A/N Hello lovelies! Let's see it's been (looks at calender) a real long ass time since I updated TW. I know, I know....(grumbling) and I won't write out a whole bunch of excuses. Just know that I really appreciated all of the response from last chapter and how much you liked or didn't like Jess's POV. Also thank you so much for keeping up with me on Twitter and through Pm's. Many of you were concerned if I would finish this story and the answer will always be YES. I never have any intentions of abandoning it. I had also decided to make updates a little shorter so I can update more, but knowing me shorter chapters won't happen. LOL.

MissAlex is my fine beta who stayed up very late editing this and it's her Birthday today so go over and read her story Rebel without a Cause! Happy B-day A! Love you!

Previously …......

"So what if I break first, what do you win?" I asked.

The line advanced towards the tram doors and Edward didn't respond. Instead he turned pale eying the tram doors and he visibly gulped. The tram attendant directed us into what looked like a Jettison pod from the Death Star. It was small, fitting about six people, albeit very uncomfortably.

Edward looked at me before getting in and the fear was etched on his whole face. My stomach dropped and I felt so guilty making him do this. But he got on anyway without protest and warily took his seat.

We huddled close together on the seats as four more people crammed into the tram. I was practically sitting on Edward's lap. I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye to see if he was comfortable about our ascent.

He looked tense and the furrow between his eyebrows deepened. The tram jerked, pressing me into him. I felt him stiffen next to me and I moved my hand down my knee next to his hand. Our knees touched together and my fingertips brushed his. He looked at me and I smiled, letting my pinkie finger gently move back and forth against his skin.

The all-familiar tingling sensation erupted up my arm, but this time I knew he felt it too because he linked his pinkie around mine and smiled.

My breath hitched at our innocent touch while he closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.

After a few moments, his eyelids fluttered open. His stare looked dark and serious.

"Bella, if I win, then we talk about...everything."

Shit

Chapter 17: Eyes Up

Edward

"I don't care what you think! Just turn left," I ordered, pointing across the cab of the U-haul toward the next street up the road. Lately it was becoming very difficult to keep my temper in check.

"That's not the way, Edward," Bella argued as she peered out the windshield, squinting at the street signs bathed in darkness.

"Why won't you listen to me?" I asked.

Operating on zero food in my stomach was making me feel even more irritable. I inhaled deeply, attempting to calm myself down.

Plus, I had additional incentive for staying relaxed. In all honesty, if Bella and I were really serious about our bet, then I needed to win.

I was ready to get things out in the open. Clear the air. Whatever relationship was going to come out of this trip together could not be based on resentment. I owed that to Charlie as well as myself.

Bella was obviously trying her best to remain unaffected by my arguing, by using her most prized strategy - avoidance.

Figures.

She either really wanted a free beer or she wanted to pretend that Jake cheating on her never happened.

Maybe she didn't care. But if she was anything like the old Bella, she would.

I also thought she might believe that losing the bet would bring up the subject of Jess - which would've been right - and possibly, she didn't want to deal with my relationship with her just yet. In fact, it was pretty fucking clear. The way her lips curled into a sneer and her face scrunched up when she found that picture on my phone and read Jess' text message, told me as much. Well, Bella would have to get over it when I won this bet. I meant it when I said that we would talk about everything.

Unfortunately, nothing I said was pushing her buttons so it looked like I'd have to result to over-acting to see if she would break.

I hated myself for doing that but I had no choice. It was the competitive side of me coming out.

"Why won't you listen tome?" she snapped, a sly smile spreading across her lips.

Realization hit me and I held back my own smirk.

And there it is.

That grin was hers, which I knew all too well, was proof positive that she was deliberately trying get my goat. She was purposely trying to get me riled up, while I attempted to use the same strategy on her.

Well, I wouldn't fall for it.

"Uh..." I paused and she cocked an eyebrow. "You're really not good with..." My voice trailed off.

I didn't want to say something rude because I wasn't going to be the first person to give in, no matter how badly I wanted to talk. Even though I thought that Bella was extremely hardheaded, I was also aware that I equally just as bad.

So I played it cool. "In my past, all I've ever done was listen to you," I replied carefully. "And now history is repeating itself with this road trip. Why doyou think you're driving the U-Haul right now and not me?"

Bella scoffed. "You were too tired to drive," she countered. "You said so yourself, so don't try to turn that around on me." She pointed her finger in my face. "If it's anyone's fault that we might be lost, it's yours!"

