Chapter 3 -Bella The Brave
A/N *****UPDATE AGAIN I'M TECH STUPID AND UPDATED ONE OF MY CHAPTERS DOING IT ALL WRONG WHILE UPLOADING IT TO FANFICTION. THERE IS NO NEW CHAP SINCE CHAP 3***
Thanks for the lovely reviews from last chapter. I royally effed up and posted chap3 earlier this week by accident. I was updating chap 1 with fixes from my awesome Beta Annabella Laurie. Sorry for the confusion I'm a massive tool and need to be punished. Hopes you forgive:)
Time for Bella.
Hey CROD thanks for helping inspire the parts I told you:)
Again SMEYER'S is the maker
BPOV
"Okay Charlie." I said with a 'humph' and a pout. I wanted Charlie to hear my irritation. God, my dad was way too protective over me. I slouched down on my bed, holding the phone to my ear, already knowing I was going to lose this battle.
"I'm sorry Bells, but I really don't want you traveling all alone cross country in a moving van. What if you get lost with no cell signal?" He spoke with so much tension in his voice.
"I'll get a map," I said sarcastically while fiddling with my fingernails. Charlie had to learn that I was able to take care of myself now. I wasn't a child anymore; I have been on my own for the last five years. Sometimes Charlie didn't know how alone I really felt.
I flopped back down on my fluffy down comforter. It was soft and cozy. I really didn't want to get up and pack, but the job had to be done. I was leaving next week, going back home to Forks. It was something I was dreading and looking forward too at the same time. I knew I was going to bump into Edward and I really didn't know what I was going to say to him when I did.
"I guess I can't argue with you on this, huh?" I at least had to try.
"No, I'm putting my foot down on this one. I hope you understand. This makes me feel better and I won't worry as much." Charlie sounded too worried as it is. There really wasn't anything to be scared of, it was just driving for crying out loud. I wasn't going to tell him that the moving van intimated me. It was big, rickety, and old, but it was cheap and available. The open road as calling me and I wanted the time to myself to think and get ready for what was waiting for me back in Forks.
"Dad… …please?" I was full out begging now.
He was sending Emmett McCarty down to drive me home. Sure, I love Emmett and he's been one of my oldest friends, but a long road trip didn't look so appealing with Emmett being my only company. Emmett was best dealt with in small doses... After awhile, he just wore you out.
"Honey, Emmett is a good driver; I trust him. Plus, he's on spring break from classes so he's the only one with free time." I felt like I was four.
Of course Emmett was the only one available; He taught Algebra I at Forks High and was their football coach. He had the week off which was perfect timing for my return home. I really preferred Rose or Jasper to come, but they were both busy with work. I rolled my eyes into the phone. I hope Charlie could see that.
"Fine Dad… fine. I give up." I threw my arm in the air and let it fall beside me with a thud on the bed. I can't fight with this man. It was useless. Moreover, I didn't want to give him more to worry about with how he was feeling lately. Charlie was getting worse and worse by the day. Lung cancer was killing my father and all I could do is sit and watch.
I started to feel the familiar well of tears start to build. Pushing them away, I got up and walked to the kitchen, hoping Jake hadn't left for work yet. He was still here. It made me smile. Jake was there sitting at the kitchen table chowing on a bowl of Cheerios and looking at the paper. He looked up at me as I entered the room with a big smile. I went over to his side and stood next to him. I put my hand on his back and started to rub circles. He let his back fall into my hand and purred at my touch.
I could hear Charlie on the other end of the phone waiting for my resigned 'go ahead.'
"Alright! Alright! Gahh!!! Send Emmett down. I'm sure we will have a blast driving home." I could hear the smile spread on Charlie's face over the line; I hope he didn't hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice.
I let my hand drop off Jake's back, not moving from my spot. Jake looked up at me with a raised eyebrow, questioning what I was talking about. I knew what he was thinking. He heard me say Emmett's name and probably didn't like it.
