First of all I am very sorry it took me so long to update, but I was very busy and just couldn't get in front of my laptop long enough to write... so, my apologies for that, I hope you enjoy this chapter now!

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CHAPTER 4 – gaining trust

Esme's POV

I was picking up the box with my things when I saw a hand moving towards my wrist from the corner of my eye.

"Are you trying to poison me you stupid whore?" A cruel voice shouted into my face. I felt shivers running through my body and instantly shielded my body with my arms. Just a moment later the blow came and hot soup splashed on my body. The force of the punch swept me off my feet and I fell. My head hit against a cupboard's corner and I whimpered. Just a second later a kick in my stomach followed. I curled up in a small ball and cried, pleaded to stop but more kicks followed. My body was aching now and tears streamed down my face. "That will teach you to pay more attention… you bitch!" the voice sneered at me and pulled me up by my hair. I screamed and struggled but the grip on my hair was only tightening. I was dragged away through a dark hallway. The fear inside my body was overwhelming. The only thing I knew was that wherever I was dragged it would only be worse than the hits and kicks… I needed to get away… But I also knew I couldn't… Suddenly I was pushed inside a room and hit the bedpost hard. I fell to the floor and again begged and pleaded but it was of no use. I was roughly pulled up and thrown onto the bed. The only thing I remembered then was the foul breath on my face and the smell of alcohol in the air and the pain… endless pain… my whole body was hurting… I gave up struggling… I just closed my eyes and simply begged for this torture to end…

Carlisle's POV

I watched completely shocked and confused how Esme backed away from me and curled up on the floor. She was shielding her stomach and head with her arms and shivering badly. Again sobs were raking her body. I didn't know what happened? I could tell Esme was frightened to death but why? This was one of the moments I desperately wished I had Edward's ability. If he were here at least…

I felt so helpless…

Esme's body shook in pure terror while she mumbled things like: "Noo… please, please… I won't do it again… please… don't hurt me… just leave me alone…"

I stood in the middle of the living room and watched how Esme lay broken on the floor, dry sobbing and shivering. My still heart was bleeding for her. "Esme…" I gently whispered and crouched down. " Shhh… Esme… no one is hurting you… shh…." I tried to soothe her, without coming close to her since the closeness was obviously what was frightening her. "I won't hurt you… never…" I whispered again, feeling helpless like never before. I wanted so badly to ease her suffering it nearly caused me physical pain.

Esme's POV

I slowly opened my eyes, still shivering as the memories slowly subsided. I was badly shaken and flinched again as I saw a man sitting close to me. The man instantly backed down and held up his hands. I realized it was Carlisle. "Esme… Shhh… please calm down… no one will hurt you…" he said soothingly. My body was shaking with terror but I tried to focus on Carlisle, whose eyes shone with warmth and trust. I desperately wanted to believe he wouldn't hurt me, but I couldn't. "Esme… calm down… you're safe… I'm here, I'll protect you…" Carlisle again crouched down in front of me and held out his hand but I couldn't bring myself to accept the comfort he was offering. I was still too afraid. "No… please Carlisle… I can't… I'm sorry…" I said in a shaky voice. Without waiting for a reaction from Carlisle I jumped up and again fled into my room. I just couldn't trust anyone right now. I curled up on the bed and closed my eyes, trying to get these horrid pictures out of my head. I was still shaking with fear…

Carlisle's POV

I watched how Esme jumped to her feet and ran away to hide in her room. I considered going after her but I wasn't sure if she would want me near her. I had the feeling my presence was only frightening her more. But I still got up and went to her room. I needed to know she was alright.

I gently knocked on the door. "Esme?" I whispered calmly. "Can I come in?" A muffled sob was my only response. I waited another few seconds before I gently opened the door. Esme was curled up in a ball, looking at him with a haunted expression in her eyes. "Please…" she pleaded. "I can't… I need to be alone… I'm sorry…" Her voice was sounding so frightened and broken and I retreated with what I hoped was a comforting smile.

