A/N
Hey Larin20! Your posting twice in a week? What gives?
Well, it's because I love all of you! I really really do:) A lot of you liked last chapter and I'm planning on having more Phone-y Business chapters to come. It helps tell a part of the story that E and B can't without going into a whole POV chapter.
Thanks again to everyone who is reading and reviewing, especially all the sweethearts that remain quiet and don't review but I know your reading. I didn't hear much from you guys last chapter, so break out of that lurker shell and leave me some love. I'll love you back with a teaser. Or you can head over to the Twilighted thread, link in profile.
Also the end of the Lurkers Challenge is Saturday! So please if your writing a one shot, get it done and send it over. MissAlex and I are itching to start reading all the entries!
Big Thanks to MissAlex for beta'ing for me again. She really is my Master of Content and my constant BFF. I really can't do it without you!
Chapter 12 -Patriotism.
Edward
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America...
God, it smells so good in here.
And to the Republic for which it stands.......
It's not so much the vanilla and strawberries of Bella's scent that tore me apart, but also the faint trace of citrus she emitted. It made me think of food. I was fucking hungry. Hungry for what? Well, I knew the answer to that but God help me I wasn't about to taste what was now making my mouth water.
And to the republic for which it stands…for which it stands...stands...
I couldn't think of the next part.
Jesus, it's the Pledge of Allegiance for crying out loud.
One Nation....
That's it....
One Nation....One Nation...
Holy fucking shit, man! Get a grip on yourself for the love of all things sane!
I tapped the steering wheel with my index fingers, impatiently.
"This is not hard to remember," I murmured.
I squeezed my eyes shut momentarily just to see if I could jog my memory. I said that fucking anthem every day of my adolescent life - why was it now, when I tried to distract myself, that I drew a blank?
One Nation...
"One Nation...." I said to myself quietly, glancing over at Bella, knowing she couldn't hear me. She was too busy singing along to whatever the fuck she was listening to on her iPod.
One Nation...
I started to recite anything that came to mind just to keep myself occupied while Bella did all of her cute shit she did.
The way she hummed along to the songs she listened to, the way her fingers tapped on the door, and the way her lips pouted when she forgot the words.
Really, I was surprised I hadn't taken my gun out of my ankle holster and shot myself in the head. She was killing me.
I tore my gaze from her, reluctantly. I tried to focus on the road ahead of me.
One Nation...
"Fuck!" I whispered, looking at Bella again. She was now in the process of untying her shoelaces. I knew what was next. Shaking my head slightly, I waited.
Then it happened. I was right.
Bella took off her shoes and planted her bare feet on the dash.
She had a book in her hands and her ear buds were still in place. Her toenails were painted with purple sparkles. She had sparkly toes! It was too damn cute and borderline sexy, but it also peeved me off a little because only thirteen year old girls wore purple glitter on their toenails. Her big toe wiggled just a smidge and I was instantly entranced by her little feet. They were small and her toes stubby.
I always made fun of her toes. She never considered them feminine enough and hated to wear any type of shoe that exposed "the stubs" as she called them. I bet only five people on this great earth were ever privy to look upon her feet. I was one of them. She didn't seem to mind that she was exposing them to me now. Even if it was just her toes, it told me she still felt comfortable enough around me that she didn't think to hide. I really wished I could wipe the goofy grin that spread across my face, but I couldn't.
I was fucking doomed.
One Nation...
I tapped my left foot repeatedly on the rippled floor mat. I was going to think of this stupid anthem all damn day if I had to, in order to get it right. My heavy foot tapped away again to the rhythm of the passing dotted lines of the highway. Those dotted lines were invisible music to my ears that my foot helplessly kept time with. But the distraction wasn't working as well as I hoped. I even thought back to the imaginary friend I used to take with me on long care trips with my parents.
He was a giant rabbit I named Rosco. He would hop on the side of the road at the same speed as our family car, jumping over any obstacle he came across. He was the constant that I stared at through my window as a boy. Just for the hell of it, I glanced to my left out my window, looking for Rosco like I used to. All I saw were cow pastures and old abandoned oil pumps. He was long gone so I resorted back to the stupid anthem that I couldn't remember.
One Nation...
One Nation, under God...
That's it!
I blew out a sigh of relief.
"One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
I said it a little louder with a smile, pretty damn proud of myself. I slapped the steering wheel and looked over at Bella ready for some congratulations but absentmindedly, I forgot I was trying to keep this to myself. Of course, I caught her attention and she turned to me, smiling, reflecting my unintended one.
