EDITOR'S NOTE: The next chapter takes place after the fic Eien Ni. It is advised you read Eien Ni before the next (and final) chapter! Thank you! - Taiki Matsuki
Otoko No Chigiri
Pledge VII: Courage (Shiota Hirokazu)
I am...such...an asshole!
...Kenta...came out to the others earlier at the park...
"...Okay, everyone, um...I-I have something to tell you. You...all heard that...I was at Hirokazu's on Christmas Eve, right? That...I had a fight with my parents. Well, um...I-I want to tell you what happened. And that... ...That the fight was about... ...The fact I'm gay." He was nervous when he said it but... ...Damn, Kenta, you...You still sounded brave. I mean, you didn't really hesitate, you didn't go quiet... "They accept me now, but I ran out after their...initial reaction, let's say. But, now I want to tell all of you...I'm gay. I don't want to hide it anymore."
...I know I...could never have done it like you did.
"...K-Kenta-kun...?" Takato...was really shocked. I mean, I've never seen Takato look like that. He wasn't upset, just surprised as hell... Which is kinda confusing 'cause, well, he was the one who suspected Kenta! What's the deal, Matsuda? "W-Wow...I-I'm...glad you told us..." ...Why?
"Yeah, sorry for the fight you had but... ...Congratulations on coming out, Kenta. I'm with you." Jen was happy for Kenta, too...Because...He, Takato and I were the ones who...suspected it. And I knew Takato and Jen wouldn't have a problem.
"Kenta...I-I never knew you'd...come out," Ryou...sort of implied he suspected Kenta, too. "And you're my friend and fellow Tamer, always."
"Kenta, um...Unless you're seeing someone..." I did not like the way Juri sort of looked to me when she said that. "...Wanna go check out boys at the mall later...? I-I just...always wanted to do that with a gay friend! Please?" ...This was a side of Juri I had never seen before. ...I-I...was shocked...Juri's a little boy-crazy, it turns out.
"Knew it." ...We love you, too, Ruki...But then she said. "I'm really happy for you, though, Kenta. Congratulations on finally being with Hirokazu. You two look so cute together."
...And I...did the stupidest thing I could have done...
"Wh-What? N-No! Ruki...I-I'm not...No! I-I... I... I'm not gay! We're...not...! NO!" Then... ...I... I realized what I was saying...Right next to Kenta. I...was denying the fact...we were a couple...And I-I know how happy the fact we're finally together makes him...
A little after things started, Kenta told me how he always thought I was straight and how my...reactions to Ruki's retelling of our kiss and ambiguously gay tamers jokes worried him that I'd freak out if I ever found out he liked me...
The reason for the freak outs was...I-I...I was...dealing with my feelings for Kenta and general...attraction...to other guys...Ruki...just wasn't helping. At all. The whole "liking guys" thing scared the hell out of me...
And...even now, I...I did that to Kenta...Who...I-I...I love...
I love Kenta.
And I picked one hell of a way to show it... Kenta... ...Gods, I am...so sorry, Kenta...I-I just...I don't want...to be out yet. This isn't something I want anyone to know...It's bad enough both of our parents know!
...I couldn't face Kenta after that, I just kept my mouth shut and avoided looking at him. I didn't...want to see the look on his face... I...I'm such an asshole...I'm sorry, Kenta...I'm so sorry...
...But...What also...upsets me...was the others' reaction to my...denial...
"Oh, um...Of...Of course, Hirokazu-kun...We know..." Jen...raised an eyebrow, his look was...sort of saying, "I think you're lying."
"Hirokazu, yeah...Not cool, Ruki. Hirokazu's...not, um...with Kenta. Sorry, Kenta..." R-Ryou...winked at Kenta! I saw that, Akiyama! Y-You suspect...that I'm...! ...But...H-He's...right...Or at least...half right... I'm bi, not gay! BI-SEX-U-AL!
"Hirokazu-kun's...super tough, Otoko Shibuki and all. He always has been, always will be..." Takato was...reaffirming my..."manliness" in a...weird way...H-He was...smiling at Kenta the whole time...
"We...believe you, Hirokazu." No you don't, Juri...Not...with the look on your face when you said that...
And...Of course...
"Hirokazu, you're not fooling anyone!" ...No shit, Ruki... The others just... ...They played along with my denial...Gods, I-I'm...I'm pretty sure they...all know...
...Did they suspect me? ...A-Am I...obvious? H-HOW?