Bella retracted her hand and gripped the steering wheel tightly until her knuckles turned white.

I tried in vain to hide my smirk behind my fist. She was playing right into my plan. Even though she was trying so hard not to get aggravated, she so was. She caught me stifling my laughter and swiftly hit me across the chest with the back of her hand.

"Ow! Hey!" I shouted, rubbing the spot over my heart where her hand connected.

"Stop it!" she ordered. "Right now! You promised, remember? No trying to get me upset on purpose."

I gave her a wink which seemed to get her even more riled up. "Hey sweetheart - I'm just stating the obvious. Nothing more."

"Whatever," Bella dismissed me with a wave of her hand, looking completely disinterested.

Bella had offered to drive after our visit to the Arch, insisting that the Crown Candy Kitchen wasn't far away and that she had printed directions which would get us there quickly. She told me that I looked too tired and drained, which was true. Our little excursion up the Arch wasn't exactly my cup of tea.

But it had turned out better than I expected. Much better.

I threw my head back with a chuckle. "Of course you would blame me for you getting us lost"

Bella slammed on the breaks, stopping the U-Haul in the middle of the city street. I glared at her and then checked our side mirrors, making sure that the road was vacant. The last thing we needed was to cause an accident, especially in this piece of shit. It was a fucking tank.

I exhaled a deep breath.

"Bella..." I warned through clenched teeth.

"I don't want to fight with you," she insisted.

She looked tense as she turned in her seat to face me. Obviously, she didn't care that we were still in the middle of the damn road.

"Look Edward," she continued. "Bet or no bet, I'm not sure how ready I am to put myself out there with you. I know that you and I have a lot of issues to work through but it's only been one day. One day isn't going to fix five years of...whatever it is we went through."

A horn blared behind us and we both jumped, peering into the rearview mirror. Bella pushed on the gas and the truck jerked forward, continuing down the street.

Bella looked at me and raised her eyebrow, completely ignoring the fact that she'd put us in danger just a few moments ago. I decided to let it go. After all, I was the one taking the high road here, right?

"Besides," she giggled. "I'm too excited about toasting to my win with a tall frosty glass of Blue Moon, that you're paying for."

I laughed. "Don't be so sure of yourself. We still have yet to find the restaurant and make it through the meal. There is still time for you to blow a gasket."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me and I held up my hands in defense with a defiant grin on my face.

"Not that I'm going to try to make you mad on purpose," I lied. "But I would like to make it to the restaurant in one fucking piece - and before daybreak - so my stomach doesn't start to eat itself or other vital organs."

"Hardy Har Har!" Bella grumbled, turning the U-Haul down another deserted, dark street.

Looking out the window at our surroundings, I shook my head. She had no fucking idea where she was going and by the looks of things, this part of town wasn't a good area to get lost in, especially at this hour. It was a quarter to nine, dark out, and I wasn't sure - if we ever happened to find the restaurant - whether or not it would even be open at this point.

My suspicions that we were in the bad part of town were validated once I noticed some riff-raffs - as Charlie would call them - hanging on street corners, eying our vehicle as we passed by. My instincts kicked in and I rubbed my ankles together, making sure that my gun was still in its holster.

Out of the corner my eye, I noticed Bella biting her lip.

So stubborn.

I wished she would just admit that we were lost. I could tell she didn't like the area we were in as much as myself.

"Let me have the directions so I can help," I reasoned, holding out my hand. Bella put her knee up to the steering wheel, steadying it, while she fiddled with the printed directions, completely ignoring me.

"You know, I'm an officer of the law and can cite you for not having your hands at ten and two," I joked. "And why the hell don't we have a Garmin or something?"

Rolling her eyes, she pressed her lips together. Two could play that game, so I exaggerated a huff, hoping that she could hear my irritation.

"Come on, Bella," I pressed. "Let me have a look."

"I got it, Edward," she persisted. "We're not far away now."

I had a feeling she wasn't so sure about that.

Scanning the area, it didn't look like this part of town thrived on business and entertainment, let alone a candy shop. Well, maybe these streets did house businesses and entertainment, but not the legal kind.

"Okay, at least tell me what street we're looking for."

Bella looked down at the paper in her hands, squinting. "I think it's 1401 St. Louis Avenue."

