Okay, here's another chapter for you. I'm sorry it took so long but there were some parts in this chapter that were especially difficult to write and I had a lot of other things going on and couldn't write as much as I wanted to... well, anyway, I'm happy it's done now and I really hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 5 – Funeral

Carlisle's POV

I felt like walking on clouds. My body still tingled where Esme had touched me. And I felt like I was overflowing with luck and happiness. As Edward asked me what made me happy like that I involuntarily thought of it and Edward started laughing. I looked down and was cringing with embarrassment. Edward still laughed. If I could blush my face would be burning by now…

After a while Edward calmed down and went back to reading, though he was still smirking, which irritated me a lot. I had never wanted him to know about this part of the hunt. But when he asked it just came back to my mind. I tried to ignore Edward and started reading. After a few more minutes Esme came back down, shyly smiling. I couldn't help it, a huge smile spread across my face. Esme quietly sat down on the couch next to Edward and started to read the book I gave her. This fact made my smile grow even more.

Another hour passed and I noticed that I had to get ready for my shift at the hospital, so I went upstairs to take a shower.

Esme's POV

About an hour after I got downstairs Carlisle got up and went back upstairs. I glanced at the clock and noticed that he'd probably get ready for work. I stopped reading and contemplated going after him. I still had the list with the things Carlisle wanted to get for me in my room. So I followed him upstairs. I waited until I heard Carlisle packing his bag and then took the list and went to his room. I knocked on the door to his study and waited till I heard him call "come in".

Carlisle was standing next to his desk, putting two files into his bag. "Esme." He flashed me a dazzling smile and I looked down. "I… I just wanted to give you the list…" I said slowly. This had been a stupid idea. He was busy, getting ready for work, this was much more important than this stupid list with some things for me. I shouldn't have bothered him. Carlisle stepped closer to me, still smiling. "What can I do for you?" he asked softly. "Eh… I was just… I…" I stammered, but Carlisle interrupted me. "Just tell me, I won't bite." He said lightly. I looked up and got distracted by his beautiful golden eyes. They shone with warmth and gentility, he smiled and didn't look bothered at all, but… happy. "I… I still had the list…" I whispered lowly. Carlisle smiled. "Yes, right. I was going to ask for it, thank you. I will stop in town right after my shift ends and order the things." He said. "You don't have to… I mean… the stores will be closed for some more hours when you finish working." I said. Carlisle smiled. "No, I have to work longer today, covering for a colleague, so I can drive into town right after work." He explained. "Oh." I nodded. Why did I feel so sad at the thought of him leaving for a longer period of time? "When will you be back?" I asked him, almost anxious. "My shift ends at noon, so I guess maybe an hour after that." He answered and smiled, before grabbing his coat. I stood there, not knowing what to tell him. "H…Have fun at work then." I wished him, though it sounded stupid. Carlisle turned around again and smiled. "Thanks." He said.

Carlisle's POV

I smiled at Esme one last time before heading down into the living room. Edward was still there, sitting on the couch, looking at me. "I'm going to work. I won't be back before noon, are you okay with that?" I asked him. Edward nodded. "Of course, why shouldn't I?" he replied cockily. I nodded. Maybe you could do something with Esme? I don't want her to be bored… I asked him in my head. I really didn't want Esme to feel the tiniest bit uncomfortable or unwelcome here. Edward rolled his eyes. "I will manage, now go, you're going to be late." He reminded me.

I went into the garage and drove away in my Ford model T. As soon as I was far enough away from the house I let the happiness that Esme always caused spread through my body. I couldn't help it, but every little smile of her, directed at me or not, made me feel good. I was honestly a little sad that I had to work now.

Work was relatively calm. A few occasional flues, due to the season and an elderly woman in the early hours of the morning who slipped on the ice. Nothing more. But this left me enough time to deal with all the things I had in mind.

It were no pleasant tasks, though. I had to arrange a funeral for Carly, Esme's son. I called the mortician and asked him to arrange everything for me. I told him I was asked to take care of everything by the family members as not to arise any more suspicions. After everything was settled I thought about what to tell Esme. She wouldn't be able to attend the funeral, firstly because of her thirst but also because someone could recognise her. But she needed to say goodbye to her son, she needed to grieve.