"Thanks Bells, it really does make me feel better knowing that you're going to be safe coming home."
I rolled my eyes again so Jake could see. I shrugged my shoulders and put my hand on his back again, rubbing circles, easing any tension he was building before I could explain to him why Emmett was coming to take me home.
I just remembered, "Oh, dad?"
"Yes, sweetie?"
"I forgot to tell you that I am stopping in Denver to visit Mom. Can you tell Emmett to see if he's okay with that? It would extend our trip by a day or two." Hmm, maybe the thought of not getting back to Rose soon enough will make Emmett back out of this stupid errand he's doing for Charlie, leaving me free to explore the road.
Charlie let out a chuckle, "Ha ha! I thought you might want to do that. Your mother would love to see you on your way back, but isn't she kinda out of the way Bells?" He was right. My mom lived in Denver and it was not on the direct route to Forks. I would have to dip down to St. Louis and cut over. This was a road trip after all. So seeing a big large Arch was on my to-do list.
"I know Dad; I just wanted a little vacation before I came home. A little graduation present I'm giving to myself." Sharing it with Emmett? I guess it will have to do.
Charlie blew out some air into the phone with a whoosh. I could tell he was thinking about something. He sounded hesitant to talk, as if he was holding something back, but it's hard to make out this stuff on the phone. I couldn't wait to see my dad. I hated this phone business. I needed to take care of him… Give Edward a break.
Edward.
Stop it Bella!
"Dad, is there something wrong?" I went in to mother mode. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need some help?"
"No, I'm alright. Edward is on his way to pick me up. He's taking me fishing today at the lake behind his house. I have been cooped up so long in this house; Edward said I needed a day out on the water."
That sounded nice and I knew Charlie would love it. He had been battling a mild case of pneumonia for some time and was finally over it. He needed some fresh air. I thanked Edward silently.
"Oh wow, Dad, that sounds like fun. I hope you and Edward have fun." I meant it.
"We will sweetie. It's just us and the fish today. Now I have to get going. Edward will be here soon. I'll talk to you later Bells." I could tell he was smiling.
"Bye Dad, I'll talk to you soon." I hung up the phone and closed my eyes. I really hoped he would enjoy his day. It's been months since he got go out on the water. Edward would take care of him; he always did.
Edward.
Lord Bella, think about something else.
Edward.
God!
My heart sank when I thought his name. Facing him back home was going to be difficult. I had no idea if he still planned on seeing or helping out Charlie when I got back home. I appreciated everything he did for Charlie. He really didn't have to do anything for him. I was surprised he did at all, given our history. Charlie would talk so much about Edward sometimes. It was the only information I got on him. Our friends never mentioned Edward's name to me, most likely at Edward's request. He has been so mad at me for so long. He would never let me explain to him how sorry I was about everything. But I wasn't the only one to blame.
Not anymore.
"Ah hem?" Jake brought me out of my hazy mind as he folded his paper and set it back on the table.
Time for explanations.
"Since you can't drive with me back home, Charlie felt it necessary to send me an escort. So, Emmett is flying down next week and we're driving back home." I still felt annoyed, but I felt certain my man would rescue me.
"Well, I think it's a good idea," he said bluntly.
Huh?!
I shook my head in disbelief. "What? You're kidding, right? You're going to trust Emmett McCarty to drive me all the way home? Where is my jealous boyfriend when I need him?" His comment slightly offended me.
Jake's back stiffened, "That's jealous fiancée." He paused, turning his body to face me while still seated. "And I know how much you get tired of Emmett, so I'm okay with it." I wanted to wipe the smirk off his face.
"Oh, thanks so much. Thanks for taking Charlie's side," I said in a huff. I was definitely pouting now and I had to look like I was four.