"You think or you know, Bella?"

She brought the paper to her face, inspecting the document closely, all the while doing the balancing act with her knee on the wheel. Without raising her head, she reached up and flipped on the dome light above to get a better read.

"Um, well...." she replied. "I know we're headed east, so if we hit Jefferson and then go north, we should be good."

Looking outside, I saw the Arch in the distance to my left, situated on the riverbanks of the Mississippi. The river separated Illinois and Missouri, and I knew that Illinois was to our east, so that meant anything going away from the river, was west.

Fucking hell.

We were headed in the opposite direction.

"You're driving west, Bella." I informed her.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she gestured toward the dash, next to the clock. "What? No, we're going east. The built-in compass in this thing indicates east."

"I think it's broken," I muttered.

Bella tapped the glass of the compass with her forefinger. The gauge moved a little but stayed pointed in the same direction. "I think it's working," she commented.

"Try pulling down this street on the left and see what happens," I suggested. "If it changes direction, then we'll know for sure that it's working."

Bella shrugged and turned onto Glasgow Avenue, keeping her eyes trained on the compass.

Lo and behold, the compass needle didn't move.

I hid my smile, looking away. I wanted to gloat, but I didn't, in keeping with my 'I'm-going-to-be-the-bigger-person-here' objective.

"Well, poop," Bella mumbled, letting the directions fall to her lap.

I snorted, tossing her an amused look. "Poop?" I chuckled. "Did you just say, poop?"

Bella pulled the truck over to the side of the road, shifted into park and cut the engine. "Poop is better than your potty mouth," she countered with a smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "How many times can one person say 'fuck' anyway?"

I shrugged. "It's commonplace around the precinct, and plus, it's all still bathroom humor to me, my love."

Bella's face fell, killing whatever lightheartedness hovered around us, and she gripped the wheel tightly.

"Don't," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. "Just don't."

I was confused by her sudden change in mood.

Bella opened her eyes and drifted her gaze away from me. I moved my body closer to hers, but only a few inches, hoping to get some sort of explanation. I'd tested the waters being so close to Bella today and succeeded, but I didn't want to overdo it.

Just being in her presence brought back memories that I'd tried suppress for years because they were too painful. But judging from how my body reacted to her today, I knew that I'd been foolish. Yeah, sure, we had a painful past, but there were a lot of good times too.

And it pissed me off that thoughts of Jess weren't keeping me in control of my thoughts or actions when it came to Bella, considering that it wasn't a good idea for me to get too attached to her again. It was like whenever I was with Bella, she superseded all of my rationale. No matter what I did, I was drawn to her.

I dipped my head, trying to get her to look into my eyes. "Bella?"

With her lips forming a tight line, she shook her head.

Her moods today changed so fast that I couldn't keep up with her - or my own, for that matter. As funny as it sounded, I wished that I was back on the observation deck of the Arch.

I didn't know how to feel about my reaction when Bella delicately massaged my fingers on the way up the Arch. Since I knew that it was only temporary, I wanted to push her away - figuratively speaking since we were shoved like sardines in the tram - but I couldn't.

I knew that going up that tall monstrosity would be too much and I should've been aggravated that I was allowing this to happen between us again - the closeness - but it felt too good to let go of what we were sharing. So I looked past my anger that had built up from our past and just reveled in the new way I felt. Safe.

I was a cop who carried a gun, yet Bella made me feel safe.

I was surprised. Was it possible that I was truly ready to forgive her and myself after all of this time?

Seeing Bella so upset and crying earlier had definitely stirred up my old feelings of protectiveness over her. That was pretty much the deciding factor that forced me to work on giving up my bullshit. Closure was behind me now. I needed acceptance.

We were both so far from who we used to be. We needed to embrace the new versions of ourselves, even if we weren't sure what that was yet, and then, accept each other.

Basically, if things were ever going to be okay with us again - to whatever extent that entailed - we needed to talk. Badly.

I was ready for that. Her...not so much. That was pretty damn clear.

As we rode up the Arch, Bella grazed her fingers over mine and I closed my eyes, trying to relax. But instead of focusing on slowing down my breathing, I focused on her. Everything about her. Her scent, her calming presence. She was there for me. Bella was my comfort and my lost constant which had gravitated back to me, much like a compass needle always points to the north.

Then, in my moment of peace with Bella, Jess fluttered through my mind.

