A/N

Wow, I didn't think I would get any reviews and the few I got were great! I appreciate it.

Warning, there is mature stuff ahead.

Also thanks to my lovely Beta Annabella Laurie

S Meyers is the owner and I'm just the renter.

Special thanks to Izzzyy for going back over my these chapters and correcting some of my mistakes

Chapter 2 – Edward the Predator

Edward

I let Charlie off at home and helped him inside. He was tired from being in the sun all day and no doubt a little stressed that I had a fucking panic attack right in front of him. He didn't even get to catch any fish today. Wasn't that the whole point of the day? To get Charlie out of the house so he could fish and be happy. I knew now that his purpose was totally different. He wanted to trap me so I would listen to him. He planned it this way. I didn't even see it coming.

Clever bastard.

I told him I would think about going to Chicago to get her. I think Charlie understood, but he didn't want me to think too long and hard. The end of the semester was next week and she wanted to come back the day after finals.

"Edward, I want you to call me. Think it over tonight, and call me tonight when you decided yes," Charlie commanded. I didn't think I really had a choice in the matter.

Walking Charlie in the house, the smell blew into my face. It smelled of vanilla and strawberry. It smelled of her. All too familiar and all too much like home. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. This smell always made me feel better. It brought back the good memories.

I helped Charlie into his chair and he flipped on the television. I stood next to him just mindlessly watching whatever he turned on. Some kind of monster truck pimp out your ride show. It was crap, but Charlie loved that shit. He would watch until the baseball game came on.

My headache was still there. Pounding insensately… never relenting.

God… I knew I had to do it for Charlie… go to Chicago. I knew I couldn't let him down. I have to face her and be with her for days. She was going to want to talk. I wasn't really ready to talk. I knew we couldn't sit there in silence the whole way. That would be fucking agony. I would have to put up the 'Edward shield' I so proudly formed to protect myself. She would see right through it. I knew her. She would try to make me talk. I need to have reasons to hold her to a distance.

I was searching my brain for excuses and lies. I have to hold her back far enough so I won't get hurt again. I also didn't want the old shit to pour out and I don't do or say something I would regret.

Remember, numb to the world, Edward. Numb to her.

I felt my arm getting pushed and poked. I looked down to my side at Charlie who was glaring up at me with watchful eyes.

"Edward, can you get me a beer and get the hell out of here?" His voice was cold. He huffed, waiting for me to move from my spot.

I shifted my stance and looked him squarely in the eye. "I'm not getting you a beer." I placed my hands on my hips and continued. "You don't need it. You need to keep yourself hydrated from being in the sun all day," I stammered.

I went to the kitchen to fetch him a glass of water before he could protest. When I walked back and handed it to him, he just glared at me like I was holding a piece of shit in my hand. Stubborn old bastard. The Swans are a stubborn bunch, that's for sure.

"I don't want water. I want a damn beer." He began to stand up bracing himself on the arms of his chair before wobbling a little and falling back down into his chair, defeated. He didn't have any more strength today and most likely would be sleeping in his chair tonight. Charlie sighed. "I just want something to make me feel a little normal, like the old me," he said as he rubbed his head with is hand, looking frustrated and beat. I didn't want him feeling this way; it made my heart ache to see him act so vulnerable. I rolled my eyes, took in a deep breath and pushed it out hard just to show him my frustration.

I give up… if the man wants a beer then he will have a damn beer.

"Fine, but don't get lit tonight. I don't want to deal with your hung-over ass tomorrow," I said in jest. I was only relenting two beers. He wasn't moving from his spot and I knew he couldn't go get more if he wanted to so I wasn't really worried about the being lit part. I had to lighten his mood. I hated seeing Charlie in pain. I cracked a smile at him, telling him without words that he won me over. He knew it too.

"Thanks, son," he said looking back at the television with a small smile on his face.

I went to the kitchen, got his medicine for the next day and laid it on the table next to his chair.

"Try not to wash these down with beer. Use the water." I eyed him looking for his understanding.

He waved me out with his hand clutching the remote.

"Go home," he said with a sinister smile. "You got a lot of thinking to do."

I gave him an angry look and turned around to leave. As I was walking out of the house, I turned back to get one last look at Charlie. I saw him bow his head and hold his hands to each side of his face; he was stressed and tired. Today had been too much for him. I instantly felt incredibly guilty. I couldn't say no this man. I had to help him get her back safe. I felt the need to get her back safe. For Charlie. It was going to be a pain in the ass but it had to be done. He needed her and I was his only aid. I had to do this one last thing for Charlie.

Return his heart back to him. Only, it was killing mine in the duration.

I needed to think for awhile and relieve some fucking built up stress. I thought I would go swimming to clear my head. The lake held some unbelievable stress relievers for me. Whenever I needed to just get away from the crappy annoying people or the thoughts of her, I headed to my lake. That's what I'll do; I'll go for a swim. Get her out of my head. Get Charlie out of my head. Get my parents out of my head. Because I knew if my dad was here, he would be telling me to go to Chicago too. It's the right thing to do. Bring her home so Charlie can rest.

I got into my car and pulled out of the driveway. I looked back at the small house. It looked so empty and lifeless. Not how it used to be. She brought it back to life when she was here. Even when I wasn't around when she visited, I could feel the difference when I walked back into the house and knew she breezed through shortly before me. The vanilla and strawberry smell was stronger than ever. It made me want to lick the air and hunger for more of the familiar taste of her skin, the smell of her hair, the feel of her body.

I have to get out of here before I go nuts. I could only take so much of my mind before I felt like I was going to blow up. When have I ever let things get to me like this? I stepped on the gas and hurled the car forward, speeding away from the good fucking memories and the damn vanilla and strawberries.

I was driving through town and passed by the diner, Newton's Diner where Jessica worked.

Hmm, Jessica.

She sounds good right now. My mouth watered at the thought of her naked and a little sweaty, sprawled out on my bed, looking all too inviting. I could taste the salt on her skin in my mind. She can help me feel distracted for a couple of hours. I felt the asshole side start to emerge as I looked for her car in the parking lot. I felt my cold demeanor and anxiety start to melt away. The asshole was rearing its ugly head. I drove slowly now, stalking the diner, looking in the windows, seeing if she was in there.

