Chapter 16 – He Doesn't Look a Thing Like Jesus

I was immediately nauseous when I woke up and swiftly turned over in bed to throw up over the side. Oh gods I feel like shit. Everything hurts, especially my ribs which I just aggravated by rolling over. I looked to my other side and found a mess of blue hair. Where's my Roxy? Not that he should see me. How awful am I, four years of sobriety and last night I was raped and drugged…and raped some more. Better me than Roxy though.

I sat up. Not a good move, my ribs screamed in pain and I became nauseous again, puking my guts out over the side of the bed again. I felt the bed move next to me and a hand reach out and touch my shoulder. I whipped around wrapping my arms around Zexion and buried my head in his chest. "Where's Roxy?" I asked in a raspy voice. Holy gods is my mouth dry. As if he read my mind Zexion handed me a glass of water. When I finished that one he had another one waiting. I went through five glasses before he spoke.

"He's with Demyx. He's pretty upset because he thinks you're cheating on him with Marluxia."

"Marly? I wouldn't do that, Zexy, I only want Roxy." I defended myself.

"I know that. And we had Roxas convinced of that until you came home limping and seemingly drunk."

"I didn't want to Zex." I whined. Everything hurt even worse when I thought about last night.

"Tell me what happened, Axel. I'm taking the morning off for you Axel. This is the appointment you asked for." That was one of the great things about Zexion. His biggest dream in life was to become a psychologist but he had always put his friends in front of his dream. His skipped so many classes in college because Saix needed him to talk to me. And me, being the asshole I am, I would only talk to Zexion. I refused to go to any other psychiatrist or therapist, and Zexion knew that. He knew he was the only one, so he put my needs in front of his goals. Even now, he's putting me in front of his dream job and patients.

"I went to Marluxia's like I said I was. He's just finally coming to the realization that Saix isn't coming back." My voice cracked a bit, "He was so upset Zex. It was awful and I knew exactly how he felt because I've been through this already. I stayed and talked with him, trying to comfort him, though I think you should be the one to talk to him Zexy, your words are magic. Eventually he fell asleep, or passed out, I'm not sure, he was pretty wasted and I put him in bed and left a note. You know how my mom used to leave me notes." Zexion nodded. I had told him about my mother in one of our previous sessions when I was much younger. "When I left I was jumped by five men and could easily tell that they were Xemnas'. I tried to fight them off Zexy, I guess I'm just as weak as I've always been." I said miserably.

"You are not weak. Xemnas had to use five, five Axel, five men to get you. He couldn't just send one nor do it himself because he knew you'd win. You are a very strong person Axel, you are not weak." Zexion reassured me.

"I don't feel strong." I muttered.

"That's what Xemnas does. He dominates and belittles someone until they have no confidence. You Axel, cannot be beaten. You have a strong personality and ability to quickly recover from most traumas. You've lived through being homeless, you've beaten drug addiction, you've started moving on from loosing Saix, and you've lived through losing your mother. Axel, you are strong, don't give Xemnas the satisfaction of beating you, because I know you are better than him." Zexion insisted. He was right, he always is. I've beaten all the shit life has thrown at me. And I had to be outnumbered to be taken down; he had to tie me to the bed to keep himself safe. I am strong, Zexion is right. See this is why I talk to him.

"You're right." I mustered up a small smile for him and he placed his delicate and comforting hand on top of mine.

"I'm glad you see it my way," He smirked, "Can you tell me what happened after Xemnas' men attacked you."

"I woke up in his house, at least I think it was his house, and I was tied face down to the four posts of his bed." I held up my arm showing the rope burns. "He told me to leave Roxas alone so he could get his payment from him. I refused. How can he just expect me to sit back and watch him rape my boyfriend?" I asked in disgust.

"I don't believe Xemnas thinks the same as most people. You and I would of course see that as disgusting, but Xemnas, I believe, has never cared for another person before. So he probably doesn't understand you putting yourself at risk to save Roxas." Zexion said smartly.

"I hate him. I wish I could say it's his fault. That everything that's happened to me is his fault but I can't."

"Why is that?" Zexion asked.

"Because, I wanted it. I wanted to make that pain go away. I gave him a hand job so he could make it go away, I didn't have to, I chose to. It was my decision. All of this is my fault because I'm a fucking druggie."

Zexion sighed and held my hand tighter as he thought about what to say, "First of all, you were twelve, Xemnas took advantage of your ignorance. He didn't tell you what the drugs would lead to. He only told you it would make the pain go away. And secondly, Xemnas being after Roxas is not in any way your fault. Roxas has made his own mistakes Axel."