"What did you say?" Bella asked, taking out her left ear bud.
My heart jumped out of my chest because I really hadn't meant for her to hear me. My palms grew sweaty because I was caught. Instantly my mind raked over every conceivable lie I could think of, and of course, nothing popped in when I needed it. I watched the painted lines on the road trying to focus. Finally, I realized that I couldn't come up with anything worthy to say so telling her nothing would have to suffice.
"I didn't say anything," I lied through my teeth.
What the hell would I say?
Oh, don't mind me, I was just reciting the Pledge of Allegiance so I could get my mind off of you and all the cute shit you're doing only inches away from me."
Umm, no.
"Really, I could've sworn you said something. I was between songs and I thought I heard you say something about justice." She looked at me with her eyes big, questioning me.
"I was talking to myself." I replied, trying to appease her. She could tell when I lied. She always could. I wasn't much of a liar. In fact, I never lied to her. I was never able to keep a secret from her either. Every birthday present was hopeless to hide from her. Just seeing her react to what I just said already told me she's wasn't buying it.
"Then why did you say you didn't say anything when, in fact, you did? I can tell you're lying. I know that face, Edward Masen." She smiled, easing the jab she sent me.
I tried to avoid her hard stare and pearly teeth, as I knew she wasn't going to remove her eyes from me until I answered her question. I wished my fucking mantra was still working because this shit was going to get old and I felt myself snapping with every mile. I didn't want to be mean to her, especially since it seemed this trip was going to be longer than I expected.
"Not everything I say is meant for you to hear. The world doesn't revolve around you Bella."
Only my world does, I added to myself.
I instantly felt like a jerk.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Fighting with Bella wasn't going to solve anything. She looked hurt and taken aback that I put her in her place. She really didn't deserve to be spoken to that way. She was right. I lied to her. The shit I pulled made me seem like the biggest prick when really, I needed to make nice and not let my inner frustrations with the way she smelled and how she looked, affect my better perspective.
Her face fell and I would have done anything to catch her grin before it faded, leaving her complexion ashen and her expression full of sadness. She focused back on her book and put her ear bud back in her ear.
"Just don't lie to me," she said in a small voice. I turned back to the road and nodded.
"Today was the first time I ever lied to you," I whispered, just loud enough for myself to hear.
First, it was my phone, and now the Pledge of Allegiance. Really, the latter was just a white lie but my phone was a flat out big whopper lie. When it happened, my ears burned, giving me away.
Why couldn't I just let everything go and tell her the truth about Jess? It would save me the fucking trouble of hiding my phone or changing the picture of Jess and me that I had stored. But for some unknown asinine reason I wanted to keep that picture so close to me like I was clinging to something tangible. Yes, I should of changed the picture just to protect my own ass, but by holding the phone in my hand and knowing that I could flip the phone open anytime to see Jess's face gave some comfort. It also was the wrong kind of comfort too. Jess was everything that Bella wasn't. But it wasn't everything I needed too. I was desperate and it scared me that I was finally admitting to myself that I may of wanted Bella more then I should considering what I now know of Jake. I had the smallest inkling that there was a chance now. I was being so masochistic. Why would I through myself over to Bella again just to get hurt?
Jess's picture was still my lifesaver in this deep pool of regret that I couldn't tread water in. So why do I continue to lie to myself and to Bella?
I already knew the answer – self-preservation.
This trip was only hours old and so far we already tried to kill each other and I almost kissed her. I thought that it would be simple, trying to avoid any close contact with Bella, but the closed confines of the truck proved to be just a tomb. Her scent permeated the whole cab from the moment she shut the door. I found myself angry that I let mostly indecent thoughts creep into my sick mind. I kept my hand firm on my cell phone, willing it to give me some sort of resistant power but every time I gave it a little squeeze or looked down at the picture of Jess and I, I caught Bella out of the corner of my eye, watching me.
Everything started out innocent enough. We both had no idea what to say to one another and then tension started to choke me. Just when I was about to say something completely idiotic, Bella beat me to it.
She started asking about Charlie and I thought I was going to lose it. I was not prepared for this normal conversation, especially when it concerned Charlie and his health. I was his primary caregiver for so long and passing the torch to his daughter which was the right thing to do, was the most heart wrenching thing.
It had been too long and I had no idea what Bella was like anymore. How she was dealing with Charlie and the cancer was something I thought about often. Charlie never spoke of what Bella felt when she was with him, in honor of my wishes, but now I wished he had. I had been so selfish for so long with my own juvenile hang-ups.