Esme's POV

I was again reading the book I got from Carlisle. It was fascinating. The paintings and sculptures described there were so extremely beautiful. I really wished I could see them in reality. "la capella sistina" I read. The words sounded even more beautiful in Italian. "Carlisle speaks Italian." Edward said suddenly. I looked up. "He does?" I asked. Edward grinned. "I knew you would like that." He said. "Yes, he has some books upstairs I'm sure, you could borrow them…" he offered. I bit my lip. "I don't know…" I said. Edward, who heard the worries in my head smiled reassuringly. "You learn much faster now, photographic memory, it is easy learning something new, but… I could help you… at least a little…" he offered. "My Italian is far from Carlisle's. I never had the patience to learn before." He explained. A shy smile spread over my face. Just a second later Edward got up and came back moments later with two books. I smiled and scooted over on the couch to make room for him.

Carlisle's POV

Things had calmed down enough so I could in fact leave at noon. I grabbed my coat and drove directly into town before a thought crossed my mind. I couldn't explain why I was ordering women's clothing at the local tailor. I would have to drive further away to get the things Esme needed. At least the clothes. So I drove out of town again in the direction of Mansfield. It wasn't too far away and would allow me to get everything I needed for Esme, maybe even more. I couldn't help it, I wanted her to feel at home with me and Edward and I was more than ready to spoil her a little.

I arrived in Mansfield an hour later and went straight into the tailor's shop. As soon as I entered an old man came hurrying towards me, smiling. "Good afternoon, sir." He said, smiling. I smiled back. "Good afternoon, sir." I said and shook his hand. "How can I help you, Mr…" "Cullen." I offered. "Mr Cullen, how can I help you?" "Well, I need the get these things on the list here, it is for my niece, unfortunately she is sick and can't go out by herself… She needs a complete set of clothes, she was injured when her house burned down." I explained as I handed the list to the elder man. He glanced at it for a while and then frowned. "The young lady seems to have been really modest with the clothes she has chosen…" he said after a while. I looked questioningly at him. "Well, she has listed very few things, considering her whole wardrobe was burned." He said. "She will need more things… especially undergarments…" the tailor said. This was exactly one of the moments when I was glad I couldn't blush. I would be cringing with embarrassment by now. Undergarments and Esme weren't two words I wanted to hear in one sentence, and I especially didn't want to think about it any closer. "Well, eh… just… just order whatever you think is necessary…" I said, hoping to get out of this whole situation as fast as possible… The tailor looked at me. "I trust you with this, Mr…" "Turner." "Mr. Turner, just order whatever you think she might need, money is not an issue." I told him. The eyes of the old man expanded a little before he composed himself again and smiled. Carlisle nodded. "Well, Alright Mr Cullen, I think I will have everything ready to pick up for you in two days." I nodded. "Thank you very much, Mr Turner. Have a good day." I said. "You too, Mr Cullen." The tailor said and I left the store.

After that I decided I could also order the furniture at the local carpenter instead of going back to Ashland again.

The visit at the carpenter's was quick and just an hour later I was on my way home, finally. I couldn't deny that I was getting a bit restless, not knowing how Edward and Esme were coping. I was a little anxious something had happened while I was gone.

Edward's POV

Around noon Esme was starting to get a little anxious. I had stopped teaching her Italian a while ago, because I really didn't know that much and Esme was an eager learner. I knew that Carlisle had said he would be home maybe an hour after noon but I also did not start to worry when two hours had passed. Esme was getting more and more antsy with every minute. She was worried for Carlisle though she knew there wasn't much that could happen to him.

"Esme, calm down. I'm sure Carlisle has a perfectly reasonable explanation for being late." I said, trying to ease her mind a little bit. "But he said he would be home hours ago." She reasoned, looking worried. I smiled. "Maybe he simply forgot the time. This wouldn't be the first time, Carlisle loves his work and loses track of time when he is engaged in something that interests him." I explained, remembering the many times when Carlisle had worked 18 hours or more simply because he wasn't keeping track of the time. Esme still didn't look convinced. I tried a different strategy, maybe I could distract her. "Have I shown you the new piece by Chopin I practiced?" I asked her. Esme looked up. "No, you haven't." she said, not letting the clock out of her eyes. "Come on then, I'll play for you." I said and held out my hand for her to take. After a few moments Esme let me lead her to the piano and sat down on the little bench next to me.

