A/N
Hello! Well, it hasn't been six months between updates. Yay me! Thank you to everyone who has hung out and waited patiently for updates. Your words of encouragement have been my lifesaver when I thought that I sucked. LOL!
A special thanks to my partner in crime, MissAlex. You're truly the best! Thanks so much for the quick edit when I know how busy you are.
Also, Lemonmartinis, you're the best motivator/pre-reader a girl can have! With your inspirational words and praise of Treadward, he decided to kick my ass and make me get this chapter done.
I don't own Twilight.
Chapter 20- The Night before and the Morning After
Bella
The previous evening before Bella came back to Edward's room.
"Goodnight, Bella."
I gave Edward one last look over my shoulder before I swiped my key card and entered my hotel room. Flipping the light switch, I set my suitcase and purse down on the luggage rack by the door, and scanned the room. It was impressive, to say the least. The muted earth toned walls seemed to hug me into the space.
Cozy.
I felt relieved to be alone. The break was very much welcomed. I needed to get my head on straight. The day was just too much. Too much stress, too much pain , too much Edward, if that was even possible. But I felt different in a way. Of course I was on edge, defensive, and pretty much a bitch to him; I think I was masking what I knew all along, that Edward still felt more like home than Jake ever did.
It made me angry, very angry. After all those years and everything that happened between us, I still felt like I loved him in a way. Finally realizing that I would never stop feeling that way for Edward awakened a burn in my chest, a burn that I never felt with Jake, no matter how hard I willed it.
Fucking wonderful. My whole life was just peachy.
I sighed tiredly, zeroing in on the bed in the middle of the room.
The bed was huge with a white, fluffy down comforter. Adorning the top were Euro pillows stacked as high as the headboard. The furniture was a rich honey -maple color that looked more expensive than all the furniture in my home in Forks. Across the room, mounted on the wall, was a large, flat screen TV. This definitely was a nice room, far nicer than I ever thought I would be staying in on this trip. I thought fleetingly as to why Edward could afford such a room or want to pay for one. It wasn't as though a deputy from a small town rolled in the dough. My father struggled to pay off our house for crying out loud. I couldn't imagine that Edward had much money to spare. I made a mental note that I would pay him back for my share when I found a job back home.
I flopped down on the bed; my body ached from the rough ride in the U-Haul. I wasn't sure if I still wanted a drink now, given how comfortable I was and how easily I could fall asleep. I, at least, could take a shower and get ready for bed. Drinking could wait 'til tomorrow. Right now, I just didn't want to think or worry.
With my father, finishing school, the move, Edward, and now my missing car, the only thing I truly wanted was to sleep. And preferably without dreams. I wanted nothing. No feeling, no sensations, no rekindled chest burning, nothing. I had already had sensory overload today
Definitely, that's what it was - a case of sensory overload. It was better than saying hormonal overreaction to unknowingly wanted stimuli.
Ugh!
I moved to get up when the phone on the bedside table caught my eye.
The phone.
It felt like I had been in the dark all day. I was used to constant communication with Jake but with the knowledge of him and Leah, and the fact that he knew I was with Edward, I was scared to call him now. I knew I had to, though.
Like ripping a Band-Aid, Bella.
That was a stupid comparison. Calling my boyfriend of the last four and a half years shouldn't be like pulling a Band-Aid. It should be normal, nice, even. But, I wasn't going to bet against Alice. If she told me she saw Jake with Leah, I believed her. I still wanted him to tell me. And maybe, I should make some confessions of my own. New Years with Edward for one. It was obvious we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore. We had too many secrets. Too many lies. I also came to realize that I might not be in love with him. I was upset about Leah, sure, but I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be.
Is it sad that I had an epiphany of sorts on the walk from the front desk to our hotel rooms? Or more so when Edward asked me to knock on his door, wanting to make sure I was okay. It touched me. I don't know why, but it did. He cared, after all this time; he wanted to make sure I was safe. It was a glimpse of the old Edward, my Edward.
And then my chest burned.
Stupid chest burning!
Why couldn't I have had that with Jake? It would have made this so much easier. Maybe if I showed him more, did more, been more - he wouldn't have gone to Leah.
I didn't, though. I only gave him so much of myself. God, I was so blind all this time to think that I could really give him all of my heart when I had left it back in Forks.
New Year's should have told me that. My stubbornness won out. My pathetic excuse of rejection overrode what Edward was actually trying to tell me that night. He still wanted me, he still loved me. Even if his way of showing it to me wasn't the ideal, it was still his way. A messed up way, but his way nevertheless.
That night it was like the wound was just as fresh as it was the last time I saw Edward. I didn't know any other way to handle it.
Everything was so messed up.
I guess starting with a talk with Jake would be best.
I rounded the bed and sat down by the phone, reaching for the receiver ten times before I actually picked it up.
Band-Aid. Band-Aid..