She wanted to know how Charlie conned me into coming and I, in no way, was going to explain that fucked up situation to her. I really just wanted to laugh at myself with all the reasons that ran through my head.
I am here due to the fact that Jess's face morphed into you when I was about to cum.
I am here because when Charlie told me you were engaged I had a major panic attack, knowing it wasn't going to be me you were going to marry.
I am here in what seemed like a good idea at the time, to reach some sort of closure that I convinced myself I could get with you if I could repel your Jedi mind tricks and fuckawesome smell.
Finally, I am here because I miss the shit out of you and for the last time in my life, I want you all to myself before I have to let you go again for good.
Yeah, that wouldn't exactly go over well so I just told her that Charlie said exactly what I needed to hear. No further explanation.
I scratched my stubbled chin and rolled down the window to help clear my head. The fresh air of Illinois smelled like grass and manure. At least it was warm enough not to chill us both because I wanted to keep it down for awhile. My hair grazed across my forehead and the echo of the rushing air whistled in my ears. Bella changed position and tucked one foot underneath her thigh. She placed her book down, and rested her head against her seat, closing her eyes.
"Is this too much?" I asked, gesturing to the open window. Stray hairs blew across her face as she looked over to me.
"It's fine. I like the breeze on my face. It feels good." She rested her head back against the head rest and closed her eyes again. She looked peaceful and content. We hadn't talked much since we left Chicago and right now was the first time I didn't feel any apprehension when talking to her.
At last, things had calmed down enough for us to be cordial with each other. The start of the trip really had me on the brink and I couldn't help but think that Bella was really annoyed with everything I did. Either that or really interested. Shit, I was interested too, but like hell was I going to let that be apparent.
I had a weakness though and it came in the form of Bella's legs. They were beautiful. Even though she was wearing jeans, I could still make out the fine form of her thigh and the curve of her calf. When God invented tight jeans, he must have been thinking of me looking at Bella. I owed Him one.
She caught me transfixed on them and immediately, I had to vent my frustration on something or the boner I just tented was going to start to steer the wheel. So I rubbed the shit out of the steering wheel as I drove. My palms grew hot as I rolled them over and over.
My body was so stiff with guilt from leaving Charlie behind. I snapped at Bella when she just was asking simple questions. All that came to my head was that I had to protect my phone. I caught her stealing glances in between my legs where I clutched it with a death grip. Alice said something about Bella not having her phone but I didn't really know what she meant by that or why that was. All I did know was that there was no way in hell she was going to use mine.
Of course, I was going to lie to her about my phone. There was no way in the world I was going to let her use it while the picture of Jess was still on it. And especially if I knew I wasn't strong enough to even change the screen saver. I was still mentally kicking myself for that one. Why didn't Jess just take a Polaroid? I could of hid that nicely in my pocket or wallet. I finally decided it was the worst idea on the books concerning the picture. When we stopped to get gas I would take the first moment I had and change the screen saver. If Bella expected to use my phone I had to buck up and be a man. Not cower behind a misused picture. Besides, Jess and Bella didn't have a good relationship. So lying to Bella for the first time in my entire existence was crucial. It would only be a little longer until I could change the picture. I felt like shit about it.
Then my stupid marble mouth started talking shit and I let it slip that I knew Bella was engaged. She seemed surprised but tried not to let it show. I really didn't want her thinking that it was why I was here with her. It was part of the reason but I didn't want her to know that. But it was out there now and I just offered my congratulations like a decent human being and left it at that.
Again, I bit her head off when she tried to poke fun at Charlie's health even though I knew it was her defense mechanism when things got too hairy. She forced back tears and I scolded myself for being an ass yet again. So I reasoned with myself that Bella was just as emotional and downtrodden as I was, and I decided to relay what Emmett told me about Charlie's status. I just told her that his health wasn't a laughing matter and blah blah blah. My head started to ache again. Slowly, I rubbed the back of my neck trying to ease the tension.
That's when the downward spiral started.
Bella scared the shit out of me and made me pull off the road. We were only five miles out and she had me stopping on the side of the road, on an on-ramp of all places - one of the most dangerous places to pull over. It annoyed me that I let her touch me because her forceful hold on my forearm killed my resolve. Her hand on my arm felt like fire and madness. It spread throughout my whole body and landed in my crotch. My chest rumbled with betrayal because my dick, yet again, was rock solid.