I went into my study where I hoped to find some distraction but I only thought of Esme. I felt worthless and helpless. Esme was afraid of me… I didn't know what happened to her but it must have been something terrible. I wanted to help her, to comfort her and make her see that she wasn't in danger… that I would never let anything or anyone hurting her…

I paced through my study, tortured by the muffled sobs coming from Esme's room. If possible I would most likely have a headache by now from thinking so hard of a way to help Esme. I sighed exasperated. "Hey, what happened while I was gone?" I looked up. I hadn't even noticed Edward coming back. "I… I don't know… I was talking to Esme… comforting her…" I replayed the last hours in my head to show Edward what happened since he had been gone. From the moment I broke into Esme's room to her running back there only shortly ago. Edward nodded after a while. "I don't know… I can't see what was going on in Esme's head at that time… I only know that she is still frightened…" he said lowly. I nodded.

Edward's POV

I left Carlisle and went into my room to try something. Maybe I had an idea to help Esme a little. I sat down at my piano and started playing a soft slow song. I hoped the music would calm both Esme and Carlisle down a little.

After a while Esme's sobs stopped and her thoughts got much more relaxed. I had tried to find out what was causing Esme such terror but her thoughts were too fast and too messed up for me to understand anything. I only knew that she was frightened to death by someone in her past and that she has been hurt but nothing I could be sure of. I had only seen fragments of her thoughts.

Carlisle's POV

I sat in my office, my head in my hands. Esme had calmed down by Edward playing Piano. I sighed. Why was he able to calm her and I couldn't think of anything? I wanted so badly to help her but she wouldn't let me. I stood up. I was going crazy in here. I needed to get out.

I quickly grabbed my coat and the keys to the Ford I owned and a minute later I was driving into town. I didn't know what I wanted there until I parked the car and walked into the city centre. I had just come here to think and calm myself down but now I had an idea.

I was walking past the stores, thinking about Esme. It was obvious her life hadn't turned out like I wished for her, but maybe I could at least make it better now. I wanted for Esme to be happy.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice the elderly woman until I bumped right into her. "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention…" I apologised. "Are you hurt?" The woman shook her head. "No, no dear, don't worry… I am alright." The old lady replied and smiled at me. I weakly smiled back. But the incident had caused me to look up. I spotted a book store across the street and decided to maybe look for something interesting in there.

The bookstore was well stocked for my taste. I was just shuffling through the different books when something caught my eye. It was a huge book titled "Art and Architecture in Italy". I instantly thought of Esme. Maybe she would like this. I quickly paid for the book and left the store. I had an idea. After I left the bookstore I went to the stationery shop to get some paper and pencils. After I paid for that I went back on the streets. Edward had brought some of Esme's clothes from her flat but as I had seen they were mostly old and worn. She needed more clothes, and maybe other things of her own… The guest room was only furnished with the most necessary things and looked not very homely. Compared to my room or Edward's it really was sporadic. But I wanted Esme to feel safe and at home with me… so…

Esme's POV

I was still lying on my bed but feeling a little better when I heard a soft knock on my door. "Yes?" I shyly asked. Only a moment later Carlisle peered inside. "Can I come in?" he asked lowly. I sat up and nodded. Carlisle stepped inside my room carrying a bag and the box with my things. He sat down in the chair opposite me, after putting the box down, moving slowly as not to frighten me. "I want to apologise…" he started but I interrupted him. "No, I must apologise… I am sorry for what happened…" I said quickly. Carlisle softly shook his head. "You have no reason to apologise… you did nothing wrong… I am sorry, I frightened you… I didn't mean it…" Carlisle whispered. I nodded. I didn't know how to explain what happened so I stayed quiet.