"Does it make me a masochist to be happy that this was done to me and not Roxas?" I asked Zexion.

"No, it just shows how much you love Roxas. But could you tell me exactly what was done to you?" Zexion asked. This was the hard part, but Zexion, somehow, was easy to talk to. Besides I already told him about all the other times Xemnas raped me.

"He raped me and after the first time he shot me up with heroin. Zexy, I don't want to be addicted again." I begged. Zexion's eyes had gone wide at the new knowledge, specifically the drugs.

"We'll get you some Suboxone (1) if you need it. I'm not sure you will though. You're very strong willed. I think you'll be okay." Zexion reassured. "Did anything else happen?"

"After he drugged me he raped me a few more times. As you can see," I pointed to my bruised and scratched up torso, "he was very rough. He likes to make it hurt and I wasn't screaming for him. So he tried hitting and scratching and biting. I never did scream for him, I guess I won that. When he gave up he untied me and I was in too much pain to fight him. I was basically a limp noodle. He put a bag over my head, tied up my hands, and put my clothes in my arms. Then he had his men dump me on a street close to my car. Somehow, I think I managed to get to my car and get home without dying or killing anyone. I didn't mean to cheat on him Zexy. I didn't want that. I'm such a fucking asshole." I scolded myself looking into my lap to avoid any eye contact. Zexion's hand left mine and moved up to my shoulder. His other hand was placed under my chin and he used it to make me look him in his eye.

"Rape is not cheating, Axel. And you are one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You are not an asshole. Roxas will understand when he hears the truth. You did not cheat on him. Now, I need to know, tell me the truth. Do you have any desire to do more heroin?" Zexion said with his one visible eye carefully studying my face.

I thought about it carefully and shook my head. There was nothing I enjoyed about last night. The rush wasn't even as good as it used to be. All I could think about was Roxy and how I wanted to be strong for him. And then I remembered Saix. I was supposed to be staying strong for Saix. But the only person that I had been thinking of was Roxas. I'm a real fucking asshole. "Do you think I'm a horrible person for forgetting about Saix?" I asked Zexion.

"Oh god no, Axel." Zexion responded, wrapping his arm around me in a tight embrace. "Even if you're not thinking about him, he's always in your heart. Siax would want you to be happy. He would love to see you now Axel. Uh…pre last night. You've been happy again. You've recovered and he would love it Axel. Don't ever feel bad about thinking of Roxas instead of Saix. Believe me; Saix would want it this way. He would want you to be happy with Roxas."

"I think your right."

"Of course I am." Zexion said making me laugh.

"What am I going to do about Roxas? He probably hates me now. And Xemnas is still looking for him."

"You'll have to tell him the truth, and you know Demyx and I will help keep him safe."

"Let's go find my Roxy."

"Alright."

oOo

Demyx sat across from me at the kitchen table with, what I assume, is his serious face on. "Roxy darling, moping time is over. And last night's little stunt with the medicine cabinet…" Demyx let the sentence hang for a moment. "I'm not very happy about that. There was no reason for that."

"The person who's been holding me together these past months is cheating on me. It hurts; I wanted to dull the pain." I explained myself. "Thanks, by the way, for being there for me."

"You're welcome, but Roxas, you have to get this straight, Axel would rather die than cheat on you."

"Doesn't seem like it." I mumbled. Demyx's fist slammed onto the table and his normally happy face was filled with rage. I was shocked; I'd never seen Demyx like this.

"I will not have you talk about Axel like this! He's one of the greatest people I've ever known. He's been through so much shit, and he still has the ability to love and care. I know Axel, he would never do that to you or anyone else. And he doesn't drink!" Demyx yelled at me.

"Then why was he drunk and limping?" I recovered.

"I knew Axel in his drinking days. That was not a drunk Axel."

"Then what was…" I was interrupted by the door opening and Zexion walking in closely followed by Axel. I turned my eyes away from him, but not before seeing his appearance. His face looked very similar to mine, except both sides were multicolored and swollen. He had a hoodie on but I could see he had bruising on his knuckles and neck, and he looked very dazed.

I heard our company pull out two chairs and sit down before Axel spoke, "Roxy I'm…"

"There's no excuse Axel!" I spat, still looking anywhere but at him.

"I know…" Axel whispered dejectedly, before he was stopped by Zexion hitting the back of his head. I hid the smile I got at the cute little whimper Axel uttered. Then scowled and hissed in pain when Zexion hit the back of my head.