Fucking anatomy!It had a mind of its own.
Then I watched as the words fell out of her mouth in slow motion.
"Charlie didn't tell you that we're going to Renee's first." Her lips went into a tight smile as she appraised my reaction.
Going to Denver to see Renee?
What do I say? What do I do? How in the hell do I get myself out of this one?
Seeing the woman who effectively ripped Charlie apart and forced her only daughter to think her life was worth less than shit because she wanted to stay close to home and me was not on the agenda in my books.
I rubbed my temples trying to think of a way to make this situation turn in my favor because there was no chance in Hades that I was going to Renee's. She would probably make me draw my feelings or something.
So I decided that no reaction would be the best reaction. I was getting good at avoidance. It was becoming my trademark.
But, of course, Bella threw it in my face that this was supposed to be her trip and if Emmett was here they would be going.
Whatever.
I couldn't go to Renee's. I just couldn't. There was no guarantee that I wouldn't say or do something that would make me lose my badge.
Fucking hippy bitch!
Renee Swan was dead to me for all I cared. I wasn't mad at Bella. I was mad at the situation.
But as Alice's words repeated in my head over and over - 'indulge her' – I still said something to Bella that I wished I hadn't.
"She broke Charlie and took away what I cared for most!"
I meant all of it too. Charlie was never the same man after Renee left him. Charlie and I formed an unspoken kinship and I would do anything in my power to protect that relationship. But right now I was being tested by Bella. But God, why did I say the last part? I was slowly giving myself away and I was going to win goddammit!
As I thought about this, I hadn't realized that my body gravitated to within an inch of her sweet face and intoxicating breath. I just made a monument confession about Rene and why I hated her as it was in direct result of Bella leaving me all those years ago. As she looked upon me with heavy breath and her chest moved up and down, it was so easy to let myself just go. Just let go and give in.
Thinking back on it now, it was so easy to let my whole upper half lean into Bella's like nothing ever changed. It felt so natural and safe. It reminded me of seeing an old friend but really wanting more. I was so carried away in the moment, that I never noticed what kind of self control I had. Obviously not much considering I was practically on top of Bella, breathing down her expectant face and round eyes.
I stared at her, up and down, memorizing every line on her face. Her lips were chapped and my tongue begged me to moisten them. The energy that flowed from us dragged me closer and closer to her. I never in my life wanted to kiss someone so badly. It wasn't like I never kissed Bella before or that this was a first kiss kind of thing, but I still felt nervous.
The urge was uncontrollable. It was needier than I felt on New Years. Maybe because she had been challenging me the whole morning and my strength was starting to fall, but this need was nothing I'd felt for anyone - ever. I didn't care about our past anymore and I didn't think about what a kiss would do to our future. Nothing mattered in that split second. So I leaned in, zeroing in on her pink, delectable lips. Her head wavered just slightly before I felt her hands on my chest.
"Back off!"
Her words stung in my ears and reverberated throughout the truck like I was standing in a cave.
I got my ass over to my side of the cab and pulled down my shades to hide the fucking embarrassment.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Not only did I feel my raging erection press against my zipper; I had to remind myself that we both were lied to, so of course she wasn't going to come running to me with open arms. Then I told myself that I had to put myself aside for once and think of Charlie and what he would say if he heard how I was acting around his daughter. He would kick my ass.
So I made an honest promise to myself that I would try to make this trip not just about me and my stupid closure. Bella was right. She hadn't seen her mother in years and I understood how hard it was to be without your parents. So I "indulged' her and agreed to go to Renee's. The excitement on her face was priceless, like I just gave her a puppy or something.
Then the next bit was kind of a blur. I wasn't prepared for more changes so I snapped.
She had this whole trip planned out and if I knew Bella at all she probably had a fucking folder full of travel information for the whole trip back to Forks.
Cue big thick blue folder.
But I had to admit, when I saw it, I felt pretty smug.
I still knew my girl.
But St. Fucking Louis?
There was no way in hell I was going to stop there and go up in the Arch. I really thought I could do anything she wanted me to do, but the Arch was fucking huge. And by that I mean, it's a tall motherfucker. I almost ran off the road with the thought of the height of it, followed by falling…then the memory of the darkness of the ocean swallowing me whole. It gave me goosebumps thinking back to how I almost lost my life. It was too high, there was no way. None.
I panicked.
I argued.
I yelled.
She yelled back.
Back and forth.
Cat and Mouse.