The animalistic urge to devour my prey was in full force. I made the decision to attack my hunt.

She could numb me really good tonight.

Aghh, I feel like a prick.

I didn't care. She knew the rules and was okay with it.

I dug into my pocket and grabbed my phone. I pulled over to the side of the road still in view of the front of the diner. I saw her car there so I knew she was working. She probably would be getting off around seven and if she was good she would be getting off around nine as well. I snickered, "God, I'm a fucking asshole." What happened to me? I used to give a shit about people.

I wiped away my guilt, dialed her all too familiar number, and put the phone to my ear. I looked at the window of the restaurant trying to see if she would come into view. It rang four times before I saw her walk to a table and pour coffee to an old couple.

Voice mail! Jesus!

She probably had her phone on vibrate and didn't feel it. I dialed again as I watched her talk to the couple. They looked like a happy pair. No one I have ever seen around. They must be visiting. They smiled at her and she smiled back with a small laugh.

Ahhh… Christ… answer your phone Jess! I pushed send again.

One ring

Two rings

Three rings

She looked down at her apron and reached into her pocket. She took out her phone looking at the caller id.

I whispered to myself, "It's me, your mission should you chose to accept it." I was bad and I knew it.

Four rings. "Operation, fuck Edward Masen's brains out." I was chuckling now.

Pick up… … Pick up…

I watched as she looked at her phone and back to the couple excusing herself and walking over the counter. She smiled as she looked down at the phone. There was something to that smile that made me smile. She was sweet and tender at the moment. I felt a warmth go over my face. She looked tired from working, but she still looked beautiful. I felt the asshole melt away a smidgen.

"Hello," she said nicely, still with that smile on her face. She looked expedient. She knew why I was calling.

Here it goes…

"Hey, how are you?" I wondered if she cared I was calling. I brushed the hair out of my eyes and looked back to her face. She still had that smile on her face. Damn that girl for looking to cute, I'm really going to feel like an asshole.

"I'm okay, maybe a little tired, but I'm at work so it goes with the turf." She sat down at the bar stool and looked at her watch.

"I get off at 7 so I'm almost done here." She breathed a small sigh. "I was going home after this. Why what's up?" I saw the smirk slowly cross her mouth. She knew what was up. She was fucking toying with me. I could read her face. She was trying to lure me in. She had no idea. The predator is always smarter than the prey.

Time to conquer… claim victory.

"Why don't you stop at my place in a while…" My mind all of sudden drew a blank… "I can… a… make you… a… some dinner or… something," I said before I could think of what was coming out of my mouth.

Wait, what did I just say?

I shook my head. I asked her to dinner. What am I thinking? This was breaking my own rules. I never did that. It felt like word vomit spilling out of my mouth. Our dates were just sex filled. No eating required. At least not eating food.

I said it and now it was just out there. Fuck. Now I have to make her dinner. That damn panic attack I had on the boat messed up my better judgment. It screwed with my thinking I know it. Not enough oxygen to the brain. Yeah, that's it… brain damage.

Thanks Charlie! Thanks for fucking up the only thing I could use to get Bella off my mind. Maybe I can salvage what damage I just did. She could say no. This was really unlike me to ask her to dinner. I haven't done that since we were a couple. The thought ran through my head again. I rolled my eyes and pumped my fist into my thigh.

Great! She's thinking I want more than just the sex.

I eyed her reaction to what I just said. She shifted her weight on the bar stool and looked out the window, right towards my car, and she knew my car. Not many people in Forks drive silver Volvos.

"Are you outside right now?" she asked squinting out the window. She started to get up and move to the door.

Oh fucking wonderful! I was caught! My mind was still mush while I searched for something to say.

"Uhhh… … yeah, I was just driving by and saw your car in the parking lot," I lied.

I was stalking her and with full intention to lure her in. My prey. But I think I really messed up my original intentions with the dinner invitation.

She looked out the door and put her hand on her hip, "Oh, so you were just driving by and wanted to know if I wanted dinner?" She raised one eye brow in disbelief while tapping her foot on the floor. I saw her bite her lip. I knew then that she would say yes to dinner.

"I mean, that sounds good. I'm tired of the same old stuff here. And if you want to cook for me then I can kindly accept," she said as she brought her finger to her mouth gently biting down.

Damn it, she was playing me too. This is not the predator and prey scenario I was picturing. She still looked ridiculously sexy standing there with pure lust in her eyes, wanting me, needing me.

My palms were sweating. What the hell is this girl doing to me right now? I never felt this weak when I wanted Jess to come over. I could tell she sensed it in my voice and catching me sitting outside the diner wasn't helping things. I'm convinced my mind is now in a veggie state due to the panic attack on the boat. Brain damage. Am I drooling out of my mouth? I felt my lips to wipe off any offending wetness. There was none, of course.

I started this and I can't go back now. Operation fuck Edward Masen's brains out to numb the past had to be followed through and was in full effect.

Time to take back the hunt, she will be my prey.

"I'm on my way home and I thought you could come over tonight. I guess I can…" I stalled.

Good God, what the hell am I going to cook? I racked my brain quickly for the contents of my fridge. I had chicken and some shrimp. I can grill and we can eat outside. The weather will be nice tonight and maybe I can light a fire in the pit on the patio.

Gah!! I was doing it again... freaking word vomit. Good thing I didn't say it out loud. I was making this all too romantic in my head and I couldn't let it get that way.

I processed my thoughts and sputtered out, "I guess we can have… uhhh… some chicken and some shrimp. I can grill it on the… grill… or something. I think I have a potato or two if Emmett didn't eat them already." I laughed lightly. I sound like a fucking teenager asking a girl on a first date. I was not mentioning the fire in the pit on the patio. She would probably think I was trying to get her to come back to me or something.

Is that what I'm trying to do? Get back with Jessica? Operation Fuck Edward Masen's brains out to numb the past was turning into something entirely not planned.

