Treading Water

by larin20

Edward Masen is a broken man and wants nothing to do with Bella after she left him for college. Five years later Charlie is sick and dying. He enlists Edwards help to bring Bella home after graduation. Road Trip! ExB, OOC but Cannon later A/H

9. Warm Welcomes

A/N Thanks to my cool ass beta Annabella Laurie who really saved my butt with this chapter! Not only did I make her beta in like two days but she made it so pretty while doing it. Also thanks to MissAlex for being the coolest Canadian I know and my partner in crime. And to Punkfarie cause she would kick my ass if I didn't.

I also got nominated for a Sparke award go to

www(dot)thesparkleawards(dot)yolasite(dot)com I'm up for best lemon!

Chapter 9-Warm Welcomes

Bella

I had to take Alice's advice and breathe. I felt stifled and hot, almost like the walls were closing in on me. The small amounts of perspiration were starting to drip down the sides of my temple. I wiped away the sign of my weakness and firmly planted my hand back down at my side. If I remained stiff, maybe this aberration of Edward would drift away in the cool breeze. I insulted myself for being so stupid to think that this was still a dream; this was as real as the nose on my face. I heard Alice exhale beside me, but I didn't even move an inch to glare at her. I couldn't if I tried.

He was wearing dark wash jeans with a blue t-shirt, half-tucked into the waistband. A leather coat hugged his shoulders and he had a black knit cap hiding his hair. He wore Wayfarer sunglasses and had a coffee in his hand. I inspected him up and down slowly in my mind, memorizing the sight in front of me because if this was my imagination, I wasn't sure if I wanted it to disappear. I had never seen him look sexier and more dangerous before. He was dark and brooding, not like the person I once knew, not even like the person I was with on New Years.

It was Edward and he was here. My brain seemed to sputter out his name in my head. Trying to grasp the situation in front of me was overwhelming and I felt like I had shrunk down to two feet tall at the weight of his stare on me, but I couldn't turn away. His hold was relentless and admiring. It intrigued and fascinated me. It was all too much and not enough all together. I looked everywhere but at his face because I knew that when I did, I was done for. But he was like a drug and I couldn't help myself, so I dared myself to see if I could resist him and not fall under his venomous spell.

I took the chance.

My eyes traveled up to his face and I couldn't steal them away. He didn't move for what seemed like eternity. He stood tall like a statue ready for me to speak first, which I knew I wasn't going to do. Finally, he shuffled his feet and broke our locked stare to look down at the ground then back up to me. He took off his sunglasses and the brilliant green eyes I remembered sparkled as they caught mine intently. It felt like he was shooting out this weird voodoo trance thing that only I could feel because Alice was moving next to me and I swore she said something, but through my tunnel vision and sudden deafness, I didn't catch it. I was stuck on Edward's stare and he seemed to be inspecting me as well. He was beautiful and I wanted to touch him so badly it made my fingers twitch ever so slightly.

On their own accord, my feet began to move and I had no control, the inner pull in my stomach was forcing me to move and I couldn't tell my body otherwise. He was so close now and I was right underneath him. I was as tall as his collarbone and looking at him required me to move my head back. When I did, he peered down at me, still not saying a word. The corners of his mouth turned up and I felt mine mirror his because I couldn't help it. Nothing I was doing was in my control, but for just this minute, I didn't care. I reached up and pulled his cap off his head needing to see his hair shine in the morning sun. His breath caught in response and I brought my other hand to ghost my fingertips along his strong jawbone, which tensed when I touched him. The jolt of first touch radiated through my fingertips and down my whole body. It energized me and I yearned to reach out for more. I reached up again to his chin to feel the stubble of his beard but he flinched and moved his head back minutely.

That slight movement brought me back down from cloud nine, which I let myself so effortlessly float up to. I tore my hand away and stepped back, feeling the tension crease in my brow. His once calm face now wore a look of dread and displacement, maybe even rejection.

Then I realized that the warmth I was feeling was more anger that my body was betraying me. Anytime I was around him, I let myself drift off into Edwardland, how could I be so childish and immature to let me infatuations allow myself to fall prey to his games again? I knew why he was here. There was no doubt in my mind now and I was sure of it. He did this before to me and it egged me on beyond my control because I lost myself when I was around him. He knew this too. His beautiful smug face reminded me why I chose not to let him back into my life again. This irritated and pissed me off more than I could describe. The fury started to build and the warmth I was feeling was turning into Mount Vesuvius lava hot madness with a dash of Habanero sauce.