After that, I just went silent and...Kenta was actually still "himself" as he talked with the others. He didn't sound upset about...what I did. I thought he'd at least sound a little pissed... The others asked some questions and...Takato confessed that he and Jen suspected him but they didn't want to upset him by asking or hinting at it...
...Kenta said he really appreciated the fact they never asked him, they waited until he came out. And in the end, no-one was upset...No-one freaked out, no-one...called him a certain word...It was...pretty casual...
...And now we're walking back to my place and...I-I still...haven't said anything to Kenta since...I-I did that...stupid denial...
I...I gotta say something to him...I feel so bad and, I know Kenta's probably really-
"Don't be upset, Hiro-chan," Kenta says, turning to me with...a smile...?
"...I'm such an asshole, Kenta-chan...I'm sorry," I sigh.
"Hiro-chan, I was the one coming out...You didn't have to and..." Kenta shrugs. "I know how...hard it is for you to admit to this. I know you...feel really weird about...being with me."
"N-Not being with you, Kenta! T-Trust me...If...If you were straight, I-I would've...waited for that special girl and not that special guy...I-I...I want to be with you, Kenta. I...I really do..l-love you..." I feel blood rush to my cheeks as I say 'love.' ...I-I...I really...should say that word more often, but...
Kenta holds onto my arm, that's...more than I want him to do in public, but...I-I'll ignore it, I feel bad enough already. "Thanks, Hiro-chan...I love you so much for...just everything you do. You're...You're Hirokazu, and...Hirokazu Shiota isn't gay or straight or bi...He's just Hirokazu Shiota. And he's amazing!" ...Kenta-chan, you always know how to make me feel better!
Except...
"...They all know, don't they?" I ask. "I-I mean...You saw how they...took my denial."
Kenta nods. "Um...Yeah, I-I think...After all of Ruki's jokes and stuff...They're kind of expecting this, you know?" Damn you, Ruki! "I-I...wasn't sure how to do damage control. I-I mean...Hirokazu, we're...Y'know..."
"Ace and Gary - The Ambiguously Gay Tamers. Dun duh dun!" I roll my eyes... "...I...I should have just...admitted to it. I'm really sorry, Kenta-chan..."
"Hiro-chan, we'll...let you come out when you're ready...I know you love me, but...I know how much being with me scares you and all that...Otoko Shibuki."
"...Otoko Shibuki..." I sigh. ...I am such a failure at that...I'm a freakin' coward.
We reach my apartment not long after, Kenta's been trying to cheer me up the whole way. Which is amazing, I thought he'd be pissed at me...
My Mom is in the kitchen, making a snack for us, I can tell by the fact she has a bowl of our favorite rice snacks...She really supports our relationship. My Dad, too. Kenta's...almost moved in, practically. He's spent a few more nights over and I've spent one night at his place ...
...I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same room as Kenta, though... ...His parents were afraid we'd... ...y'know... ...Which I find really weird since...
...Um...
...Exactly which one of us do they worry will get knocked up? You had Kenta! Not Keiko!
...N-Not that...we've gone that far, of course...
"Hirokazu, Kenta! Welcome home!" My Mom smiles. "Have a seat, I'll get you some of this mochi I bought earlier...It's delicious!"
"Th-Thanks, Mom," I say, sitting down at the dining room table with Kenta. Kenta holds my hand under the table. He knows I'm still afraid to be "out" around my parents...And they know! They...caught Kenta using me as a pillow the morning after we confessed! ...Of course, they...thought I was...gay...But...
...That's...another (insanely beyond embarrassing) story...
My Mom brings in the mochi on a plate. "...Hirokazu, you look upset. What's wrong? Don't tell me one of your friends was upset..." She looks to Kenta, really worried. Not surprising, though...Kenta's her 'future son-in-law,' I heard her tell my Dad that a few days ago. ...And I can't argue about that definitely being in the future...
...Provided I get over this..."closet" thing.
"No, a lot of them actually suspected me. No-one had a problem with it. Hiro-chan...Well, you know he was with me when I came out to our friends," Kenta explains. "And, um, he's upset because Ruki congratulated us on being together and he denied it. I understand why, I'm not upset at all." He turns to me, smiling. "Really, Hiro-chan. It's okay."
"Hirokazu, how could you do that to your boyfriend?" M-Mom!
I groan, "Mom...Please...don't call him my...boyfriend...Th-That just...sounds too weird to me..." It...really does.
"What should I call him, then?" My Mom asks. "Should I just call Kenta your 'special friend?'" ...Special...friend...?
"...On second thought, stick to boyfriend...'Special Friend' sounds...even gayer than 'boyfriend,' somehow." I roll my eyes, Kenta laughs.