"I… I brought something for you…" Carlisle whispered after a while, nervously fidgeting with the bag. "I thought you might want to… eh… choose some things for your room… furniture and whatever else you like… and I also brought some catalogues from the tailor's shop. You can choose the clothes you like and write down what you want and need and I will get it, okay?"

While Carlisle talked I had examined the catalogues he had brought. I was really overwhelmed by such a gift. This was way too much. "No, Carlisle… I can't take this… it is too much… you can't spend so much money on me…" I protested. "Esme…" Carlisle soothed me. "Money is not an issue. I want you to feel at home here… please, look through the catalogues, tell me what you want and I get it for you…" I bit my lip and hesitated but after one look into Carlisle's eyes I nodded. He smiled shyly and took something else out of the bag. "Eh… I brought something else… I thought you might like this…" Carlisle said sheepishly and handed me a thick book. I took it from him and looked at the title: "Art and Architecture in Italy" it said.

"You, you didn't have to do this…" I mumbled shyly and pushed the book back to Carlisle. "But I want to…" he protested and handed it back to me. "Please Esme, I want to give you something… see it as a welcome present if you like…" he said with a soft smile. I bit my lip and took the book back. It really looked interesting. Carlisle had picked the right book.

Carlisle's POV

"Well, I leave you alone now…" I said and stood up. Esme was looking at the book in her lap, smiling softly to herself. I was happy she seemed to like the book. Before I left the room I heard Esme calling my name again: "Carlisle?" I turned, smiling at her. "Thank you…" she mumbled and fidgeted nervously with the bed sheets. "My pleasure…" I replied and softly closed the door behind me.

I went into my study and started to read a medical journal about some new research that arrived about a week ago. I hadn't had time to read it until now…

Esme's POV

After Carlisle had left I tried to decide what to do first. The book looked very interesting and I knew that I could easily spend hours or days reading it, but the catalogues were surely also nice. And though I didn't like Carlisle spending money on me I would like to look for some clothes and maybe furniture for my room.

I started flipping through the different magazines and awed at the fine and elegant clothes. They all looked beautiful. Seeing my old clothes which I found in the box it was clear I never owned such fine clothes. I modestly wrote down a few things I would like Carlisle to get me and then put the catalogues aside. He shouldn't even buy me these few things; he shouldn't spend money on me…

I stood up and decided to unpack the things in the box and put the clothes into the closet in my room but then realised that I was still wearing the clothes Carlisle lend me and changed into some of my own clothes first. I picked a pale blue dress that ended just above my knees and looked really pretty. It was also the best dress I found. After I had changed I folded Carlisle's clothes neatly and picked them p to return them to Carlisle.

Carlisle's POV

I had just stopped reading the journal, realising most of the conclusions my colleague had drawn were based on speculations as it knocked on my door. "Come in…" I said softly and saw a second later how Esme stepped inside the room.

"You look beautiful…" I blurted out without thinking as soon as I saw her and just after that felt like a complete fool. What was wrong with me? I hadn't even wanted to say this, at least not as out of the blue as I did. I must have sounded stupid… Esme was fidgeting nervously with the hem of her dress and looking up at me shyly. "Really?" she asked. I nodded, swallowing hard. "Really.." I whispered. She was wearing a pale blue dress now. Honestly, it looked gorgeous on her. It complemented her pale skin and caramel curls and hugged her curves nicely. I swallowed again, trying to keep my eyes on her face. Esme was truly beautiful. Her body was perfect. Slender but womanly – I could hardly find words to describe it. I was confused. I never felt this attraction towards someone else before, I didn't know these feelings…

"Eh… I just wanted to bring your clothes back…" Esme mumbled. I slowly stepped towards her and took the clothes. "Thanks…" I said, smiling softly at her. Esme shyly smiled back. "have you found something you like?" I asked her quickly, not wanting to let her go just yet. Esme looked to the ground and nervously shuffled her feet. As I had learned a clear sign of shyness. "A few things." She mumbled. "Esme… you can have anything you like, money is not an issue and I want you to feel comfortable here… so please don't hesitate to tell me what you would like to have…" I said. "Maybe… we could look at some things together?" I asked her, hoping she'd say yes. Esme didn't respond, she just looked to the ground and nervously played with her dress. Panic washed over me. I had gone too far. I had scared her.