He had the nerve, the audacity, to do this again. To show up unannounced coming for me, only this time, at my own home. He definitely had a steel set on him, but it still made me want to kick him where it counts. I could have dealt with him at home in Forks, but just showing up here again was inexcusable and he had perfect timing too. My body began to tremble and my chest pounded louder than before. Any sort of reasonable conversation was out the window now since he pulled this stunt and showed his face here again. What did he think I was going to do with him here? Certainly not what we did on New Years. I was going to make sure my little slip up was never happening again.

I felt Alice grab at my upper arm, but it didn't help me when it came to calming me down. As I stood there, I was sure I was going to hyperventilate or shoot fire from my mouth, daggers from my eyes, or my hair might turn into Medusa snakes and turn Edward to stone.

Edward looked at me and over my shoulder at Alice. Before he went to open his mouth, I cut him off.

"You!" I seethed, breathing hard as I stepped back up to him, forcing Edward to step back. My entire body felt like it was on fire, but just then the wind blew just right and I smelled him, almost letting all of my guard down again. Almost. If it wasn't for my insane body heat reminding me of my anger, I might of melted right there. My harsh use of wording prompted Edward to grow rigid and a coarse vein popped out of his forehead indicating to me that I hit it right on the head.

Taking a step forward. "Do you think I want to do this?" He spat back in my face, just inches away. I could see his eyes bore into mine and his own anger started to bleed over his face.

"What the hell are you doing here, Edward? Trying to get a free lay again? Well you came to the wrong place, bud!" I yelled, taking a step closer to him.

I was only an inch away from his mouth because he towered over me. The gamut of emotions was running through my head. Being this close, I could either kiss him hard or knock him out silly. Feeling his breath on my face wasn't helping either. I was already drunk on it and it made my mind fog with the thoughts of where he could put his mouth on my body, but I had to snap out of it and remind myself that he was just using me to get his pathetic thrills out of the way. Why else would he be here? This was beyond love now; he couldn't feel anything for me anymore.

It wasn't an option for us anymore.

He laughed, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. His shoulder shook as his body remained a hair away from mine. It was too much. He was too close. I jumped back into the doorway and bumped into Alice who was biting her nails.

"You think I would come all the way here just to get fucked?" He stopped laughing and moved right in front of me again, so close his nose was touching mine and I could feel his breath on my skin. "You got a funny mind little girl if you think I want any of what you have under there anymore." He picked up a piece of my shirt from my shoulder and pulled it up then to release it with his fingertips.

I scoffed and blew the last bit of air from my lungs out at his face. He closed his eyes and inhaled. I could see I wasn't alone in our little game. I knew instantly I was affecting him much like he was ruling me. I had an advantage and I would remember that for later.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked through clenched teeth as I pushed on Edward's chest to give me space. He was still too close and I couldn't think anymore if I had to breathe in his fucking wonderful cologne.

I was going to let what Edward just said go only because I had no witty comeback at that very moment and if I was going to throw insults at him, they had to be good.

He smirked and straightened up his jacket. "Where's Emmett? Why would Emmett be here?" He said annoyed and confused while he pushed his sunglasses back on his face and taking a swig of his coffee.

Edward must have seen the wheels turning in my head when I didn't say anything back to him. I knew I felt my mouth open to speak, but nothing wanted to come out because I felt for sure that this was all a sick joke. There would be no way my father would do this to me. All the dots seemed to be connecting as I started to realize that I had been set up.

"Emmett is not coming, is he?" I snuck a quick look back to Alice who lowered her head as she shook her head, 'no.'

"What are you talking about? Emmett is at home taking care of Charlie while I'm here. That was the plan," Edward bellowed as he dropped his duffle bag from his shoulder. I pointed my head directly to his duffle sitting at his feet. I hadn't noticed him carrying the bag until now and the circumstances seemed to fall apart before my eyes. My assumptions were correct. Emmett was never going to go on this trip with me and I'm sure now that Emmett was never even asked. It was Edward all along and Charlie was behind this, I knew it. How could Charlie even think I would agree to this in the first place?

Well, damn Bella, he knew I wouldn't so that explains the lie.

He was packed. He was on my doorstep. Emmett was not. I felt dizzy with confusion and fury of betrayal.

"But why are you here?" I asked seeing his face clearly for the first time.

I was finally unclouded with whatever it was that weighted me in the last ten minutes and I saw the real Edward standing right in front of me. It wasn't the dream anymore and it wasn't my imagination mucking up my better perceptive. The droplets of sweat rolled down my back as I felt sick to my stomach. Jake would never let this happen. I had to talk to him and tell him I was staying. The thought of being alone with Edward made my skin crawl and vibrate at the same time. There would be no way I could manage the whole way home with him. Jake's warning was playing over and over in my head, but how he would change his tune if he knew Edward was on this doorstep instead of Emmett. I shivered at the thought of Jake's anger when I told him.