"This is enough! Axel I told you it's not your fault. Roxas, you're not even letting him explain. That is unfair. Axel did not cheat on you. He's probably lucky to be alive. Xemnas punished him for saving you Roxas. And Axel feels like he's done something wrong." Zexion reprimanded.

"What?" I asked looking up and seeing Axel watching the floor, looking incredibly depressed and ashamed.

"Xemnas doesn't like to be made a fool." Zexion said coldly. "Axel did nothing but comfort Marluxia. Xemnas had his men jump Axel for him. He then preceded to rape, drug, and then rape Axel some more." Zexion finished.

My Axel, my poor Axel. That was the reason for the drunken limping, he still loves me. I jumped across the table and landed in his lap wrapping him in my arms. How could I be such an ass? I just assumed, and he didn't do a damn thing. All he did was protect me. I cried into Axel's shoulder as one of his arms wrapped around me and the other found its way into my hair. "I'm so sorry Roxy. I really am so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Can I ever earn your forgiveness?"

I can't believe he's apologizing for something that's not his fault. "Shh…you didn't do anything, there's nothing to forgive. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I love you."

"I love you too Roxy."

"Zexy." Demyx whispered loudly, "I think we should leave them alone so they can resume the baby making."

"Zexion smiled before whispering just as loud to Demyx, "Trust me, that's not happening. I'm surprised Axel can even stand."

"Demyx's eyes became large with concern and he flew across the table, Zexion tried and failed to stop him as he knocked both Axel and me to the ground. "Oww." Axel groaned.

"Tell me where it hurts Axey. I'll make it feel better." Demyx said searching with his hands, for all of Axel's injuries.

"Let Roxas make him feel better, you're mine." Zexion said pulling Demyx off of us.

"You're right. The baby makin' will happen faster if Roxas is the one who licks him all better." Demyx smiled.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Aw, don't deny it muffin, you know Axel is yummy." Demyx teased.

"Hey!" Zexion said offended.

"Oh, no one's more delicious than you Zexy." Demyx said before capturing Zexion's lips.

"Come on, Roxy. Let's go home before they do their own baby making. I'd also like to have a warm bath. I'm really sore."

I looked over my shoulder to see Zexion now had Demyx lying across the table with his shirt pulled up so Zexion could place kisses along his abdomen. I quickly got up from the floor and helped Axel to his feet. "Let's hurry."

oOo

The warm bath water felt so medicinal against my cuts, bruises, and sore bones. I closed my eyes and sunk deeper into the water. I didn't hear the door open nor did I notice the towel drop. I only realized I had company when Roxas stepped into the tub and sat across from me, his blue eyes watching me carefully. "Roxy?" I questioned confused at his actions. He'd never let me see him naked before, and he was definitely naked, beautifully naked. He was perfection.

Roxas moved so he was holding himself above me and he leaned down to lick one of the open wounds on my chest. "I'm making you feel better, like you did for me." He went back to licking one wound at a time. His knees were resting between my legs and an arm was holding him up on either side of me. "But no sex, I'm sorry I still can't do that."

I couldn't help but smirk at him. On any other day he would be completely irresistible in this situation. The atrocious pain in my ribs was the only thing keeping me from ravishing him right here in the tub. Our naked bodies were sliding against each other in the warm water, driving me crazy. "You're lucky my ribs are broken and I can barely breathe without causing myself excruciating pain."

"Hmm…I think you could control yourself." Roxas said before trailing kisses along my neck.

"I don't' know." I insisted. And if he moves at all he'll find out himself just how serious I am. You can't blame me though, how am I supposed to control what happens when Roxy starts licking every inch of my skin.

"I still think you could…" Roxas said as he turned himself around and laid his back gently across my chest, sitting right between my legs. Uh oh! "Or not." He commented at feeling my obvious arousal against his back.

"Well, what did you expect when you started licking me, naked, in a tub?" Roxas chuckled before resting his head against me and closing his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes as well. We sat like this until the water went cold. The comfort of Roxas lying across my broken chest, kept my thought away from Xemnas. For the moment.

(1) drug used to help to wean you off heroin

I am still in the middle of writing chapter 17 (thanks to writer's block) so I'm not sure when my next update will be. Hopefully sometime next week.

This chapter was much shorter when I originally wrote it. I ended up adding a lot more emotions and conversation in the scene with Axel talking to Zexion, attempting to make it more realistic. Hopefully I did well.

I felt Zexion is the most rational in the group, seeing as he's a shrink, so that's why he is the one who knocks, literally, some sense into Roxas and Axel. And now they're back together.

I appreciate all reviews, favs, and alerts, thank you.