Jake got up from the table and circled his arms around my shoulders. "I didn't really like the idea of you going back by yourself either. And since you won't wait for my internship to end so we can go back together, your stuck with Emmett. Sorry." He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a kiss on the forehead. It was true I couldn't wait for Jake's internship to end. He had another month left to go and I wanted desperately to get back to Charlie. I guess I had to suck it up.
Jake released his hold on me and took his bowl to the sink. "Besides, you and Emmett will have a lot of fun when you tell him what you have planned."
I really didn't have too much planned, just a couple of stops along the way for my own amusement. I wanted to sightsee and I didn't know when the next time I was going to take a trip like this again. I mapped out the whole route with a list of things I wanted to do ready for next week. It's been so long since I had a road trip. The last one was a trip to San Francisco with Edward after graduation from high school. I had the time of my life and experiences I would never forget on that trip. This trip wasn't going to be as memorable.
"Yeah, I'm sure Emmett would be just peachy with seeing the Arch and the world's biggest ball of twine," I said with a snarl, throwing a dishtowel at Jake.
Jake smelled my sarcasm right away and turned around from the sink, taking two huge steps, he had me in his arms again. He scooped me up fast and threw me over his shoulder. I knew where this was leading. I asked for it.
"Oh bad, Bella! You know what happens to bad girls when they don't obey?" His voice took on that husky sound I love so much, but I knew where this was leading so I had to escape. I couldn't let my mind cloud over.
"HEY! LET ME DOWN!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO…" He started to smack my ass. It hurt, but in a good way. "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!" I was hitting him on the back with closed fists. It wasn't fazing him one bit.
SMACK!
"OUCH JAKE, DAMN IT, THAT ONE HURT!" I said laughing.
"I know how you like it." SMACK!
"FUCK ME JAKE, DAMN IT! STOP IT!" God, he was so sexy when he played with me like this.
"Oh really? Fuck you?" He was toying with me.
I couldn't help but laugh
Jake carried me into the bedroom still smacking away at my butt. I struggled and wiggled trying to get out of his hold. It wasn't working. My man was just too strong.
I knew what he was going to do and I had to fight.
SMACK!
"YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW JACOB BLACK! I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO SIT!" I was shouting at the top of my lungs, still laughing.
He threw me savagely on the bed and came down on top of me, holding both my hands above my head. He panted down on my face. His face read full of desire. Smiling so big I just wanted to kiss him, but I had to brace for what was coming. I hated what I knew was coming.
"You know what happens to little girls who misbehave?" His face was seductive and smug.
"NO, NO JAKE! GET OFF ME RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS." I was trying to push him off me, but was getting nowhere with my arms pinned above my head. The man was a brute and way bigger than me. He had me in the worst position. I was utterly exposed.
I saw his hands reach to my sides and felt his fingers start to tense. He was about to attack. I had to turn on the charm to save myself from the torture that lay ahead.
"Jake, sweetie... please... I'll be your good girl. I will obey." I batted my eyelashes mocking his seduction to see if it helped my case.
It didn't.
"Oh, so you will obey and be a good girl for your man?" His eyes darkened and narrowed.
I nodded as I slowly licked my lips while wrapping my legs around his. Jake watched my tongue tease my lips and I think he almost started to drool. I sucked on my lower lip trying to elude sex appeal.
He knew what I was up too. Distraction. My game was up.
I lost.
His fingers attacked my sides and worked their way up and down and around to my stomach. I screamed with laughter as he tickled me nonstop. I was squirming and kicking trying to get him off me, to let me breathe, but Jake was a good tickler and never stopped until I said what he wanted me to say. My sides started to hurt as he assaulted my ribs. I thrashed my legs against his, kicking at the air trying to free myself.
"STOP!!… STOP!!! PLEASE!!!..." I was crying now from laughing so hard.
"I CAN'T BREATHE!" This was just plain torture now.
He slowed his tickles but didn't let up, "Say you love me."
Easy enough.
