two old women talking.

"… yes, the young miss… wonder what happened to her…" "Yes, I haven't seen her for almost 4 days now…"

I stopped and hid in the shadows in a dark alley. The woman left the store after a while of more gossiping. I was now almost sure she had known Esme. I caught glimpses of a woman in her head, but the woman was always wearing hats or scarves around her head so she couldn't be recognised easily. I couldn't get a clear image of her face and so I couldn't be sure it was Esme.

I followed the woman to a shabby little house with several small apartments for rent in it. After the woman had entered I waited some more time until I could be sure no one was still awake.

Carlisle's POV

I had made myself comfortable in the living room and started to read while Esme was freshen herself up upstairs. Edward was only gone for twenty minutes but I already wanted him to come back. I really hoped he would find out something about Esme's past and get some of her belongings as reminders and I also hoped he would get some of her own clothes. I mean, I liked seeing her wearing my clothes for some reason but I was sure she would rather wear her own things.

I heard Esme getting out of the bath and suddenly felt embarrassed. I shouldn't listen to her. So I concentrated of something else than the sounds coming from the bathroom until I heard the door creak open and footsteps on the stairs.

I turned around and saw Esme coming down the stairs. She smiled shyly at me. "Feeling better now?" I asked. She nodded. "Thank you, for everything." She mumbled and sat down in an armchair opposite me.

"Where is Edward?" she asked after a moment. I smiled. "He is in the city, trying to find some information about you and get you some of your belongings." I replied, smiling. "I… I could have gone by myself! He didn't need to bother!" she said and I shook my head. "No, you couldn't have. Remember what I told you about your thirst?" Esme nodded, bowing her head, ashamed, even if I didn't knew why. "It will be uncontrollable for at least a year." She mumbled. "Yes, and besides, you also don't remember much of your past… you would be just as lost as me, Edward has an advantage with his gift." She nodded. "Yes, you're right… sorry I was so stupid…" "You were not stupid… You care and that is not stupid…" I told her, flashing a smile in her direction. Esme smiled back at me. "Thanks…" she whispered.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Esme spoke again. "Can I ask you something?" she said. I looked up and smiled. She had asked the exact same question ten years ago. "Everything you want. Go on." I replied, using the same words as back then. Esme bit her lip and smiled a little. "You said that before…" she observed. I was stunned. I didn't think she would remember. "You remember?" I asked surprised. "Yes, I remember the time in the hospital where I met you… but not much else… it's strange…" she answered. I nodded. "How old are you?" she asked. I smiled. "You wanted to ask that for a long time, didn't you?" Esme bit her lip. "I thought you weren't telling me the truth back then… but I felt like you had a reason for lying…" "I was born around 1640, actually… so I have been alive for a long time… I was changed when I was 23…" I said. Esme looked at me in awe. "1640?" she repeated unbelievingly. "But I thought you were around 23 or 24…" she said smiling. I smiled. "You were the only one who got close to me… especially as a human… I had no friends… I couldn't get attached to anyone, it was too dangerous… I was terribly lonely…" I admitted. Esme smiled sympathetically and touched my hand gently. I flinched accidentally. I wasn't used to physical contact and Esme's touch sent a tingling sensation through my body. "I was born around 1640 in London… I don't know the exact date, things like that weren't documented very well back then…" I started to tell my story to Esme. She was looking at me, listening intently.

Edward's POV

After I was sure there was no one awake in the house I entered it. The inside was just as shabby as the outside. It was dirty. I went up the stairs and on the first floor I caught a scent that seemed to be Esme's – sweet lavender, wild flowers and honey. The scent was weak and older than three days. I followed it through the hallway until I stopped in front of a door to a little apartment. I grabbed the handle and pushed. The lock broke after a moment and I stepped inside. Inside the scent was stronger. It was definitely Esme's. I looked around the room. It was small. There was a bed in the corner, it was not made, the sheets were wrinkled. Next to it was a small dresser which surely held Esme's clothes. There was a little window on the opposite wall and under it – a crib! I swallowed hard. Esme had a baby? Oh no! I took some steps towards the crib and peered inside. It was empty, but I had known that before. A soft blue blanket was lying inside it. I picked it up and saw the name embroidered in a corner. - Carl - . A gasp left my mouth. It didn't take a genius to figure this one out. Esme had had a son, and he had been named after Carlisle, most likely. I felt a deep sadness inside me, I was so indescribably sorry for Esme. I didn't yet know what happened to her son so I looked around for more details. On the table in the corner lay a piece of paper. I picked it up and read. It was a death certificate. Carl Platt born: 7th January 1921 died: 12th January 1921. So her baby was dead, and he only lived 5 days. I placed the paper back on the table and shook my head. I was suddenly unsure if I should be the one to deliver these news to Esme… But she had a right to know about her past. About everything.

