A/N Hello lovlies! I'm back and (looks at watch) it hasn't been months and months since an update! (pats self on the back) I'm know, I'm oodles of awesome. But you know who is super duper fucking WIN? MissAlex. She beta'ed this so fast and mostly because she loves me so much. But I love her even more because she is the best and connects all my dots. Thank you my dear!
Don't forget to join us over at the Bffersoffanfic (dot) com It's an excellent place for recs and pictures of my husband (cough) I mean Rob and a whole lot more. Come, Come....
Twilight isn't mine.
Chapter 18: There's No Place Like Home
Bella
I needed a milkshake...
Maybe something cheesy and meaty too...
And I needed my pride back...but I think I lost that completely.
I sighed and discreetly glanced up from the menu at Edward. He sat across from me in the booth, perusing his own menu while drumming his fingers with one hand and running his other hand through his mussed up hair.
I almost forgot his nervous tick of constant hair pulling. It used to be one of the first signs that he was bothered and it looked like times haven't changed. His hair was still a charming disarray of kinks. He left his cap in the truck, since I pulled it off his head earlier today, and even though he looked very handsome with it on, I always loved his hair and I was glad that I could see it now.
His hair looked dirtier with every stroke of his hand. I knew it had been awhile since he showered and he mentioned that he might smell badly.
He didn't, by the way.
He smelled....perfect. Like I always remembered, and then some. I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that even his smell lured me in. I had a watered down version when I wore his leather jacket but actually being in his arms again was overwhelming.
This whole day was overwhelming. And even though I didn't want to, I needed to talk to Jake.
Edward groaned pulling me out of my thoughts.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's nothing."
I could tell that he was lying.
"Really?"
"Ya, I'm fine."
"Okay."
If he wasn't going to tell me what was wrong, then I wasn't going to push. I think we pushed enough buttons today and I just wanted to eat and relax a little before we got on the road again. Looking at Edward, I didn't think we should drive much more today. He looked like he was about to fall over.
My heart broke for him. Of course, I would offer to drive, but Edward already made it clear that I was not to take the wheel unless we were on a clear stretch of highway. Apparently, he didn't trust my navigation skills anymore. Getting lost in the "ghetto" as he put it, didn't bode with him well. The one thing about Edward that I was learning was that he had become even more protective after becoming a police officer. I guessed that having a gun does that to a man.
It still felt odd, that after all of this time, he still felt so strongly about my safety. Or maybe he was just flat out annoyed that I didn't listen to him. I didn't know. Really, everything I was feeling was so confusing. All I knew was that when Edward wrapped his arms around me, I felt safe. I felt protected and I felt that everything he told me was sincere.
He wanted to build our friendship, and assured me that I wouldn't be alone. I owed him the same in return. Since Charlie got sick, I bundled up a lot of my emotions, not wanting to burden anyone, not even Jake. He knew that I was upset I wasn't with my father, taking care of him. But I never broke down like I did tonight with Edward. It was like he brought out every emotion that I buried deep down.
I was reluctant to let on to Edward about how I felt about losing my father. He had dealt with enough while I was gone, since he was my father's soul caregiver. He didn't have to do any of it, but he did. And he didn't have to hold a quivering mess of an ex-girlfriend, like myself - but he did.
With everything that we had been through as a couple and as enemies, I wasn't quite sure why Edward was really here with me now, until he confirmed he was just as afraid to be alone as I was. He told me that he wanted me to fill that void. What exactly that entailed, I wasn't sure.
How close would we be again? Could we salvage a friendship that had been so marred with grief and guilt? Was it worth the potential heartache I could foresee? My only clear thought was that, inevitably, our paths would always be crossed. Charlie was his only family and losing him would impact his life as much as mine. We would both be losing a parent.
That revelation opened up my eyes a lot. After his parents died, Edward and Charlie formed an unbreakable bond that I didn't fully understand - or I didn't want to understand at the time, I suppose. The hurt was still too fresh and then being in Chicago didn't help things, as far as witnessing their day to day relationship firsthand.
Charlie didn't talk much about Edward to me, and neither did my friends. I put that burden on them and I truly was sorry. This whole time, I placed so much weight on their shoulders and I selfishly hid away in Chicago.
Out of sight, out of mind, was a trusted motto of mine.
How stupid I had been.
Edward's promise of friendship felt like a white flag. Every pass of his hand on my back as he soothed away the stress from my breakdown told me that. He comforted me and consoled me. I felt safe in his arms again, the closeness reminding me so much of what I was lacking with Jake. Resting my cheek on his shoulder made my head spin with thoughts of how I used to do this before and how it felt just like old times.
