Warning: Some Serious Swearing because Axel and the Kitchen don't get along

Chapter 7 – He Doesn't Look a Thing Like Jesus

I woke up to Axel screaming and banging things around. "You Goddamn fucking bastard. I give you all the best appliances and this is how you repay me! Ahh…" That was followed by some more banging and what sounded like a glass breaking. "Ha, take that, bitch!" Is he yelling and the kitchen? I wondered, starting to laugh at Axel's crazy antics.

A few moments later Axel came into the room. His hair was smoking, face flustered and spattered with pancake mix, three heavily bandaged fingers, several scorch marks in his red apron, a small fire extinguisher was hanging from his belt, and a tray of food rested in his hands. "Morning, Roxy. I made you breakfast." Axel smiled at me, and I smiled back trying to keep myself from laughing at his appearance.

"And you had to win a war to do that, by the sounds of it." I teased unable to hold in my laughter.

"Eh…the kitchen and I don't get along too well." Axel said sheepishly, as he placed the food, which smelled amazing, in front of me.

"Is that why you don't cook?" I asked taking a bight of the blueberry pancake.

"That and I'm incredibly lazy." Axel answered.

"Oh my God Axel, this is amazing!" I gushed, shoving more into my mouth.

"Well good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a battlefield to clean." Axel said with determination and I continued to shovel food into my mouth. It's a shame he doesn't cook more, because this was absolutely astounding.

After eating breakfast I took a quick shower and headed to the kitchen with my tray. The sight had me stopping dead in my tracks, and then dropping to the floor in laughter. Axel had not been exaggerating about the battlefield. Nowhere was safe. Pancake batter covered every surface, even the ceiling. There was broken glass and water all over a bowl of fruit that seemed to have caught on fire and it looked like the garbage can had been knocked over. Axel was picking up the various items of trash and putting them back where they belonged.

But what really had me laughing was Axel's cleaning attire. His tight black pants were tucked into a pair of bright yellow Doc Martins and over his loose button up white shirt was a new apron, which was also bright yellow. He had on a pair of elbow length rubber gloves, a black bandana over his nose and mouth , a black bandana holding back all of his hair, and finally a pair of goggles over his eyes.

Having noticed me, do to my hysterical laughter, he was now standing with his hands on his hips, and toe tapping wildly, glaring at me. "This is not funny Roxas." He said from behind the bandana, "I do something nice for you and you laugh at me."

"I'm…s-sorry…Axel…but you…h-have…to see it h-how…I see it." I managed to get out between laughs, "I woke up to you…screaming at the kitchen, at the kitchen, Axel. Then you come in the room looking like you're just out of battle. Now I come here." I waved my arms indicating the kitchen, "And it's like a fucking hazard zone. And you're all decked out in bright yellow looking ready to go for round two." Axel had started to crack up with me somewhere around 'hazard zone'. Once we finished laughing I started to help him clean, and changed my mind about thinking it a shame he didn't cook more. I saw Axel close his fingers in a drawer, "Mother fucker!" and was reminded of his bandaged fingers.

"Axel what happened to your fingers?" I asked.

"I just slammed them in a fucking drawer? Damn you mother fucking bastard of a kitchen."

"No, I mean earlier, pre rubber glove, I saw them bandaged. And how can you blame the kitchen for you closing your fingers in a drawer?"

"The damn kitchen's out to get me, that's how I can blame it! As for my fingers, I picked up a hot pan without an oven mitt while trying to put out a fire, so the pan ended up lingering in m hand longer than I would've liked, but don't worry, I put the fire out." Axel said first angrily and ending on a proud note.

"Who cares about the fire, what about your fingers?!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, uh, probably second degree, they'll be fine."

"Axel, I love your food, but I think you should stay away from the kitchen. It's a hazard to your health."

"So you think it's out to get me too. Hear that bitch; it's two against one now. You're going down you son of a bitch!"

Ugh…I give up.

oOo

"That damn kitchen is gonna get it next time." I told Roxas as we made our way through the parking garage.

"Axel, please no next time." Roxas pleaded.

"Don't worry Roxy, you'll be with me. That bastard won't be able to attack me with you watching my back." I looked down as I reassured Roxas, but he still seemed concerned.

"I suppose if I'm there you'll manage to stay out of harm's way."

