A/N I would love to thank everyone who left the amazing reviews for last chapter!! It was most I got after a chapter ever!!!! I still would like to hear from more of you. Judging by all the people who add me to their alerts and faves I know your out there. Please tell me my shit don't stink!! Or just say, 'HI' whatever, leave a girl a little 'sumptin sumptin'
I would also like to rec another INSANE story by MissAlex, Rebel Without A Cause. This fic is so original and so well written. Check her out and give her love! She loves the reviews too:)
Thanks to L is a Dreamer for being a cool chick and my girl and CROD for asking me over and over when I'm going to update! Here ya go BB!!
Annabella Laurie is the most sick beta in the world and I can't live without her.
Smeyer owns and operates
Chapter 5-Edward the Real Boyfriend.
Her fingers flew over the keyboard franticly, searching flight times and departures. She kept whispering questions at me, but I was still too stunned to really hear her. I couldn't even move, let alone listen to her incessant tirade.
"Your itinerary? You can't..." Jess's face never changed from the stoic stare she gave me when she told me she was coming with me.
It was as if I wiped all the happiness from her face and replaced it with determination that I hadn't seen up until tonight. How could I have been so blind to think she wouldn't care if I left her? I was reckless to put her through this and I was a sick motherfucker for using her. I saw it in her eyes when Emmett blurted out the Chicago plans. In the split second it took to register what Emmett said, I knew that Jess wasn't going to be my saving grace while I was with Bella. This wasn't a good idea. Her going wasn't ever an option I considered. Hell, up until today I didn't think I was going to tell her I was leaving at all. I had considered telling her I was going out of town to Seattle for work and would call her while I was gone. I didn't have to tell her my real plans. Technically, I wasn't lying. I was going to Seattle, to the airport.
I had never seen her so scared.
It dumbfounded me into a silent mute. Wait, a mute is silent. I was a frozen mute. Yep, that's me.
I managed to roll my eyes through the frozen muteness.
Shit. I was a fucking coward.
Standing unmoving to the left of Jess, who was at my computer desk, my eyes were locked in a perpetual hold at the computer screen as it buzzed different travel websites, entranced by the speeding lights and flashes. I would have a seizure if she went any faster. Jess was still talking to me, but I couldn't hear her completely. I kept on thinking of the long ride back with Bella and Jess. Jess would be trying way too hard to impress upon Bella that I was now taken and I'm sure Bella would just sit there and take it. Bella would probably have a couple of cute retorts to Jess's insults; she stood her ground well.
Did I have a problem with that? Really, that's what I wanted all along. Jess would be defending me the whole way and protecting me from falling over the edge. Jess was the perfect distraction over my perfect addiction on Bella. Jess going with me could be a possibility. It could work… or I could throw myself in front of a rather large semi going 80 mph, making me just another stain on the highway.
Maybe, but who was I kidding? I was dragging Jess into this and it was apparent I wasn't fooling her.
Jess banged her fist on the desk in frustration. "Look at me!" She shouted, breaking my still. I blinked and looked at her. She had red around her eyes, but no tears and her nostrils flared. I missed the transition from her stoic to angry face. I was too busy being a frozen mute to notice how angry she was.
That stoic look was really a fucking pissed look.
"Where is your itinerary, Edward?" Jess held out her hand waiting for me to give over the copy. Pausing to think if this was really a good idea, I reached over her left shoulder, not caring anymore. Grazing the side of her face with my hand, her head bowed into my touch. Wanting to soothe her, I stopped and felt her cheek. She reached up and held my hand to her face tight so I wouldn't pull away. I sensed she felt I would pull away any minute. I wasn't going to, but I needed her touch just as much as she needed mine.
Clearing my throat, I let out the only thing that came to mind, "I'm flying on Southwest."
Fucking coward!
Jess let go of my hand and looked up at me. "Thanks," she said, calm for a moment.
I felt uneasy about the whole situation. How did I get from going alone to going with a protective girlfriend? I was so sure that I was not going to get the closure I needed. If Jess went along on the trip, she would be the focus of my attention. The perfect distraction. As much as I didn't want to talk to Bella the whole way back, I knew I would. I would have to force myself to ignore her attractiveness and pull, to be strong and not let her take me over like so many times in the past. Willpower was going to be my best friend. With Jess along, I wouldn't need willpower. She would work hard to help me forget every feeling I had for Bella. My whole plan would fail; I would never get Bella out of my mind when I got back, never know if I could be strong enough to face her when I bumped in to her in town with Jake. I would fall and destroy everything I worked hard on if Jess came with me. I would never be able to give all of myself to Jess if I wasn't alone with Bella for the last time.
I need… I want… I would… It was all me, me, me and I, I, I.