I was in the middle of the play when the sounds of the car's engine reached my ears. Esme immediately jumped up. Her first impulse was to run into the living room and greet Carlisle there but then she realised how stupid this must look and bit her lip embarrassed. I smiled. "Come on, looks like Carlisle is home." I said and went ahead. Esme followed me, still embarrassed by her earlier action, I guessed.

"You are late." I greeted Carlisle, who was just hanging up his coat. Carlisle smiled apologetically. "I am, sorry. I went to Mansfield." He replied. I nodded. I have to talk to Esme… I arranged the funeral; it will take place on Friday… Carlisle thought sadly. I could tell that this wasn't an easy subject for him. He knew how much Esme had loved her son and how much she had wanted to be a mother.

"Well, I'm going upstairs." I said, willing to give Carlisle and Esme some time to talk. Carlisle shot me a grateful look and thanked me in his head, while Esme got nervous. I gave her a reassuring smile as I went upstairs.

Esme's POV

I swallowed and looked at Carlisle. I was suddenly nervous I wondered why Edward had left us alone. The silence outstretched and I got even more nervous. Carlisle was lost in his thoughts it seemed. It wasn't a comfortable silence and I was afraid of what this was all about. "How… how was your day?" I asked, trying to ban the anxiety from my voice and just to end this awful silence. Carlisle looked at me. He sighed lowly. "Good, actually. It was pretty calm so I had not much to do, which is good, means less people are hurt or ill." He replied, but his mind was still far away. "You seem sad." I observed. Carlisle finally met my gaze and tried to smile. "Let's sit down." He suggested and went to sit on the couch. I watched him sit down but I couldn't move. What did he want to talk about? Had I done something wrong? Had something happened while he was at work? Did he want me to leave, perhaps? I shivered at the thought. I didn't want to leave. I had nowhere to go… I didn't know anybody… I…

Carlisle's POV

I sat down and waited for Esme to do the same but she stood rooted to the spot and suddenly started shivering. I got up, holding out my hand for her. "Esme…" I whispered, trying to get her out of her shock. She jumped startled and looked at me with a frightened look. "I'm sorry." I apologised. "I didn't want to startle you." Esme nodded, but didn't meet my gaze or say anything. "Let's sit down, okay? I just want to talk about something with you…" Esme was still tensed but followed me to the couch.

I took a deep breath and looked at Esme. "Well, I already told you I hadn't much to do today, so… well, I talked to the local mortician and arranged the funeral for Carl to take place this Friday in the evening." I said, looking to the ground. "You did?" Esme asked, her voice sounding hoarse and before I could respond I heard a strangled sob escape her. "Thank you…" Esme whispers. "I can't go there… right?" Esme asked after a moment of silence. I bit my lip, knowing this must cause her much more pain than is fair. "I'm sorry." I said. "But… we can go there later, when no one is around…" I told her. Esme looks up at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Thank you." She said, grasping my hand and giving it a short squeeze before standing up and heading upstairs. I know she needed to be alone now.

Esme's POV

I went into my room and as soon as I closed the door behind I broke down in sobs. I fell on the bed as my body was wrecked with dry sobs. My emotions were in a whirlwind. It was like Carly died all over again. I clutched his baby blanket tightly to my chest and sobbed into it. His young innocent smell was still clinging to the blanket. It was sweet and made my throat burn, but I could never have hurt him. He was my son. More sobs escaped my lips as memories of his perfect little face appeared before my eyes. He had been so handsome. His eyes a bright sky blue, a little dark hair that was always messed up and spiky. I remembered how he wouldn't sleep that first night, how he kept crying: I had taken him out of his crib and placed him on my chest, singing to him. He had fallen asleep immediately, being safe and loved. I had watched him sleep that night, his face smooth, his little fists next to his face.