"HAHAHA… I LOVE YOU NOW GET OFF!" He tickled harder. Then slowed again.
He wasn't done.
"Say you will miss me when you're gone."
Still easy.
"I WILL MISS YOU TERRIBLEY WHEN I'M GONE!" I wiggled some more. His weight on top of me was too much to let me get lose. I could feel a hint of arousal from his hips but I was moving too much and too annoyed to really take note.
He stopped the tickles all together and his face turned serious.
"Say you'll set a date." He looked into my eyes on this one. He pulled his arms from my sides, took my wrists, and held them at each side of my head.
Trapping me to give him an answer.
Crap!
I've been pushing off setting a date for months and he's been bugging me about it incessantly. Now he saw his way of getting me to answer him. He simply said, "Say you'll set a date," not when will I set a date.
"I'll set a date sometime soon." I looked at him with a wary eye seeing if that was a good enough answer.
It wasn't. His face dropped and all the fun we were having was now forgotten.
It was far from a good enough answer. Jake wanted to be married within the year and I wasn't ready for that yet. I really wasn't sure why I kept putting it off. I told myself I wanted to be with Charlie and see him through his illness. I didn't want to plan a wedding around a funeral. However, that wasn't the only reason. I had a major case of cold feet and I think Jake felt it. I didn't want my marriage to end up like my parents. I loved Jake so much, but I'm not sure I loved him with all my heart, at least not yet. A long engagement was what I wanted, but Jake was dead set against it. He told me 'when you know you know and why should you wait.' He wanted Charlie to be around to see his daughter get married. I really wanted that too, but I still had this sick feeling in my stomach that no matter how long we waited to get married Charlie wouldn't get to see it.
That broke my heart more than anything, but it wasn't enough reason to rush myself into marriage.
Jake let go of my wrists and fell to his back on the bed next to me. He let out a huge breath.
Great, here it comes...
"Bella, I just don't understand why you are so hesitant about setting a date." He brought his hands to his eyes and started rubbing. He was frustrated with me. We were having this conversation too often and I was getting tired of it.
"Jake, I want to get Charlie healthy enough so he can have a little bit of peace before he..." I bit my lip to hold in my cry. I couldn't say anymore. Every time I thought of not having Charlie, I choked up.
Jake quickly realized and turned on his side looking at me while he brought his arm around my stomach. He pulled me so close I could feel his breath warm my face. His nose brushed mine and in that moment, I knew I loved Jake with what was left of my heart. I raised my hand and cupped his cheek. Jake always made me feel at ease when I got upset and I wanted to comfort him too. I hurt him by not being as eager to marry.
"I'm sorry Bella. I know that you're only thinking of Charlie right now and that so understandable. I'm being selfish. I'll stop hounding you about setting a date. I just wish we had one, to have something to look forward to when… times get tough." It hurt to think about Charlie dying. I felt the rumble of my repressed sob break free.
Jake rubbed circles into my back soothing me. It was helping. Jake was sweet and sensitive; sometimes you never would have known given his size. He was like my teddy bear, always there for me and never letting me feel bad or ashamed of myself. He truly cared for me and let it show. I don't think we ever had a real fight in the four years we've been together. He has been a constant flow of positive energy when I never thought I would heal again. I owned him a lot. He stuck with me when I tried to push him away. He never gave up. He was my best friend.
I loved him for everything he had been for me. I wasn't so sure if my love was enough for him. I never felt I could give him all my heart. I knew part of it died with Edward and would never get it back. Not now.
I made a choice and it was Jake. He was the right choice.
It was the best choice. I think. No, I know it was the best choice. Jake was going to be the best husband I could ask for.
He would be the best husband I never knew I wanted. I was trying to convince myself too much. I was still scared silly of what the future was going to bring. Jake was going to move up to Forks after his internship ended. That meant Jake and I… and Edward would be living in the same town.
And Forks was a small town.