Tom and Jerry.
She wouldn't listen.
She made me so insane.
She made me feel alive again. I shivered.
I hated it and loved it. It made my hard, again.
Then she almost fucking killed us!
Bella pulled the most pathetic, dangerous attempt to win her way by almost killing us on the highway. Pushing her foot down on the brake pedal while I was easily going sixty made the truck jerk to an immediate stop and I felt the give of the trailer behind us that carried Bella's piece of teal shit car. I was sure I jack-knifed it. I braced myself for a ten car pile up but luckily I recovered quickly and accelerated faster than I thought. I glared out my rear view mirror to make sure we weren't dragging the trailer with the car and miraculously, it was still upright.
I was a mix of livid and horrified that she would pull such a fucking stupid stunt. Again with the challenging! We couldn't of died. We could of killed other people. These are the things that ran through my head. But mostly I thought, if we had an accident now Bella would get hurt. She was being selfish, as was I.
Where had this new Bella come from?
She pulled every string I had and I was fighting back just as hard. But during this whole debacle, she fucking turned me on more than I wanted to admit to myself. I was so fucking cocked and ready the whole time we argued and I needed to either whack it out in a stall of a dirty bathroom at some random road stop or throw some cold water on my dick to put out the fire.
So I did what any reasonable hard headed (excuse the pun) macho male would do. I pushed her buttons right back. I forced the truck to go beyond its limits, forcing the whole thing to shake like there was an earthquake. Of course, I played dirty. I loved it and I really loved this new side of our relationship, or whatever it was called. Maybe it was excitement, but after I slowed the truck down as per Bella's insistence, the whole fucked up thing she did with the brake pedal was all forgotten. I could hear the regret and shame in her voice as she apologized. It soften me up just like I thought it would. She still did that to me.
So I agreed to this one stop. I had to suck it up. I repeated over and over in my head that the Arch wasn't as fucking huge as it seemed. I could just let Bella go up alone. No one said I had to go, right?
Fuck me and my fears!
Again, Alice's words replayed in my head - "indulge her." Why was this sticking so well to my conscious? I didn't have to do anything with this girl except deliver her unharmed back home. But for some reason, I felt compelled to give in.
I knew what Bella was going through. She was losing her father and this trip was her last bit of oxygen before she was going to be suffocated with hospitals, treatments, medicine, routines, and lastly death. With Alice's words, I understood why she meant them for me. I was her last hope for any normalcy before her life was going to be turned upside down.
Not that you can call today normal by any means. In a way I was giving her a gift and Alice knew exactly what she was doing.. It was apparent that Alice knew more than she let on. She didn't tell Bella that I was the one coming but she knew it was important to lie to her and get her to get in the car with me. Why? What did Alice have to do with anything. She talked to Charlie, that was apparent but I sensed there was more.
Casually, I looked across the cab at Bella who was still engrossed in her book, humming along to whatever she was listening to on her iPod.
I extended my arm and pulled one ear bud out of her ear, "We need to stop and get gas. We might make it to Missouri on what we have but I don't want to chance it."
Bella looked up and blushed, "Oh, sure. I have to go pee anyway."
"Me too, and I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day."
Bella gasped. "Why didn't you tell me you were hungry? I have some snacks in my bag." She pulled her duffle bag into her lap. "Let's see…I have fruit roll-ups, licorice, Fun Dip, potato chips, and a bag of Hot Fries."
I laughed at her selection. "My body might die from shock if I eat that crap."
But hell, Hot Fries sounded good.
"Stuff it, Masen. I know you love this stuff. What are you, Mr. Goodbody now?" she teased with a raise of her eyebrows.
"I try to keep in good shape." I shrugged, as I make my turn off the exit.
She smirked. "So I see. You must work out. Well, I know you did but it's doing you good." she finished and blushed bright crimson.
She took the other ear bud out of her ear and set her book down before putting her shoes back on and avoiding my eyes. This new Bella was bold. I kinda liked it. A lot.
So I played along.
"What are you, checking me out?" I joked as I looked down at her chest which seemed to be calling my name. Property of Forks Pd, had my name written all over it.
"Like you haven't checked me out," she huffed, playing along. "And I'm not going to pretend to ignore the fact you were looking at my tits when you just said that."
Fuck!
"Fine, I'll admit it. I looked at your legs and tits today."
Among other things too.
"I'm a man, it's what we do. What's your excuse?"
I hoped that old Bella would come forward and shy away from our bold conversation. I wasn't sure I was ready to admit the full extent of why I was openly ogling her.