The memories were too painful to watch but at the same time to sweet to let go. I missed Carl so terribly. I still felt guilty for his death though Carlisle had assured me it wasn't my fault. But I couldn't help it. I was his mother, it was my task to protect him, to keep him safe – and I failed. I felt a pain in my chest like I was stabbed with a knife over and over again.

Edward's POV

I listened to Esme's thoughts as she remembered her son. It hurt me to see her like this. Her memories were painful, also for me but they were so sweet also.

I sat in front of my piano and again tried to soothe Esme's pain with my music. It had worked before. Without thinking any closer about it, I played an old lullaby.

Carlisle's POV

I was reading in my study but still listened for Esme. She wasn't sobbing so hard anymore, her breathing was more even and she wasn't tossing on her bed anymore. I sighed and placed the book aside. I was thinking about how I could help Esme. It wasn't just the loss of her son; it was also that she was so afraid of so many things. I had never experienced something like this before. I wanted her to feel safe here, and still I was always the one making her flee to hide in her room. It was frustrating me to no end. I was always reaching the exact opposite of what I wanted. I sighed again and looked outside the window. It had started snowing. I watched the flakes fall while I got lost in my thoughts.

Esme's POV

After an eternity it seemed my pain finally subsided to a dull ache. I felt exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. I wanted nothing more than to escape the pain, if only for a short while. I wished I was human again, I could sleep then, or, to keep the dreams away knock myself out with pills. But nothing of this would work now. I sat up, desperate to find something to keep my mind distracted from the painful memories.

But nothing seemed to work. My thoughts eventually always drifted back to the funeral, no matter what I did. Finally I decided I would talk to Carlisle. I had so many questions. He said I could still visit the grave…

I gently knocked on the door and just seconds later heard Carlisle's gentle voice telling me to come in. I opened the door and stepped inside. Carlisle was sitting behind his desk, placing his book aside and smiling at me. "Esme, how can I help you?" He asked softly and stood up. I avoided his gaze as I answered: "I wanted to ask some things… about… the funeral." I whispered, so low even I barely caught the last two words. But Carlisle seemed to have heard them as he gestured towards the little couch in the corner. "Of course. Come, let's sit down." He said and led me to the other side of the room, but without touching me.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the pain that would inevitable return when I started talking. Carlisle was sitting calmly beside me, not pressing me into talking. I appreciated this. It would be hard enough. "I… I want to go there…" I finally said. "The… the grave, I mean." Carlisle gently stroked my shoulder but stopped when I involuntarily flinched. "Of course. I never wanted to deny you this." He said. "How…?" I wanted to ask him what his plans were, how he thought it would work but the whole idea was too painful and my voice broke. Carlisle's hand again twitched as if he wanted to reach out for me but remained in his lap, probably he didn't want to scare me again. "We can go as soon as I am back from work that night, there will be no one outside. I'll take you to the graveyard then, alright?" he asked gently. I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to speak. I was so eternally grateful for Carlisle. He was so understanding and compassionate. I really wished I could do something for him since he was doing so much for me. "Th-thank you, Carlisle." I choked out, my voice heavy with emotion.

Carlisle's POV

I wished I could comfort Esme. Seeing her sitting beside me, shoulders slouched, face down her voice full of unshed tears I yearned to do anything to make this better. She looked so helpless and broken. I wanted to see her smile again; I wanted to take away all the pain she was feeling. My cold heart ached to cradle her in my arms and hold her until the pain was gone. But I couldn't even put my hand on her shoulder without making her flinch, so I didn't do anything. I just sat there, feeling completely helpless and useless to ease her pain… I really wanted to help her. But how? I couldn't take the grief away, I could only be there for Esme when she decided to come to me. "It is alright… If there is anything else I can do for you, just tell me, okay?" I asked Esme, smiling lightly. "I don't want to impose…" she mumbled shyly, avoiding my gaze. "You don't." I told her softly. "Please, don't hesitate to ask for anything you need…"

Esme's POV

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't speak now. I simply looked up at Carlisle, hoping he would understand the look of gratitude in my eyes. He seemed to, because he gently placed his hand over mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. I stiffened lightly, but didn't move my hand. I could not explain this, not even to myself. Every kind of touch made me anxious, I was avoiding physical contact whenever I could but with Carlisle there was another part – it felt good; every time he touched me warmth spread through my body and my skin tingled where he touched me. I really wanted to trust him, to let him help me, but I couldn't, not yet. I ran my fingers over the back of Carlisle's hand before standing up and leaving his study.