Mentally scolding myself, I knew I needed to go home to Forks. Staying here would be the cowardly thing to do. I had to be with Charlie even though I could have killed him first before the cancer did. He was a meddling and a manipulative man and he was my father. I could openly defy him, but what would come of it? Just dredged up old memories and arguments that would get me back to square one. Dealing with my father was going to be my task alone and if Edward thought he was doing my father a favor by running his last errand, then he had another thing coming. I was not going to be Edward's charity case. I could take care of myself and my father. The sweat was now built up on my neck and it wet the front of my shirt. I saw Edward glance down and quickly look away. At that moment, I knew he had definitely more intentions then just serving Charlie with his last request, which I knew that this parade was all about, but I still had to know, I had to hear it from him. Edward had to confess to me why he was here so I can live with the fact that letting him go was the best decision I ever made.

Edward still stood, not answering my question. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him from underneath my lashes. Alice was still dancing foot to foot next to me, not saying a word. It was the perfect time for a chatterbox to hold her tongue, but she was managing just fine keeping her two cents out of it. She was letting me absorb all this in and Edward seemed to be letting me do the same thing. Even though Alice decided to remain quiet, didn't mean I didn't want answers. I wanted answers now.

I turned to Alice and she jumped as my body brushed into hers. "Why is he here Alice?" I asked through my teeth.

I knew, she knew very well why he was here and not only did she keep Jasper a secret, she kept my greatest love and my greatest heartache a secret too. I never felt so ripped up and angry in my life and the shiver I felt was turning into boiling shakes as I fisted my hands into balls and leaned closer to Alice to make sure I heard every last word she said.

Alice looked at me with big eyes as her mouth dropped open. She let out the sightless gasp as she looked over to Edward and back to me. Her eyes working me up and down judging if I would hit her or let her live. I stiffened my back and held my chin out ready for explanations, but she looked again to Edward waiting for him to save her. I too glanced back to his face to see if he was giving an inclination that help was on the way. Surprisingly, the smug grin he had was gone and he looked more agonized than arrogant. I turned back towards Edward and walked right up to him again, still the pull was there, but now I walked to him on my own terms. He hadn't answered me yet.

I asked again, "Why are you here, Edward?" I tried to ask in the calmest fashion, wanting him to answer me this time.

Edward was reading my face and my reaction, probably detecting that I was calming myself in order to have a civil conversation, but really any civility I wanted to have back in Forks with Edward was long gone. Every promise I made to myself that closure was key back in Forks was now in my face before I was ready for it. Edward still peered at me with his silly Wayfarers on made me nervous. His eyes revealed everything and I brought my hand up to remove them. He grimaced as I took his dark shield away and I licked my lips at his intensity because I was not ready to be lied too.

"Tell me."

He raised his brow and let one side of his mouth turn down as he chewed on his cheek, thinking. He started to sway from side to side and I almost mimicked the motion, but stopped myself before I let myself slip once again into that damn energy that he gave off. I would think he was doing this on purpose if I hadn't known him for so long, but it was just my Edward and it was just the way he was. He put no effort into his attractiveness nor did he bother to care what people thought. He had no idea the magnitude of power he had over people, women. I still felt petty and selfish that I would let this bother me still.

"Tell me." I repeated bravely, since he seemed to be in la la land and I knew I was firmly grounded.

Edward looked over my shoulder to Alice. "Charlie didn't tell her he sent me here?" He put his hand to his head and rubbed his brow. "She didn't know, did she?" Shaking his head, "Fucking old man."

I backed down and took a step back bumping into Alice still in the doorway.

"Bella, I-" Alice reached for my shoulder, but I stepped to the side to avoid her touch.

"I need to talk to my dad, now," I hissed as I backed up and went to find my phone inside, leaving Edward to wait on my doorstep.

Edward

I was doing it again, like I knew I would be doing this morning. I had my ass planted down the street from Bella and Alice's apartment in this stupid, ugly ass, teal rental car. Observing. Well, technically stalking again, just to feel everything out before I went up to the door, and also so I could avoid the douche since I knew he was still inside. Mentally pumping myself up for this wasn't a problem, but getting my ass out of the car was another matter all in itself. I never did go to a hotel, and I had to reek from not taking a shower for two days. Last night, after I left my previous stalking escapade I drove around aimlessly, not wanting to stop. I was content on getting lost in the city just thinking about what I would say to Bella the next day, or if I even really wanted to make conversation at all. I knew I said to everyone before I left that I wasn't planning on talking much, but I knew I couldn't sit in a moving truck for 34 hours with someone and not say one fucking word. Especially with Bella.