"Memories, I guess. You make me remember some things…old times," She looked into my eyes with such intensity it reminded me of when things were good between us. I turned away as I pulled into the truck stop, trying to not think of the hold this girl still had on me after all this time. She was completely serious too - with no hint of sarcasm. I really didn't know what to say to that either.
Thanks? Or you're welcome?
Was she remembering because she wanted to or because I provoked her to?
So many thoughts ran through my head at that moment.
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat as I placed the truck into park beside the gas pump, "I'm going to fill 'er up. Do you want anything?" She still hadn't taken her eyes off me and I felt my own cheeks turn red. Who was the bashful one now?
"No, I'm going inside," she replied, opening the door.
The quiet click of the door closing brought me out of my thoughts. I watched as she headed into the gas station. Her ass looked so good as she walked away and her hair moved back and forth over her shoulders. A gentle breeze danced around me and I swore that amongst the mix of diesel fuel and truck exhaust, I smelled the vanilla and strawberries in the air from Bella. I sucked it in like it was lifeblood and I felt my nostrils mold to my nose at the intensity of how hard I inhaled. I couldn't get enough, ever.
I shook my head as I exited the truck. My head was too far in the clouds and I had to get it grounded. Placing the nozzle into the gas tank, I looked towards the gas station. I wasn't far away so I could see Bella inside as I stood next to her car hitched up on the back of the truck.
She pulled hats off a rack and tried them on. I thought she looked cute as she inspected each hat before placing it on her head. She laughed and took two hats with her as she went to the checkout. Forcing myself to look away, I concentrated on the pump rolling off the amount of gas I pumped into the vehicle.
Then my phone chirped. I had my phone in my hand already as I glanced down, flipping it open.
Jess: Where are you at?
I rolled my eyes
Fuck.
She was going to be pissed. I couldn't lie to Jess but opting to tell her the truth was scaring the shit out of me. Would she understand why I was doing what I was doing? Probably not. Of course I would have to explain it all to her to get her to fully understand the situation, but right now I didn't have the time because Bella would be back soon. I didn't want to get caught talking on the phone. Plus I almost forgot to change the screen saver. Shit I gotta do that.
Getting close to St. Louis, stopped for gas. This thing is a hog. I'm stocking up on beef jerky. -E
That was funny. Maybe if I lighted up the mood she wouldn't get pissed that I was going off course from my initial plan.
Jess: St Louis? WTF?
Okay, that didn't fucking work. I looked up to see if Bella was coming. She was at the checkout, so I had some time.
Nice mouth ;) We are detouring, going to Renee's. I'm alright w/it.-E
I pulled the pump out of the gas tank and replaced it back to the holster. Bella walked back to the truck and I freaking panicked, hoping she didn't see me typing on my phone. Damn it, she was quick. I didn't even notice she left the store inside. Just when I thought I was good to go and ready to change my screen saver, my phone chirped again right when she rounded the side of the car. I turned away from Bella and looked down at my phone.
Jess: Don't let her control you!
"Fuck, Jess!" I whispered through clenched teeth.
She was pissing me off. I never promised that I would make it through but if she was going to get mad and ordering me around, we were going to have problems. I heard Bella clear her throat behind me. I quickly typed away on my phone with one hand, and ripped off the receipt for the gas purchase with the other.
I can take care of myself! WTF Jess!-E
I dropped my phone on the ground while it was still open. I saw the picture slowly bounce with the phone up and down until it settled. I looked up hoping that Bella was wasn't watching.
I picked up and snapped my phone shut, ready to stuff it into my pocket, when Bella came up to my side. She held a plastic bag filled with shit. She placed a hand on her hip and squinted at me,
"Were you just texting?" she asked suspiciously.
"Yes," I replied, not offering up any more information. I opened the truck's door. It creaked with age. Avoid, avoid and avoid some more. I didn't have time to switch the picture out! My palms started to sweat as I gripped the handle of the door.
Her plastic bag rustled.
"Uh huh…anyway…here, I got you this."
She pushed a hat into my hands. It was one of those ugly ass trucker hats. The brim was navy and the cap itself had Honk if you're Horny written across the front of it.
"Honk if you're Horny?" I chuckled, surprised she got me that. Hell, if I went by what this hideous thing said, I would be honking the damn horn relentlessly. She smiled and pulled out another hat from her bag and placed it on her head. Her hat was red and white and said Dead Sexy.