What the hell am I doing? I'm really not following my rules, but I was in too deep now and I couldn't be rude to Jessica. Maybe I will light a fire and we could just sit and talk about old times. She was nothing but loving to me and I owed her for treating her like shit.

Just keep it casual and make sure she knows it's just tonight and nothing more.

"But whatever you want to do, if you're tired that's fine, I understand," I said trying to sound coolly.

"No, I'm fine… and not too tired. I can come by in a little bit for dinner and whatever else." She was still biting her finger as she swayed away from the door and back to the counter.

"Okay… great that sounds good. I guess I will see you at my house. You know to just come in." I was really nervous all of a sudden. I saw her nod as she said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone, giving me a wave out of the window as she turned around towards the kitchen door.

I exhaled and hit the side of my head with my palm shaking my head. What the hell was that? Jess was coming for dinner. I shook my head again, put the car into drive and headed out onto the road. Not really remembering where I was going but it was in the direction of my house. I just needed to clear my head. Obviously I was fucking insane now and needed to relax. The lake kept calling my name. I pushed the car to its limit and arrived home in minutes.

I drug myself out of the car and couldn't help but laugh at myself. This morning was just going to be any other day. Go out on the lake with Charlie and go home. Then she had to invade my mind again and Charlie had to claim his victory. Now Jessica was turning me into a 16 year old virgin on homecoming night. How did my asshole plan of conquering my prey turn around all too fast, making me the hunted and Jessica the fucking stealth lioness? I was weak and I didn't care.

The moon was really bright above my body as I lay floating on the water. The coldness made me shiver but I liked the way it made me feel alive again. This was clearing my head. I don't think I even swam when I got in the lake. I walked in and swirled around towards the deep until I was just treading water, keeping myself afloat as I waved my arms in and out of the water. I felt like I was always just treading water. Not getting anywhere, just staying stationary, trying to keep my head above water enough to keep from drowning.

I stopped kicking and let myself drift down until I was submerged. I held my breath for the longest time, seeing how long I could last. I started to count down the time.

One Mississippi

Two Mississippi

Three Mississippi

I think I got to fifteen Mississippi's when her face flashed in my head.

Bella was waiting for me out in the meadow behind my parent's house. I looked at her face as I walked up to her and she just beamed excitement. She had a plan that day and I was the guinea pig. I really didn't mind, with her plan I really didn't mind.

We were both fourteen and just entering high school. We grew up being best friends. We did everything together. It was Bella and I all the time. If people saw one of us alone they would ask where the other was. Our parents were best friends so we were really just thrown together our whole life, but that was okay. We fit together and it seemed right.

I moved towards her, still looking at her, at her angelic face. She had a silly embarrassed grin slapped on her face. She was going to chicken out, I know it. She wasn't going to be able to go through with it. This was going to be her first kiss and she wanted me to give it. I slid my way to her side, but far enough away so I knew she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I could smell her sweet perfume of vanilla and strawberries. I loved that smell. It was intoxicating to say the least.

She started to fidget in place and play with the buttons on her shirt. She looked down to the ground and started to whistle a silent tune. I watched her lips as she blew out her breath trying to push the song out, failing miserably to make much sound. Her lips were beautiful. Full and tinted pink. I dreamt about those lips for a long time. I parted my own lips and couldn't stop staring at her. Bella on the other hand, avoided all eye contact; I could tell she was nervous. I had to break the ice or else she might back out and I'm not letting that happen.

I whispered, "If you don't want to do this…" She flipped her head up so fast I stepped back.

"No! No!" She stared intently at me. "I want to do this. It was my idea, right. We both need to have our first kiss." She stopped playing with her buttons and let her arms hang to her side, confident but still unsure of herself.

She turned right in front of me, just inches from my body. I felt the butterflies start to take control of my chest. My hands twitched at my side wanting to place them on her hips, but I couldn't move. I was stuck and scared. We have never been like this before. It was so easy to be with Bella up until now. Now I had no idea what to do. She wanted our first kisses to be with each other. God, I wanted this for so long. She was clueless.

She inhaled and calmly breathed out, "Edward, you're like my brother so we won't feel anything. It's just practice until the real thing comes."

A brother?!

Ouch! It hurt a little when she said that. She had to see the look on my face when she said brother. I had to have some sort of pained expression, but I really tried hard to hide it.

I secretly had feelings for Bella for some time now. I knew she didn't see me that way so I just kept my secret to myself. Rose is the one who got Bella thinking she needed to have her first kiss. Rose told her she needed to be experienced for all the high school boys. Rose just got her first kiss and was blabbing on and on about it to Bella. Of course Bella wanted to try it out. That's when she got her big idea and wanted me to help her out. I couldn't say no. Heck, I wouldn't say no. I had to act cool about it. Not show too much excitement when she brought it up, but inside my heart was on fire, raging through my body. It woke up all my sexual urges and fantasies. I jacked off three times that day before meeting her in the meadow.

She looked so sweet standing so close to me. I could see her chest heave up and down. She was breathing really deep and fast. I looked down again at her chest not being able to tear my eyes away. She was wearing a button down tight cardigan that hugged her breasts in the most perfect way. Her jeans were snug and hugged low on her hips. I could look at her all day, but I had other things on my mind. I had to give her the first kiss she always dreamed of and that was a lot of pressure.

I was still at a loss of words when she broke the silence, "Edward?" she breathed

I looked up at her brown eyes and watched them change from innocent to heavy lidded and full of lust.

"Yes, Bella?" I questioned.

Please don't back out now. Please don't back out now.

She placed her hands on my chest and stepped closer, pulling me in to her body. My chest was touching hers now and I felt the pull of my body to hers. My breath hitched as my hand instinctively wrapped themselves around her waist. I have been this close to her before but never in this way. My senses were working like crazy. Her touch, her smell, the sound of her breathing so close to my face was overpowering my restraint. I had to pace myself and not move too fast. This was special and we were going to remember this forever.

I closed my eyes and swallowed the massive lump in my throat. She probably heard my loud gulp.

