Nope, still don't own Naruto.

'Thinking'

"Kyuubi speaking"

-Sound Effect-

'Jutsu'

"I'm on a mission from god(s)…"

Hidan had to admit, the nine-tails jinchuuriki had impressed him. Twice now he'd been shredded by that spiralling chakra-ball technique, the second time actually losing an arm! Sure, it wasn't like it actually slowed him down any, but nonetheless, it had been a long, long time since anyone, much less a still-fluffy baby chick of a shinobi had managed to hurt him that badly.

It didn't even seem like he was using the Kyuubi's chakra, either! Just that giant club (which he seemed to be talking to. Creepy.), main strength and those blasted shadow clones.

Thank Jashin-sama for his scythe, too. Seeing the destruction those clones could inflict by accident made him very glad for the ability to keep them at a distance. Immortal or not, being pounded into paste hurt.

Still, however strong, however fast, however freakishly skilled with arcane jutsu, this fight would ultimately have only one outcome. The jinchuuriki had to be lucky every time he attacked, after all.

Thanks to Jashin-sama's blessing, Hidan only needed to be lucky once.

It was brief. A mere split-second flaw in the blonde's timing, the mighty tetsubo just slightly too slow in its parry and the tri-bladed scythe tasted blood. Grinning in zealous fervour, the twisted holy man leaped back, drawing the sanctifying seal with the ease and speed of frequent practice. With a darkly joyous laugh that rang around the destruction-strewn area, the crazed demon disciple drove the bladed butt of the scythe into his hip, cackling with glee as the blond collapsed, blood streaming-

"So…that was supposed to hurt me, huh?"

Snapping back into the here and now, Hidan gaped at the blond, utterly unharmed, smirking at him some meters away.

"Bu- How? How could an infidel like you escape the wrath of Jashin-sama?"

"'How', you ask?" chuckled the whiskered container, sheathing the tetsubo in its carry-harness and making hand seals. "I serve a power leagues beyond a pathetic blood-drinking demon. Let me show you, blind one!"

Running a hand over the nick left by the terrified priest's abortive attack, he slammed it to the ground with a roar.

"Ultimate Summoning: SAN DAI KAMI!"

The seals flowed from his hand, arching into the sky where they twisted and twined into a disk of pure white light, blazing like the heart of a star. And from it emerged a trio of figures that filled Hidan's black and corrupted soul with dread.

Inari, fox-headed, snarling, fangs bared and fur spiked, garbed for battle in armour lacquered rusty orange.

Ganesha, tusks gleaming and diamond-tipped, vast jade mace firmly gripped, eyes red in a trampling rage, trunk curling as he loosed a furious bellow.

But more than the two, the being even now emerging from the summoning portal was what drove the crazed cultist to his knees in primal terror. Noodle-limbs writhing, meatballs pulsating threateningly, eyestalks blazing with divine anger, the Flying Spaghetti Monster answered its disciple's call.

As fangs snapped, as tusks gored and mace rose and fell, as noodles crushed and tomato sauce scalded, Hidan had time for but a single despairing thought.

'This is going to suck.'

And lo, he was right.

Author's Notes:
Well, loyal readers, the Muse has returned at last. Several people have suggested the potential outcome of Strong Naruto and his Wonder Club running into Akatsuki ("Squish", essentially), so i thought i'd put this up.
In truth, i've had this one rattling around the vaults of my mind for a while now, ever since the worship scene from the Library mission chapter. As far as i've experienced, Hidan's the only really religious character in Naruto, and the notion of a face-off between the Jashinist and Naruto the Pastafarian was one I quite simply couldn't ignore.
That said, be advised that this isn't, for the moment at least, canonical. I may have further encounters between various villains and our favourite orange-loving insurance nightmare ("Hey!"), but they won't be making their way into the main story.

And now, Reviews:

EspyLacopa: Heh, well spotted. I've only seen a few episodes of 'Dokuro-chan' so far, and they worry me...

S1R: Um...maybe?

dogbertcarroll: Thanks!

cbadgr: You, sir, have an evil, evil mind. Excellent idea!

Finbar: Yeah, "Kurohime" means 'Black Princess', hence Tenten's comment about feminine names for weapons. Good thoughts on your suggestions, too. I actually considered "Chloroform" as a possible, but thought that might be a bit tasteless. Go figure...

CelticReaper: heh. Copyright issues aside, i'm actually with Naruto on this. Excaliborg scares me. Update whenever I can? i can do that. ;)

Lord Sia: All excellent ideas! Perhaps "the Problem Solver".
"Hmm, this could be a problem." crunch. "Ok, problem solved. Ramen?"

Quathis: Yup, naming your gear is a challenge, but a worthy one. As for Kyuubi, i'm of the opinion that having him as nothing more than a growling, ranting ball of furry evil in Naruto's belly is boring. Snarky, ecchi, twinkle-fearing, Whip-obsessed Kyuubi?
Fun.

DustBunnyQueen: Yeah, Kurohime just seemed to fir better, is all. As for Team seven, well, there's something very...appealing about the image you describe, isn't there? Ku Ku Ku...

Lord Dragon Claw: Well done, two Zen points to you! Captain Bravo and Maito Gai meeting? i'll tell you what sould happen: Pure. Awesome.

Sonar: Thanks!

derek365: thanks a lot! And yes, yes it was a Cool Runnings reference, well spotted! It seemed just right for the scene, nicely understated.

Love Psycho: Ooh, i like cupcakes! thank you.

Progos: ...And yet another lover of Nekophile Neji. are you folks trying to tell me something?

WESTMAN AND L: Yup, one Zen point toy you, my friend. thanks!

flood125: heh. "You hired WHO?!?!" I like.

daniel 29: true, but it's still a funny image, i think.

Mark Solo: glad you liked it, mate. thanks for the kind words!

AngelForm: Thank you very much! though i should point out that i'm not really a genius...

Murasaki Tsukimaru: Ah, someone got the reference! seriously, those two are just too similar for it to be coincidence.
Olivia? don't think i remember her. Is she from the manga?

Murasaki Tsukimaru (Episode 2): "Executioner Princess"? good name, good name...

Belle Mort 13: I'll take that as a compliment. Glad you liked it!

Firehedgehog: Again, thank you. as long as i've made someone laugh with these drabbles, i've achieved my goal.

T3Ko: thanks!

Skamikaze: Glad you liked it. Hmm, given these are essentially a detached Omale series in and of themselves, would that make the last part a meta-omake?

goddessa39: Yup. Firefly is quite clearly made of Win. As for River/Jayne, that would result in either pearl-tone love and harmony, or utter devastation.
Cool!

Sithking Zero: Nicely done, three Zen Points for you. and you were kinda right with Buster Baron, given the form it takes. Hmm. Buster Baron vs. Eva Unit 1...
As for Green Destiny, it's Li Mu Bai's sword in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

TheCentauress: Well, here's one appearance from Akatsuki down. i can kinda see Naruto crunching his way through the whole group, but i don't know enough about them to do it convincingly, sadly. i imagine the joke would wear a little thin after a while, too. Remember, while I might wander through serious now and then, this story is about the funny.
That said, i do like your idea. potential there, i think...

And that's it for reviews for now. The next few chapters of Tales will be jumping around chronologically a little as i get ideas out of my grey matter and into electronic storage where they can't bother me. I'll do my best to make it clearas to when they're taking place, so try not to get too confused.

Next on Tales of Oops!: Books! Vengance! Justice! Oh yes, and a Banana.