She smiled. "I thought they were funny. You can have this one if you want."
She took off her hat and handed it to me.
I laughed again. "Nah, it's okay. I'm pretty much horny all the time so it's...fitting. Thanks for getting it for me."
Really, she could keep her damn hat because it was perfect for her. Bella was dead sexy in every way. I immediately felt pains of guilt for even thinking that. I just heard from Jess not even a minute ago, and here I was flirting with Bella.
She blushed and looked up at me as she put her hat back on. "It's no big deal," she shrugged. "I felt bad for making you do all of this for me. So this is really the least I could do."
"Oh ya, I agree that's the least you're doing." I laughed, stepping up on the foot rail of the truck.
"Wait, let me in first. I'm going to crawl across to my side." She nudged me out of the way without waiting for my reply. She pulled herself up, holding onto the door. She placed one knee on the seat next to the steering wheel then she fucking bent over, displaying her ass right in my face. I admired it earlier but now that it was right in front of me, I almost fucking lost it. Then holy fuck, she stopped and looked back at me with a bat of her eyelashes.
I wanted to honk the horn like a fucking madman because yes, the hat was ringing very true right now. As she sat down on her side, she flashed me a smug grin telling me she knew exactly what she did to me. I placed the hat on my head because two could play this game.
Then I readjusted my wood in my pants.
"How much was gas?" Bella asked as I took my seat.
Looking back at the pump, I shrugged. "Um, sixty-two dollars."
I closed the door and put on my seat belt. We never talked about how we would split the expenses but I didn't care if I paid for gas the whole way. It wouldn't make any difference to me. This wasn't about money anyway.
"I paid with my credit card," I added. I knew Bella was never one to accept kindness well, or anything for that matter, valued more than what she could buy at the dollar store. So I knew I was asking for it.
"You're not paying for gas, Edward! You shouldn't have to," she protested, throwing her hands in the air to stress her point.
I was right.
I sighed because really, I knew this was coming and I should have known better, but I also knew that I was a sucker for punishment. "It was a paid pump anyway, so it's fine. I don't care. It's just money."
Of course that wasn't a good enough answer.
"To you it's just money but to me it's about responsibility and you're not responsible for me." She reached into her pocket and fished for what I guessed was money. But I didn't want it.
I held my phone tightly in my hand because there was an argument brewing and fighting with Jess through text messages while I fought with Bella in person was starting to wear me thin.
"I'm responsible for you," I argued. "Because Charlie trusts me to bring you back safely. So if that means I pay for one measly tank of fucking gas, then so be it. Please don't argue and just accept my fucking charity!"
Shit! There I go running my mouth off again.
Her eyes narrowed as she got ready to rip me a new one. Her hands grounded into the sides of her thighs and she turned to face me.
"Are you insinuating that I can't afford to pay for gas, Edward?"
"No! Fuck no!" I brought my hands to my face and rubbed my jaw. "That's not what I mean. I meant that you don't need to worry about stuff like that right now. You have a lot going on. I don't mind doing it. So please just let me." I was exhausted.
"Edward, you don't have to take care of me," she said breathlessly.
She didn't want me to feel like I was obligated to do stuff for her. But the truth was that I would always be obligated no matter what happened between us. It was always like that with us. Even if we never spoke to each other again during this trip, if she ever needed me, I would be there. For all those years I avoided her, trying to make her into nothing but a distant memory to me, but seeing her today made me realize that my attempt was in vain.
"Yes, I have to," I replied. It just felt right. It was like taking care of her was my duty in life. It was the closure I yearned for and the freedom I had to rekindle.
Bella opened her mouth to fight back but my phone rang, interrupting me. We both looked down at my hand.
"Who is it?" she asked.
I looked down at the caller ID. "It says unknown." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Well you better not talk long since you have no battery, remember," she spoke sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. She released the tight grip on her thighs and her whole body started to relax. I had no choice so I answered the phone as I placed the key into the ignition.
"Hello?"
"Hello?" a deep male voice replied.
"Ya?"
"Emmett?"
My eyebrows furrowed as I thought why in the hell was someone calling my phone asking for Emmett. But then I realized that this was probably one of Emmett's students from school. He always put up a contact list so his students could call him and he listed my number in case of an emergency.
"No. This is Edward, who's this?"
There was a long pause. "Wrong number."
The line went dead. I shrugged my shoulders again and started the engine.
"Anyone important?" Bella asked as she cocked her eyebrows.
"Nah, just a wrong number."