I still couldn't talk. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and I really really wanted this for so long. How I thought of her all the time and constantly stared at her because she is so beautiful. I wanted to say I loved her smell and the way she made me laugh. But I was the nervous one, not her. I had no idea what I was doing. She was taking control and definitely not holding back.

She tightened her grip around my shirt taking me prisoner. "Edward, I want you to kiss me," she whispered. "You're the only one I ever wanted to give me my first kiss." I still didn't respond. I just stared at her with amazement that her body was so close to mine. She looked shy now and cast her eyes down to her hands on my chest. She quivered a little and I thought for a second she was going to back away. She was taking my silence as rejection. I needed to talk fast and now.

Say something your idiot! Make her feel that you want this too.

I took one hand from around her waist and reached up to hold her cheek raising her face to look into my eyes. Her cheek was warm and soft just like I imagined them to be. She parted her lips and breathed deep. I rubbed my thumb in circles on her cheek, still not saying anything. Her eyes were intense and searching for mine to tell her… anything.

I couldn't take it anymore. I raised my other hand to cup her other cheek and looked at her lips, leaning in slowly. I parted her lips with mine and I instantly felt a surge of energy like lighting was pouring from my lips to hers. She took her hands off my chest and felt down my torso until they found themselves resting on my hips. She started playing with the waistband of my jeans.

I carefully teased my tongue at her lips, hoping in the love of god she would let me in, and she did with full acceptance. Our breathing grew stronger with every kiss passed between us. I took one of my hands and snaked it down the side of her body to feel her back and press her into my hips more. My thoughts were going crazy of how I wanted to throw her down on the ground and feel every inch of her body. I pressed her harder into me seeing if she would react by going along or push me away. Her breath hitched and she let out a small moan, which drove me even crazier. I reached my other hand to the back of her head to guide my kisses into hers.

I never felt like this with Bella before. She was taking over my whole mind and I wanted her so badly. She took her hands at my waist band and lifted my shirt a little to expose my skin. She rubbed my sides and stuck her fingers inside my jeans just to tease. I couldn't help but grunt when I felt her touch on my naked skin. It only made my hard on grow more and more. She had to feel me now as I pressed her ever closer to my hips. Our kisses still intense as our tongues played and teased each other.

I was in heaven. I had literally died and gone to heaven and Bella was the one who was on the killing spree. All be it in the most fantastic way you could imagine.

I really wanted to touch her and was trying to work up the nerve in my mind when I felt her fingers leave my waist band and move themselves up to my chest. She pushed her hands against my chest, breaking our kiss. We were both gasping for air and dizzy from teenaged lust. I looked at her eyes and they no longer looked the eyes of a young girl but of a woman. I had to look like an animal ready to attack her with no regret. I was pissed she stopped but I wouldn't let her know that.

This is when I finally found my voice. "Bella… why did you stop?" I asked. Did she think I wanted to stop? I gave her the best bedroom eyes a fourteen year old could. I wanted her to see I really wanted more. Maybe I did too much, crossed the line. I kissed her too hard or used too much tongue.

She peered at me and looked down at her hands embarrassed. "I don't know." She looked up at the sky avoiding my eyes. "I didn't want to stop."

Whew! She was okay with what I was doing. Thank God!

She doubted herself and it showed on her face. She couldn't look me in the eye. She didn't know what to do. She let her carnal knowledge lead her with the kiss and now she didn't trust how she felt.

I released my aggressive hold of her body and rested my hands on her hips again, leaving a small space between our bodies. This seemed to make her more comfortable, but she didn't pull away from my embrace. She played with my shirt, rubbing circles with her fingers, still not looking at me. I had to know what she was thinking.

"Bella, please don't think badly of me. I'm sorry I shouldn't have kissed you so much." I winced at my words because they were a lie. I wasn't sorry I kissed her so much. I couldn't help myself. I knew now things were going to change between us and I sensed she felt the same thing.

I wasn't scared though. She looked like she was regretting the kiss.

Her eyes finally found mine. "Edward, you didn't kiss me too much," she whispered. "You kissed me just right, the way I always dreamt of being kissed." She looked down again. "I want more, but I feel weird now. I tried telling myself I wouldn't feel anything with you. It was just a kiss, no biggie."

I blinked, "What do you mean you tried to tell yourself you wouldn't feel anything with me?"

"When Rose told me I needed to practice and get ready for all the high school boys… my only thought was that I only wanted to kiss you and only you." She blushed bright red and her hands started to slip from my chest to her sides.

"I thought you would never see me that way." She started to pull away from me now. My hands were still trying to grasp her hips to keep her close and not let her go.

I blinked again, speechless.

Then it dawned on me. Bella had feeling for me too. She was hiding it like I was hiding from her. This was an act; she really wanted to kiss me. How long had she felt this way?

She was fully out of my arms now and stepping away from me. I could feel the ache in my chest from her missing body in my arms, but I just stood there. I felt like I was standing in cement, unable to move, to reach out to her. She started to turn around and it looked like she was going to walk away.

Shit Edward, the girl of your dreams just basically told you she wants you.

MOVE… SPEAK… DO SOMETHING! I shouted in my head.

I broke through my trance and blurted out the first thing that came to mind…

"I love the way you smell," I choked. Ahh, Jesus, that sounded lame.

She stopped her back to me, not moving. I continued.

"I look at you and I instantly want to be next to you. I feel this weird pull thing in my chest when you're with me. I can't help but think of you when I'm not with you. I can talk to you forever and never get bored. When you touch me I feel electric currents run through my body… or something." I was going on and on and Bella still had her back to me not moving. I stepped closer to her so I was right behind her, level with her ear, I whispered, "I think you're the most beautiful person in the world and I loved kissing you. I didn't want it to stop. When I pictured who I wanted my first kiss to be with, all I ever pictured was you, Bella," I confessed. "I do see you in that way… I always have."

She spun around so fast, crashing into my arms, making me trip over my feet and falling to the ground, taking us both down. We looked at each other and couldn't contain our laughter as we hugged one another. It was perfect. She knew then that I would always look at her in that way forever.

Forever…

***

I need air!

Get to the surface!