After a few minutes Esme looked up again. "Yes…I would like that…" she whispered lowly. I couldn't believe it. I was sure I heard her wrong. Had Esme just said yes? I stared at her for a short moment until I remembered my manners. "Sorry… eh… should we go back to your room? To look at the catalogues?" I asked her slowly. Esme nodded slowly. "Yes…" she mumbled.

Esme sat down on the bed in her room and I sat next to her but kept a distance. I had learned by now that being too close to others made Esme anxious. The catalogues I brought were lying behind her on the bed. I reached behind her to take one about furniture and opened it.

Esme's POV

Carlisle and I were looking through the catalogue, discussing different pieces of furniture. I wasn't afraid of him anymore. I still felt uncomfortable but he was very careful, moving slow and not coming too close to me. He was pointing at another set of furniture. The wood was a beautiful honey colour and I instantly fell in love with it, but then I saw the price! No! This was far too much! The closet alone would cost more than some of the complete sets! Carlisle smiled. "This is beautiful and it would fit in great, don't you think?" he asked me. I avoided his gaze and shook my head. Carlisle tilted his head to the side and I felt him looking at me curiously. "You like this, don't you? I saw the look on your face…" he said lowly. I shook my head. "No… the other things are also great…" I quickly flipped back some pages and showed him a picture of a furniture set in dark wood. I hadn't liked this too much, but at least it didn't cost a fortune. Carlisle gave me an unbelieving look. "Esme… you can have whatever you like best… money is not an issue and I don't want you to think about it, okay?" Esme nodded shyly. Carlisle grinned. "Okay, and now we order that honey coloured set…" he said, flashing me a smile I simply couldn't resist. It literally made her go weak in the knees. It was impossible to protest so I just nodded. Carlisle grinned. "Okay… so now that that's settled, would you want to go hunting again?"

My throat was already burning again, but I didn't want to appear weak. Carlisle surely didn't need to hunt twice a day. "How… how often do you normally hunt?" I asked. "Well, for me once in two or three weeks is enough, two weeks is better… working thirsty is not very nice…" he replied sheepishly. "I am not this thirsty…" I said. I didn't want to hunt again if he only went every two weeks. "Esme…" Carlisle reasoned. "You are a newborn, your thirst is much worse than ours. It will get better when you're getting older, but for now you need to hunt frequently, okay?" I nodded. "Okay then… Can we go hunting again?" I asked him. My throat was really burning again. Carlisle smiled. "Of course, let's go." He got up but turned to me again. "Eh… do you need something? Clothes I mean… Hunting will probably ruin the dress and I also think a dress isn't very practical for hunting… I never wore one, but… well, it doesn't look too sturdy…" he stammered, ducking his head in embarrassment. I had to stop a giggle from escaping my lips. Seeing Carlisle so unsure of himself was… cute… somehow.

"Yes, Thank you… Eh… can I borrow some more clothes… I know I just gave them back to you, but…" Oh god, I was stammering just like him! Carlisle smiled. "Yes, of course… It is not a problem, I get them for you… okay?" I nodded. "Thanks…" I replied.

After Carlisle got me the clothes I quickly changed and headed downstairs. Carlisle was already waiting. He was talking to Edward, who sat on the couch.

Carlisle's POV

I went into my room and got the clothes for Esme. After that I went back to her room to give them to her and then headed downstairs to wait till Esme was changed. Edward was sitting on the couch, reading a book. "We are going hunting, do you want to come with us?" I asked him. Edward shook his head. "No, I am alright. I didn't hunt when I left earlier but I am fine for a while longer, I go on my own, later!" he said. I nodded. "Okay…" Carlisle agreed.