Friends.
If Edward was willing to make an effort, get over our past, or at least get passed the past, then I had to as well.
Lowering my menu onto the table, I folded my hands together, glancing around to see if our server was coming. Out of the corner of my eye, Edward peaked at me, still drumming his fingers, looking annoyed.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked again.
"Ya...it's just..." He stopped himself, continuously raking his hands through his hair.
"What is it?" I pressed.
"I don't know what I want to eat," Edward admitted.
I picked up the menu again, looking it over. "Oh. Um, well...what do you like?"
"Everything is so ...unhealthy," he muttered.
"Unhealthy?" I repeated under my breath.
We were in a candy shop, it was supposed to be unhealthy. Then I remembered that Edward refused to eat my truck stop snacks earlier and how he made fun of my junk food. How could I be so selfish? I should have asked him if coming here was okay with him. Instead, I only thought about what I wanted to do.
When I first planned this part of the trip, I was sure that Emmett would love this kind of place, knowing how much he loved to eat, but since Edward was here instead, and it was obviously that his eating habits had changed, I didn't think about what his needs would be.
Scanning the items again, I found one of Edward's favorites. "Look, they have a Reuben. You love Reubens." I smiled.
"I don't eat those anymore."
"Oh." I looked down again. "How about the BLT?"
"I don't eat bacon," he explained. "Or, at least, not often. Rose cooked breakfast the other day and I had a piece or two."
"Really? You never had a problem with it before."
I loved bacon it was second only to pancakes in my book.
"Yeah," Edward answered looking away.
"What's wrong with bacon?" I asked, confused.
"There is nothing wrong with it, it's just not..." Edward paused. "It's just not healthy. Plus, bacon is almost pure fat."
"But it tastes good," I snickered.
"Just because you find something delectable doesn't mean you should eat it, just because you crave it," he snapped.
Edward's eye bore into mine. It was clear that he wasn't talking about bacon anymore.
After a moment, he looked to his menu again. I sighed for the umpteenth time this evening.
I watched him looking over his menu, thoroughly. I'd never seen Edward so picky about what he ate. Rose always harped on my diet and I guessed that she got to Edward as well. I knew that she cooked at lot when she stayed over with Emmett at Edward's house.
"The turkey sandwich looks good," I offered.
"That's fine, I guess." Edward put his menu down and looked out the window.
So we were back to this again.
He was clearly detaching himself. For someone who promised to start building a friendship, he certainly wasn't acting like it. I was having a tough time compartmentalizing my feelings, but looking at Edward now, it seemed like he was having a hard time as well. Did anything that we told each other twenty minutes ago matter still? I hoped that he was truthful about wanting to be my friend and helping me when we got back to Forks, but part of me was leery that history would repeat itself and I wasn't ready to place all my trust in one basket.
After we let go of each other on that curb, I felt disenchanted, like the whole scenario was all just to make me feel better about myself - that maybe Edward wasn't as honest about his feelings as he let on. I was probably thinking too much into it. I shouldn't doubt his sincerity. It might have been a long time, but I could still feel the weight of his words, as if it was the Edward of five years ago speaking them.
The problem was that the Bella of the present had a hard time connecting the old and new Edwards, and realizing that they were the same person.
Staring at Edward now, he looked so weathered. His eyes were bloodshot and dark circles cradled them. Hopefully, he was just tired in general and not tired of me. I wasn't helping, either. I wanted to get my shit together and he was right, we needed to talk. But it was very evident that we really weren't used to one another anymore.
I feared that we would both blow up at each other and start laying blame like we have before. Maybe a night's rest would help us both clear our heads and get into a better place to discuss what happened - not just five years ago but also everything since then. One of the bigger issues was that I finally needed to ask about Jessica. If Edward and I were going to be friends at home, I had to accept that Jessica was going to be in his life.
Talking would be good for us. A lot of time had passed. We were both different now and we needed to reintroduce ourselves. Our hurt made us both jaded and it was hard letting go of that, but if he was ready, then I would be too.
No more running, Bella.
This was something I would tackle differently than Renee would.
I looked up from my menu. "I'm getting the chili dog and pineapple shake." I told him.
He scrunched up his face in disgust. "Do you know how much sugar and trans fat are in those?"
"No, but I'm sure you do," I rolled my eyes, but then winked, trying to lighten the mood.
Edward grumbled. "It's got a fuck-ton."