My body jetted itself out of the water and I splashed my arms, keeping myself afloat. My chest burned from holding my breath so long. I gasped for air trying to fill my lungs to reclaim what little bit of life I could force down them. I got lost in my thoughts again and doing it under water was not the wisest thing to do. Panting, I turned around to see the shore with my house in the background.

Shit! The pseudo date.

I looked at my watch. "Fuck…" Jess was going to be here soon and I still had to take a shower and get dinner started.

"Why did I invite her to dinner?" Rolling my eyes at myself, I started the swim to the dock to get ready for my 'date.'

The shower was starting to steam up the bathroom. I like it hot. I liked the way the burn felt on my skin. I looked at my reflection in the mirror; I haven't shaved in two weeks and my hair was a mess. She always liked it when I was clean-shaven. I looked at my razor and just left it where it rested. I'm not shaving; I'll grow a ZZ Top beard for all I care. My eyes looked tired and a little bloodshot, probably from all the brain damage today from my panic attack and lack of oxygen from being underwater. I didn't care how I looked. Jess didn't mind my beard and whacked out hair. She liked me scruffy. The good thing about Jess was that I didn't need to impress her. She was comfortable with me just being near her. She told me she felt safe when she was with me. Sometimes I felt that same urge to protect her like I did with Bella.

Hmmph… am I have fucking revelations here?

I wiped away my thought. Stupid brain damage!

I stepped into the shower and just stood under the hot stream of water. It relaxed my body and felt good on my achy muscles. I just needed to chill out and not think for awhile until I had to call Charlie to tell him I was going to Chicago. I knew he would be happy I was going. He also knew I really didn't want to go and was just doing it for him, but he knew he got me when he told me she was marrying Jake.

When I heard him say those words… "She got engaged… to Jake."

I wanted to jump right off the boat and drown myself then and there, but I couldn't show Charlie that I felt that way. He trusted me and wanted me to protect her… to bring her home to him.

I asked why the douche Jake wasn't bringing her home. Charlie simply said, "Jake is staying in Chicago for awhile to finish out his internship. He will come after he finds a job up here."

I thought that sounded like bullshit. What kind of guy doesn't take care of his fiancée? He should be the one brining her home, not me. He should be the one protecting her, but Charlie insisted it was something out of his hands. I wasn't going to argue.

I already knew what kind of a guy Jake was. A fucking douche. Now not only do I have to deal with the fact that she is moving home, but her douche fiancée was going to be living here too. Maybe I was being jealous. Hell, I knew I was being jealous. He wasn't good enough for her. I don't even think I was good enough for her now. I wasn't even good enough for Jess, but she stuck around.

I changed so much since she left. I don't even think I could be the same person in her eyes anymore. I fucked things up too much. She fucked things up too. We were worlds apart now and Charlie was throwing us back together. I think Charlie was doing this on purpose, trying to make things right for us before he died. He just didn't know everything that happened between us. How could he? I'm sure she didn't tell him anything about the last time I saw Bella.

My skin was starting to turn red from the heat of the water. I closed my eyes to fight away the memory of the last time I saw her. Shaking my head, I put my hands on the shower wall in front of me. Letting the water hit my face and chest. I couldn't keep her out of my head. It was only four months since I last saw her. New Years Eve in Chicago to be exact.

I had to see her then. I had to feel her, smell her.

Charlie told me when I went to help him the day before New Years that Bella was planning to move home in April, after graduation. She would be here for good then.

Maybe I could make things right. Maybe, after all this time, I could forgive myself for feeling all the bad things I felt towards Bella after my parents died. I no longer blamed her for their deaths. I was stupid for such a long time. I knew then that I had to go to her and just see her. I had the overwhelming urge to touch her sick and see if the electricity was still there… o see if we still fit. Then, maybe, there might be a chance once she was home that we could fix all the bad stuff and start over.

I phoned Alice that same day and told her I was coming to town. I asked her where they would be that night. She was reluctant to tell me; she didn't want me to stir up old feelings and cause a scene. I pleaded with her before she finally gave in. They were going to Delaney's bar that night to celebrate New Years. I thanked Alice, but I knew she wanted to tell me more. I cut her off too fast, in a hurry to see Bella. I couldn't wait; I had to see her as soon as possible. It was like my whole body was moving in the speed of light. I felt the pull again and I was following it.

I didn't look back and I didn't second-guess myself.

I smiled to myself thinking of the first glance she gave me when I went to Delaney's. I stood in the back of the bar by the bathrooms just looking out over the whole bar. The long bar was to my right and it traveled the length of the entire building. To my left, the room was packed with tables and booths, all filled to the brim of people celebrating the New Year.

I arrived early that evening so I could find a good place to hide so I wasn't seen. Alice was the only one that knew I was going to be here and I wanted to keep it that way. After drinking my fourth beer and feeling a little buzzed, I finally spotted Bella. She radiated in the middle of the room. She was wearing a red dress and her hair was back in a ponytail. She looked made up, but not so much it hid her real beauty. She still sparkled like no other thing comparable. I must have stood there ten minutes until I saw her searching the room. She was just scanning the crowd taking in all the celebration.

She was with a group of friends. I picked Alice out right away, even though I haven't seen her since my parent's funeral. Alice spotted me and gave me a slight smile and head nod. She was keeping her mouth shut. She respected what I wanted and what I was trying to do. She still had a kind of sunken look on her face like she was worried about something. No doubt worried if I would make a scene. She made no move to point me out to Bella. She was letting Bella find me on her own. I knew I liked Alice. She was on my side.

Still standing in the hallway by the bathrooms, I just stared at Bella, trying to get her to look my way. I was trying to use my telepathy…

Whatever! I was just freaking screaming in my head for her to see me.

She was talking to everyone and having a good time, laughing and nursing her rum and coke. I watched her put her drink down and start making her way towards the bathroom where I stood. I stiffened my body, nervous about the impending confrontation we were going to have. She looked back behind her and spoke to someone sitting down at the table next to her. I couldn't see who she was whispering to, but when she stood up she had a smile on her face.

Ugghhh, I missed that smile. I was getting lost just looking at her. She never looked better, really.