This whole mess was making me sound like a big selfish ass. It wasn't about thinking of just myself now. I had to think of Jess now too. I had to consider her in this equation. What was going to happen to her feelings if I went? Will she be able to handle the fact I was going to be with Bella? Would she want me back if I slipped up? What if I let my guard down? What if I couldn't love her after all?
All of a sudden, I wished I never brought her into this. It wasn't fair to Jess. I was a selfish dick.
"Itinerary?" Jess looked at me again.
"Over there, by the printer." I pointed and let my hand drop with a slap on my thigh. I moved to the bed and sat down on the edge. Jess took the paper and carefully looked it over, gathering what information she needed to book a seat on my fight if it wasn't full.
You just have to tell her Edward, she can't go with you, I told myself.
"I'm not gonna get a seat right next to yours, but maybe at check in we can request it," she said calmly. Her fucking pissed look melted away. I hadn't even noticed the change again.
I lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Jess couldn't go with me. I had to do this alone. I had to be a fucking man and not let my woman come rescue me. I couldn't fall under the delusion that I wasn't going to use Jess or the idea of Jess. That was a given. I didn't know any other way. I didn't want to be alone when I got back. Jess had to know she couldn't trust me; that's why she was putting on this whole charade. I might not have loved her like she loved me, but I did care for her. She was the only other person besides Bella that actually, in a way, understood me. Bella was on a completely different level, but Jess had her moments and I had to treat her with respect. This last week had been great; I almost felt normal again when I was with her, like a real boyfriend. She looked at me like just that, a real boyfriend, not just a quick lay like I was used to or what I made her used to. Even with my Bella issues, Jess made me laugh.
I was done with being a dickhead. I was done with being a user.
"Jess. Stop. Please." Still lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, my head started to throb. I was getting too familiar with tension headaches lately. Never venturing to look over in her direction, I heard her fingers stop tapping for a second, but they quickly started again. She wasn't about to give up and I didn't blame her. I'd probably do the same thing if I was her.
"Jess. Please." She wasn't going to listen to me. I peeked up for a moment.
She was still madly typing away at computer, not looking at me, "Edward, I'm not stopping. Whatever you say to me is not going to make me want to go less." She couldn't look me in the face either. I could tell where this was going to lead; she was being almost as stubborn as Bella.
Fuck, was all I could moan in my head. My inner dialogue was going a mile a minute.
You can't go Jess; it's not smart.
This is something I need to do on my own.
It will be better if you stayed at home.
This will be so awkward.
There is no room in the van.
Well the last thought was a cop out if she really did end up going.
"I'm not letting you go with me." Closing my eyes, I braced for the onslaught on verbal attacks.
She stopped, got up, and walked to the bed, standing over me from the side. She looked vacant. I couldn't even see the trace of an emotion on her beautiful face. She knelt down on the bed and reached for my pants. I pushed myself to my elbows watching, wondering what the fuck she was doing. Jess went straight to my front pocket and dug in. She felt around touching me through the fabric until she handled my cell phone. She pulled it out and took it as she stood back on the floor again.
"I need to call the airline and see if they can put me on the flight. I feel better if I do it on the phone instead of online. I have to make sure I get a seat." She started to dial, still with the mask on hiding her emotions.
She clearly hadn't paid any attention to me and was ignoring me on purpose. I wasn't the one to tell her she couldn't do anything, Jess wouldn't have it. It made me angry she was playing so ignorant so I decided to listen to my inner dialogue, and hopefully, not piss her off too much.
"Jess, this is something I need to do on my own." I sat up on the bed. She didn't say a word.
"You can't go Jess; it's not smart, it would be better if you stayed at home." Jess still stood with the phone to her ear. She never moved and it didn't look like she was breathing either. This was not the Jess I knew; I was turning her into something else. Her face was red. She was fuming. Anytime now, steam would start to blow from her ears.
Someone must have started talking to her because she held out her finger for me to shut up. "Hi, yes thank you. I would like to book a flight on Southwest for tomorrow at…"
"Jess…"
"I would like the 10:00am flight out of Seattle to Chicago. The non-stop flight…"
"Jess, listen to me."
Cutting me off, she put her hand over the receiver, "Shut up!" she growled at me and went back to talking to whoever she was talking to. "I need one seat, yes."
I snapped my mouth shut. I couldn't let this get any farther and she was pissing me off. As much as I didn't want to hurt her, I had to put my foot down. I was risking not having her around to help me get through things and the possibility of being alone when I got back, but I had to do this on my own. It was the only way it was going to work.
She finally looked directly at me as I stepped in front of her, narrowing my eyes. She was still holding her ground so I reached up and snatched my phone from her hand, snapping it shut at the same time.