"I never really thought about what I ate before," I confessed. I had a fairly fast metabolism and I ate in moderation.
"I can remember. I thought after all these years you would wise up."
"It's not like I'm a complete junk-a-holic," I argued. "I never stopped cooking for Charlie when I was home - and I always cooked for Jake and Alice in Chicago."
He opened his mouth to protest but I held up my hand to stop him.
"And if you're referring to this afternoon and the food I bought at the truck stop, it's just for the trip Edward," I added in my defense. "I don't usually eat like that all the time. I'm not eating pork rings with a side of sour cream while washing it down with Kool-Aid at every meal. I do eat my veggies."
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to lecture you. I'm not a saint either, Bella. But I like to watch what I eat most of the time.. I grill a lot and try to eat clean or as much unprocessed food as possible." Edward rubbed his jaw. "All I'm saying is that you should think about what you put in your body."
"I'm not really watching my weight, Edward."
"It's not about what you weigh, it's about what's inside. It's about health promotion and disease prevention. What you put in your body now can help prevent illness in the future. Anti-oxidants, minerals, vitamins, flaxseed, fish oil, colored fruits and vegetables....they all can be cancer preventative."
And there it was.
I lifted an eyebrow. "Cancer preventative?"
He nodded.
It was clear that Edward had changed his eating habits because of Charlie's illness. Of course. He wanted to take care of his body so he wouldn't have to go through what Charlie was going through. Charlie never really watched what he ate and I guess I got some of my habits from him.
Guilt weighted heavily on my shoulders as I mulled over Edward's comment. Perhaps all of those years at home, I could have done something, cooked better foods...offered up healthier suggestions to my father. Then maybe Charlie wouldn't be.....
I shook my head, trying to refocus my thoughts.
"Oh, I never thought about food like that before," I whispered.
"When Charlie got sick, it changed my perspective on a lot of things - not just food."
I was going to ask Edward about what he meant, but our server arrived to take our orders. "Hey, folks. I'm Maggie," she greeted, holding her pen and notepad. "Welcome to the Crown Candy Kitchen. What can I get for you tonight?"
Maggie looked at me first.
"It all looks really good and I would love to order one of everything, but I think I narrowed it down to..." I bit my lip, thinking. "Maggie, I don't see it on the menu, but do you have salad here?"
"We don't offer it on the menu but I can make you one if you like," she offered. "It's not a problem - we have all of the ingredients. Is a Chef's Salad, okay?"
I noticed Edward eyeing me with a large grin plastered across his face.
"Yes, that sounds great," I replied.
"Let's see here," Maggie tapped her chin with her pencil. "I'll include Iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, ham and turkey slices, bacon bits, cheese, a sliced egg and croutons. How's that?"
I looked at Edward with a smile and then focused back on Maggie. "I'll take it, but can you leave off the bacon and cheese, and can I have fat-free Italian dressing on the side?"
Maggie scribbled on her order pad. "Sure, not a problem. Anything to drink, sweetie?"
"I'll have a pineapple shake. But do you have a kiddy size?"
I heard Edward cluck his tongue and I smiled to myself without looking in his direction. I felt childish but I couldn't not have a shake.
"Sorry, sugar, shakes are all one size," she explained. "But if you can't finish it all you can always take a to-go cup with you."
"Great! I'll have that and some water too," I added
"Good choice - pineapple is one of my favorites." Maggie wrote down the rest of my order and then turned to Edward.
"What about you, handsome?"
With a smirk, Edward kept his eyes trained me while he ordered. It wasn't until now that I realized he had kept his eyes on me the entire time I ordered too.
"I'll have what she's having but with only water," he told Maggie.
I smiled back at him. After his confession, a chili dog didn't sound that appetizing anymore and I secretly vowed that I would try to eat better.
I would clean up my life inside and out. For Charlie.
"You're not ordering a shake?" Maggie asked, surprised.
"No," Edward replied.
"We're known for our shakes and malts. I wouldn't miss it if I were you." Maggie coaxed. "You don't know what you're missing. How often do you get to have a hand-scooped real ice cream shake made for you by a dessert professional? I insist that you let me make you the best thing you could ever put in your mouth....besides your girlfriend, right here, of course."
She winked, leaning over Edward suggestively.
I gasped and felt my face flood with heat from embarrassment.
"I don't know, Maggie. I'm sure your shake is good, but Bella, here would be pretty hard to top." Edward said smoothly, playing along.
He didn't take his eyes off of me. I held his gaze, shocked by Maggie's boldness and Edward's admission.