Shit! Snap out of it, she's coming now.

With a turn and a laugh, she was now pointed in my direction. Walking slowly around people and dodging them to avoid body contact. She whispered, "Excuse me," and "Pardon me," as she walked right to me. She still was not looking at me, her eyes on the ground.

LOOK AT ME! I shouted to myself.

I was willing her to look at my eyes and finally see me. In that instant, she looked up and stopped in her tracks. I froze not moving a single inch.

She just stood there staring at me. Her mouth fell open and her eyes grew wide. Never moving my eyes from hers, I watched as she shut her mouth, looking wary no doubt of why I was standing in front of her. She was totally surprised and now I couldn't believe I came here. What the hell was I doing anyway? It's been way too long since I had seen her; there was no remote chance she would still have feelings for me. I hurt us too much.

I was in a trance and couldn't budge from my spot. I wanted to run to her, take her in my arms and kiss her with all the passion I had built up over the last years. I wanted to say I was sorry for putting us in this mess and that it was my entire fault, but my body didn't move. I always clammed up under pressure.

She was still looking at me, searching my every move. I looked behind her at Alice who was watching us. She gave me a smile telling me to "Go get'um tiger."

Bella looked down at her feet and then behind her. She slowly started to move to me, walking with delicate care like she was tip toeing. I felt that pull and inhaled deep into my chest, trying to collect any air I could before she spoke to me. Probably to yell at me for being here.

She was a few feet away, again glaring at me in disbelief. I could smell her now. The fucking vanilla and strawberries. I took a deep breath and held it in, not wanting to let it go. The urge to grab her and take her in my arms consumed me and I reacted without thinking, not caring, just pure impulse… Like I never was away from her.

I reached out and took her hand, pulling her to me. She came to me willingly and without hesitation. Her lock on my eyes never ceasing as she pressed her body to mine. I moved us down the hall and out the back door into the ally. I planned this escape when I entered the bar.

I closed the door behind us and pushed her against the wall. I was inches from her face. I just looked at her and her at me. Not saying a word. Just fucking taking each other in. Wrapped in each other's arms keeping ourselves warm in the chill of the Chicago night. I could feel the breeze on my neck as I stood in front of her gripping her tight around the waist. We fit together perfectly. It still worked; she was still my other half.

She was the first to break our standoffish stare. She placed her hand on my heart, pulled my shirt into her, and crushed her lips onto mine with force and power… and need. The feeling was something new and exciting that I never had with Bella. My blood rushed through my body leaving me hot, immune to the cold night. This wasn't sweet or romantic. This was pure need. Too much time has gone by. We both felt it.

Her kisses were rough and greedy. We both couldn't get enough. I staggered on my feet and felt like I was going to lose balance. I steadied myself, planting my feet firmly in spot and picking her up against the wall as she wrapped her legs around my waist. She couldn't get close enough. Her legs grew tighter around me. I pushed her harder against the wall for more leverage.

I sucked her bottom lip and she bit my upper lip with a slight pull. Our tongues fought and twisted with each other trying to win the battle over our passion. I pressed my fingers deep against her ass and squeezed. She let out a deep moan in my mouth that made my moan in return. Our breathing was harsh and deep. I struggled to pull away to get a trace amount of air to my lungs but she pulled me in harder with every move I made. She felt desperate and didn't want me to let her go. I wasn't about to let her go. Not anymore.

She worked her arms around my neck and pulled at my hair guiding her kisses onto my mouth. She was getting aroused so quickly. This was a different Bella than what I remembered and I think I really liked it. I know I liked it. I craved it for so long… to feel her with me, not just a memory, but really in my arms.

I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I had to touch her.

I opened my eyes and spied the staircase next to us leading up to the floor above the bar. I walked Bella, still wrapped around my waist, from against the wall to the cold concrete steps. I pulled back and looked at her. She was clouded in lust, luring me in. She looked like she was going to jump up and attack me again so I bent down, holding my body above her with my arms on the steps close to her head. She bit her bottom lip and snaked her arms around my torso, pulling me in to her. I admit it was an awkward position, but hot as hell.

Our kisses never relented, never breaking from one another's lips. I opened my eyes and looked at her again to see if there was permission on her face to go further. Her eyes already open watching me, granting me permission. I leaned in to her neck kissing and biting up and down to her ear and back.

I couldn't believe we were here, together at last. I have been waiting and dreaming of what I would do if she ever wanted me again. This wasn't really what I dreamed of, but I'm not bitching. I was so turned on and so fucking in love with Bella it was like I was never angry. I never blamed her for my parent's death. I never felt betrayed. It was just Bella and me again fucking loving each other and not giving a care in the world.

I really couldn't take it anymore. I had to feel her.

I reached down and felt around her hips, tugging her dress up until I felt the skin of her thigh. I grabbed her leg and hitched it up to my side, spreading her legs apart. I was kissing her neck and smelling her fucking wonderful scent, getting more turned on and more ready to just take her on the stairs.

Taking advantage of her spread legs, I hid my hand under her dress and felt my way up her leg to her underwear. I could tell by first touch she was soaking wet. Her thin underwear gave that away. I rolled my eyes back in my head and moaned into her neck. She was wet for me. Only me.

She pulled my head up and went back to my lips, attacked them with full vigor. I rested my hand on top of her underwear teasing circles around her lips where her clit was. She started to move her hips in tune with my hand. Whimpering and breathing heavy with every kiss I dished to her. She was so soaked and moaning in my mouth. I was going to explode if I didn't touch her.

With all my might and strength, I fingered my way inside her panties at the crotch and fucking pulled the fabric away from her body. Taking the panties with me. Ripping the fabric as it fell to the ground. Leaving her fully exposed. She screamed with surprise and shock at my stunt, never expecting I would be so dominant. I drew my hand away from underneath her dress, not knowing how she would react to ripping her panties in two. I surprised myself quite frankly. I looked down at the offensive garment and noticed she hadn't changed from her usual panty style, white bikini briefs. I love that I remembered that.