"Stop this now!" I yelled. I had to make my impression felt. She looked horrified, but it didn't stop her from shoving her tiny hands into my chest, nearly knocking me back. Though I was surprised at her strength, I refused to budge. For what it's worth, she should have been more upset. I was picturing objects being thrown, slaps in the face, swearing at the top of our lungs. Jess seemed to keep her resolve, but the threat in her voice wasn't about to break.
"God, Edward, this is not your decision to make!" she shouted back. Jess pushed me again, this time a little harder and with more strength. "Give me the phone!" She held out her hand. I flung the phone over the bed to the floor. She shoved me again and I had to take a step back. "What is your problem?" She shouted with another push to the chest. This pushing business was getting on my nerves.
"You're not fucking going, that's it! Don't fight me!" I crossed my arms and stepped in the most direct path to the phone on the floor. Jess, being sly and smarter than I am, went to the bed and started to crawl over.
"You can't tell me what I can and cannot do. Your not my mother. Your MY boyfriend!" She took a pillow and threw it at my head. I knocked it to the floor and started to breathe heavy. She was being childish and acting rash. And no I wasn't her fucking mother. The thought of Mrs. Stanley made me shiver. I didn't want this turning into a fight, but I was stupid if I didn't think it wasn't coming. Jess made it to the other side of the bed and took my phone again.
Controlling my temper, I grunted, "Will you please talk to me before you book the flight?" I had to reason with her now to avoid the knockdown brawl in my near future. I eased over to the other side of the bed where she was crawling on the floor for the phone and walked slowly towards her. Jess stood up and was already dialing the number, putting the phone to her ear. She wasn't going to listen and it aggravated the piss out of me.
"Hang it up…" I grabbed at the phone. She jerked away and turned her back to me, facing the wall.
"I'm not listening to you Edward. You're not going to talk me out of going. You won't!" Jess yelled and shook her head, starting to dial again. She would never understand, even if I explained it to her a million times. This was my inward journey that I had no idea if I would come back alive from, but I had to go. I had to prove it myself that I could love Jess one day-I didn't know when or if I could, but if I didn't go alone, I may be broken forever. Hell, I had to prove it to Bella too that she didn't have to worry I would surprise, stalk, and drag her behind random bars.
I inched closer to Jess and whispered, "Put the phone down."
"Hello… yes, I'll hold…" Her voice cracked and she was trembling a bit. I laid my hand lightly on her shoulders and pulled my face close behind her left ear.
"Put the phone done, Jess," I whispered again. Her arms tightened and her back shot up like a rod.
"STOP IT EDWARD! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She barked so loud I'm sure everyone in the house heard.
The inner rage bellowed in my chest. She was infuriating me to no end and I had to let out the fucking animal I knew I would become if she kept this up and one of us would get hurt.
I punched the palm of my hand into the wall over her right shoulder. Not wanting to harm her, I let loose on the wall again with another jab. I hammered it five times until I saw her cower at the sound. My bobbed and thrashed and I felt my hair thrash forward and back. Not helping the throbbing I already had. My adrenaline kicked in and I couldn't help but scream back at her.
"HANG UP THE PHONE OR I'LL FUCKING RIP IT OUT OF YOUR HANDS AGAIN!" I screamed feeling the pain of my palm against the wall. I never have been violent with or around women, but I had to scare her a little to get my point across.
I instantly regretting losing my temper.
Jess whipped around and whaled on my chest with her fists, pounding hard against me with tears rolling down her cheeks. She cried and let out awful sounds that no beautiful woman should. Her face contorted in odd shapes and her forehead wrinkled in hard stressful lines. Instantly, I felt responsible for putting her in any emotional pain. I was so busy with the fact she could help me, I never took time to realize that I needed to help her too. I just let her hit me; she needed to get it out too.
I was the selfish ass again.
She fell to the floor and let the phone drop to her side. She curled up into a little ball pulling her knees to her chest. This was fucked up. Jess had never seen me like this before and I had never see her like that either. So vulnerable. Never before had we let ourselves really see each other. I was too occupied with avoiding and she was too busy with denial. Or was that the other way around. Either or the door was now open and we both showed our true colors.
"Ahem!"
I stole myself away from Jess, looking out my bedroom door. Jasper stood there with his phone at his ear and a look of concern on his face; no doubt he heard our shouting match and the punches to the wall. I'm sure he just saw Jess beat my chest to a pulp too.
"Is everything alright?" He stepped into my room, looking down at Jess and eying me. Jasper still had the phone to his ear. He had been on the phone all afternoon, from the time we got home, I saw it glued to his ear.
"Who are you talking to?" I huffed. I was all of a sudden worried if the other caller heard everything that went down. It annoyed me; this was my business.