I took in a deep breath and dialed Jake's cell.
It rang twice before a very feminine voice answered. "Hello?"
My eyes narrowed. "Who's this?"
"Who do you think?" I heard the snarl in her voice.
"Leah."
"Bingo."
"Why are you answering Jake's phone?"
"Why do you think?"
She was unnerving. Stop answering my questions with questions," I demanded. "Why are you answering his phone?"
She laughed. "We're friends, Bella. Come on. We hang out, spend time together, talk to each other…."
"Where is he, Leah?" I wasn't interested in her justifying her relationship with Jake. I knew why she was there.
"He's in the shower," she said with obvious evil intent.
I was through with playing games. "What are you trying to do here? Make me jealous?"
She snorted. "Is it working?"
"No. I'm angry." I cleared my throat. "I'm angry that two people I trusted went behind my back and lied to me. It's one thing if you want to be together, at least have the respect to tell me about it."
Leah scoffed.
"I know about you two, Leah," I said. "Alice saw you, she told me."
She started to laugh.
"What are you laughing at?"
"You're amazing, Bella."
"Excuse me?"
"You're lecturing me about lying to you and going behind your back, when you did the same thing to Jake."
My heart leapt into my throat. "Wha-what?"
"Oh, come off it, Bella. Don't play dumb with me. I saw you that night. Well, at least, I saw the tail end of things. I might have had to gouge my eyes out if I saw it all."
"What are you talking about?"
No, No, No, she couldn't know!
"There was nowhere to park when I got to Delany's that night. I had to park in the back lot next door. Walking around the block would take too long so I decided to take the short cut in the alley when lo and behold, I see two people going at it like wild animals. The guy had his head right in her pussy. It was fantastic! Of course, being the perv that I am, I hid behind a dumpster to watch. I couldn't make out who the two were since they were both huddled together so closely, but to my surprise, I then saw little Alice barge out the back door…It wasn't hard to put two and two together."
I had to stop her. There was no point in letting her continue. She knew. "You told Jake?"
"No. I never told him, but I was there for him when he needed comfort after his fiancé repeatedly broke his heart by pushing off their wedding. I wonder why she would do such a thing?"
I closed my eyes. The room was spinning.
"Is this too much to hear? Oh, poor, innocent Bella. Do you not want to hear how your fiancé seduced me when his loving fiancé kept on refusing him sex?
"Stop it! Just stop it!"
"Would you like me to sugar-coat it for you, then? How about I make it simple for you to understand. You can't have your cake and eat it too, Bella."
She's right, but Jake was not being any better to her than I was to him. "He's just using you."
"That's probably true."
"You don't care?"
"I care about a lot of things."
"Do you love him?"
"I don't love anyone."
"But, Leah …"
"Listen, I just heard the water shut off so I have to go. I would suggest that you have this conversation with Jake when you see him in person. He's still planning on moving to Seattle – I don't know why – but he is. He wasn't too happy to hear that you were with Edward. How's that going by the way?
"You don't want to know."
"You're right, I don't."
I didn't get a chance to reply before she hung up.
I hung up the phone feeling numb. All this time, Leah knew about me and Edward. She was there for all of it. She knew how Edward came for me, how I let him take my body, how weak I was. But she kept this all to herself. Why?
What did this mean?
I didn't know what to do with myself. I could call Alice but with everything going on in my head, I just wanted one less person in it – even her. I knew what she would say. First she would bitch about Leah, call her a whore, whatever. Secondly, she would tell me how all this was meant to be. Jake wasn't good for me, I could do better for myself. Alice never liked Jake.
My body shook as the A/C kicked on. Showering right now wasn't an option since I felt chilled. The only thing I could do was put on my flannel pajamas and snuggle into bed.
Sleep. I wanted to sleep. I'd think about all this tomorrow. It was the worst excuse I could come up with but it was the only one I could handle.
I went over to my suitcase by the door. Unzipping it, I realized I needed more light so I turned on the bathroom light. I turned back to my bag and stopped.
Pictures.
All my pictures I threw out when I was cleaning out my room in Chicago. Correction, all the pictures of me and Edward I threw out while cleaning my room in Chicago.
My hands skimmed the dozens of pictures spread across the top of my clothes. How did these even get there? I threw them in my trashcan and…..
Alice.
She had to have put these here when I was busy. It seemed like every picture was accounted for. Every picture of Edward smiling at me, Edward holding my hand, Edward kissing my cheek. All of it was here. And every picture of me doing the exact same thing to him.
I could see it. The love. It seeped out of every pore in every picture from both Edward and myself.
"Oh, Alice." I dropped to my knees, inspecting all the images of my battered past. "What are you doing to me?"
It was her way of gently nudging me. A little push in Edward's direction.
"It's only been one day, Alice," I uttered quietly as if Alice was in the room with me. It only took one day for Edward to turn my life upside down, question everything, and make me realize that I still loved him deeply.
