Warnings: The usual swearing and brief (very brief) mature content

Chapter 6 – He Doesn't Look a Thing Like Jesus

The next two weeks passed by uneventfully. Axel and I got up at seven, got to work at eight thirty, went to lunch at twelve, went back to work at one and got home by five. I would make dinner and then Axel and I would watch TV and play card and dice games, talking about ourselves.

It was during a game of Farkel (1) that I realized I have a crush on Axel, although, if I was being completely truthful, it was more than a crush. I think I love Axel. He makes me feel like I can be me without being ashamed. We have so much in common, and he does everything within his power to make me happy. It's just so easy to be around him. He makes me like me.

This wouldn't have been a problem except that his boyfriend of four years died five and a half months ago. Most of his stories involved Saix, which I can't blame. The only happy time in his life was his time with Saix. How would he react to me loving him when he loves Saix. Ah…unrequited love, just what a recovering drug addict needs.

I turned over in my bed to see what time it was, 3:00 AM. Great and I got work tomorrow. Being in love sucks. I just want to sleep, but no, overtime I close my eyes I see him touching me, placing his lips over every inch of my skin…then I open my eyes thinking about what an asshole I am for loving someone who just wants to be friends. Then I have to ease the throbbing pain in my groin, which makes me feel even worse because, of course, I can only think of Axel.

Sighing, I got to my feet. Maybe Axel has some sleeping pills. Shuffling out of my room and into the living room, I quickly entered the guest bathroom. I opened the 'medicine' cabinet but Axel seems to take sobriety very seriously because there's not so much as children's aspirin in here. Some tooth paste, mouth wash, soap, razors, no medicine, nothing. Good God Axel, what if you get a headache. I heard a squeak in the floor behind me and jumped, knocking down all the contents of the cabinet.

"What're you doing Roxy?" Axel asked from the doorway, a sleepy expression on his face but not in his voice.

"Looking for sleeping pills." I said innocently, not understanding his concern.

"Was it a craving?" He asked

"What do you mean…oh." Realization hit me, he thought I was looking for a fix, "I wasn't even thinking about that Axel. I just couldn't sleep." Great, the man I've grown to love thinks I'm still doing drugs. Can this day get any worse?

"Okay, I believe you. I'm not trying to accuse you. I just wanted to help you if you needed it. I'm worried about you. You've been looking kind of tired lately. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"So you don't think I'm doing drugs again?" If this were my mom she would've had me arrested. Axel believes me?

"I would know if you were doing drugs, I was a drug addict for six years. It's just, the fact that you haven't been sleeping tells me there's something wrong." Axel said. Aw, he noticed I wasn't sleeping. He didn't think I was digging around for drugs; he's just worried there's something bothering me. And now he's looking at me with hunger in his eyes. Huh. Okay that's new.

Before I knew it my dreams were playing out in real life. Axel's lips were on mine, our tongues battling, and his hands were everywhere. A certain part of my anatomy was growing at the sensation of finally getting what I wanted, what I've been dreaming about for weeks, then it stopped. "Gods, Roxas. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I-I I'm sorry, I attacked you…I'm sorry…" Axel stuttered out, horrified at his actions. Then he ran off in the direction of his room. I didn't understand, it's not like I wasn't participating, I wanted it too.

I made my way to his room. He was laying face down in a pile of pillows. "Axel?" No answer. I walked over to his bed placing a hand on his bare back. Climbing onto him, I started placing light kisses along his neck. "I've wanted you to do that for weeks." Axel turned his head to look at me sitting on his back.

"But I didn't ask, I just jumped in, not caring how you felt. Saix would've asked." Axel said with that depressed look he had the first time we hugged.

"Axel, you aren't Saix, I'm not you. We are three completely separate people. I should act like Roxas, you should act like you, and Saix, and I know you love him, but he isn't involved in this. He's your inspiration, and he loved you for you, not for being like him. He loved you for being you. And that's how I love you." Axel's eyes widened at my words, and I had to go back and review what I said to figure out what had shocked him. Oh my God, I said I love you, shit!

I tried to push myself off of him so I could run and hide but Axel held onto me, and turned over so we were facing each other. And then I saw it, there was excitement and passion in those intense green eyes I fell in love with. "Roxas, I love you too." He confessed, the passion and love was in his eyes but his voice had a hesitant tone in it. "Saix told me to move on and be happy again." The confidence was back in his voice. "I didn't think it would happen this fast." He pulled me down to him and captured my lips again. His hands continued exploring my body, and mine were finally all over his ripped body. This was so much better than my dreams.