"Why did you deny being with Kenta, though?" My Mom sits down across from us. "Your friends all supported Kenta, right? Why would you be any different?"
"...Mom, it...It...It..." I'm...starting to sweat, shake and turn red...I-I'm talking to my Mom...about my relationship...with KENTA! "It's...just really weird to me! I-I...I never...thought I'd...like...Um...That I'd...like..."
"...Guys?" Kenta and my Mom finish in unison and in the same, flat tone. ...Thanks, I really appreciate that...
"...That, yeah." I sigh. "S-Sorry, Kenta...I...I'm just...I mean...I'm... I..." I stammer like an idiot. ...Gods, I-I do this every time my parents are with Kenta and I...Or when my parents just ask me about...how things are with my...boyfriend.
...I-I really...can't believe...I have a boyfriend...
Kenta gives me a hug, saying, "Hiro-chan...I love you and I'll wait until you're ready for this, okay?"
"...Thanks, Kenta-chan," I...manage to hug him back, even with my Mom watching.
"Practice," my Mom speaks up. "Come out to me, okay?"
"...You already know," I say.
"Pretend I don't," my Mom rolls her eyes. "Besides, you never did come out formally...We just found you two sleeping on the couch with..." She starts to laugh, "I-I still can't believe you didn't know what mistletoe really looks like! We had three mistletoe ornaments...Ha ha ha!"
"M-Mom...!" I groan...They're never going to let me live that mistletoe thing down, are they? "Okay...H-here goes..." I take a deep breath and look to my Mom. "...Mom...I need to tell you something...important. It's...about who I am."
"What is it, my son?" My Mom asks, semi-dramatically.
"...Mom...I...What...I need to say...is...that I'm...I..." I...I can't believe I'm actually having trouble saying this to her when...I know she knows...
...But she has to know the truth... ...Sort of.
"Hirokazu, what is it...?" My Mom is pretending to be nervous.
"...Mom...I'm...not gay!" I shout.
"...Hirokazu..." my Mom sighs, Kenta starts to laugh.
"I'm not gay! I want to make that clear before we go any further! But...I'm in love with Kenta! I'm bisexual!"
"...Hirokazu, I...I...just want to ask: I know you're bisexual, I know you're...really insistent that we're clear on the fact you still like girls but..."
"...But...?" I ask.
"...If you're with Kenta, does that detail really matter?" My Mom asks, giving me a frustrated look.
"...Yes, it does. Very, very much." I reply, nodding.
"How? You're in a gay relationship..."
"Yeah, but... ...I still like girls. Kenta-chan's just...better than girls." I reply...And he is. And I really. Like. Girls. So, that should tell you how much I love Kenta!
My Mom rolls her eyes, sighing and then saying, flatly, "I'm so proud of my son. He likes girls...I'm sure his boyfriend must be just as proud of him, too." ...Ruki, why did you disguise yourself as my Mom? Not cool!
Kenta starts laughing again, really loud. ...Thank you, Kenta-chan...Thank you...
...I...I still need to...get over this...Kenta-chan, I promise...We'll be official as soon as possible!
...As...soon...
...as...possible...
...Kenta-chan, this...might take a while...
Ori's Notes:
Just covering another event mentioned in Eien Ni. And...Yeah, I'm having too much fun with Hirokazu clarifying that, while he is madly in love with Kenta, he still likes girls. ...And his Mother brings an argument about that little detail out into the open...
Oh, also, Twerp-chan and I caught a really weird error in the last chapter during Hirokazu's confession...Sorry about that, Taiki fixed it after he caught it but we're still trying to figure out how we both missed it...
I'd like to say I was drunk at the helm or something, but no, I just...I dunno what happened. As for Taki's excuse...Well, Twerp-chan does like to remind me his glasses aren't a fashion statement (same with mine, actually). Anyway, sorry about that.
Taiki's Notes:
I'm not sure if I should feel sorry for Kenta, because Hirokazu is so deep in the closet or if I should feel sorry for Hirokazu simply because everyone already knows, he just needs to confirm.
Of course, to see the aftermath of that: Read Eien Ni! Quickly, please! Don't go to the next chapter without reading Eien Ni beforehand!
Please? It contains one of my favorite turtle race-related analogies!
And, yes, we were both quite embarrassed by that error that got by. It was a very, very strange sentence from Kenta: "I wants to me tell him I love him." It was supposed to be "He wants me to tell him I love him." Dear God, what were we both on to miss that one? Apologies all around, we felt it sort of ruined the confession to an extent.
-Taiki Matsuki