She broke our kiss and looked at me with hungry eyes

"Do it! I want you to do it. NOW!" She demanded with so much anger in her voice. She growled, "Touch me!" I wasn't going to argue. My heart was pounding out of my chest at the thought that I was finally going to touch her.

She fucking blew me away with her demanding tone and I quickly brought my hand back under her dress to her center, invading her with my hand. She was wet and warm. The sensation was immense. My hand had a mind of its own as it worked and probed her every corner. I played with her clit and fingered her in and out while wishing there was some way she was in position to touch me too.

Without even speaking my thought aloud, I felt her hand slide down the front of my pants pushing my body to her side so she could have full access. My hand slowed on her as I took notice that she was undoing my button and zipper. I felt anxious at the anticipation of her hand around me. I told her with my eyes to touch me and she heard me. She reached behind my boxers and placed her fingers along my length. Her touch was cold, sending shivers up and down my body. I moaned loudly into the air as she started to pump me up and down. We were both working on each other not wanting to stop. I got greedy though. It's been so long.

I needed to taste her… I needed to smell her. I needed her to cum in my mouth. I had to take her in and not let go. I needed to please her. I wanted to let her know that she didn't need to please me after all the shit I put her though. This was payback time with love.

I took my hand out and away from her center leaving her confused as to why I stopped. Her hand left my pants reluctantly as I lowered my body so I was kneeling level with her bottom half. I looked up as she watched me, understanding my turn of action. She put her hand on my head guiding me down to her wet lips. I went to work and licked and lapped the best I could. She was throwing her head back in ecstasy. She was moaning and whispering, "Fuck." and "God damn it." Her lower half was shaking as I put my fingers to work together with my mouth.

This turned me on more and more. I could feel the pressure in my jeans, my dick wanted to be released and invade her body. I remembered her taste well and loved the familiar smell. She was home and I was staying. Her breathing became more rugged and deep. She was getting excited and still fucking moaning, her legs still shaking. I thought for a minute she could be really cold. I took my other hand and started to rub up and down on her exposed leg. Getting friction to warm her up as much as I could given the circumstances.

She said my name, "Edward… fuck… mmmm… God Edward, I missed you... oh fuck..."

I smirked, still licking her lips. She fucking missed me!

I focused on her clit now, sucking and fucking her with my fingers. This was driving her wild as her body began to thrash and her legs pulled themselves up and wrapped around my head.

Thank you Jesus, she wrapped her legs around my head! was all I could think. I felt like the predator devouring my kill.

She bucked her pelvis up and up again. I knew she was close. She grabbed my hair again and pulled, hard. I felt her walls start to contract against my fingers. She was cumming now. Her moans were loud and I couldn't help moan myself. Her pleasure was enough to send me over the edge. She was stilling humping my face, but slowing her pace coming down off her high. I looked up at her and she looked peaceful. She let go of my hair and I raised my body up to her face. I couldn't help but smile.

She took my face into her hands and whispered, "Hi." Her eyes told me everything. She never could hide anything from me. She was happy I was there. I gave her a quick peck on the lips. Looking at her with full on love and admiration.

"Hi," my voice a little shaky. My mouth was tired.

That's all we needed to say. I was hers and she knew it.

I reached up to caress her cheek when I heard the back door of the bar open. Out walked Alice, quickly spotting us in our not so modest position, she looked us up and down figuring what just happened. My hand under Bella's dress, my body against hers, and her fucking underwear on the ground torn to shreds. Alice knew what just happened, but didn't say a word. She looked nervous and jumpy while she backed up against the back door, pressing it shut.

"Bella, Jake is looking for you. When you didn't come back from the bathroom, he had me come get you. I saw Edward and you leave so I knew where you two were," she said still holding the door almost as if she was holding it closed so someone couldn't come out.

With that, Bella pushed me up off her as she stumbled to her feet, hastily fixing her dress and picking up her torn panties.

"Is he coming?" Bella looked panicked as she started to fix her hair.

"Yes, he started walking around the bar so it's just a matter of time before he checks out here when he can't find you or me," Alice said desperately.

Is Bella still with Jake? Was she with him tonight? The pangs of jealously started to beat me down, back into that old depression I was so used to. I felt my hands grow into fists as my body stiffened. Any feeling of fucking euphoria I had was gone. Jake was still in her life. That fucking douche!

Of course, I had no idea. I never asked or talked about Bella and Charlie never dared tell me.

She left him in the bar and came to me tonight I reminded myself. Bella was just looking at Alice in utter horror and Alice replied with the same expression. How much of a couple are Bella and Jake? What kind of relationship did I walk in on? I'm not losing Bella to that douche again.

I knew from Bella's face that she was upset. She had tears in her eyes as she stood next to me, frozen in place. She was staring at Alice now.

"What do I do?" she managed to say. I looked at her face and back to Alice's. Alice just stared at Bella, not answering her plea.

I couldn't believe this! She was just moaning my name and that she missed me. There is no question what she should do. She belongs with me and she knows it. She felt it with me tonight. I could read it in her every touch and every kiss. I saw it in her eyes and heard it on her lips.

I was overwhelmed and confused. I turned to Bella moving towards her. She turned her head to look at me, her eyes full of tears holding back her sobs.

"Edward…" I broke off her thought.

"Don't go to him Bella," I pleaded. I stepped to her, taking her hand into mine. "You feel this?" I placed her hand on my heart. "You know it. You feel me?" I held her hand and felt it shake on my chest.

"Edward… I don't know what I'm doing." She was crying softly now, tears rolling down her beautiful face.

"You don't have to know what you're doing. Just follow you heart. I know you. Don't leave me for that douche again." Bella winced when I called Jake a douche, but I kept going. "Stay with me. I love you and I'm sorry for... everything… all this time. I can see it in your eyes…" She put her free hand up to stop my ranting. She looked angry.

"Why did you come, Edward? Why are you here?" She took her other hand back and crossed her arms.

"I came for you. I had to see you to know that it was still there between us. I had to look in your eyes and see that you felt it too." I gently lifted her chin up to look at my face. "I see it there in your eyes. I still see us. I know your coming home soon and I want to get to know you again. I want to work on us."