"Bella I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry," Jake breathed close to my lips. He was still rubbing circles on my back, his breath tickling my face.
"It's fine Jake. I guess I need to hear it, you know. Hear that my dad won't be around much longer." I knew I had to face the fact that Charlie was dying, but it hurt so much. I just wanted to spend as much time with him with what time he had left. Another reason to put off setting a wedding date.
Jake nodded and understood to change the subject. He didn't want to push my buttons any further.
"I love you Bella," Jake whispered. I could see it on his face that he meant it with his whole heart
"I love you, too," I whispered back, hoping my love radiated on my face as much as his did. I wiped away any lingering tears from my cheek. Jake leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips. He still tasted of Cheerios and milk. I kissed him back chastely; I wasn't in the mood to get romantic at the moment. I had to go to class and so much packing still had to be done. Jake sensed my chill to his touch.
I moved to sit up from our position on the bed. Leaning on my hands, I looked up at the ceiling. Jake was still lying down beside me and I could feel his eyes burn a whole in the back of my head. I didn't want to turn around and look at him. I scooted off the bed, still not turning around to face him.
"You still want to marry me?" His voice was so soft and unsure. He was serious, doubt laced in his question, cutting at my already damaged heart. I was giving him reason to suspect I wasn't into the whole marriage thing.
I closed my eyes when he asked the question but opened them before turning to face him. I had to tell him the truth. I walked back over to the bed where he was still laying on his back. I crawled on top of his lap and straddled him. He sat up and looked me in the face, searching my eyes for an answer.
"I have been afraid about getting married for a long time." Jake nodded knowing my fears already.
I looked down at my hands. "I love you and I want to be with you. That's not going to change. I want you to know that." I looked up from my hands.
"I know that. It's just that sometimes you don't seem like you're all the way here with me. I guess I just need a little reassurance that I'm not going to lose you." Jakes eyes were big and deep brown staring at me.
"I never would have accepted your proposal if I didn't mean it, Jake." I really didn't answer his question but I avoided it the best I could. I looked down at my ring finger as I twirled my engagement ring around. It was beautiful and much too expensive for Jake to spend on me. It was a one-caret emerald cut diamond with two square baguettes on the side on a platinum setting. It seemed huge on my little finger but he insisted it was just perfect. Jake saved for a year to buy the right ring.
And it was the perfect ring. The night of his proposal wasn't as perfect but Jake didn't know that.
He kissed me on the lips and slowly pushed me aside so he could get off the bed. My answer was good enough for him. He looked over at the clock and moaned.
"Ah Shit! It's almost 9 o'clock. Babe, I gotta go. Don't want to be late for work. I will be home later tonight so don't wait up," He said with a smile as he smoothed his clothes.
"Yeah, I have to get to class but I don't have much to do so I will be home by noon." I was glad our heavy conversation was over and we could just go about our day.
"I have so much I have to go through here. I never knew I would acquire so much junk in the last five years. Most of it is yours you know," I said with a smirk
"Well your place has more storage then mine and I had to put my stuff somewhere. You can say I was marking my territory," He joked. Alice was the one who really didn't appreciate all the added stuff Jake brought over. He was here constantly anyway, he might as well lived with us. But, she was after all still my roommate and had been since I came to Chicago. Where was she by the way? I haven't seen her all morning.
"Hey, where is Alice this morning? I haven't heard a peep out of her." I Got up and looked out into the kitchen again.
"I don't know where she was going but she said something about getting things ready and needed to buy some essentials. She left while you were on the phone with Charlie."
She was up to something.
A party! I knew it.
"Man!!! She's throwing a party isn't she?" I grunted and stomped my feet. I hated parties especially ones for me. I turned around and looked at Jake huffing, "You knew about this didn't you?"
"Maybe a little," he said while pinching his fingers together in front of his face. "You look cute when you're angry. A little hot too. Nice!" His distraction was definitely not working.