Carlisle's POV

I was staring at me hand, swallowing hard. My skin was tingling were Esme had touched it and I felt strange, like I was sitting in a little bubble of happiness. My little bubble got pierced when Edward peeked inside my room. "You're going to be late…" he said, grinning. I smiled half-heartedly and got up. Thanks. I said rather grumpily in my head. Edward only shrugged and left my room.

I was ready for my shift at the hospital, grabbed my bag and headed down into the living room where I found Edward scanning the spines of the books. "Goodbye, I'm off to work." I said, nodding at Edward. "Yes, well, see you later." He said. I nodded and left the house, taking my Ford T to the hospital.

Esme's POV

As I went down into the living room to Edward I tried to keep my pain hidden from him. But I wasn't doing too well according to Edward's sympathetic expression. I gave him a small smile and sat down on the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest. I was staring out of the window, watching the snow falling. The trees were already covered in white. It looked wonderful outside, peaceful and calm. I smiled softly. The snow looked so much softer and whiter than I had imagined it. Like perfect little cotton balls.

"Do you want to go outside?" Edward asked me slowly. I turned my head to him. "Could we?" I asked. Edward smiled. "Of course. I'll keep an eye on you." He said shrugging. I nodded. "I would like to go outside for a bit…" I whispered. Edward grinned. "Then let's go. I bet there is no one out there at the moment so we don't even have to bother with coats." He said smiling a crooked smile and opening the back door. I was less enthusiastic. The pain I was feeling was still too much. After the talk to Carlisle I had felt better but I was still suffering from the loss of Carly.

I followed Edward outside. He was already waiting for me under the trees, an impatient look on his face. I went over to him, though much slower than Edward probably liked. But what I saw was just marvellous. The snow was still glittering a little, though the sun had already set. But the tiny crystals reflected every little bit of the remaining light they could get. Like diamond dust… I thought. Edward laughed. "Come on now, Esme…" he called, breaking my daydream.

I reluctantly followed Edward through the forest, stopping now and then to admire the branches covered in snow and ice. Edward was running large circles around me, always keeping an eye on me. I understood that he was impatient and wanted to stretch his leg but I just didn't feel like running right now, I rather enjoyed the beauty around me.

Edward's POV

Esme was trying to act cheerful, but I knew she wasn't as happy as she pretended to be. But who could blame her? Her son would be buried in two days. Being outside obviously made her happy, though I would have rather ran around the woods or doing a snowball fight. Simply watching the snow and marvelling at it wasn't something I would do in my free time. Esme seemed to not get enough of it, though. She was standing in the forest like frozen, staring at everything around her. I shook my head at her. What was so damn interesting in snowflakes? They all looked very much the same!

Suddenly the scent of deer wafted over. I shot a quick look at Esme and saw that she had stopped breathing altogether. "Esme?" I asked lowly. I don't want to hunt… not now… she thought and looked to the ground. I understood what Esme meant, but it would be better if she hunted. She was after all a newborn… "You should hunt…" I said carefully. Esme bit her lip. "I know you feel bad right now, Esme… but… not hunting is not helping… It is gonna make it harder…" I tried to reason. She was still looking to the ground, refusing her instincts to take over. Her whole behaviour was remarkable for a newborn. She was fighting her very instincts. "Esme... please…" I whispered. Esme looked up at me and finally nodded.

Carlisle's POV

In the hours I spent working in the hospital I couldn't ban Esme from my mind. I was happy. Maybe she finally trusted me a little. I hoped so. I wanted it so much.

I only hoped she and Edward were alright now. The thought of Esme being sad, moping around the house was not pleasant to me.