And I hated myself.

When we reached the top of the Arch, I was afraid that I was going to lose it and fall apart. I tried not to show weakness, but it was too much. I didn't like heights, yet there I was. I was mad that I let myself get into that situation.

However, I also reminded myself that Bella was good at distractions - at least when it came to getting into my head and annihilating all of my rational thoughts, she was. So even though I spotted that damn Arch as we drove over the Mississippi River into St. Louis, and saw how high it was, I didn't think twice about it. Well, I thought about it once but what I didn't notice was that we crossed over a rather high bridge getting into the city. Normally, that would have bothered me but my head was too overwhelmed with her to care.

From our trip up the Arch, I'd learned that Bella was the only one that could get me to face my fear. Not only did my past experience when I fell from cliff affect my sleep, but my fear of heights also affected my career. Charlie was sick and I wasn't close to any of my other co-workers, so it wasn't like I could open up to them and gain understanding, help and sympathy. Charlie was aware of my issues, but he'd always helped me deal with them in a roundabout way - never bringing it up directly - an approach which I'd appreciated greatly.

I acted nonchalant about my fall around Emmett and Jasper so they wouldn't see how crippling my fear actually was. Aside from Charlie's awareness, it was something I'd always wanted to deal with by myself. But being around Bella again changed all that, much like her essence helped me when I was sinking in the water after I toppled over that cliff.

That revelation forced me to sit my ass in the tram up the Arch and deal with my fear head on, regardless of how scared I felt.

The promise of our bet on the way up helped keep my mind occupied to a certain degree, but as soon as we stepped off the tram and walked slowly toward the observation deck, things got worse. Every pore in my body was leaking massive amounts of sweat, my head spun and my heart pounded so hard that I thought its force would shatter my rib cage.

The observation deck was a narrow corridor with a platform on either side that you could lean against and look out toward the city. Windows lined each side, looking to the east and west. That wasn't all - the amount of people in that tiny space was extremely unnerving.

Men, women and children darted from window to window, looking out in earnest, and all I could think about was how easily an accident like what happened to me up on the cliff could occur up here as well - regardless of the safety and strength of the layers of steel and glass.

The visitors' faces were awestruck and the laughter and the chatter was deafening. Panicked, I looked to Bella, feeling my legs beginning to sway and bend, struggling to hold up my weight. The fear started to take over and my hands tingled with anxiety.

Without hesitation, Bella grasped my hand tightly and guided us toward one side of the deck. She stood up straight and gave me encouraging taps on my palm with her thumb. She was my metronome amongst the chaos of my phobia, steadying me, giving me what I didn't know I needed - someone to lean on. Trust.

She wasn't going to let me fall. I knew it.

Carefully, Bella balanced her free hand on the platform and looked out through the windows. I stayed a foot behind her, studying the floor. After all, the dark grey spotted carpet was very fascinating.

Right.

I bit my lip in concentration, trying to keep my mind occupied with anything that didn't have to do with long plunges off of high places. Bella's smooth fingers continued to caress mine. She hadn't let go, not once.

It occurred to me that even though she hadn't mentioned it, she was well aware of my fear. Hell, Charlie probably told her on the phone. I told him after the accident that I didn't want him to call Bella and tell her any of it - not the cliff-diving, the fall, the hospital, nothing.

I didn't want her misplaced pity. I didn't want her disapproval. And most of all, I didn't want her not to care. It would have ruined me.

"Don't let it control you," she whispered up on that Arch as she tightened her hand around mine.

A man passed by, shoving my shoulder and I winced. His unintentional gesture reminded me that I wasn't ready to conquer my fear.

"I can't," I muttered, looking anywhere but at her.

But my efforts were futile. Once again, I was drawn to her.

The halo of the setting sun framed her mahogany hair, casting a ethereal glow behind her head. The brilliant golden rays accentuated her delicate features, reminding me of the Virgin Mary. Bella looked too stunning, too pure in that dazzling light that shadowed her face.

In that one moment, she encompassed everything I missed about her. Her carefree nature, her innocence, her unadulterated beauty - before our lives went to shit, taking our relationship with it.

Looking back on that spectacular vision of Bella, I know that was my true test of perseverance.

"You can," she urged, stepping closer to me. "Just look at the rooftops, the outline of the city. It's breathtaking."