"Um… no one… Gotta go, call you later." He snapped the phone shut. Narrowing my eyes, I asked, "Who was that?"
"A old friend of mine. Don't worry about it. Can I talk to you in the hall?" Looking back at Jess again, she shivered. "You both need to have a little space." Jasper ushered me to the hallway; closing my bedroom door, we left Jess on the floor in her safe little ball.
I leaned my back against the wall and pushed my head back, running my fingers through my hair. Maybe I was too brash just now. A little brash? It was a fucking boxing match and my chest and bedroom wall got knocked out. I had to apologize. She had to be scared of me now.
"Edward, this is not the way to handle things with her. She's in love with you and only wants to protect what she loves. She feels so threatened right now. You have to walk on eggshells when you talk to her. Screaming and punching things aren't going to fix anything." He spoke quiet and low so Jess couldn't hear.
"I know. I know. She wasn't listening to me."
"Can you blame her? She doesn't trust you. She thinks she's going to lose you if you go without her." Jasper put his hands on my shoulders and looked me square in the eye. "Fuck dude, you can't treat women like that. Stop acting so cold and heartless."
The real truth rears its ugly head. Having Jasper think that I was cold and heartless was ballsy. He wasn't in my position and had no idea how this felt. He has never been in love with possibly two women at the same time. I could afford to be a little cold and heartless sometimes; being in my head all day was draining.
"Go alone to Chicago, Edward. You need to get it done." He paused, looking down at our feet, his hands still on my shoulders. "I want my friend back." Jasper was reading my thoughts, but his sudden encouragement of this trip left me a little suspicious. He said he supported me earlier today but it wasn't laced with a lot of doubt. This was not the time to think about what Jasper thought though. Jess was a fucking mess on my bedroom floor and I did that to her.
I nodded and gave a weak shrug, allowing him to release my shoulders and headed back into my room; Jess was still in her ball. I slid down the wall and sat next to her. She buried her head into her arms resting on her knees.
"Look at me," was all I could say. She lifted her head and allowed me to see the hurt and pain I caused. Her face was tear stained and puffy. She pouted her lips on the verge of more sobs. I knew I wasn't as heartless as Jasper thought because I felt a lump build in my throat. I did this to her and she didn't deserve it. I led her on and got her hopes up only to rip them away again. I wanted make this better for her; to make her pain go away.
"Edward, please let me do this. I can't let you go without me. I'm not going to lose you again. Not to her." Putting my finger to her soft lips, I shushed her to stop talking. Jess's head bobbed down and her shoulders started heaving. Hearing her gentle sobs fill her voice. I reached around her and rubbed her shoulders trying not to be cold, making her more relaxed. She still had the phone held tight in her hand. I took it gently from her fist, snapping it shut. She turned her back to me while I rubbed her shoulders, leaning onto my chest. I smelled her hair; it smelled of honeysuckle. Not bad, but not the same though. Lowering my arms around her, I hugged her close and put my lips to her ear.
"Can you listen to me now? Will you talk to me?" She nodded in agreement wiping the tears off her cheek. I nuzzled her neck with my nose.
"Don't you know how hard this is for me? I never let anyone, any woman, get close to me like this. I hate that I'm hurting you, but this is new for me. I didn't know how to handle telling you about the trip. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"How long have you known about going?" She sniffled.
Jess was going to put two and two together if I told her the day a week ago, the same day of our 'pseudo date.' Well, no turning back now, I really didn't have anything else to lose. She would never agree to be with me when I got back now, but I owed her the truth.
"A week," I breathed, leaning my head back an inch, not really knowing how she would react.
"A week?" Jess turned her head around. "You have known this for a week and kept it to yourself? Ha! That's really ripe, Edward." Jess lurched forward away from me, pushing herself up to stand.
I felt cold again sitting on the floor.
I felt alone. Make this better Edward.
"Shit Jess, please don't be like this. Charlie asked me to go and do this for him. I couldn't turn him down. He has done everything for me and I need do right by him. Believe when I say I don't want to go." I lied. I may not want to go, but I had to. "I wish there was some other way." There wasn't.
"There is some other way, don't go. Save yourself the trouble. Bella is a big girl. She can drive still, right? Why is this your responsibility? Doesn't she have a boyfriend? What the hell is Charlie thinking? You can't stand to be in the same room as Bella. You don't even let your friends speak her damn name in your presence," she ranted.
"I thought that if I go knowing that you would be waiting for me when I got home, it would make the trip easier… to bear." For the first time in like ever I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach.
"So you were going to use me as your scapegoat?" That was polite for saying I was going to use her.
"Yes, in a way you can say that, but that wasn't my intentions. I don't want Bella anymore, but..."