I let my hands rub the smooth pleather of the steering wheel as I looked at the moving truck on the street. It was a U-Haul small box truck, which seemed to be as old as I was. Bella must have gotten a good deal because I wasn't sure this thing was going to last all the way back. I didn't know if the phrase, "They don't make them like they used to." could even apply to this piece of junk. I reached into my back pocket to grab my wallet. I opened it and took note that I had all my credit cards and plenty of cash in case that moving violation wasn't going to make it and putter out in the middle of the boonies.

Bella must not have had too much to haul back, but I guess she needed the truck to haul her car behind it. Sure enough, the car was anchored to the back of the truck, ready to make the journey with us. I had to laugh out loud because just looking at Bella's car was ironic. Granted I had never seen her car here because she bought it after we split up, but it had to be my life that I would be driving a fucking old ass U-Haul pulling a teal Ford Taurus. This trip couldn't get any better. I think God was laughing at me when I became so snobbish with my taste in vehicular travel.

I again rubbed the steering wheel, mostly for comfort as I spoke to my rental. "Hey buddy, you have a cousin." I continued to laugh at myself and pat my car telling it, it deserved better than a jackass like me, feeling very much cursed for hating the color teal. It was truly going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Karma, she was coming at me from all sides.

I let my hands relieve themselves of the steering wheel as I reached for my sunglasses, the morning sun was starting to shine through the clouds and the day was already set to look bright ass and cheery. Today would have been more fitting for clouds and monsoons with the attitude I was carrying around on my shoulders. I called Emmett earlier to check on Charlie, he was taking him to treatment today; Charlie wasn't having one of his good days and Emmett was having a hard time handling it. When Emmett told me he had to help Charlie walk and relieve himself, it made me feel guilty I wasn't there to help him myself. Even if I wasn't there for him now, the best I could do was be here in Chicago for her and my other hidden agenda was also worth the ride home for.

I felt clueless and so unsure of myself. This wasn't the cocky asshole persona I tried too hard to display for all these years. I looked into the rear view mirror trying to analyze my new expression. My eyes wore dark circles and my skin looked shallow. My hair was dirty and unkempt but that wasn't new. Really looking at my face, I could tell I was tired, not just physically tired but tired with myself. I was tired of my life and the way I let myself get drug down into depression so easy. The self-loathing literally held on to me more than any normal person would let it. My reflection was talking back as I stared hard into my own eyes.

"You're a pussy! Remember everyone's advice and keep your dick in your pants."

"Fuck off, I'm not a pussy!" I berated myself in the mirror.

"Yes you are. Why do you think you shaved your beard last night in the bathroom of the Circle K? You're trying to impress her. Face it, you're a pussy."

"I wanted to shave it. Charlie has been hounding me forever to do it. I have to look the part of a deputy remember? Next, he'll have me shave my head if I'm not careful. Besides, it has nothing to do with Bella."

"You're avoiding the inevitable. You're going to break. Look at you, you're weak. That fucking picture on your phone isn't going to help you with shit. And it has everything to do with Bella; you know she loves you clean shaved."

"Fuck off, self." I angrily scold the mirror.

This is fucking ridiculous. I was fighting with my own reflection and feeling loonier by the minute. Before Charlie asked me to do this trek across America, I was content and blissfully able to rid my mind of anything Bella. Now I second-guessed every move I made while my mind knew exactly what my body wanted. Looking back in the mirror, I quirked an eyebrow and reached up, pulling the mirror off the windshield shattering the plastic anchor that held it in place. I tossed the mirror to the floor, taking back control of my mind once more and proving to myself that this wasn't a pussy inducing trip. Well, not in the sense of the word. It was a pussy induced trip. I was trying to get Jess's pussy without the mindfuck while doing it.

"AGHH!" I released an clearly voluminousness sound as I realized my windows were open and I could be heard. I quickly looked around to make sure I was not witnessed and roll my eyes at myself for lacking the better judgment.

I scratched my head and put on my black knit hat so my hair wouldn't scare anyone this early in the morning. Readjusting my sunglasses, I let my line of sight trail to the front door of Bella's apartment and as fate would have it, the door opened. Out stepped Bella and the man I liked to call Douche.

I felt intrusive watching them say their goodbyes as I remembered Charlie telling me again why Jake wasn't making this trip with Bella. No internship meant that much to me to let my girl go back home with her ex. He must be the most moronic person in the world to allow this to happen, but I already knew that answer to that, he was moronic. But still, their exchange was brief and I had to laugh to myself as I spied on them that I would have given her a better send off then a kiss on the head. He could at least kissed her like he meant it. I could handle that much and maybe has a little respect for him but a simple 'friend' like kiss on the forehead didn't say to me, 'I'm going to miss the shit out of you.'