"Good." I cheered as we arrived at my cars. Roxas headed towards the Reventon, but I had other ideas. Today I was going to drive Saix's McLaren for the first time since he died. "Roxy, we're gonna take the McLaren today." Roxas looked up at me confused.

"What's a McLaren?"

"It's the blue car next to the Reventon. It used to be Saix's. I've been less depressed lately so I want to drive it"

"Alright," Roxas said changing his directions. "This is nice, is it expensive." I could only laugh at that, which confused him even more.

"Just a bit." I managed to get out. (1)

oOo

As usual Axel and I went to Restaurant for lunch. We were laughing once again over the events of this morning when I was tackled off my chair and onto the floor. I knew we should've asked for a booth. "Oh Rox, I've missed you so much. Mom said you moved out, why'd you leave?" Sora was sitting on top of me with a pout on his face.

"So," I used his nickname, "get off me please." I finished.

"Sorry." He jumped up and reached a hand down to help me up. I took it.

"I didn't want to leave So, Mom kicked me out."

"Why."

"She doesn't trust me." I said as I sat back down in my chair, indicating that Sora should take the other one, which he gladly accepted.

"Sora!" My mother came into view, scolding Sora.

"No mom. You kicked him out and I never see him anymore. I'm sitting here, join me or not." Mom took the seat next to Sora glaring at me. A waitress quickly came over with two menu's.

"Will these two be joining you?" She asked cheerfully.

"It would appear so." Said Axel. The waitress happily handed Sora and Mom the two menus.

"Shall I put your orders on hold so you can all eat together?"

"Yes." Axel said. His mood had changed drastically since my mom arrived . He really doesn't like her. The waitress skipped away saying she'd be back.

"Hayner said you slept on a park bench." I nodded at Sora's question. "But it's been so cold." Sora said perplexed.

"I had no choice. Mother," I said in disgust, "called all our friends parents to make sure I had no where to stay and dad hates me. So does Seifer, but I tried him in desperation."

"Seifer! Hayner said he's your dealer. You bought coke form him the day Mom kicked you out."

"Yes I did. But I didn't do it. I had Axel get rid of it for me."

"Oh, good for you, I'm proud." My heart danced at his words. That's what I wanted, someone to believe me. I had that with Axel but it felt good to know Sora believed me too. "Who's Axel?" I pointed to Axel who was sitting across from Sora.

"Hi! I'm Sora." Sora reached his hand over the table, knocking various items over, to shake Axel's hand. Axel quickly grabbed Sora's hand and smiled at him. Apparently Axel approved of Sora. "Nice to meet you Axel." Axel nodded in agreement. "Where do you sleep now?" Sora asked, while mom ordered their food.

"Well, Axel saw me, near hypothermia, and gave me his coat. After I told him I was homeless he invited me to live with him. I accepted. Now he's my boyfriend."

"What!" My mother said, a little too loud.

"Sorry, but I don't feel the need to talk or answer your questions. So shut up and ignore me like you usually do." I told my mother and she actually listened. Sora stood up walked around the table to Axel, and hugged him. Axel hugged back smiling again.

"I didn't know you were family." Sora let go, "Family needs more than a handshake."

"Thank you Sora, I'm happy to know you'll accept me."

"You kept my brother from freezing how could I not?" Sora took his seat again. "Rox, why didn't I know you're gay?"

"I never really had a preference. My life was drugs."

"I like that you're using past tense Roxy." Axel spoke up, "So what's your life now."

"Well, apparently it's wagging war on the 'bastard' kitchen with you." I teased Axel and we both cracked up again grabbing the attention of the entire restaurant. Sora and mom looked confused at the inside joke. After cooling down I said seriously, "No, really I just want to figure out what to do with my life and you, of course."

"Aww, thanks Roxy, you're my life too. And I'll help you figure out what to do with your life." Axel said happily. We continued on through lunch having a light conversation with Sora, while mom listened but didn't speak, which was good for me.

(1) According to the McLaren is $1,300,000

I really enjoyed writing about Axel and that 'bastard' kitchen. And I hope you enjoyed reading it. This chapter was mainly Comedy, and getting things in place for future chapters. I hope it wasn't too boring.

Thanks for all reviews, favs, and alerts