My jaw clenched and my breathing picked up. I felt my hand being tugged, my feet moving only centimeters. I resisted and turned my head. I knew her hand would be there to help me. I could sense it.

Sure enough, Bella's palm cupped my jaw, her touch gentle and tentative. "Open your eyes, please," she begged, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Even amongst the commotion I could hear her clearly, as though we were the only two people around.

I shook my head. "I'm here, aren't I? I made it this far - looking is overrated."

"Please Edward, don't miss this. This beauty can never be overrated." Bella's hand stilled on my jaw, firm and embracing. "I got you," she promised. "I'm with you."

The power of her words gave me strength. I kept my head pointed downward as I cracked my eyes open.

"Just sweep your eyes across the city ahead of you. Don't look down," she advised.

Slowly, I lifted my head, knowing that I couldn't deny her or myself anymore. She was giving me an opportunity that no one else could and man, I needed it. I'd stayed in my prison for far too long.

Warily, I turned my gaze toward hers. Bella's eyes looked compassionate as they wandered over my face. The creases in her forehead deepened from concern and she dropped her hand from my jaw. I felt the loss immediately.

"Eyes up, remember?"

"Eyes up," I repeated, my voice quiet.

I bent at the waist and peered out of the small rectangular window toward the west, keeping my eyes up. The city skyline was illuminated with brilliant facets of gold and red, peeping through the tall buildings and structures. The sun had set enough so that the rays were low, but they still set the city on fire.

It looked like I was amidst an inferno - like the city's buildings were alive with heat and flames. The thousands of lighted dots that made up the windows of each structure reminded me of glowing eyes - intense and unwavering.

"Did you know that there is an ordinance in St. Louis that no building can be taller than the Arch?" Bella spoke softly in my ear. "That's why there are no skyscrapers."

"How do you know that?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the sunset.

"I overheard someone say it downstairs. It could be a lie for all I know." Bella shrugged next to me, her body so close as though she was holding me up. I was shaking so I was thankful for her presence.

Looking out at the city again, I decided that what she'd heard was true. There were no skyscrapers and every building that stood gloriously in the city didn't summit the height of the Arch.

"Whoever made that rule was a smart person." I mused, letting go of Bella's hand. I leaned closer to the window, getting more of a view, remembering her mantra.

Eyes up.

"Why do you think that?" She asked.

I glanced at her over my shoulder with a grin. "Because they must've seen what I'm looking at now. I've never seen anything like it - it's like looking at a painting."

Bella stepped beside me and looked out at the view again. "You're right. They must've been a very smart person." She nudged me with her shoulder and we smiled at each other, holding eye contact until Bella cleared her throat and looked away.

Something passed between us in those few moments - our eyes had spoken a thousand silent words. It felt good.

We looked at the skyline for a few more minutes before turning to leave. Bella reached for my hand again and held it all the way down the crowded tram to the bottom. Once we exited, she let go and took off for the museum. Whatever had happened with us at the top of the Arch vanished immediately, replaced by awkwardness.

Sighing, I shoved my hands into my pockets and followed her as we toured the exhibits. We didn't spend too much time browsing the museum because it was getting late. I stopped by security, retrieved my firearm, and Bella eyed the weapon the entire time as I strapped on my ankle holster. We didn't speak a word until we got back to the truck. And I was fine with that. I needed some time to process what I was feeling.

Now, as we sat in the truck, lost somewhere in St. Louis, I knew I'd done something wrong. However, I had no fucking clue what it was.

I looked over at Bella across the cab.

"Don't what?" I asked.

My fingers ran jagged lines along the vinyl seat, desperate to reach to Bella. But the invisible boundary that had just been erected between us made me keep my hands to myself. I wanted to pull her into my arms and run my hands through her hair.

But I didn't.

She sighed. "Please, don't call me that. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

I blinked, still confused. "Don't call you what?"

Bella looked at me like I'd grown a second head.

"My love," she murmured with a gut-wrenching sadness laced in her voice.

Stunned, I snapped my mouth shut. I called her my love?

Man, and I thought things were awkward before.

"Uh, I'm sorry." It was the only reply I could come up with.

Bella folded her hands in her lap, squaring her shoulders. "It's okay. I just wasn't expecting to hear that, you know?"

Neither had I.

I used to call Bella, my love, all the time. It became as familiar as calling her by her first name.

Why was I saying it now though?

That was a stupid question and I knew it.

Fuck.