Suddenly another thought hit me. Who was the father of Esme's baby? Esme's husband? And where was he? Had she had a family? Had Carlisle maybe taken her from her husband? But, Esme had attempted suicide… She wouldn't have done that with a loving husband caring for her, would she? And, I also could not detect the scent of a man in the whole room. I was almost completely sure that, except for me, no man had been in this room for a very long time… It confused me, but after all it was not my task to solve the mysteries of Esme's past…

With one deep breath I started to pack some of Esme's belongings into a small box I found. I took most of her clothes, the baby blanket and then I found two books of Shakespeare which I also packed into the box. Somehow these books were falling out of the ordinary. Esme had not much personal things in her room. Only a few clothes, things for her baby, the most essential things for living, nothing really private… no reminders of her family, no books except the two by Shakespeare, no jewellery, nothing… it was odd. Esme seemed to have lived a poor life. Her clothes were mostly worn and not of fine cloth and the room spoke for itself.

After I had packed everything and glanced at the shabby, tiny room one last time I jumped out of the small window and ran towards home.

Esme's POV

I had been listening to Carlisle's story of how he had been bitten and then travelled through Europe until he came to the US. His story was fascinating and I didn't notice the time pass. After a while Carlisle smiled sadly at me. "I think I have to stop now… I need to go to the hospital. I have stayed here the past three days faking an illness but I can't do that anymore…" he said. I looked at him quizzically. Why would he have faked being ill? "Why did you stay home?" I asked him. Carlisle looked up at me. "I didn't want to leave your side… I wanted to stay with you during your change, even if I couldn't be of much help…" he said, smiling shyly. "You stayed because of me?" I asked stunned. Carlisle nodded. "I couldn't leave you alone…" he mumbled. I stared at him. Why would he do something like this? If he couldn't help me either way? I mean, why would he stay with me?

Then suddenly I remembered something. "That voice… it was you?" I said, stunned. Carlisle nodded. I smiled. "It… helped…" I told him. "A little at least… I focused on your voice, instead of the pain… I don't remember anything, but the sound of it calmed me…" A tiny smile tugged at the corners of Carlisle's mouth.

"Well, I'm sorry but I have to go now… I'm sure Edward will be home shortly, you won't be alone too long." He said and finally got up to go upstairs. I remained in the living room, trying to decide what to do now.

A few moments later Carlisle came back down the stairs, wearing a crisp white shirt, a tie and dress pants, his coat was slung over his arm. "Okay, I have to go now. I'll be back in the morning. If you are bored feel free to use whatever you want, there are also some more books in my study, the first room upstairs on the left. Only don't go out, please, your thirst won't be controllable by you since you are so young and if you encountered the scent of a human it could end badly." He said. I understood what he meant and nodded, not wanting to think about it to too closely. I shyly smiled up at Carlisle, thankful for him caring so much about me. "Thank you, I may borrow a book from you, then." I mumbled. Carlisle smiled. "Do as you please, I have all pieces of Shakespeare up there, I think…" he winked at me and I lowered my head, waiting for the blush that would never come.

Carlisle's POV

I smiled as Esme lowered her head in embarrassment. She was so adorable. "Okay, I see you later! Goodbye." I said to Esme and she looked up at me. "Goodbye, have fun at work." I smiled. "Thank you. I'm sure Edward will be home soon." I told her. Esme nodded. "It's okay, I think I'm going to look over your books…" she mumbled. I smiled one last time at her and then went into the garage to my car.

As I drove away I was thinking of Esme. I really hoped Edward would be home soon, not only to keep an eye on her but mostly to keep her company. I didn't want her to feel lonely or bored. She should feel safe and comfortable in my house. I already considered her part of my family. And I wanted her to feel this way.

As I arrived at the hospital I was approached by the chief of the hospital. "Ah, Dr Cullen. It's good to see you're healthy again." "Prof. Thalen, good evening." "Yes, I just wanted to check over some things with you, Dr Cullen, there seem to be some problems with a patients file, a Jane Doe who was brought to the morgue on your last night before you fell ill." I had anticipated something like this and was therefore prepared and I was also really good at lying after centuries of practice. Lies were necessary in this life, if I liked it or not. "Ah yes, I remember, suicide I think…" "Yes, right, the body is missing but there is no track of its whereabouts, no report in the file that it was taking to the crematorium…" I tried to act as if I couldn't remember clearly and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I am sorry, maybe I forgot to write it down… I can't remember very well…" I said, still acting like I couldn't remember. "It is alright, Dr Cullen, You were probably feeling sick already, I just have to clear this up. She was probably taken to the crematoryalready, she is a Jane Doe, no family, so… I just need you to sign that you received the body that evening and the file is closed." Prof Thalen said, smiling politely. I nodded. "Yes, of course." I said and took the file to sign it. Before I did I quickly scanned the pages for more information on Esme, but there wasn't much. She had attempted suicide, so much I knew already, and there was not much more known.