"You can't trust yourself with Bella." Jess was always quick to pick up on the subtle and she was fucking smart. Maybe she knew me better than I thought. Jess had always felt threatened by Bella, even though she was never around. She was threatened by the fact she knew I still loved her. I would never admit it to her or myself, but deep down it was true. Jess thought she couldn't compete with the high standard I set up for her to follow. I spent most of the last several years tearing down that standard; I don't even think it exists anymore, not now, especially after New Years.
I don't love you Edward, go home. Bella's voice rang in my ears.
"Fuck you," she breathed quietly and started to cry again. I rubbed her shoulders so more; surprised she still allowed me to touch her.
Jess turned around facing me while wiping the tears from her eyes. "You want me to be that person that can give all of my heart to you and have no idea what I will get in return. I have to sit and wait and worry that my boyfriend-the man I love-could be falling back in love with his ex, whom I really doubt he ever got over in the first place."
That fucking stung, but it was the truth. When someone says it out loud, the words you've been running from, it kicks you in the ass. Jess saw more than I gave her credit for, but she knew what she was getting when she got involved with me. She got involved anyway, no strings attached. Now I was placing strings everywhere and hoping she would be my puppet that I could control for my own benefit.
Was I the stupid one or her?
She buried her face in her hands; rubbing away at her face in frustration. I thumbed her chin up so she would look at me. She obliged dropping her hands to her sides in defeat. She looked tired. I felt the same.
"She is engaged to Jake now. She is in love with him and going to start a life with him here in Forks. I'm not going to get in the way. You're what I want to come back too. I need you and I need you to be here for me. That's why you can't go. I have to make it on my own in order to fucking get her out of my head. I don't know what's going to happen, but I need you Jess." I was making promises I didn't know if I could keep. There was no way of knowing if any of this would work.
"I need you," I repeated in a whisper. Jess pulled my hand from her chin and placed it on her chest; right over her heart.
"I love you Edward… You always put these conditions on our relationship and I always went along. Last week you gave me hope and it's not fair. I want you to say you love me back. I want you to feel it like I feel it. Have you ever felt anything for me?" Jess looked into my eyes, but she already knew the answer. "Wait, don't answer that." sparing herself.
Closing my eyes, I stepped to her and pressed my forehead to hers. I held her cheek in my hand as I kept the other on her heart.
"I'm sorry Jess. I do have feelings for you. I care about you. The truth is that I don't know if I can love anyone again if I don't let her go. This is whole reason I'm going. Please understand I'm doing this for me, and I'm doing it for you in the long run."
I moved my lips close to her mouth, not touching them quite yet. "Please tell me you will wait for me Jess. I never needed someone so much in my life as I need you right now." Kissing her lips, I felt her start to relax against my body. She pulled me close to hug her and buried her head in my chest.
"Is this why you haven't made love to me?" She mumbled into my chest.
Now I have to explain this. Can this night get any better?
"I didn't want to have sex with you before I left. I wanted to do shit right by you. Be a real boyfriend for once. Real boyfriends wait, right? I don't know; it's been awhile. I was trying to take gentlemen lessons from Jasper on proper etiquette for dating. I guess you noticed." I chuckled trying to lift her spirits.
I felt her smile against my chest. She rubbed at my waist, lifting my shirt exposing my skin. She moved her hands under my shirt and felt up my back while lifting her head; looking at me.
"Yeah, I noticed. How could I not when you go from having a pure sexual relationship to… nothing. I felt like when we made out, one of my parents were going to catch us. It's been a long time since I felt so innocent. I kinda liked it. I never felt more turned on over being sexually frustrated." Her lips curled up into a smile. I couldn't help but smile back and her back rub felt wonderful. I know I was holding out on her, but maybe I needed to feel her again to keep the memory alive. A goodbye lay. The way she was looking at me made me know she was deprived as much as I was. Her brow arched and she smild in a half grin almost slyly tempting me to give in.
Who was I kidding, I was so weak.
"So do you wanna?" I whispered with as much lust I could muster. "My parents are at the movies and we are all alone. We won't get caught." She laughed then narrowed her eyes.
"I don't know; what about your girlfriend? She seems to always get in the way?" She teased, but it was mean which was fine. I was a prick.
"She's getting married," I said bluntly. Jess shot a look. Yes Jess, I can' play too.
"That's too bad for her. You must be upset. She must have a good man then." That was a low blow but I deserved it.
"He's a douche, but who cares. I have a good woman right here." Time to charm.
"Oh really, who is this good woman you speak of? I never know anymore," Jess said dryly while she flipped her hand in the air.. She was getting a little snarky.