I shifted the truck into drive and looked over at Bella who was waiting for me to continue. "Is that okay with you?" I added sarcastically.
"Sure. Just wondering who keeps contacting you. I saw you on the phone when I was walking up. I thought it was only for emergencies?"
Jesus, she was testing me. I knew I would have to explain myself.
Fuck that. I decided to be elusive.
"I got a call. End. Of. Story."
I turned the wheel and looked out my window, checking for oncoming traffic. I knew if I looked at her she would know I hid stuff from her. I felt my ears warm up.
Damn you, traitor ears!
I hoped she realized that I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I seriously didn't want to lie to her again.
"Okay, fine. I won't pry."
"Good." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Let's get on the road. St. Louis is not far, only about thirty miles and-"
My phone rang again. I looked at the number and it was the same one from before.
"Hello?" I asked, completely annoyed.
"Who is this again?" the deep voice replied.
The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place who it belonged to. I had a feeling the guy on the other end thought the same thing.
"Who is this?" I retorted. I wasn't in the mood for beating around the bush.
"Shit. Nevermind."
The line went dead again. I snapped my phone shut and placed it on the bench seat next to my right thigh. I pulled down the visor with my right hand.
"Was that the same person?" Bella asked.
Before I could reply, she reached over and took my phone. I didn't have a chance to stop her. It was that super slow motion tunnel vision thing that prevented me from realizing what she was doing until it was too late.
Paralysis set in. My mouth hung wide open, and I couldn't move my arms from the wheel. In true slasher movie fashion, I prepared myself for a machete to appear in her hands to chop my head off because my worst nightmare was about to come true. Bella had my phone and as I watched her open it, I almost shit myself. Jess's picture was still on it!
"Maybe I'll recognize the number. I know it's been a long time since I've lived in Forks but I still-" She stopped and I cringed, knowing what she found.
She didn't say anything for a full minute. Yes, I counted. She was in shock – so was I as I waited for the backlash. All I knew was that I was still driving and not getting into an accident by the sheer will of God. A pothole in the road rocked the truck and shook Bella back into consciousness.
"Edward, I-" She stopped again.
I felt like I had to explain to her. Why? I had no clue. I never wanted Bella to know about Jess and now my plan was screwed. She looked confused and her mouth parted slightly. She looked out the window and back to the phone. She grazed her forefinger along the screen, over the photo, before tucking her other hand underneath her arm. She held the phone like it was as heavy as a brick. An exaggerated sigh escaped my lips. My hands were sweaty and I took my trucker hat off.
"Bella...."
"It was Jake that called." She snapped the phone shut and returned it to the place she snatched it from. "It was his number that came up on the caller ID. He didn't know I was with you, but I guess Alice gave him your number. I should call him later when we have your phone charger."
I nodded in agreement, unsure what to say next. I waited for her to ask about the picture but she didn't. Her eyes were glassy as she stared off into the space. She didn't say another word and she remained completely motionless.
It felt like an hour but in reality it was probably only five minutes before I got the balls to talk.
"Jake doesn't know you're with me?"
She flinched and placed the back of her hand against her mouth and rested her elbow on the door. She looked like she was going to be sick.
"Do you need me to pull over?" I asked.
She shook her head. "No, keep going."
"Are you sure? I can stop and get you some water. We can rest. Whatever you want."
I felt like I was overcompensating, but really, all I wanted to do was make things right again. Of all the times to be considerate, right now seemed to be the wrong time, but I needed to do it. I felt like a cheating boyfriend making it up to the woman I'd scorned, when really, I had nothing to hide. I was sure that seeing Jess on my phone surprised Bella, considering our history, but the past was the past. Bella had no right to be jealous.
But hell, I had no right to be jealous of her relationship with Jake but I was.
"No," she whispered.
"You're okay then?"
"No, I mean you're right. Jake didn't know I was with you." She took her folder out of her bag.
"Do you want to talk about it?" My fingers twitched as the urge to touch her face and comfort her assaulted me.
"No offense, Edward, but I feel a little weird talking to you about this."
She tucked a chunk of hair behind her ear and swallowed as she glanced over a piece of paper she pulled out of her folder.
"Did you know that the Arch is over 630ft tall?" she asked, obviously looking for a distraction. "You can stand two Statue of Liberties end on end and they would fit under the Arch."
"Really, I didn't know that." Truthfully, I was glad that she wanted to change the subject.
If I was the king of avoidance, then Bella was my queen.
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