After a few minutes Esme came down the stairs. I smiled at her. She shyly smiled back at me. "You're ready? Let's go then!" I said and opened the back door for her. Esme flitted past me but stopped in the garden, waiting for me.

We ran through the woods, deeper into the forest than the first time. It took us quite a while before finding a track to go after. But we were lucky when we did, it was a bear. Esme stopped and turned to me. "What is this?" she asked, swallowing the venom I was sure pooled in her mouth. "A bear." I replied. Esme nodded. "It smells even better than the mountain lion." She admitted. I grinned. "Don't let Edward hear that!" I joked. "Mountain lion is his favourite." Esme grinned and then looked towards the direction where the scent came from. I smiled. "Go ahead. I'm right behind you." I told her smiling. I didn't have to say that twice. Esme immediately took off. I was following her, keeping my distance. I didn't want to be shoved in a tree again…

Esme's POV

I followed the trail of the bear and its mouth-watering smell. My throat was in flames by now. I was much thirstier than I had admitted to Carlisle and quite glad we were hunting again. When my prey came into view I was afraid for a tiny second. The bear was huge. But my thirst was pushing such thoughts away. I was much more dangerous than that bear. I ran towards the bear from behind and lunged for its neck. The bear was surprised and started to fight against me but I quickly dodged its attacks. I got my second chance after a few moments and again leaped for the bear's throat. This time I was successful, snapping its neck and sinking my teeth into the jugular.

Carlisle's POV

I was standing next to a tree watching how Esme took the bear down. She was moving extremely graceful, like a feline. I just couldn't take my eyes off her. I felt like spying on her but I couldn't look away. Her movements were so fluid and natural.

After Esme was finished she stayed in front of the dead bear for a while, just looking at the carcass. I went over to her. She had got me a little worried. "Are you alright?" I asked gently. Esme nodded. "Just… surprised, I guess… I hadn't realized how large it was…" she whispered. I nodded, understanding that Esme was still a little surprised and probably overwhelmed by her own strength.

We stood there for a while longer, both deep in thought. Esme was probably still thinking about her recent kill while I tried to figure out the best way to ask her something that gnawed painfully in my stomach. But somehow I didn't have the guts to approach that subject. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer…

"Shall we go home?" I asked after a few moments. Esme nodded. "Yes, let's go back." She replied. I smiled at her and we jogged through the forest, back towards home.

While we ran I often shot glances at Esme. I was still pondering the question over in my head. But if I wanted an answer I had to ask Esme. And I had to do it soon. It was now or never. I stopped mid-running and looked at Esme, who had also stopped. "Are you alright?" she asked a little worried. I nodded. "I… I… Where you afraid of me? Earlier today?" I asked nervously. Esme was looking at me, then she shook her head. "No…" Esme whispered. "It… wasn't you… just… a memory…" she said lowly. "A memory?" I asked. Esme nodded. "Yes…" she whispered. I stepped closer to Esme, feeling the sudden need to comfort her somehow. I had only taken two steps when Esme flinched lightly. I stopped. "Esme… please, tell me what frightens you… I won't hurt you… you can trust me…" I pleaded. It hurt me seeing her shying away from me when I wanted nothing more than her to trust me, to let me comfort her. Esme nodded. "I'm sorry… I know you won't hurt me… but… I can't… I… this overwhelms me… I can't control it…" she whispered broken. "Just tell me…" I begged. "Tell me what frightens you…" Esme shook her head. "I can't… I don't know what it is… it comes over me… I can't see anything then… just… feel… it's horrible…" Esme sobbed lightly. I watched her with agony in my eyes. I again stepped closer. "I won't hurt you… never… please, trust me?" I asked, holding out my hand for Esme to take. She looked at me, possibly contemplating if she could trust me or not, but eventually put her hand in mine. I knew that this was a huge step for Esme but I still wanted to do more to comfort her. So I very gently and slowly pulled her into my arms, always looking for any sign of fear on her side. She was tense, but she didn't back away. Finally I wrapped my arms loosely around her, wanting to end her shivering. Esme didn't move one bit for a few seconds but then she slowly relaxed and actually wrapped her arms around me shortly. I felt like I was bursting with excitement that moment. It felt like my insides had turned to jelly or something. Holding Esme in my arms seemed to let warmth flow my body and cloud my mind. I couldn't think straight that moment.