"Jess… shut up." I stopped her from talking again with a kiss. She smiled into the kiss trying to talk back. Silencing her more, I moved my mouth over hers slowly. I felt her tongue tickle my lower lip and I opened wider to let her in. I moaned into her mouth; she tasted so fucking good. I knew I was getting hard from all the suggestive talk we just had but when Jess kissed me like the way she did, I was done. It always made it hard to stop especially when I was trying to wait but right now I wasn't fucking stopping.
Jess took her hands off my back and moved them up to my hair. Massaging my scalp and pulling. I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her closer. I felt down her ass and squeezed roughly. My girl likes it a little rough. Her hold on my hair tightened. I liked it a little rough too.
She kissed me hard and our teeth clinked together because we couldn't slow down. I felt my touge play with hers and she bit my lower lip. She sucked it hard and released it back to me as I searched for more. She took her hands out of my hair and slid them down to my belt, quickly undoing the buckle and pulling it out like a whip. It turned me on. I rolled my eyes back in my head in excitement that I was finally going to have sex. We needed the bed fast. With my hands still on her ass, she gasped as I lifted her up to my waist. She laughed in my mouth while she wrapped her legs around me. Her legs were strong and tight. I flopped us on the bed and rested my chest on top of her. Our kisses grew more intense and I roamed her body with my hands feeling every inch of her stomach and hips. She felt so good and warm. I let my hand wander down to her center to see if it felt just as warm as the rest of her. God, it did. I growled and kissed her again. I didn't want to wait anymore. She felt so good and her little sounds she made were driving me crazy.
"It's been too long." I moaned pressing my head into her neck giving her a kiss. I sucked behind her ear knowing how that made her feel. It was her weak spot and she would say 'yes' to anything if I stayed there. I ached to see her breasts and take her nipples in my mouth. On cue, she lifted my shirt over my head and broke our kiss.
"You're the one who wanted to wait," She breathed sarcastically, throwing my shirt somewhere over… I don't know… somewhere far away. I didn't look and didn't fucking care.
She felt up my chest and around to my back. Her faded green tee was in the way and needed to come off. I pulled her up so I was straddling over her, taking off her shirt in one swift motion. Her bra was white and lacy. It repulsed me for getting to touch her all day. She reached behind her back and undid the clasp, but not taking her bra off; she was going to let me. I smiled that she knew what I liked. I grabbed at the straps and pulled them down off her arms slowly. I groaned again. I felt my dick twitch from the sight of her tits. They were perfect and round.
"You look beautiful." I said into her ear. She loved it when I whispered to her while we made love.
Jess. Focus on Jess. I paused looking at Jess. Focus Edward.
Shit. Not now.
I scanned over her body again. I felt like a hungry animal the way I was looking at her. She didn't look too different- her face matched mine.
"Don't stop, touch me." Jess took her hand to the back of my head and angled me down to her chest.
"I want your hands on me." I couldn't get enough touching her. She felt so good. Fuck!
Jess.
Moving my mouth to her tit, I licked and sucked her nipple. I felt like I could stay there forever.
"I love tasting you." Bella heaved her chest to my mouth.
Stop it! Don't do this to yourself.
I heard her moan and felt her body fall back to the bed. Closing my eyes, I cupped her other breast with my hand and massaged circles in time with my sucking. She moaned louder and she thrust her hips up against my jailed cock. My man down there was screaming to get out. He wanted to play too.
"Edward…"
Fuck! Get out of my head Bella!
"Ummmmm..." Jess's moan made my eyes roll back in my head. She was enjoying herself while I was getting lost again. My erection grew harder and harder under my work pants I was still wearing. They needed to come off.
I needed to breathe first and concentrate. Preventing the Bella infestation of my rotted mind, I released Jess's nipple from my mouth and shook my head.
Clear thoughts.
Jess thoughts. Okay. Jess sex thoughts…
Jess sucking my dick. Good one.
Jess fucking me. Even better one.
Shower and Jess.
Jess in the shower fucking me.
Jess in the shower while I fucked her from behind.
Jess in the shower while I fucked her from behind feeling my ball slap against her ass.
Good. This is good. Getting the visual now.
Okay good. I'm good now. Good. Go time.
Letting go of Jess, I half kneeled up. Jess sat up out of breath and looked down at my confined erection. Giving me a mischievous look, she fondled me through my pants. The touch alone made my breath hitch. She started to stroke me through my clothes. The friction was good but I needed more.
"Fuck, take them off," I grunted through clenched teeth.