I rolled my eyes and glared at him. He knew I was waiting for him to elaborate.
"I'm not supposed to say anything so my lips are sealed." He put his two fingers to his lips and zipped them shut.
What a traitor! Fine, I can play at his game.
"Okay then, since your lips are zipped shut, no kisses until you spill." I crossed my arms letting him know I was all business, and he knew how stubborn I was. I was serious. I could go a long time without dishing any kisses, but I knew how much he loved my kiss.
"Sorry," he mumbled with a shrug of his shoulders, still not unzipping his mouth. That jerk! He was going to play this game too. He'll get his later.
Jake reached to hug me with his strong arms and lifted me up into his embrace. I met him with resistance, but I couldn't stay mad at him for long; he made it too tough, being all too charming. He nuzzled at my neck and placed a kiss just above my shoulder. His warm breath on my skin was intoxicating and if it weren't for Jake holding me up, I probably would have lost my balance.
Once I regained composure, Jake dropped me to the ground. "Love you. See you tonight." He still had zipped lips as he turned around to leave. I watched as he grabbed his bag and went to the door. He waved and blew me a kiss as he exited my apartment.
***
It was evening before I packed enough of my belongings to allow myself a break. I had been working all day and I think I made a pretty big dent. Thankfully, I didn't have as many shoes as Alice insisted on owning. The thought of her trying to pack that made me giggle. She would need an entire truck just for shoes and accessories.
I had a wall full of boxes lined up ready to be put into the moving truck. I sat down on the floor and surveyed my work. I'll let Jake tackle that job next week… put him to good use. He did come in handy sometimes; he could open a really stuck jar when I needed it. That really didn't sound good. He did more for me then just manual labor. He has been my rock and I loved him.
Why did I always feel like I was reminding myself that I loved him? I do love him. I do. I have no more feelings for Edward… No regrets.
Stupid jerk, always invades my head when I just want to forget him.
I can't have feelings for Edward. I told myself over and over again. He's the past and I'm keeping it that way. He royally screwed everything up on New Years. I wished he didn't come.
I thought I had everything all planned out for my life. I was going out with Jake and happy. I was going to graduate and get a job teaching in Forks. Jake was going to move up after his internship and get a job at Q13 FOX news in Seattle as a segment producer. He was moving to Seattle for me. He could get a job anywhere but he wanted to stay with me. I didn't want to tell him no. I did that once when told Edward to stay home and it killed me to do it. I couldn't do it again, not to Jake.
On New Years, I was perfectly happy. It was just another night out on the town with all of my friends at Delaney's. I wasn't big on the whole hoopla celebration of the new year, I just wanted to have a couple of cocktails and relax.
When Edward showed up, it turned my whole night upside down. I was so content with the way things were. I finally got him out of my head and focused on Jake. He was my priority besides Charlie.
Seeing Edward there changed all the mental work I had done. He destroyed it all just by showing up wanting me, needing me, touching me.
I never felt like that before. I couldn't help myself. He drew me in and I wanted him too. It had been so long since I had seen him, but it didn't matter. He looked different, but in a good way. His hair was wilder and he grew a scruffy beard. He looked sexy. Edward just stared at me. Smoldering. He was so intense. My heart skipped a few beats when he reached for me and took me outside. My body went voluntarily. I had no control. He was in control of me. He owned me. I let him.
I could feel him in every inch of my body when he touched me. Kissing him felt the same. The passion was still there. Those damn electric shocks still rocked my body. I haven't felt that way for so long. Not even with Jake. It was like I was never apart from Edward; like he was never angry with me... As if no time had passed between us. I loved him and I couldn't get enough. I only thought of Edward. Jake wasn't in my conscious; he didn't exist at the moment. It was all Edward.
My Edward.
He came back to me.
***
He was staring at me by the bathrooms.
I couldn't take my eyes off him. Wondering if I was imagining him there. He was like a ghost.