Esme's POV

I took comfort from the embrace for a second, feeling something I never felt before: I felt comfortable near a man. There was still this nagging fear in the back of my mind but the other part of my mind was telling me that I was safe with Carlisle. It wasn't strong enough to make me feel safe, actually but it was enough to accept the comfort he was offering for a short time. After a few seconds I disentangled myself from him and stepped away. This was enough. I couldn't face more of this closeness at the moment. I needed space now. What had just happened was something so highly uncommon for me I was really overwhelmed. I took a few steps backwards, trying to get control of me again. I was grateful that Carlisle didn't try to approach me again. This would have been too much.

It took me a few minutes before I was feeling like myself again. To be in Carlisle's arms had left a feeling of safety in me but on the other hand I felt like touch or closeness was nothing nice. After I had calmed down a bit I looked at Carlisle who was patiently waiting for me. I smiled carefully at him and nodded. He smiled back. "Should we go back?" he asked gently. I nodded and we both started running back towards the house.

Edward's POV

I was sitting in the living room waiting for Esme and Carlisle to come back from their hunt. I knew that Carlisle trusted Esme she wouldn't outrun him or do anything else stupid and reckless but I didn't really trust his judgement on that matter. Since Esme was here he seemed to have lost his reason on some things. Especially when it got to Esme. I only hoped Esme was as controlled as Carlisle believed her to be. I remembered quite well how I was after my change. Compared to me Esme seemed like a tame kitten while I would have been a fierce lion. In my first months no day passed on that I didn't attack Carlisle at least once and destroyed half of the house. He could hardly leave me alone and he never knew what to expect when he got home. I often just lunged at him as soon as he opened the door, for no particular reason. But Carlisle was just Carlisle; endlessly patient he endured my fits and attacks, he never once fought me back, never hurt me or scolded me, he always tried to keep me entertained, brought me books and other things I often did only throw at him. He really had the patience of a saint.

I knew that Esme was not as dangerous as I was. First of all because she would never attack Carlisle on purpose, nor someone else. But her instincts were uncontrollable for her. She could do a lot of harm without realising it until it was too late. And Carlisle could not stop her, not alone. He might be strong enough to hold her, but he would never be able to catch her with her newborn speed.

Finally I heard some sounds outside and also their thoughts flooded my mind. I relaxed slightly. Everything had gone well, though Carlisle was hiding something. He was just going over all human muscles in his head, naming them. I frowned. What happened? Esme was not thinking anything helpful. She only shot glances at Carlisle now and then, marvelling at him. I knew nothing bad had happened because both of them were far too happy but Carlisle's behaviour got me curious. So I waited impatiently for them to get home.

I didn't have to wait very long. Carlisle and Esme entered just a minute later. "Hello Edward." Esme said, smiling at him. Carlisle nodded at him. Esme stood in the living room for a while before excusing herself to freshen up a bit. I noticed how Carlisle watched her for a moment before snapping out of it and sitting on the couch with a book. He had a huge smile on his face and wasn't concentrating on the book one bit. "Excuse me, can you tell me what makes you so damn happy?" I finally asked, exasperated. Carlisle just grinned and replayed the moment when he hugged Esme in his head, though more involuntarily. I broke out in a fit of laughter. Carlisle was going into emotional overdrive because Esme let him hug her? I laughed even more when Carlisle mentally went beet red.

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