She savagely tore into my pants, unbuttoning and pulling at the zipper. I felt my cock jump out my boxers, the cool air making me twitch. I watched Jess take the palm of her hand and lick the length, wetting it. She brought it back to my cock and started to stroke, up and down. With her other hand she played with my balls. It felt fucking fantastic. My head fell back and I grunted into the air. I felt the rush of pleasure warm my body. Swaying my hips in tune with her hand fucking, I reached down and twisted and pinched her hard nipple. Shit felt good, but her mouth would feel better. I looked back down and it was like she read my mind as I watched her change her position to take me in her mouth. Watching her lips wrap around my dick she plunged me into her mouth. Her tongue played up my length and she hummed slightly as she moved back and forth. This was the best feeling ever. I was going to bathe in it and smear all over my body; it was good.
Then we were stopped mid blow by the loudest motherfucker ever.
Emmett. Fucking Emmett!
"Hey dude, I'm glad you two are fucking and making up, but shut the door for crying out loud. We hear you all the way downstairs." Emmett yelled from the hallway as he banged my door.
"All I wanted was my laptop from my room…" He just stood there half covering his eyes with his hand and half peeking.
"Of all the fucking time Em......" I yelled trying to cover Jess with my hands, not really succeeding.
"Boobs....." he mumbled louder taking his hand off his face. Emmett flashed an evil grin and stared. Jess turned bright red and threw a pillow over her chest. I couldn't help but laugh. This was all I needed; Emmett was breaking my stride and I finally had a clear head. This night couldn't get better. Seriously, best night ever. Someone mark it up in my long playlist of fucked up situations; like I needed anymore. It amused me that no matter how hard I tried to have sex with another woman, something always got in the way, either it be Bella or cock-blocking Emmett.
This is my life.
I shook my ass a little letting my balls smack against my legs. I knew Emmett was only looking at one thing, Jess's tits. He most likely missed my naked ass right in front of him. But the ball slapping broke his concentration.
"My eyes… my eyes… I looked too long… too much Edward… his ass!" He slapped a hand over his eyes and chocked out a strong 'gag'.
"Stop being a perv and close the door for me man… I'm not getting up so you can eye fuck my cock 'n' balls!" I stared down at Jess and attacked her lips again not giving a shit what Emmett saw.
"If I wanted to watch porn I would have raided Jasper's lonely man's stash! When you fuck, keep your door shut!"
"GO AWAY!" Jess and I both yelled together. With that, Emmett slammed the door and I heard a faint, "Fuck off Em!" from the direction of Jasper's room.
We both laughed hard because I'm sure Emmett saw my ass crack and it scarred him for life. Our laughter didn't last long as Jess grabbed my hair again and pulled me down on her. I shimmied the rest of my pants to the foot of the bed and pried my boxers down far enough to not cause any leg restriction. Lying on top of Jess, she wrapped her legs around my butt. Locking me into her hold, I could feel the heat off her crotch through her jeans. These defiantly needed to come off. I cupped her cheek and kissed her mouth hard; my other hand traced the line of her jeans waistband. Unbuttoning her pants, I started to tug them down.
Then I smelled it. The best smell on the face of the earth. The same smell that took me away to many wet dreams and fucking awesome fantasies. Vanilla and Strawberries. There was no mistaking it. This wasn't honeysuckle like Jess. It was distinct vanilla and strawberries.
"Edward." I heard her breathe. Bella.
"Uh God, you turn me on! Touch me" She panted her hot breath into my mouth.
Jess wiggled her jeans and panties the rest of the way off. Now we were both completely naked.
"I love your skin on my skin. I never want you to get dressed... ever." I bit her neck and Bella moaned.
I looked into Jess's eyes. They weren't blue anymore but brown.
Bella.
Her hair was dark brown-not light brown.
Bella
Lowering my head, I smelled her neck. Vanilla and strawberries, not honeysuckle like Jess. I blinked. I want this to be Jess.
I blinked again.
Bella.
I was messed up. Jess is not Bella. Bella is not Jess.
Jess grabbed my head to look at her. Seeing Jess again at last, finally. Now I could concentrate on Jess.
Not realizing I was holding my breath. I smelled the air again.
Honeysuckle. Jess was back.
Jess went back to normal before my eyes. Her eyes went blue again and her hair turned light brown. She bit her lip staring back into my eyes.
The way she bit her lip reminded me of Bella. Fuck! I averted my eyes not worthy of the love she felt for me. This feels fucking terrible. Surely, I looked fucked up. I had too.
I was ready to be served my steamy, hot side dish of guilt. Jess could read me. I wanted to hide and turned my face away.
Ashamed.
She frowned and took both my cheeks in her hands. She started to search my eyes more closely, like she was looking for something. She knew what she was looking for. It didn't take her long to find it.
It never left.
"Tell me you're here with me. Tell me I'm the only girl in your bed. It's just you and me right now. Tell me." She pleaded.
"I can't."
***
I laid my head on Jess's stomach and sighed to myself. It felt good letting my head gracefully float up and down with her breathing.