Axel's hands traveled lower and lower until they were at the waistband of my boxers. I moaned into the kiss at the feeling of his hand in my boxers. God he was good at this. My hands went down his body, making their way to his jeans, the only thing keeping me from him since he never wore underwear. I let out another moan when he began moving his hips into me. This was so much better than Seifer. Seifer. Pain. No. Stop. "Axel stop!" I said panicked. He stopped right away. I was impressed by that, he was as hard as me now but still he stopped without question. "I can't."

"Okay," was all he said. There was no hate or contempt in his voice just a quiet understanding that I wasn't ready.

"That's it, you're not mad." I asked quietly.

"I remember what you said to your friends at the restaurant." Axel said. God, he remembers, he pays attention to everything I say. That day I told Hayner, Pence, and Olette that I paid for my drugs with my virginity. "I'm not going to force or rush you Roxy. I love you. I would never hurt you."

"Thank you Axel, I'm sorry I…started this," I gestured to his pants, knowing his pain because I was in the same predicament, "and now I'm denying you." I really felt bad for this; he was being so good about it. Good God I'm a regular waterworks, once again tears were filling my eyes.

"It's okay Roxas, I don't mind." Axel grabbed my face gently and made me look into his eyes. "I did this so many times to Saix. I would get caught up in the moment, and then I'd remember Xemnas."

"Xemnas?" I asked, tears subsiding for now. I knew that name, where did I know it from?

"The dealer I let fuck me."

"Xemnas." I said with fear in my voice, I remembered.

"What?" He said catching on to my fear.

"I owe him money," I said, voice shaky, "I was sent to rehab before I could pay him. I-I forgot about it."

"Maybe he did too." Axel said hopefully, but he knew better.

"I hope so." I was still worried, Xemnas always got his payment. I fell asleep in Axel's arms, sometime around four. Xemnas haunted my dreams.

oOo

For the first time in five and a half months, I woke up with someone else in my bed. I knew it wasn't Saix and couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty, even though he had told me to move on. I took in a deep breath and my nose was immediately assaulted by soft blond hair. I smiled, Roxy, he felt so good in my arms. He fit so well next to my body it was like he was made to blend with the curves of my body. I had no more doubts, I love Roxas, I really do. Not only was he absolutely adorable, but he loved cooking, his smile makes my day, in the few weeks I've known him he's become passionate again. He now has goals, he didn't when I met him. It's all the small details that I love about him, and I can't help it. Everything about him is just perfect.

My first love was with the man who saved me, and my second, and if I'm thinking truthfully, greater love is with the man I decided to save. At first I thought he was just like me, but he is different, he's his own person. And he is absolutely wonderful.

I wasn't mad about last night. I knew it was wrong to make a move on Roxas, but I lost control. I just attacked him in the bathroom. I took advantage of him. When he came after me, I was surprised; I hadn't expected that, not when I knew how he paid for that coke. I thought he would hate me for attacking him like that.

But no, Roxas, the amazing person he is, came after me and told me he felt the same. My Roxy, loves me too. Saix, it may be possible for me to be happy again. I hope you like him, 'cause I love him.

Of course I couldn't just leave it at the confessions; I had to attack him again. It's been five and a half months and Roxy is so tempting but that's no excuse. It's very lucky that I've got great self control. When I heard that, 'Axel stop!' there was so much fear and pain in his voice, and I stopped immediately. I had gone too far too fast. I felt so bad that I had brought up bad memories for him. I don't want him just for sex, though that'd be a plus. I would prefer him happy than to ever have sex again. All because I fell in love.

And now I have to worry about Xemnas. I haven't seen hi m for five years, but I know he never lets anyone skimp out on his money. He'll be looking for Roxas, and I'm going to make sure I'm there to protect him form that bastard. But right now I'm going to make my Roxy some breakfast in bed, hopefully without burning the kitchen down. The food always turns out great but for some reason I can't cook without something catching on fire. I think the kitchen is against me, it must throw random objects into the fire while I'm not looking. I often find myself yelling at the cheeky bastard. Yes, I yell at my kitchen, leave me the fuck alone. Kitchen, here I come bitch!

(1) Dice game

I think if I were to name this chapter I would name it 'All because I Fell in Love' I seem to have a thing for long titles.

The next chapter would be called 'Axel vs. Kitchen'

Hope you enjoyed it, and sorry about abruptly ending a potential lemon.

I think if I wrote a full lemon I would leave the reader saying "wtf!"

I wrote a oneshot lemon, but haven't uploaded it because it's terrible.

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