"Well, I can see how sweet you are with her. I'll bring you a surprise for being such a good man to your woman." Maggie informed Edward.
She turned to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, sugar. We're jokesters around here. Didn't mean to embarrass you. Anyway, this one here." She thumbed toward Edward, "Looks like a banana." She giggled and turned on her heel.
Edward's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me," he sputtered.
I snorted and laughed. Edward looked back at me. "Did you hear what she called me?"
"I don't think that she was calling you a banana, Edward. I think she was naming the flavor of milkshake that you'd like. They have banana milkshakes." I pointed to the menu, which Maggie had failed to collect.
"Oh. But I don't want a milkshake," Edward protested.
"I don't think Maggie is taking no for an answer. Maybe ask her to put it in a to-go cup so you can have it on the ride out west. It will keep you awake since you still insist on driving. I wish you would change your mind and let me drive. You need some sleep."
"I just want to get to Denver, then I can sleep."
It annoyed me that Edward wasn't willing to stop for the night. Before we found the restaurant, I mentioned that we should get some rooms and rest for a couple of hours. But Edward just shook his head and told me he was fine to drive and that he wanted to get back on the road after we ate.
I didn't see the harm in stopping, but Edward was hell-bent on driving straight through. I even offered to pay for his room but he just laughed at me. I told him that once we made it to the main interstate, I would drive and then he could catch some sleep. Thankfully, that seemed to appease him.
I felt that the lack of sleep was starting to affect Edward. When we located the restaurant, he seemed extra jumpy as he emerged from the U-Haul. We had to park around the corner of the restaurant because there weren't available spots out front and Edward didn't like that the street lamp was busted above our vehicle.
He opened my door and helped me out of the cab, while studying our surroundings. He made sure that the doors were locked and that I had all of my valuables in my purse and he also wrapped his arm around my waist protectively as he ushered me around the corner toward the front of the restaurant. I wanted to feel oblivious to his touch, but my body wouldn't let me. His hand on my hip as we walked into the restaurant sent pleasurable shivers up my spine.
Dinner progressed uneventfully. We both ate our salads mostly in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, just quiet. I think we both wanted to talk, but we didn't know how to start up a conversation, especially while at a restaurant.
We finished our salads just before closing and I drank half of my pineapple shake, asking Maggie for a to-go cup. Edward was true to his word and didn't touch his banana shake - probably out of spite, since Maggie called him a banana. However, he did ask for a to-go cup along with our bill, which he promptly paid before I could intercede. I narrowed my eyes at him but he ignored me.
Placing Edward's full to-go cup onto the table, Maggie frowned. "I'll only let you take my milkshake out of this establishment if you take a sip. It would be rude of you not to have at least one taste and plus, I want you to admit to me that it's the best thing to pass your lips."
"Fine, you win, Maggie," Edward smirked, lifting the Styrofoam cup to his lips. His cheekbones looked more prominent than ever as he placed the straw in between his teeth and sucked. His eyebrows rose and he swallowed.
Edward smacked his lips and took another sip, pausing for practically a full minute before replying, while Maggie waited with baited breath.
Finally, Edward placed the cup down and looked at our waitress. "I must say, Maggie - this milkshake is …still the second best thing I ever tasted."
He chuckled and braced his hands onto the table, pushing himself into a standing position.
My face was beet red. I knew it. I was blown away by Edward's obvious flirting. I wasn't prepared for his words - they were genuine without a hint of malice.
Edward held out his hand, assisted me out of the booth, and gestured for me to walk ahead of him. I felt his palm against my lower back as I turned and thanked Maggie.
"You're quiet welcome, sugar," she replied. "You keep that handsome boy of yours happy. Any man who can love a woman more than my shakes, is a man to keep."
"I'll make sure to tell his girlfriend that," I murmured. As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them.
Edward's body stiffened next to me and I stumbled over my feet. Edward caught my arm before I tripped. He let out an exaggerated breath, but said nothing. Righting myself again, I smiled weakly at Maggie and thanked her once more. Edward pushed me forward gently, urging me toward the door.
Leaving the restaurant, the street was now empty of cars and eerily quiet. Edward hadn't said a word about what I just said to Maggie and I wished that my mouth had a filter. To Maggie, we were deeply in love and it scared me that she assumed that just from looking at us.
It also scared me that I could tell that if I let any innocent flirting go on much more, something would happen between me and Edward. I could feel it looming under the surface of my skin - the immense attraction, the pull.