We were in sync.
We stayed up all night and it was almost time for me to go. I had to leave early to meet Charlie at his house; he was taking me to the airport so that I could leave my car at his house. It was a long drive so we had to get an early start. I hadn't packed yet, but I didn't need much. It was going to be a short trip.
34 hours.
Jess's skin felt soft and smooth under my rough beard. It was such a contrast and I must have been scratching the hell out of her, but she didn't move or say a word. She lay, still not moving me from her stomach, playing with my hair, which had to be sticking in every direction. It felt fucking good. I didn't deserve the gesture, but it helped my headache ease up.
She was right to stop us, well, to stop me. She saw it more clearly than I did. Jess wasn't the only person in bed with us. Normally, any guy would love a threesome but my bed was too crowed.
Who could blame Jess for stopping? I would too if I was in her shoes.
I needed to get this trip over with and get on with my life. How was I ever going to have sex or make love to anyone else with her in my fucking head?
It was fucking ridiculous.
"It's alright; don't beat yourself up about it." Jess said. I looked up at her confused. We haven't talked for the last hour, just laid in silence waiting, waiting for the dreaded hour to come for me to leave.
"You said it's gonna be a short trip. You'll be back before you know it. You can get closure and be home with me by Friday." Jess traced her finger along my lip line.
"Yep, 34 hours is all it takes." I smiled taking her finger in my mouth, tasting and sucking.
"Edward?"
"Yes?" with a mouth full.
Jess took her wet finger out and ran it along her nipple leaving a slight glisten over the bumpy surface.
Damn, I liked the view even if it was a tease. My mind was already starting to cloud over. She knew what she was doing, fucking toying with me. It was her time to be a little mean.
"I deserve more." She stopped the nipple action and gave me a look.
I blinked. "You do deserve more… way more… you…" She shushed me and sighed. I pushed my chin up bringing my arms to rest on her stomach as I laid my chin back down needing to look her in the eyes.
"We can work on it when you get back. I will wait for you." She smiled and lightly whisked my hair back. "I just want you to understand that I'm better than this, but I'm doing this because I love you and I'm stupid for loving a man who doesn't love me… yet," Jess whispered.
"You're not mad? You don't want to run for the fucking hills or something?" I questioned. "I want to promise you everything, but…"
"Edward, please shut up." I snapped my mouth shut, tight.
"No, I'm not mad at you. I know what you're going through." She repositioned herself to be level with my eyes. "It's hard to see the love of your life with someone else, even if it is all in your mind." My heart fell. "I'm not going to be naive. I know there is a chance you're not coming back to me, but I want to be optimistic. This last week has been one of the best weeks of my life. You treated me like you never have. The way you looked at me, and the way you kissed me showed me that you're still in there. The Edward that used to be. The unbroken Edward that is capable of moving on. You finally looked alive and hopeful for once. I knew then, when I saw it in your eyes that you are worth it. You're worth it to me. That's why I'm going to wait." Jess brushed her hand to the side of my face.
"Here, I have an idea." She reached over, moving me from the most comfortable position I've been in ages and grabbed my phone laying on the floor.
"Come lay with my up here." She patted her pillow and put her head down. I moved up and laid my head next to hers. Jess opened the phone up and took a picture of our heads snuggled together. She turned the phone around and looked at the picture. We looked intimate and our hair looked sexed, but we looked comfortable. The most comfortable. I had a slight smile on my lips and her eyes were closed as she brushed her lips on my forehead. She looked content; I looked happy. Jess saved the picture to my background of my welcome page. All I had to do was flip open the phone to see us… together… happy.
Comfortable.
She shut the phone and placed it in my hand closing my fingers around it, intertwining hers in mine. "When things start to get too hard or happen, then look at your phone and think of me." She smiled, "Know that I'm here at home waiting for you to come back to me. I'm here ready to love you like you deserve. No bullshit. It's all me and no games. Come back to me Edward, come home to me."
"Kay?"
I believed her. I wanted to be her boyfriend. A real boyfriend. She deserved it.
"Kay."
She was going to let me 'use' her only if it meant she had a chance to love me.
She was gambling a high stakes game and she was going to be the risk taker for me. I wasn't worth the gamble but I would bet on her any day.
A/N I'm so glad Jess isn't going on the trip! Hey, I knew that already. She would bug the crap out of me the whole way home.
Well, as I told a few I wasn't going to throw a lemon in there which I only threw a half a lemon. More like watered down lemonade. Anyway, still no sexin for Jess and Edward.
I'm thinking about doing a JessPOV, would that rock or nay? I think I already know but want to hear what you say.
Review for the love of pete!! I need feedback on this bitch! *cowers under my computer desk, please*