"Fucking moron," I moaned to myself as I effortlessly rolled my eyes and ducked down in the car so if by chance the douche wouldn't see me as he walked to his car. The last thing I wanted was to rehash the last time I saw him and I wanted to spare myself the strength of even wasting the air in my lungs to talk to the ass. He was nothing more than pond scum, so avoiding him was crucial to not losing my tempter the rest of the day. I knew he would just put me in bad mood, which I already was in after last night's show he put on with 'Leah.'

I peaked my head up in time to see Jake drive down the street. It seemed so easy for him to just leave her. It was never that easy for me. Every time it killed me. It was like hearing my parents were dead all over again and I was right back at the airport crying like a baby into Charlie's shoulder. Yet, Jake did leave her and now it was my turn to clean up his mess. I wish I didn't feel the need to be here so much or I would be driving away too, alone.

This was all insanity to me. I was literally laughing at myself all night long about the whole mess I managed to get myself into. Of all the people in the world, Charlie had to choose me to do his fucking errand and I of course had to oblige him because I had no choice in the matter. I couldn't refuse him, but turning this around to benefit me was proving harder than I thought. Last night when I saw Bella in her red dress standing outside, wind whipping her hair and her pale skin glowing in the moon light, just made me think that I wasn't strong enough yet. In fact, I knew I wasn't strong enough yet to face her. I berated myself over and over and looked at the picture of Jess to remind myself why I was here in the first place.

Then the fucking douche had to go and pull all that shit with the girl Leah. The douche was cheating on Bella and in my right mind, I knew I shouldn't care, but I would be lying to myself to say I didn't. It angered me to no end that someone would treat her that way, right under her nose. I wanted to pull myself out of my car and walk up to him and kick his ass, but that would make my mission for this trip harder. If I had kicked his ass, then Bella probably would never go back to Forks with me. Then, I wouldn't get any closure from the trip and I would be no better off than if Charlie never asked me to come. I would still be just using Jess and never feeling fulfilled while I thought of Bella the whole time.

I took one last look around the teal beast and made sure I had everything I came with. The car was kind of trashed, but I would pay for it later, money hasn't been an object since my parents died. I patted the wheel again, "Now or never." I said aloud as I picked myself out of the car, closing the door behind me.

I looked back at the car once and my eyes caught the windshield and its missing rear view mirror. If I had to look into that mirror now, my reflection would only yell at me to not turn around and keep my eye on the prize, but I couldn't help but notice that my feet were moving at a snail's pace. I felt the familiar tug on my ankle of my gun holster, concealing the nine millimeter I brought with me. It was the only thing that felt cold on my body, the rest of me was starting to warm. It made me wish I didn't wear this leather jacket but honestly, it was another skin to keep me protected from Bella penetrating my defenses or so I was telling myself. I shrugged off the thought and focused on the door I was approaching, too quickly. The only thing wandering through my head was what I would actually say to Bella when she opened the door.

How would any conversation start with Bella given this is the first time I had seen her since I practically molested her behind the bar on New Years.

Hey Bella, long time no see. Lame.

What? Your engaged? I had no idea. Lame again.

So, are you ready to get on the road so I can will you out of my consciousness and be able to fuck a girl properly again? That one sounds good, I'll use it.

There was really no right way to say anything to her without it coming off like I was a jerk or that I wanted more than to just return her home. So, I decided to keep my mouth shut, like my original plan had been. Let Bella do all the talking and I wouldn't get myself in trouble. She knew why I was here, and since I haven't heard an inkling that she protested my presence, she needn't have to say a word to me in return. When I finally arrived at the door, I looked around me and over to the moving van. I readjusted my duffle on my shoulder and pushed my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose. I held my coffee tight and wished it were a stress ball since I felt my tension in my hands increase as I looked at every splinter of wood in the door. I raised my hand a dozen times before I actually hit the door loud enough for a knock to be heard, then I let two more loud knocks ring as I stepped back and waited.

I took two more steps back allowing more room between the door and myself. Shaking my free hand, I hopped from one foot to the other and let my head shake back and forth. Loosening my neck muscles and wiggling my body free of built up angst I created all the time, I looked down at my feet and noticed my own shadow looked nervous. I was feeling too worked up, the anticipation was killing me when neither Bella nor Alice immediately answered the door. I huffed angrily and took a sip out of my coffee cup. Then I heard the door handle move, but it didn't open. There were whispers behind the door and I looked from my shadow as the door slowly began to open.

The first person I saw through the crack of the door was Alice in all her glory. Last night, she made me feel less guilty for stalking the apartment. I went to smile, but I soon let my lips fall as I saw the look she was wearing. It wasn't the 'happy to see you' look, more like the 'I'm going to puke' look. I was about to say 'hello' when Alice pushed the door further open and Bella stood next to her.