It was the same, if not stronger, than ever before. So much so that I wanted to push him up against the brick wall of this building right now and do nasty, sinful things. However, I didn't want to repeat of New Years behind the bar in Chicago. I was so weak then, so very weak, and I was no better now. In fact, I was worse. I didn't have Jake as a buffer or a distraction. Edward and I were going to be alone whether I wanted it or not. That night was the one of the toughest nights of my life, telling him I didn't love him. Lying to him through my teeth. I would never do that again.
We turned the corner, Edward's hand still on my back, guiding me through the dark street. The U-Haul was right where we left it, waiting patiently for us to return except there was something missing.
Edward lowered his hand from my back and dug into the pocket of his jeans for the keys and I rounded the side of the U-Haul. It didn't register at first, but then it hit me. The blood drained from my face.
"Veronica!" I shouted. I clutched my chest, feeling my heart pounding against my rib cage. "Edward! My car, it's gone!"
Tears formed in my eyes. My car. My Veronica was gone. All that was left was the trailer hitch, which was still connected to the U-Haul. The one and only thing outside of my education I worked hard for was now gone. I felt sick to my stomach.
Edward ran to my side, looking up and down the street. "Fuck! Where's your car?"
"I don't know!" I choked between sobs.
I stepped into the street, looking around aimlessly. My shoes crunched along the pavement and I looked down to find broken glass scattered everywhere.
Edward grabbed my hand and pulled back to the sidewalk. "Be careful, there's a bunch of glass."
"Someone stole my car," I muttered.
"I can see that," Edward mumbled, letting go of my hand and running his through his hair yet again.
"What do we do?!" I cried.
A million thoughts ran through my head. How could this happen and why would anyone want my shitty car? It wasn't fancy or expensive, it was an old Ford Taurus. Who would want to steal a beat-up old car?
Then it dawned on me.
My backseat. And the trunk.
Shit!
"Jesus Christ! Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?!" Edward bellowed, looking up toward the dark sky.
"Happen to you? It was my car!" I scoffed, wiping the tears off my cheeks.
"I know it's your car!" Edward snapped.
I flinched at his harsh tone and turned away. Edward groaned and was behind me right away, rubbing his hands down my arms.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice," he murmured. "We'll figure this out."
"I can't believe this happened."
"It's not your fault, Bella."
"It probably is." I wiped away another tear, fearing what I was about to tell him. His hands paused on my arms.
"What do you mean?"
I shrugged. "I had stuff in the car."
I swear, I could actually hear his eyes narrow. "What kind of stuff?" he asked cautiously.
I shivered, bracing myself. I knew that he was going to blow up when I told him what was in the car.
My lower lip trembled and I caught it in between my teeth. "Um, my TV., DVD player, my desktop and laptop...and my trunk was full of clothes..." I winced, waiting.
Edward's hand left my arms and I heard him take a step back and inhale a very deep breath.
"You got to be fucking kidding me!" he moaned. "You had all that in the car? Why didn't you lock it in the U-Haul?!"
I chanced a look at him over my shoulder. He had his hands on his hips and his head down.
"I'm sorry," I told him, looking away, ashamed.
I should have thought things through. I should have packed all that stuff in the U-Haul, but I thought that the car would be more cushioned, in case my cargo was shaken or tossed around, in transit.
"Bella, that's basically inviting them to take it," Edward added.
"I'm sorry," I whispered again. "Jake covered most of it up with a quilt so no one would see it. I just wanted to get my things packed and ready...I didn't think..."
"Covered it with a quilt?! That's great! Next time we stop, I'm going to hide my wallet under the driver's seat, because thieves never check there. Jake's an idiot!" he roared, his voice echoing in the still, night air.
I turned around to face him as a fresh batch of tears welled up in my eyes. "Please, Edward," I begged. "It's my fault. It's mine. I should have known better."
"Don't defend him!" he shouted. "Never mind about you losing your stuff - it's replaceable. By leaving your stuff practically out in the open, Jake put you in danger. He should have thought about your safety before he did something so careless. It's disgusting."
"Just don't start on Jake," I pleaded. "It wasn't him-"
"Stop defending him! I can't believe you." Edward ran his hands through his hair. "He is fucking another girl!"
My mouth dropped open and I battled with how to react.
"Why does that have to do with anything?" I countered.
"He's disrespecting you!" Edward moved within inches of me, his chest heaving with pent up rage. "How can he protect you and cherish you while he's screwing around behind your back?"