I signed the file and gave it back to Prof Thalen, smiling apologetically. "I am sorry you had trouble with the file because of me." I said. "It is alright, Dr Cullen, we all make mistakes and you weren't feeling well that night." Prof Thalen gave me a quick nod before finally walking down the corridor.

I went into my office to change into my lab coat and then start my shift for tonight.

Edward's POV

I arrived about an hour after Carlisle's shift at the hospital had begun, so he had already left. I still was not sure how to do this now. I didn't want to bring back sad memories of her past. I glanced in the box and saw a glimpse of the blue baby blanket. My cold heart sank. But she had a right to know, and these things belonged to her, she would like to have them, even if they triggered bad memories…

I went to the front door and entered the house slowly. I didn't want to scare Esme and was therefore making a little noise and moving slower than usual, and I also wanted to delay this moment as long as possible.

Esme sat on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest, reading a book. "Hello…" I said smiling carefully. Esme smiled back at me. "Where were you?" she asked. "I found you're former home… and could get most of your things…" I explained hesitantly. Maybe I should have waited until Carlisle got back. I didn't know how Esme would react, but it surely wouldn't be good. I placed the box down on the table. "Well, most of it is clothes, but…" I trailed off as Esme reached inside the box grabbing the two books from on top.

Esme's POV

I grabbed the two worn books which lay on top of the box and stared at them. A fuzzy memory came to my mind. I remembered how I had gotten these books. They were Carlisle's. He had given them to me when I was bored in the hospital and told me to keep them. I smiled widely. I took one of the books and opened the last page. There it was. The quotation, written in Carlisle's neat handwriting. I remembered that.

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye. But only a few will catch your heart..." B. Crenshaw

I smiled and thought again of the little tings I remembered from the hospital stay ten years ago. Finally I laid the book aside and looked at the other items in the box. I wasn't interested in the clothes, but the other items and the memories they might trigger.

I carefully laid some more clothes aside and then stared in the box. There was a little black book. It had nothing written on it. But there was something else that had caught my eye. There was a blue blanket lying on the bottom of the box. I didn't know why but there was suddenly a big lump in my throat and my breathing had stopped, though I didn't need to breathe. I knew that blanket. Memories flooded my mind and tears which would never fall stung in my eyes. I remembered how I bought that soft blanket and embroidered the corner myself – for my baby. My son. I buried my face in the blanket and tried to muffle the sobs that escaped me. "Carly…" I sobbed and shook with dry sobs and unshed tears. Images of my little, perfect son sleeping peacefully in his crib, furrowing his little face when he was crying, sucking on my breast, sucking his thumb while sleeping… the memories were too painful to think about but on the other hand I didn't want these memories to faint. I had to treasure them. "Carly…" I cried again, curling up in a small ball on the couch. Suddenly I felt Edward touch my shoulder, but I flinched away. I couldn't stabd company right now.

I jumped up from the couch, took the blanket and the little black book from the box and ran upstairs to lock myself in my room. There I fell down on the bed again, curled up in a ball and dry sobbed in the blanket. Everything was now coming back to me. I knew why I had jumped. I remembered the pain I felt when I heard the doctor's diagnosis. Carl's lung infection, how he fought for every ragged breath, how my heart broke in tiny pieces when I heard him suffer… My whole body shook with my sobs and the pain seemed even worse than before. I clutched the blanket close to my chest as I sobbed. My chest felt like it was ripped open and my unbeating heart was bleeding… I didn't want to live… I didn't want to suffer anymore… I wanted to never feel pain again…

Edward's POV

I sat in the living room, listening helplessly to Esme suffering upstairs. I wanted to comfort her so badly but every time I got up to her room her thought were screaming at me to leave her alone. I felt bad, after all, I was the one who brought her the box with her belongings and triggered her memory. I caused her pain, even if I didn't intend to… but still it was my fault. No. It was Carlisle's. He damned Esme to this life, though he knew she had attempted suicide. He was selfish in wanting to have her for his own!

Carlisle's POV

My shift dragged on and on without anything else than the nurses ogling me. It was a calm night, which I usually liked, as it meant no one was hurt, but tonight I would have appreciated something to keep me busy.

I was thinking about Edward and Esme, hoping everything was alright at home. I knew Edward could handle Esme, I trusted him and had no doubt they were alright, but I was still anxious.

Around 2 am I finally got something to do. A Mr Porter was brought to the hospital with chest pains and breathing difficulties. I suspected a heart attack and immediately started running tests on the elderly man. His wife was with him and sick with worry, so I had to calm her down also. After about one and a half hour Mr Porter was finally stabilized. I had given him a blood thinner and set up a bypass operation in the next days but I was sure that after the operation Mr Porter could easily live another ten years with his wife.