Thinking of the funeral also made me sad. Esme's son had been so perfect. He shouldn't have died. I had decided to attend the funeral. Little Carly should not be buried with just a priest. I would go there, even if it was probably not a good idea. And later I would take Esme to the graveyard. I had already ordered a bouquet of flowers, white and blue lilies, for her. I only hoped she would like them…

Esme's POV

We had gone back to the house after a quick hunt. I had to admit I felt better now, at least not thirsty anymore. After freshening up a little I stayed in my room. I was sitting on the windowsill staring at the scenery outside.

The sound of the clock downstairs startled me. It was midnight. Friday. Today my son would be buried… I tried not to break out into sobs again as I thought of the oncoming funeral. After I had calmed down a little I went to get the paper and pencils that Carlisle had also gotten for me. I again took my place on the window sill and began to draw.

The hours flew by and before I knew it I heard Carlisle's car in the driveway. Only a few minutes later he knocked on my door. "Come in." I called softly, setting the sketch pad and the pencils down. "Hello." Carlisle said as he stepped inside. "I just wanted to ask if you want to hunt again?" he asked shyly. I shook my head. "I went with Edward earlier." I told him. Carlisle looked surprised. "Oh, alright then. I'll finish my shift earlier tonight, I only work until midnight and then I come home and we can go…" Carlisle didn't finish his sentence but I knew what he wanted to say. I knew where we would go. My throat tightened by the mere thought of it. "Thanks." I whispered hoarsely, trying to sound alright. I obviously failed as Carlisle's face softened and he stepped forward, reaching out for me. "I'm so sorry Esme…" he said gently, trying to place his hand on my arm but I again flinched away. It was reflex. I couldn't really control it. But I saw a very brief flicker of hurt in Carlisle's eyes. "Sorry…" I mumbled. I didn't want to upset him… He was doing so much, much more than he had to… and I could do nothing for him…

I stared at the floor as an awkward silence filled the room. "Well…" Carlisle cleared his throat. "I better say hello to Edward…" he mumbled before leaving quickly.

Carlisle's POV

I gently knocked on Edward's door, trying to think of anything else than the scene in Esme's room a moment ago. "Come in!" he called. I opened the door and stepped into Edward's room, trying to ignore the slight mess. "You went outside?" I asked. Edward nodded. "Yes, Esme liked the snow, so I offered we take a walk… we came across some deer and hunted along the way." He explained. I nodded. How was Esme? I asked in my head. "She tries to keep it together; she is hiding her thoughts and acting cheerful… She doesn't want me to know how sad she really is…" I nodded. Edward gave me comforting smile. "Don't beat yourself up about this. It is not your fault she feels bad, her son died… And… honestly I think arranging this funeral is one of the best things you could do…" Edward told me. I took little comfort in his words. I couldn't help it. If Esme suffered, I suffered too. "Well, thanks Edward… I'm in my office then, doing some paperwork…" I said, smiling lightly at Edward. He nodded. "Alright. Have fun!" he said, smirking. I sighed and shook my head. Paperwork was never fun, not even with my vampire speed and surely not when there were so many other things on my mind…

Instead of doing my paperwork I ended up staring out of the window in my study. The day was dark and gloomy, the sky overcast and huge white clouds promised more snow. Esme hadn't left her room the whole day. I really wished I could comfort her somehow but I didn't know what to say.

Edward had again started playing the piano, a sure sign that Esme was upset and he was trying to comfort her. His music also helped calming me.

I left a little after noon. I wanted to drive to Mansfield and get Esme's clothes before I would attend the funeral.

When I arrived in Mansfield at the tailor's shop everything was ready for me. I only had to pack everything in the car. After that I paid the tailor, adding a little extra and was off back to Ashland. It was around 4 pm and the sun was already beginning to set. Carl's funeral was scheduled for 5pm. Only one hour.

I took a walk through the little park which was nearby the graveyard and around 4.30 pm I went into the chapel. It was empty. I was glad for that. I didn't want any company right now. I sat in one of the benches in the front and stared at the altar.