I looked up into Edward's eyes. "He disrespected me..." I said, exasperated. "That may be true, but I'm no better. I let you go down on me in an alley! I let you rip my panties off and invade me like a whore. How am I different from Jake? If Alice didn't come out of the bar, stopping us, I would have fucked you against those cold steps and never batted an eye. Tell me I'm not like him, Edward! Tell me!"
"You aren't like him, that was different!"
"How?" I pleaded.
"When it comes to you and me, we don't have a choice," he answered with utter conviction.
A choice?
I blinked several times, remembering that night. I took a step back from Edward since we stood dangerously close to the curb.
I remembered seeing Edward in the bar and my body moved toward him on its own accord. I couldn't instruct myself otherwise, nor did I want to.
He was right.
I had no choice. He knew it as well as I did. That night in the alley behind Delaney's was inevitable. The moment I saw Edward, the decision was made and I never wavered in thought because when it came to us, there was no thinking - I only did what was natural and what was natural for me was to be with him.
"I knew that once you saw me..." he paused, his eyes pleading. "I knew that once you saw me, it would be undeniable. I chose not to draw attention to myself. I stayed in the back of the bar so you wouldn't see me, meanwhile in my mind, I begged for you to look my way. And you did. You saw me and you came to me without hesitation, just like I hoped. You let me worship your body, something I needed. You did too, I felt it. I didn't care about anything except putting my mouth on your body to taste you, selfishly consuming as much of you as I could. I took from you and you didn't have a choice because I knew, deep down, that you wouldn't turn me away."
"Just stop, please," I begged, holding my head in my hands.
I couldn't listen to him anymore. Everything Edward was telling me was exactly how I felt too. But it wasn't as simple as that. Our lives weren't that easy anymore. I couldn't just give myself to Edward, when Jake had taken up so much of my heart. It felt like a betrayal to throw Jake away when he helped me through so much. That was the only thing that made me turn away from Edward that night. Well, a little bit of bitterness. But I owned it to Jake. Edward was selfish. I was selfish.
I shook my head, lowering my hands. "How could you come after me at the bar after all that time? That was so petty and selfish. You had no right to put me in that position, knowing I would act the way I did."
"Charlie told me you were coming home soon - that it would be the first time we would be in the same town together, living our lives so closely intertwined again after what happened between us. I knew that it would either kill me or drive me insane. You haven't seen the man I've become since you left. Our friends and Charlie sheltered you, they protected you from me, the one person who would hurt you the most. I had to make a choice then at the bar after you spotted me, and yeah it was a snap decision, but I had to know if there was anything left between us."
Fresh tears trailed down my face and my body shook from the chilly night air. Edward's leather coat that I snuggled in no longer felt as comforting as before.
"I was so angry that night," I hissed. "I couldn't believe that I had no control and I was mad. I was so mad at you, Edward."
"I remember."
I shivered. Edward moved toward me but I stepped out of his reach. The memories were still too fresh in my mind.
"I didn't know you were with Jake," he admitted. "No one told me that you two were together."
"Would that have made a difference?"
"No, probably not." Edward confessed.
No choice.
I wanted to be mad at him - I needed to be mad at him - but seeing him standing in front of me much like New Years, pleading with me to understand, I felt complacent. Edward's shoulders hung low and his eyes searched mine. He looked as guilty as I felt and I wasn't going to ease that burden. Not yet. I needed to think. There were too many emotions running through me. I was confused and afraid.
I felt like I was losing myself and only Edward could make me feel that way.
Edward kept his eyes on me and I bit my lip, preventing myself from speaking my true thoughts.
I looked away sheepishly. "I'm tired."
Edward nodded and pulled out his phone. "I'll call the police first and make a report. I don't think they will be able to do much except put out an APB. But honestly, Bella, the St. Louis police aren't going to go out of their way to look for a stolen car in these parts. I suspect it's pretty common around here. And even if you get Veronica back, your stuff will be gone."
I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest to ward off the chilly air.
We didn't say anything until the police officers arrived. Both of us were too weary and drowning in guilty feelings. We quietly sipped our milkshakes, sitting on the curb, waiting. Edward, the banana, drank all of his, ironically.
Edward rose as the squad car approached and he greeted the police officer, showing his own credentials and explaining that he was a deputy. I gave a description of my car, making an official report to be filed with the city of St. Louis. Just as Edward expected, a lot wouldn't be done tonight, aside from an All Points Bulletin, which ensured that any patrol would be on the watch for the same make and model as my car, my Veronica.