To say she took my breath away would be an understatement. The last bit of air I had was stuck in my throat while my heart started to pound demanding more. I felt the smallest of gasps in my ears but soon realized it came from me and no one else. I let my mouth close as I remained still. At that very moment, the wind blew gently and waved her hair over her shoulders. Her hair flowed and danced against her neck and I tightened my hand on my coffee cup again. I swore this thing was going to explode if I didn't set it down. Just the slight movement of her hair sent me back to age seventeen again, making me feel too excited, just being two steps away from running my fingers through her hair like I used to. My mouth was dry and I felt the remains of cheap coffee grounds tickle my tongue. Bella's eyes were evanescent as the sun sparkled the brown specks of her irises. It was as clear as day how beautiful her eyes looked. I didn't want to take my eyes off of her, but really I had no choice, the moment she opened the door and the first glimpse I took of her flooded me with everything I wanted to feel for Jess but couldn't. With Bella it just came natural, like instinct but I had to look away, I had get collected. It was too easy and it was too much.

Bella was still, staring. Alice looked like I killed her dog and swung her head back and forth between Bella, me, and her hands. Bella squinted into the sun, which I didn't notice was directly behind me. She already had me lost and the only thing she did so far was make her hair dance, but that was enough for me to realize I forgot what I was here for. I straightened my back and moved to the side, thinking that all she saw of me was a halo of my body against the backdrop of the morning sun. It felt wrong that I wanted her to look at me but she did and I never expected to see her travel her eyes up and down me. I did the same to her because I knew I could since I still had my shades on and she wouldn't catch me. It was totally chauvinistic of me to be eying her up the way I was, but she was doing the same to me, so game on Ms. Ogler. I didn't have shame in checking her out. I felt like it was my right to do, to size up my homework so to speak. She was going to teach me many lessons on restraint this trip, but no one said I couldn't enjoy the views as I went.

Bella wore the easiest of clothes but they tempted me to smile which I couldn't afford to do. Her shirt was tight to her chest and black. It had the words, 'Property of Forks PD' across her breasts. I'm sure it was Charlie's shirt because I had one or two just like it. I couldn't pass up the irony that she was wearing a shirt, which in opening told the world she was the property of Forks PD and I was of course a member. So in sense, she was my property. She was mine and she choose to wear it today of all days. Her jeans were nothing short of spectacular, because nothing fit her like low-rise denim. She owned it and it owned me. The bubbles in my stomach started to rise because right now with her body facing towards me, made me want to walk to her and pick her up to swing her around. It was there, that pull that I was so used to feeling when I saw Bella. I felt it as strong as ever. No matter what she was wearing or how she looked wearing it, I couldn't deny the pull that I always felt around Bella. I felt my body want to move itself forward, as if I had one end of a rope tied to my waist and the other wrapped around Bella. My feet inched forward, but I saved myself before anyone knew I moved at all. My feet just mocked me and moved again, they laughed at me while I was frantically trying to keep them still. Even if my feet wanted to dart themselves out and carry me to Bella, the whole rest of my body remained still and tranquil.

I almost got the nerve to turn around, but I stopped myself from moving because she wouldn't let me and I didn't want to. The power of her locked gaze proved to be too much and I had to look down. I studied the concrete and the swirls of hardness under my shoes. I was losing it. I felt it happening and my head started to ache again.

Mantra. Jess.

I shuffled my feet trying to make my mind think of something else.

Mantra. Jess.

The phone in my pocket burned my thigh through my jeans. It vibrated. I ignored it.

Mantra.

Then I reminded myself what my reflection told me. "You're a pussy."

Mantra and man up.

My eyes lead their way back up to where her brilliant ones shone on me. I took off my sunglasses since they were dulling my perception. I slowly allowed myself a minute to figure if she was staring at me because she was mad at me or that she was feeling the same thing I was.

Total mind fucking confusion.

Mantra.

She floated to me. It seemed that way because I never saw her take a step, it was as if she was using her magical fucking powers of seduction and one trick was complete gracefulness. But she was there in front of me before I even realized to stop her or step back. Her closeness was burning my chest and she was so incredibly calm as she looked up to greet my eyes. At that instant, I was her prisoner and the phone in my pocket went cold. Looking down on her and seeing no remorse in her eyes made my lips start to move. I felt my mouth curl up and felt relieved she did the same in return.