I sat in the chapel, thinking of Esme and her son, wishing that Carly was better wherever he was now. I also thought about Esme. Strangely she seemed to be in my thoughts all the time. I was constantly caring for her, wondering what she thought, how she felt, what I could do to help her adjust to this life and Edward and me. It was strange. When I changed Edward I was also worried, but not as much as I was for Esme. I knew Edward could fend for himself. Truth was, with Edward I was often more worried about the safety of others, very rarely even my own. He was quite violent as a newborn. But with Esme this was completely different. It wasn't about what she could do if a human came across us when we hunted. It was about her getting hurt… Maybe this was simply because Esme was a woman. Maybe that's why I felt more protective of her…

My musings were brought to an end as Pastor Baker entered the chapel. He spotted me sitting the front rows and I stood up, greeting him. "Dr Cullen, good afternoon. Well, excuse me please, but I have never seen you in church before…" I smiled. "No, I wasn't here to pray, just think… I'm here for the funeral." I explained. Pastor Baker nodded solemnly. "Yes, a shame, burying a child is always hard, especially such a little one." I nodded. "Yes, his mother was devastated."

This night I had trouble concentrating on my work. There was too much going through my head. I always felt bad when I couldn't save a patient and though I knew that no medicine could have saved Carly I was wondering what would have happened if I had been there when Esme brought him into the hospital. Could I have helped him? Could I have helped Esme?

Watching the tiny coffin being buried was the saddest thing I had ever seen. The Pastor had said a few words, not much. What was there to say about a life that had hardly begun when it ended? Then he left me alone. I remained standing by the grave for a few more moments before I drove to work.

I was happy I only had to work until midnight. My shift dragged on with nothing but paperwork and the occasional rounds to keep me occupied. Midnight could not come fast enough.

Esme's POV

It was shortly after midnight. I was sitting in my room, staring out of the window, anticipating and also fearing Carlisle's return from the hospital tonight. I felt kind of sick and I knew if it could my heart would be beating furiously fast.

The sound of Carlisle's car coming up the driveway startled me and I jumped from the window sill. I was just overly sensitive right now, mentally pent-up.

I heard Carlisle coming up the stairs and stood up. Just a moment later he gently knocked on the door and I told him to come in, my voice sounding shaky, even to my own ears. Carlisle gave me a comforting smile. "Are you ready?" he asked me. I nodded and followed Carlisle down the stairs.

On the bottom of the stairs I stopped suddenly. There was a beautiful bouquet of white and blue lilies lying on the small coffee table. Carlisle followed my gaze. "Yes… eh… I thought you might want to take some flowers…" he mumbled quickly. I didn't respond right away, I was too touched by this gesture. "…you don't have to…" Carlisle's words ripped me out of my thoughts. I instantly took the flowers. "No. They're beautiful. Thank you." I whispered, shooting a shy glance up at Carlisle.

We walked in silence through the forest. I was glad Carlisle did not press to run. He was simply matching my pace, not saying anything, another thing I appreciated. I could not talk right now. My mind was completely focused on our destination.

After about twenty minutes of walking through the thick forest Carlisle stopped me. "We're there." He whispered. I swallowed hard. "Follow me." Carlisle said and lead me out of the forest, his hand behind me but not quite touching the small of my back.

As soon as we stepped onto the graveyard I felt the sadness and grief overwhelm me. My knees almost buckled under me and I stumbled forward. Carlisle reached out to steady me but never touched me.

I smelled the newly turned earth before I saw the grave. Slowly a simple white stone came into view. I slowed down, dreading this very moment when I stood in front of my son's grave.

The stone was white marble. The inscription was simple, yet beautiful:

Carl Platt

January 7th – January 12th 1921

"Loved for all eternity"

That's when I broke down. My knees buckled under me and I sank to the ground sobbing. Images of my little Carly flooded my mind. I was reliving his last minutes. How I held him until his breathing stopped. The awful silence afterwards, while I prayed for him to take another breath. Sobs raked my body and I wrapped my arms around myself. I felt like I was falling apart. Like I was losing my son all over again…

Carlisle's POV

I watched helplessly as Esme lay on the ground, sobbing. I desperately wanted to comfort her somehow. Without thinking about it I crouched down next to Esme and stroked her back. Then suddenly Esme turned to me and flung herself in my arms, clinging to me. In the first moment I was too surprised to act but then I quickly wrapped my arms around her and held her. Esme was burying her head on my shoulder, her body shaking with sobs. I crooned into her ear, stroking her back while she mumbled incoherent things.