"Usually with these types of crimes, the stolen vehicle is located within a twenty-four hour time frame," the officer advised. "It probably would be wise to stick around town in case we locate your vehicle. The odds are that the perps will take what they want and then ditch the car. Can I have a phone number that I can reach you?"
The police officer looked between Edward and I.
"Sure." Edward stepped up to the cop, taking out his wallet and giving him a business card. "This is my number. She doesn't have a cell phone right now. If you need to reach us, you can here."
The officer took the card and instructed us that there were many quality hotels downtown. He suggested that Washington Avenue had many hotels close together with plenty of restaurants. And it wasn't far away.
"You're ready?" Edward asked as the officer drove off.
I nodded and made my way toward the passenger door of the U-Haul. Before I could reach for the handle, Edward's hand was there, opening up the door and helping me inside, our fingers intertwined. I quietly thanked him as he shut the door. My hand tingled afterward.
We found Washington Avenue easily – since Edward was driving - and choose the Renaissance St. Louis Grand Hotel. Well, Edward chose it. I wanted to look for something a little less expensive but he Edward wouldn't hear of it.
I didn't argue. We'd done enough of that today.
We pulled up to the valet and the attendant looked at us incredulously as he opened my door and I eased out of the U-Haul. I suspected that he didn't get many older model moving trucks in the hotel's driveway often.
I smiled at him shyly, waiting for Edward to meet me at the door after he tossed the valet our keys. Edward carried his duffle along with mine, as well as my suitcase, as we made our way to the front desk.
The hotel was beautiful and I never have stayed in anything like it. I tended to stay at a Holiday Inn Express or Echono Lodge. I still couldn't get over the vastness of the hotel. It was quite large, stretching twelve stories and boasting plenty of amenities. I assumed that this would cost an arm and a leg but if I was going to be here, I might as well enjoy it. I didn't figure that I would be staying at another place like this again.
Edward requested two adjoining rooms and slipped the front desk woman a black credit card. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, waiting for me to protest, but this time, I was still too tired to fight with him. I promised myself that I would pay for the next room later on. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be this palatial. I looked away as he retrieved the key cards for our doors and spoke to the woman briefly.
I noticed that the hotel had several restaurants as well as a Starbucks. Thank God. I was also eying the bar off to the left of the front desk.
"We're on the fourth floor," Edward informed me, handing me my swipe card. He took our baggage toward the elevators. I followed silently.
The elevator ride was quiet our breathing and the ding of every passing floor. the only sounds around Once the doors opened, we quickly found our adjoining rooms and I slipped the card into the lock.
"Bella?" Edward stopped me in front of his own door.
"Yes, Edward."
He smiled weakly, his tired, emerald eyes shimmering. "I guess you can call our bet a draw, huh?"
The bet didn't matter to me anymore. We both couldn't control our anger and resentment, but that drink that I wished I had won sounded pretty good right about now.
"Yeah, a draw, but I think I'm going to get a drink downstairs before I go to bed." I said, opening my door.
Edward gave me my bags and I put them down, taking off his leather jacket.
"Thank you for letting me wear this today." I said, handing it him. I missed the soft feel of the material and Edward's soothing scent already.
Edward took out his wallet, rummaging through his bills. "Here, if you're going down to the bar, let me give you some money."
I stopped him, putting my hand over his as he fiddled in his wallet. "No, it was a draw."
Edward sighed before putting his wallet back in his pocket and stepping back to his door.
"Can I ask for one favor?" he asked.
"Depends," I replied.
"Will you knock on my door one time when you're going to bed so I know that you're okay?"
I smiled. "I can do that. Goodnight, Edward."
"Goodnight, Bella."
Edward
The bed wasn't as comfortable as I hoped a two-hundred-dollar-a-night room would be. Of course, I was tossing and turning more so because of the thoughts in my head rather than the lumps from the mattress.
With as much sleep as I had gotten in the last couple of days, I thought that I would drop like a doornail. But instead, here I was, staring up at the ceiling, waiting impatiently for Bella to knock on my door. I had planned that if she won the bet, I would go with her for her celebratory drink. But I could tell she wanted to be alone. And I did too. I needed to get my head on straight and process the events of the day.
I promised friendship to her. The only problem was that I didn't know if I could keep my side of the bargain. I doubted my resolve and I couldn't deny that after being with Bella all day, fighting with her, comforting her, lusting after every bone in her body, that I could just tell myself that being just her friend would be enough for me.
It never would be. It never had been. There was a reason why I stayed away from her for so long. I knew what would happen and here it was just as I thought it.