I didn't need the mantra right now. I had hope all of a sudden. That little smile she shared with me was completely innocent. I felt in control for the first time in forever. It felt fucking good. It made me feel like being this close to Bella was something I could handle. I could live this close to her and be Edward again. The trip took on a whole other meaning now. Not just to will her out of my head and do a favor for a dying man; this trip was now my savior. It was my walk into the river for baptism and my complete renewal of strength because I could be Edward again in her presence and not feel guilty I was letting the memory of my parents down, but the burning chest thing was still there and I couldn't ignore it. Even if I felt like I was in control at this second I had to remind myself that I couldn't get lost in her beauty and smell again.

Then she did it. She had to go there. She had to touch me.

Mantra.

Bella reached up and took my cap off my head. With that gesture, her breasts brushed up on my chest and that one small move made my body respond to her before my mind could process it. It was intimate and arousing. My breath hitched and I smelled her for the first time. I let it seep into my pours, vanilla and strawberries and nostalgia. Then with further torture, she followed by gently whisking her fingertips along my jaw line and I let it tense under her touch. We both felt it, I know because I saw her eyes widen when she touched me. The power of it all was too intense to ignore. The magnetism of her touch was going to be my undoing if I didn't get my mind off her.

Mantra. Fuck it's not working! Sing a song, do anything to keep yourself, endure it.

Raindrops on roses…

The pull was too strong. I was wrong, and weak.

Whiskers on kittens…

I should be pushing her away and telling her 'no' but my voice checked out the minute she opened the door.

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…

Who was I fooling, being this close to Bella was fucking death and I was knee deep in the grave. How could I think I could run away from these feelings?

Brown paper packages tied up with string…

She touched my chin. My body chilled and heated, the first forms of sweat started to bead at my hairline.

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS…

The Sound of Motherfucking Music? I knew I shouldn't have let Jess pick out all those fucking musicals. Everyone of those would come back to haunt me, but right now if singing My Favorite Things was going to save me from getting my ass handed to me by Bella, then I would belt out Cabaret at the top of my lungs.

I had enough. I skirted my head back just enough for my chin to feel cool again but it didn't take long for my whole face to heat up when I looked back down to Bella to see the rejection I just threw at her, but it didn't escape me that even I was feeling rejected as well. I knew that any touch Bella would give me would be in vain. It was selfish of her to step up to me and I was gullible to let her do it. The calmness was quickly being replaced by something I wasn't entirely ready for. I couldn't really pinpoint what I was feeling right now. I was hopeful that I got out of Bella's grasp and tamed my body's reactions enough that I could focus again, but seeing Bella in front of me, fisting her hands and eyes burning holes into my skin, made this morning very interesting. What had she expected to happen when we saw each other again? I for one didn't expect Bella to start fondling my face, making me almost cave to all promises I made to myself and Jess.

I was ready to just ignore the situation, but looking over Bella's shoulder at Alice, who was now turning green as she reached out to touch Bella's arm, told me that Bella might not have known I was going to be here. I opened my mouth to speak, not really knowing what I was going to say, but Bella cut me off before I could get a word out.

"You!" Her first word to me was low and demeaning; she couldn't even use my name. She stepped back to me again, standing tall, and I swear the wind caught just at the right time because I was surrounded by vanilla and strawberries, making my mind dizzy. Closing my eyes for a split second, I straightened my head out, strengthening my nerve. When I opened my eyes, she was right there, closer than before when she touched me. The pull was still present and I felt my body betray me in every way, but I had to keep my resolve intact.

"Do you think I want to do this?" I asked back, raising my voice a little too much. I wanted her to know that this wasn't my choice; I was dragged into this mess by guilt and fucking association.

"What the hell are you doing here, Edward? Trying to get a free lay again? Well you came to the wrong place, bud!" I can't believe she just asked me if I was here just to try to fuck her! Being as close to me as she was, I really didn't know how to answer. My body wanted to scream, 'Hell yes!' but of course my mind was whispering 'mantra' over and over. I had to laugh though to keep myself from attacking her lips, which looked so mouth watering with spite and anger. I focused on her pout and how her upper lip quivered into a snarl when she yelled at me. My body heat and hers were starting to cross over to each other and I felt more pull then I ever had.

But laughing at her stupid allegation was the only thing that I could do to keep my own sanity. Bella fell back, but I wasn't going to let her get away from here without her knowing that there was no way this trip was going to be anything but platonic. So I did the only thing my fucked up brain could think of; I insulted her.

"You think I would come all the way here just to get fucked?" I sneered back into her face, moving impossibly closer. "You got a funny mind little girl if you think I want any of what you have under there anymore." I snapped the thin cloth coving her shoulder and continued to glare down my nose at her.

This just pissed her off more as she blew in my face. I had to brace myself against the doorframe until the smell of her was clear from breathable air. She looked triumphed and egotistical when she saw how I reacted to just the air around us.