It started snowing again while I sat on the ground, rocking a still sobbing Esme in my arms. Soon we were covered in a thin layer of snow. Esme had calmed down a little but was still sobbing lowly. It was a heartbreaking sound. Esme was holding onto me for dear life. Every time I moved she only held on tighter. I comfortingly stroked her back and murmured soft nothings. Then I gently placed the lilies on the grave and stood up. Esme had wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed quietly into my neck. "Shhh… I'm taking you home, alright?" I asked. Esme nodded but didn't say anything. "Alright…" I said and slowly left the graveyard, heading home.

Edward's POV

I was sitting in my room when I heard Carlisle and Esme approach. Esme was sobbing and Carlisle's thoughts were confusing me. I went into the living room and saw Carlisle carrying Esme. He was rubbing her back and murmuring comforting words. I was worried and went out into the garden to ask Carlisle but as soon as he saw me he replayed the events in his head. I nodded showing him I understood and stepped aside. Carlisle carried Esme upstairs into her room. I waited downstairs. I was sure Carlisle would explain everything soon.

Esme's POV

I was feeling numb, empty, hollow, cold, dead… I felt nothing. The first thing I knew was that I was laid down on something. I opened my eyes and saw a person, a man leaning over me. I don't know what happened then, or why. But suddenly I was hit by a whirlwind of panic, fear, angst and a thousand memories I couldn't escape.

Edward's POV

Suddenly strange images flooded my mind and I heard screaming from upstairs. Without thinking about it I rushed upstairs and stopped in the door frame, shocked by what I saw. Esme was kicking and clawing at Carlisle who was obviously trying to calm her down, but couldn't get near her. He got two hard kicks into his ribs and stomach and was thrown against the wall by the sher force. I was still paralyzed. The images in my head were keeping me frozen to the spot.

Finally I got a hold on myself, just as Carlisle attempted to get closer to Esme again. But I knew now that this was it, what was scaring her so much. I quickly grabbed Carlisle's shoulders and pulled him roughly away. "Go!" I told him, meeting Carlisle's confused gaze. He was completely out of his mind, fearing for Esme. "Go! Carlisle go!" I told him again, harsher this time. Reluctantly Carlisle left the room, hurt and anxious.

I approached Esme who had curled up in a ball in the far corner of the bed, shivering. I crouched down and approached her gently. "Esme? Are you alright?" I whispered lowly. She had her eyes squeezed shut but relaxed a tiny bit when she recognised my voice. "I won't hurt you… I promise…" I whispered. "Are you okay?" Esme nodded. "Okay…" I mumbled, not sure what to do. "Can I do anything?" "L…leave me alone?" Esme stammered. I nodded. "Alright… just call me if there's anything, okay?" I said and left the room.

Carlisle was downstairs, pacing through the living room. He was running his hands through his hair, shooting nervous glances upstairs. As soon as he saw me he stopped, screaming at me in his head to tell me what had happened. "Calm down." I said, a little bit harsher than necessary but I was still shocked by the images I saw in Esme's head. Carlisle was not really calming down, he was worried sick about Esme, wanting to go upstairs and check on her. Something I knew would be fatal. "Edward, what is it?" Carlisle asked me, his voice sounding panicked. "Let's get out." I said. I needed time to think. Should I tell Carlisle? Could I tell him? I didn't know that.

Carlisle was already pacing up and down the garden, trying not to spring at me with his questions. "Edward, what is wrong with Esme?" he asked me again. I sighed. How could I describe what I saw? "I… I… can't tell you… it's… sorry Carlisle…" "No, Edward please, what frightened Esme so much? What did I do? What did you see?" he nearly screamed at me.

Tell me what you think! I'm always curious for your opinions! So please leave me a few lines... please... ;)

PS: The next chapter of Missing Moments is hopefully also coming soon... I'm working hard on it! So please just stick with me!