Today, things had gone from being bad to okay to I-have-no-fucking-clue.

We sat in silence for a few moments, our soft breaths and the muffled noises coming from outside, our only backdrop. I looked at the clock on the dash. It was getting late. We couldn't sit here all night, so someone had to say something.

"Why don't you let me see the directions and we can get to this place before the sun rises?" I suggested. "I really don't feel like getting lost anymore than we are." I motioned out the window. "Look around. There's nothing out here, and like I said before, it really doesn't look like a safe part of town. I can't just hop out of the truck and ask directions."

Bella sighed, picking up the directions, studying them once again. "I'm sure we're not far away," she remarked.

"Can I see?" I asked.

"I can do it, Edward," she huffed, batting my hand away.

She started up the engine and pulled out onto the street. Holding the directions with one hand, and keeping her other hand on the wheel, Bella peered out the windshield.

"Let me see here..." She furrowed her brow, concentrating. "If I go back east and take a right..no left..at Jefferson..."

"Let me have the directions so I can help," I pressed.

The truck lurched to the left and we narrowly missed hitting a parked car.

"Bella, come on!" I yelled, my frustration getting the best of me. "Let me navigate. Why are you so insistent on not wanting my help?"

"I can do this by myself," she argued.

"It's easier if one of us reads the directions while the other drives," I explained calmly. "You know - something called teamwork."

Bella gritted her teeth. "No, we're not a team. We're just two people who happen to be traveling together to get to the same destination."

"What does that supposed to mean?" I scoffed. "That I'm a fucking stranger to you?"

Bella placed the directions in between her legs and made a hard left. "That's exactly what we are Edward," she sneered. "Strangers."

"You're so full of shit! You know that?" I rested my arm on the back of the seat, glaring at her. "I know you better than anyone. Anyone!"

What the hell was she trying to prove?

Jesus!

Ignoring my comment, Bella shook her head. "I have to do this on my own."

"Why?"

"Because!" Bella fought back.

"If Emmett were here, would you let him help you?"

"Yes, p-probably," she stuttered.

"You're being so pigheaded!"

"You're being an asshole!"

"Or really, how so?" I shouted.

"You just ….are!" Bella yelled back, matching my tone.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, that's a real fucking good reason you have."

"Shut up, Edward! Just shut up!"

"No! I won't shut up, Bella!" I argued. "We're in the fucking 'hood, the ghetto, the projects, the wrong side of the motherfucking tracks. Wherever we are, it's not the safest place to be after dark. And if you don't like that I'm strapped, I can assure you that if we hang out here any longer, we're gonna meet someone carrying something bigger than my nine millimeter, and then you're really gonna be pissed. You know, we don't exactly look like locals."

Bella let out a wail, surprising the hell out of me, and stopped the truck alongside on the curb. She shifted into park and jumped out of the car, slamming the door shut behind her. Thankfully, I noticed that we ended up on Jefferson, where we needed to be. The restaurant wouldn't be far away.

She stalked toward the sidewalk and I exited the vehicle, determined to get her to stop acting so childish and stop putting her safety at risk.

She was so fucking stubborn!

I slammed the my door and rounded the front of the truck, stopping in my tracks. What I saw on the other side of the truck shredded me from the inside out.

Bella sat on the curb, holding her legs into her chest. Tears trailed down her face, dripping from her chin onto her knees, rocking back and forth. I ran my hands through hair, pulling at the ends, tired both emotionally and physically.

I sat down next to her, leaving a couple of inches between us, my eyes sweeping the area with an uneasy feeling. It was too dark and desolate, too many shadows for people to hide in. I lifted my pant leg and rested my hand on the butt of my gun. Just in case.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I whispered, her muffled sobs tugging at my heart.

She sniffled and lifted her gaze. "I'm sorry too."

"I just wish you would-"

"I need to do this alone, Edward. Because if I don't know how to get myself un-lost now, when I get back home, I won't have the confidence to survive on my own."

"That's what I'm here for, Bella." I assured."Charlie sent me to get you home safe."

"No, you don't get it," she cried.

"What? What don't I get?"

"When Charlie is gone..." She choked up. "There is going to be no one left."

"That's not true. You have Alice and Rose, Renee and...Jake." My voice trailed off.

I wanted to say and me but I held back.