I was just wanting to put his file away as I the name on another patients file caught my attention. - Platt - . I knew that Esme's surname was Platt and this got me curious. Had she been a patient in this hospital? My curious side got the better of me and I took the file and opened it.

I immediately saw that it was not about Esme. It was about a Carl Platt and I was just about to close the file, since I didn't spy on patients, when I saw the date of birth: 7th January 1921 and right next to it the date of death, only five days later. I checked the file for more information and read the report one of my colleagues had written down. The infant had been brought in by his mother, Esme Platt – my Esme! The baby had difficulties breathing and was also running a fever. Dr Dawson had diagnosed a severe lung infection which the little body could not fight. The baby boy died in the hospital a few hours later. At the bottom of the page I found a note by Dr Dawson where he said that the baby and his mother had not been given any medication since the mother could not pay for it and that he had brought the dead infant's body to the morgue. The mother had been sent home with a nurse to keep an eye on her.

I sighed and put the file away again. Esme had had a son. This news hit me like a wrecking ball. She had been a mother. But her son died. Most likely that was why she attempted suicide… I felt compassion for Esme overwhelm me. Obviously her life hadn't been as happy as I wished it for her to be when I left Columbus 10 years ago. I just wanted to go home and take Esme in my arms. What had happened to her in these 10 years? She had a baby, was she married? Is she still married maybe? My heart sunk at that thought. Maybe she had a loving husband somewhere, someone I had taken her from… Thousands of questions ran through my head. Did Esme miss her husband? Her family? Did she reject me for changing her?

I had to stop this. I had to concentrate on my work and ask Esme when I get home. I hoped, no prayed that Esme would not hate… I couldn't stand causing her pain…

Just then another thought came to my mind. Esme's son. It said in the file that he was taken to the morgue, but there was no evidence that his body had been taken to the crematory… Maybe he was still in the morgue… The chance was thin, but I had to check it. Walking as fast as I could without arousing suspicions I went to the morgue.

I entered the morgue and looked around the hall. No one was to be seen. I quickly and silently entered and started looking for Esme's son. It didn't take me long to find him. I remembered perfectly well where the body had been taken according to Dr Dawson. I swallowed hard and then pulled the sheet away. The body was tiny, but perfect. The little face resembled Esme's. He had her heart-shaped face and her nose and the little hair on his head were the same colour as Esme's. I sighed lowly.

After I had visited the morgue I wrote a simple note that said the body of Esme's baby boy shouldn't be taken to the crematory, he would have a proper funeral.

After that my shift dragged on. My thoughts were swirling with Esme and her dead baby. I felt an unexplainable grief and sadness at the death of Esme's child, wanting with every fibre in my being I could have done something to save him. I thought about Esme, how she must have suffered, how she must have felt. I think I had found the reason she attempted suicide. I was asking myself if she knew already. Surely Edward would have found out about her son. How she was right now. I wanted to run home, hold her, soothe her, tell her how sorry I was. I wondered if she was angry at me, maybe resenting me for changing her, for being damned into this existence… These thoughts brought me a nagging pain in my insides. I regretted changing Esme, regretted taking her chance to decide away, especially after I knew she had in fact decided to die… but on the other side the thought of losing her, of not having her with me, was killing me. She meant too much to me. I really cared about her, I wanted her to be happy…

My thoughts were too confused and too many questions were running through my head though I knew I couldn't find an answer to them. I needed to get home and ask Esme. I needed to be with her, to soothe her, to help her deal with everything. In fact, I should have never let her alone… It wasn't important if rumours started about Edward and me. We could move. We had done before. But comforting Esme, being there for her, helping her into this life, these were things I could only do once…

Finally my shift was over. I did a last quick check up on Mr Porter and then changed my lab coat for my coat and left the hospital. Outside I quickly stepped into my car and drove home. I was anxious to get home. Anxious about what I might find. Was Esme mad? Was she hating me? Was she just grieving, without thinking about me? Well, I would find out soon enough. I was almost home now.

Edward's POV

Esme was still upstairs. She locked herself in her room and I had given up trying to talk to her. She wasn't doing anything else than sobbing. Her grief, though only displayed in her thoughts, was crushing me. I was angry at Carlisle for letting her suffer this much. I was angry at myself for being the one to remind her by bringing the things from her flat. I was angry at whoever let her alone when she was pregnant. But my anger for Carlisle was the biggest. He was the one responsible. He brought her into this existence. He couldn't let her die though she wanted it. He was selfish, playing god…

Okay, tell me what you think... If I get enough reviews the next chapter will be uploaded on Tuesday... xD