Bella started to shake her head not believing my words. She pulled away and stepped back.

"You hate me, Edward. You blamed me for everything. For your parent's death, your bitterness, your whole fucking rotten existence. I tried with all my heart to let you know how sorry I was, but you threw me away," Bella shouted through her cries. "I tried to talk to you but you couldn't see that, all you cared about was hating me for years." Her eyes were now full of anger and resentment. I hated the way she was looking at me.

She broke down and started to cry again. I took her in my arms, holding her tight. I rubbed her back comforting her the best I could. I looked up at Alice who just sighed and looked away to give us privacy.

"Do you know how much I missed not having you in my life? And you chose now to come back into my life like nothing ever happened. So much has changed for the two of us. When I saw you here tonight, I thought I was imagining you. It was too good to be true. It's not fair, Edward. I can't choose between you two. Why did you come now?" she asked looking at me for answer.

I had no fucking clue what to say.

This was fucking hurting me seeing Bella in so much pain. Pain that I caused her with my own stupidity. Yes, I hated her and blamed her for so much. I spent so much time resenting her and holding anything to do with Bella at a distance to protect my own foolish pride. I grew tired of my own facade and wanted to come clean. I knew that Bella would be coming home to Forks after graduation to take care of Charlie. I also knew that when that happened, if I didn't fix things with myself and Bella, I would be utterly alone. I would no longer have to help Charlie through his sickness. I would just be… by myself.

This scared the shit out of me.

I already lost my parents in the crash. I lost Bella as a result of the crash. I was going to lose Charlie to the cancer. I would lose myself if I didn't do something now. That's why I had to see Bella. I had to make things right. I had to see if I still felt love. If I was capable of feeling love with Bella.

Alice stepped forward, breaking my beeline stare at Bella. "You guys, Jake is going to be here soon. I think either you have to leave Edward or you both leave together." She looked at the door, "Bella, you know how Jake will get if he sees Edward."

That pissed me off. "How is Jake going to get if he sees me, Bella? What? Is he going to try to kick my ass? Because I need to kick his ass. I have plenty of reasons to fucking kick his ass." I was seething now. I was not afraid to confront Jake.

Bella took one step to me and slapped me as hard as her small hand could across my face. I felt the sting penetrate through my body. This is not going how I wanted it to go.

"Jake was there for me when you ran away. He got me through losing your parents, the rejection you put me through, and now Charlie's cancer," she huffed, killing me with her dead eyes.

"He loves me Edward and I… love him." Her tears had dried and she seemed confident and strong. "You can't just walk into my life and expect me to act like nothing has changed. To love you the same way and not care about what happened with us in the past. How dare you make me feel like this?" She stood tall, trying to tower over me.

"I know you still love me. I felt it in your eyes." I was done pleading I was just stating fact now.

"You're an arrogant bastard, you know it?" Bella started to walk to the door where Alice stood.

I moved in front of her before she reached the door. I cupped her cheeks with both of my hands. Bringing my face just an inch from hers, searching her eyes, willing her to stay with me. "Tell me right now you don't love me and I will walk away."

She paused breathing heavy, thinking. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"I don't love you anymore, Edward. Go home." He voice cracked and her body shook. Her chin quivered while she looked at my eyes revealing her answer. She broke her face free of my hands. With a turn, she took Alice's arm and opened the door. "Alice, let's go back inside. I'm cold and Jake is looking for me."

I stood in that same spot for twenty minutes, not moving an inch. She chose Jake over me, again.

Every hateful feeling and memory of Bella I had that I tried to drive away was creeping back.

I left Chicago telling myself I never wanted to see her again. I was never going to love her again.

***

I heard the bathroom door open and close again. I was still standing in the shower with suds in my hair. I didn't look up to see who came into the bathroom; I knew it was Jess. I didn't move from my stream of water as it washed the shampoo out of my hair. I felt the cold breeze of the shower curtain opening and closing behind me. Not turning around, I felt her hands creep up my back and travel down the sides of my arms. She stepped closer and pressed her breasts into my back while she brought her hands down, around my stomach. Caressing and massaging my body. Her touch felt wonderful, but I wasn't in the mood to play anymore. I wanted to be real for once and Jess was just the right person to be real too.

I turned around and wrapped my arms around her naked body. Hugging her and just holding her as tight as I could. She looked up with surprise, but didn't say a word. Usually if she slid into my shower, I was at full attention so to speak and didn't hesitate taking her at that moment, but tonight I was different. I didn't want sex. I just wanted to hang out, even if I thought it was strange that I wanted to fix her dinner. I still really wanted to do it. I wanted to just sit and converse with the women, simply enjoy her company. I was tired of myself. I wanted to feel like a little bit of the old Edward. Jess could make me feel that way without bringing out bad memories. I was tired of Bella. I didn't want to focus on her. I wanted eat dinner with Jess and have a real date.

And I knew she would just keep my company because she fucking loved me. I decided tonight that Operation Fuck Edward Masen to numb his past was to be put on hold indefinitely because I didn't want her to numb my past anymore. I knew I was going to get Bella and bring her home and I was going to be tortured the whole way. Maybe this was the closure I needed to get past all the pain I had put myself through. Jess would be here when I got back and I really liked that idea. I would have something driving me to get home faster. To settle my debt to Charlie and finally get Bella out of my head.

I didn't want to be the predator and Jess wasn't going to be my prey. No lion and no lioness. There was not going to be a victory tonight. I just wanted to be lazy like a hippo and tread water.

Later that night when Jess fell asleep on the couch while we watched a movie, I called Charlie.

"Hello," he sounded groggy; it was late.

I sighed, "I'm going… so don't fucking jump up and down with joy alright?"

Charlie sniffed and cleared his throat. "I knew you would make the right decision. Thank you, son."

I didn't know if it was the right decision, but I wasn't going to avoid her anymore. Next week was going to be the longest week of my life, but I was happy Jess would be there to pick me up.

A/N

Tell me what you think. I would love any comments or "fucking revelations" as Edward would put it.

Bella is coming next.

Reviews are like candy!