Bella sobbed into her bent knees. "Alice and Rose don't need to be burdened by me. They have their own lives. And Renee would never step foot back in Forks." She stopped and wiped her eyes.

She didn't mention Jake.

I lifted my gaze toward the sky. The clear, twinkling night looked magnificent. I thought about how wonderful it felt to see the sunburst sky from the Arch and how it led to such a calm, sparkling night.

It was ironic that now I was sitting with Bella as she voiced her fears to me, when earlier the situation was reversed. As day faded into night, our roles had switched, yet the ties that bound us were still as strong as before.

I had spent so long pushing people away in order to get over the pain of my parent's loss and Bella's betrayal. But Bella went through much of the same. Jake had betrayed her trust and Charlie was dying, slowly. His death was inevitable, yet drawn out - the harsh reality she would have to face when we returned to Forks.

I could relate to Bella's self-preservation tactics. I felt the same way about Emmett and Jasper how she felt about Alice and Rose. I didn't want my psycho bullshit to bother them either. I, too, didn't want to be a burden.

Charlie was the only one that really understood either of us.

Lost in the devastating truth that one day soon, he would be gone, I longed to wrap my arms around Bella, cling to her, and enable us to use each other to stay afloat.

I wanted Bella to know that she would never be alone, and that I understood how she thought she would be. If I spilled my heart out now, she would never have to rely on Jake anymore. I would be that safe place for her - not him.

The chill of the air caused my skin to bump. I was glad that Bella was still wearing my jacket because she would've been cold if she wasn't.

"I've never felt so helpless in my entire life," Bella wept, glistening tears streaming down her pink-tinged cheeks.

I reached out apprehensively and rested my hand against the middle of her back, rubbing small circles. She shivered upon contact but she didn't pull away. Neither did I.

"You're not alone," I assured. "And don't ever think that you're a burden to anyone, myself included."

Bella sniffed. "Don't pretend that you had a choice in bringing me back to Forks. I know you would do anything Charlie asked."

"True, I would do anything for him. But..." I cleared my throat. "That's not the reason why I'm here now."

Bella gazed at me with somber eyes. "Then why are you here, Edward?"

"Because I don't want to be alone either," I confessed. "And I want that void filled by you. No one else will understand but us. Friends, remember?"

A flicker of emotion passed across her moonlit features. She understood. "Friends," she repeated.

We were so much alike that it hurt to even think about it, especially after all the painful things we'd said and done to each other in the past. But now we were bonded again. Like before only stronger - with hope that this time that we'd emerge unscathed.

She needed me and I needed her. I'd already lost my parents and she was about to lose Charlie. I'd been so stupid for so long - so hurt and so blind.

Bella scooted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder, nuzzling her cheek against the fabric of my t-shirt.

"I don't know what I'll do without my dad," she whispered, her voice quivering.

"Me either," I admitted, grasping her hand.

Without warning, Bella's expression crumbled and she collapsed into a fit of tears, her body shaking against mine, her tears soaking my shoulder.

"I got you. I'm with you," I breathed, pulling her close, repeating her words from earlier, hoping that they could provide her the solace they did me.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she whimpered. "I'm such a big pain in the ass."

I hugged her tighter. She hid her face in the crook of my neck as she wiped away her tears.

"It's fine," I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "You're just a small pain in my ass. Nothing I can't handle."

Bella sniffled and even though I couldn't see her face, I knew that she was smiling.

"You still smell the same," she murmured.

So do you...

"I haven't showered in a couple of days," I laughed, breathing in her lovely scent that I missed so much. "I probably don't smell too great."

"You smell like...Edward. Like home."

She looked up at me and as I gazed down at her tear-streaked face, mere inches from mine, it felt like the whole world around us stood still. The years we'd been apart receded and all we had was this moment, right here, right now.

In the light of the moon tonight, her rich chocolate eyes swallowed me whole. God, how I'd missed that gorgeous she was.

As Bella's expression shifted and she beamed up at me, I felt the corners of my mouth turn up too.

Home.

Everything about her was my home. I couldn't deny that anymore. The way her body melted into mine, the way her breath grazed my skin - even her soothing scent. She was still mine, my home, my constant, my everything.

My love.

As I stared down as my precious Bella in my arms, two questions popped into my head.

Why had life treated us both so unfairly and how could I let her go after this?

The answers were plain and simple.

One: I had no fucking clue.

And two: There was no way in Hell that I was ever going to.