I had to touch him to make sure he was real. Jake wasn't looking. I went to him.
He still smelled the same. He still felt the same. I was in heaven. Who is Jake?
I watched as he kissed my mouth against the wall. Not believing what I was doing. I couldn't help it. I needed him. I craved him. I loved him.
The stairs. Oh fuck, the stairs were so cold on my ass. His hands on my body were enough to warm me.
He was going to touch me. My body ached for him to touch me.
He ripped my panties off with one firm tug. They might as well of been paper at how easily they came off. He wanted me so much. It turned me on.
I think I growled.
"Do it! I want you to do it. NOW!" was all I could scream. "Touch me!" I managed to push out.
His mouth was on me, licking and rubbing me everywhere. He was tasting me. I wanted him so bad. I wanted to tell him, but my voice had other things to say.
"Edward… fuck… mmmm… God Edward, I missed you… oh fuck…" I really missed him. No one went down on my like Edward did. This time he was better at it.
My orgasm was so hard and intense. I thought I might have squished Edward's head between my legs.
He smiled. There was no hate in his eyes.
My Edward.
All I could think of to say when we could take a breath was "Hi" and he said it back. It was desire and lust but sweet.
It was my Edward. He came back to me. He forgave me. I wanted more.
We were interrupted.
Alice.
"Bella, Jake is looking for you." Who's Jake?
Oh my god! Jake! I felt the guilt inside me boil. I betrayed him. I panicked. What have I done?
"What do I do?" Who am I right now?
"Don't go to him Bella." Edward.
"Edward… I don't know what I'm doing." I'm confused. I'm torn. I was holding my ripped panties in my hand. How did I let this happen?
"You don't have to know what you're doing. Just follow you heart. I know you. Don't leave me for that douche again."
I was brought back down to earth at that moment. He was here to make me chose again. He was going to give me ultimatums. He was going to use my love for him against me.
Anger.
"Why did you come, Edward? Why are you here?"
"I see it there in your eyes. I still see us. I know your coming home soon and I want to get to know you again. I want to work on us."
It's been too long. I have a different path now.
"You hate me, Edward. You blamed me for everything." He couldn't dangle his love for me in front of me like a carrot hoping I would bite.
"Do you know how much I missed not having you in my life? And you chose now to come back into my life like nothing ever happened. So much has changed for me and you."
Jake. What have I done to Jake?
He didn't say a damn thing. He just stood there looking at me. He had no idea what he was doing. He didn't care of the ramifications he was causing. He was selfish and I let him.
"Bella you know how Jake will get if he sees Edward." Alice was right. Jake will try to kill him.
Protect Edward. Protect Jake. Protect yourself.
Edward was angry. He hated Jake ever since the funeral. They fought. I choose Jake. I couldn't be with Edward. He blamed me. He blamed me for things I couldn't control.
"How is Jake going to get if he sees me, Bella? What? Is he going to try to kick my ass? Because I need to kick his ass. I have plenty of reasons to fucking kick his ass."
Enough!
"Jake was there for me when you ran away. He loves me, Edward and I… love him." The pain on his face was indescribable. I hurt too. "You can't just walk into my life and expect me to act like nothing changed. To love you the same way and not care about what happened with us in the past. How dare you make me feel like this."
How dare he! How dare he do this to me. I was never the same again.
"Tell me right now you don't love me and I will walk away." He was going to walk away. I had to let him walk away. I was dying on the inside. I didn't want him to let me go, but I had to let him go.
"I don't love you anymore, Edward."
I lied.
"Go home."
***
I touched my hand to my cheek to feel the burn that was racing across my face. I felt the enormous weight of Jake's ring on my finger.
Right after I left Edward, I couldn't stand to be in that place. I hated Delaney's now and never wanted to go back. I must have looked crazy when I went back into the bar. My panties were still in my hand; the reminder of what just happened, still fresh in my mind. I found my purse and stuffed my panties in. I went to the bathroom to splash water in my face and clean myself up, I needed to wake up and get a grip. Alice held my hair and patted my back. She understood.