She was consuming me.
It didn't take long at all. My body and soul didn't forget and I was scared that the man I was now wouldn't be enough for her. Over the years, there had been so many women, so many indiscretions.
There was also Jess.
How could I have been so naïve? Bella obviously was struggling. I could see it in her eyes. She felt guilty and I put her in that position. I just hoped that she could forgive me.
I rolled over and punched the pillow, trying to mold it to my head. I so tired when I entered my room, I just dropped my luggage, went to the bathroom and took off my t-shirt, shoes and socks – leaving on my jeans- and fell onto the bed. I never even bothered to turn on the lights. My head had started to pound again and the lights would only make it worse. I turned again and huffed, willing my eyes to shut and let sleep take over. I looked over at the side table by the bed. Earlier, I threw my swipe car and phone there when I striped myself of my shirt.
I'd have to make some calls tomorrow.
I rubbed my hands over my face, frustrated, when I heard a soft knock at my door.
The tension eased out of my body - Bella was back from the bar downstairs.
I sat up in bed and looked toward the door. I debated getting up, but didn't, and laid back down instead. After all, I told Bella to knock and then go to her room so I figured that she wasn't expecting a response from me.
I glanced at the hotel's digital clock on the side table. It was a little after midnight so she hadn't been gone that long. I was relieved that she was going back to her room. Maybe now I would be able to sleep.
But then I heard another knock. This time, not as soft. Sitting up again, I scratched my head, feeling foolish for not answering the door in the first place.
Another knock, harder again this time. Then another.
I got up out of bed and shuffled toward the door. I looked out through the peephole to make sure it was Bella.
It was.
I opened the door immediately, resting my arm against door jamb over my head.
"Bella?"
Her face was flushed as her eyes scanned my bare chest and my face. Fuck, she was beautiful.
She cleared her throat, ringing her hand together. Something was wrong.
"Bella?" I asked again, stepping out into the hallway. I glanced down the corridor in both directions, making sure that there wasn't anyone around. "Are you okay?"
She shook her head. "No."
Tears brimmed her eyes and her breathing sounded labored.
I stepped closer to her, reaching my hand out to wipe away the tears from her cheek. "What happened? What's wrong?"
Bella looked up, meeting my concerned gaze. "It's only been one day and we..." she stopped, shaking her head again.
I didn't understand what she meant. One day?
"And we what?" I prompted.
"And we've been so hot and cold with each other," she continued. "I tried to fight it, I tried to stay angry. I wanted to, but I can't because I lied, Edward. I lied to myself. I lied to you. I lied to everyone. It's only been one day..." She sobbed, her shoulders shaking, and I brought her into my arms, hugging her as her head rested against my bare chest.
I stoked her hair, the silkiness of her locks caressing my fingers as I pulled my hands from root to tip. "One day, Bella? What are you talking about?"
Bella looked up from my chest with watery eyes. "I've been lying to myself for so long and I want to be honest with you." She licked the tears off of her lips.
"What, Bella?"
"I lied to you, Edward - on New Years, when you asked me if I still felt it, I knew what you meant - you were asking me if I still loved you, and I lied. I said I didn't. But I lied."
Bella diverted her gaze but I didn't let her look away for long. I cupped her face with my hands, forcing her eyes to meet mine. I searched her dark brown pools for any signs of regret.
There were none.
I knew that I should make a honorable decision right now and bid her good night, but Bella wasn't giving me a choice. There was never a choice with Bella, it was always her and there would never be anyone else.
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and pushed aside the thought of the girl waiting for me back at home. Jess thought that this might happen and she had been right to feel afraid of losing me. I felt badly for betraying her, but I didn't have a choice.
Because Bella was here and it had always been her.
My lips hovered dangerously close to hers. "If you sanction this, Bella, don't tell me to stop, because I don't think I can this time."
"Don't stop," she murmured.
I dipped my head lower and Bella smiled before I parted my lips and crashed them into hers. Her whimpers ricocheted off of the barren corridor, fueling my need for her, and I tightened my arms around her waist, pulling her closer.
I moaned into her mouth, feeling her soft curves mold to my hard muscle so perfectly, and the years we'd been apart receded, taking all of the pain that we harbored with them, if only for this one moment.
Even though we were still a long way from Forks, I'd never felt so at home.
So how much do you hate I ended it there? Tell me all about it:) I can take the heat.
Check out this great new story I started to beta- Your Voice Was All I Heard by Twimamma . It's had Rockerward, need I say more?
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