"Where's Emmett?" she demanded, pushing me in the chest. I was surprised that she let my insult slide, but was quickly distracted by her question.

"Where's Emmett?" I repeated confused. "Why would Emmett be here?" I straightened my jacket and put my sunglasses back on before taking a drink from my cold coffee. Bella didn't need to see my confusion; I needed to play this cool for the sake of my own fucking dignity.

"Emmett is not coming, is he?" she asked, fear and anger seeping into her tone as she looked back to Alice.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, starting to get pissed off. What did Emmett have anything to do with this whole fucking thing? "Emmett is at home taking care of Charlie while I'm here. That was the plan," I yelled, dropping my bag.

Bella's mouth fell open as she pointed at the bag I just dropped at my feet. As she openly gaped at it, everything seemed to click. Before I could thoroughly put two and two together, Bella was asking me why I was here again, but this time she was pleading with me in clenched frustration. I knew I couldn't answer her simple question because I was still reassuring myself of my real reasons as well. Bella didn't trust me and I didn't want her not to trust Charlie either since this was his whole idea to begin with. He obviously didn't tell her on purpose and I knew now it was in dire hopes of getting us to reconcile. In the corner of my mind that's what I thought all along, but I was too stubborn to think more of myself and what I would get of this trip than to think that Charlie just wanted to see his little girl happy again. But throwing us together in a shitty moving van wouldn't guarantee Bella and I to forgive and forget five years of pain and stupidity.

Shaking my head, I realized that Bella was talking to me, but I wasn't listening to a word she said. I drowned her out to figure my own way around this cluster that Charlie was trying to repair. He didn't even ask either one of us if this was something we both wanted to begin with. Just looking at Bella with her fucking ironic t-shirt and sexy poured into jeans, her face glistened in the sun as she was right under me again. Her chest heaved and I felt mine pound in return. Her forehead crinkled and I watched her mouth hang slightly open as her tongue played against her teeth. I was so fucked.

"Tell me," she said, holding her head up and raising an eyebrow.

I glanced back at Alice and gave up on the fight. I wasn't going to argue why I was here. I made a promise and she was the one who had to get used to it.

"Charlie didn't tell her he sent me here?" I peered at Alice, knowing I was asking the question I knew the answer to, but I had to placate Bella. "She didn't know, did she?" I shook my head because I would most definitely have to have a talk with Charlie when he got out of treatment today. "Fucking old man," I said sarcastically.

"I need to talk to my dad, now," Bella whispered through clenched teeth, walking backwards into Alice.

Good that makes two of us.

She almost fell into the door as Alice looked back to me. Alice was still pea soup green but she managed to forced a thin smile as I quietly said, "Good luck." She then followed Bella inside closing the door behind her, leaving me there by myself looking at the splinters of wood again, like I did when I arrived.

I turned around and gathered up my duffle to my shoulder and closed my eyes into the sun. Walking over to the U-Haul at the curb, I gave it a little shake, testing its sturdiness, and felt relieved the hitch didn't fall off the back that was connected to Bella's car. Taking off my leather coat and rearranging my knit hat to cover my wayward hair, I lowered myself to sit on the bumper of the moving truck to wait.

I might have been more easily adjusted to the recent turn of events and the complete lies by Charlie, and now it seemed Alice was in it too, but I knew Bella was justified in having whatever kind of mini-meltdown she was surly having inside. So this is what I would do, I would wait until she calmed down; she had to come out again eventually to tell me to go home or hop in.

This is what I did with Bella. I waited my whole life for her and I was going to keep on waiting right here like an fucking coward.

Reaching into my pocket, I took out my phone to check the time. I had one missed call. It was Jess but she didn't leave me a message. I decided to text her.

Y R days like these always so sunny?

Jess:Because he's reminding you to wake up.

Who?

Jess:URself.

UR fucking insightful

Jess:Don't make me beg

I won't

Jess:Come home to me

Waiting on B

Jess:Don't wait for her forever.

I tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail. Even her text messages never said. 'goodbye'.

Seeing Jess again on my phone's wallpaper gave me a chill that I was able to resist Bella in some degree today. She made it hard smelling all kinds of fantastic and touching me carefully with her long fingers, but I did it, I stuck to my guns. Mantra or not, I felt for the first time that I could make it through this trip okay.

But I couldn't jinx myself yet.

I still had to wait and I would sit here as long as it took Alice to convince Bella to come, which I knew she was doing right now.

My phone told me it was 9:27am.

And so I waited......

Minute one.

A/N This Chapter is going out to all the Aussies! I got a surge of new alerts/faves/reviews from you lovelies down under and I wanted to shout out to you all! G'DAY!

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