It was too much. Too much emotion. Too much guilt racking my brain. Alice hugged me and rocked with me. I don't know how long we were in the bathroom but it felt like an eternity.
I had to leave.
I told Jake to take me home. Jake didn't ask questions and didn't say a word. He made no attempt to persuade me to stay and ring in the new year. It was odd but I didn't care. He got up, wrapped his coat around my shoulders and we left the bar. I made the excuse that I drank too much on an empty stomach and wanted to just lay in bed. I needed Jake to make me feel normal again.
He was quiet. Jake brought me home and took care of me. He watched me change into my pajamas, never taking his eyes off me. Still quiet. He looked a little sad. I ruined his night. We got into bed and he took me in his arms and held me tight. I was safe now.
We made love, but I wasn't all there. Edward never left my mind. He was burned into my brain and I hated it. I hated it because it I knew I would never love Jake the way I loved Edward. I came while thinking of what Edward did to my body earlier that night. I would never feel the same connection with Jake. He was too good for me and it made me feel sick. I betrayed him. He deserved better, but I was selfish. I craved Jake's attention and his love. It helped me breathe when I was suffocating. Jake made me feel real again. I will learn to love him the way he loves me.
I could never hurt Jake. I would never hurt Jake.
"I love you, Bella. Nothing is going to make me stop loving you."
At 12:01am, Jake got out of bed and got down on one knee. He asked me to marry him. Jake told me he wanted to start a new year with a new future. I didn't think twice.
I accepted. A new future is what I needed.
***
I heard the key in the lock as Alice walked in the door. I immediately went to talk to her. I had a bone to pick with her.
She was carrying a couple of plastic bags filled to the brim with what looked like party supplies.
Wonderful, just as I suspected! That little tramp was throwing me a going away party. She was walking towards the kitchen with her phone to her ear when she saw me. She fumbled with the phone giving me a scared look while said she call back to whoever she was talking to. Alice tried unsuccessfully to hide the bags behind her back.
"Ah… hi, Bella. What are you doing home?" The guilt and shock vanished from her face and she took on a look of total innocence, but she couldn't fool me.
"Whatcha got there, Alice? It looks like your gonna throw a party?" I walked over to her and started to look behind her into the bags. She was starting to dance around as I bobbed and weaved with her.
"Honestly Bella, why would I throw you a party? You hate parties." She bolted to her room. I was fast on her heels, but she was quicker than me and managed to get inside her room and slam the door by the time I got there.
I banged hard on the door. "Please Alice; you don't need to do this." I banged again. "Can you open the door?"
"Are you going to fuck me up if I do? I can't afford to damage my goods." She was just being ridiculous now.
I stepped back from the door. "I'm away from the door. It's safe to come out. I won't fuck you up."
The door slowly opened and Alice stuck her head out to see if the coast was clear. I was far enough away that she deemed it safe and walked into the hallway.
She gave me a Cheshire grin, "There will be margarita's." She knew she had me. I can't pass up a good margarita. Add a shot of Grand Marnier and I was done for. I give up. I could live through a party filled with most of Alice's friends.
"Fine, throw the stupid party. Just keep me boozed up."
"Will do sweetie!" She winked at me and gave me a hug. "It's nothing too big, just a few close friends and good food. It won't hurt too badly." I smiled and hugged her back. As much as I didn't want a party, I loved that Alice wanted to throw me one. I was really going to miss her. She was truly a great friend.
A/N
Oh Charlie what are you up too saying your sending Emmett fully aware your really sending Edward.
Bella is a little less angsty then Edward. Edward tends to dwell and fester especially on the past. Bella is more simple. She had been more happy and positive unlike our Edward. But she loves her some margarita's:)
Edward coming next
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