My body wouldn't acknowledge what my brain kept yelling for it to do.
Stop!
Turn around!
You'll just hurt yourself and everyone else!
I was out the door and knocking on Edward's a few seconds later.
The next morning…
All around me I felt warmth.
I loved that feeling. Being rolled up like a burrito in your covers all toasty and snuggled was next to Heaven. I remembered waking up as a child from a cold winter's night being cocooned in my flannel sheets and comforter. I moaned and groaned knowing that I needed to get up and go to school, breaking the warmth and security that my blankets provided. Sneaking a toe out and cautiously touching the frigid hardwood floor made my skin crawl. All I wanted to do was stay in my blanket cocoon and sleep the day away.
I didn't know why that thought occurred to me this morning, considering the fact I was only half -covered by a thin sheet and very naked. Maybe it was because Edward was mostly lying over my top half, his head nestled in the crook of my shoulder, his arm secure across my mid-section, and his leg tangled with both of mine. Essentially, he was my human blanket, cocooning me much like my covers did at home. The odd thing was, I never felt more comfortable in my life.
And it was driving me crazy.
I had been up at least twenty minutes, analyzing what happened the night before. I needed to pee, but I wasn't about to dare move. Edward looked so tranquil sleeping on my chest. His cheek rested just above my heart, his lips pouted as his deep breaths fanned across my breasts. Sinfully making them pucker with pleasure.
Rolling my eyes, I slapped my free hand to my forehead, cursing my inability to withstand any kind of stimulation from this man, albeit even when he slept. Luckily, my face slap woke Edward up enough that he untangled his legs with mine and moved over to his back on the bed. Still asleep, though. I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't ready to face him yet. I wanted to gather my senses.
The room was still incredibly dark thanks to the black-out drapes of the hotel room. It was always easy to sleep late into the morning or afternoon while staying in a hotel. There was never once when Jake and I would go on a weekend trip that we'd wake up early.
"Those damn sleep-inducing drapes." Jake would grumble.
He was right. I suspected that it was at least 11 a.m. Hoisting myself up to my elbows- carefully as not to wake Edward- I glanced over at the clock on the bedside table.
But there wasn't a bedside table.
What the…?
Looking past the bed over across the room by the window, the bedside table, lamp, and clock lay haphazardly on their sides along with my jeans and one of my tennis shoes. Edward's jeans were hanging off the dresser with my shirt, and at the foot of the bed, the comforter was bunched together where my other shoe, along with my bra and panties, were balled up and about to fall to the ground.
It looked like a tornado hit the room and I really couldn't remember how and when all of this happened. I knew Edward took both of our clothes off but how did they get all over the room, and how in the freakin' frack did the bedside table get knocked over? The lamp looked broken, too. Great, gonna have to pay for that. No, wait. Edward will. He charged both rooms to his card.
Ha.
I eye-rolled again. I was already feeling bitter. But why? I didn't want to feel bitter or mad. I was here participating just as much as Edward last night. What I didn't like or was scared about was that I lost myself to him and defenseless to anything and everything he gave me. He was right. When it came to me and him, we didn't have a choice.
Edward threw his arm across his eyes. He was still deep asleep. He looked so peaceful when he slept. It was a strong contrast from the other day when he looked so conflicted, tired. I leaned over and traced my finger lightly over his lips. Still so soft and smooth. Lickable. Very, very lickable.
Now I'm drooling. Yippee.
I had to clear my head before I got lost in …him. I gently extracted myself from the sheet, careful not to move the mattress too much as I rolled myself out of bed, planting my feet on the carpeted floor. I glanced back at Edward to make sure I didn't wake him. He moved suddenly, flipping onto his stomach and hugged my pillow. I immediately sank to the floor, hiding between the bed and the wall of the bathroom so he wouldn't see me.
Why?
No flippin clue.
Choices or not, it didn't matter. My choice right now was to crawl on all fours toward the bathroom so he wouldn't see me. What was pointless about crawling was the fact that I was doing this because I didn't want him to see me naked.
"So dumb!" I scolded myself as I made it around the corner of the wall and into the bathroom.
I quietly closed the door, hoping that the click of the door mechanism didn't echo too noisily. I stood up from my knees and straightened my back to look around. The bathroom was lush and abundant with Bumble to Bumble products lining the countertop. The tub was deep-set in the corner and big enough for two. The shower off to the side, opposite the tub, was wall-less. Multiple shower heads and knobs stood out from the wall and ceiling, looking altogether too complicated to work. Oddly, the stone-tiled floor wasn't cold underneath my bare feet. Judging from the switch on the wall by the door, it was probably heated.
Fancy.
This was by far the nicest bathroom I had ever been in. I just wished I could have enjoyed it more.
Instead of enjoying the spa-like amenities, I looked in the mirror at my naked body, haystack hair, and array of hickies.
I looked like a badly used hooker.
"What am I doing?" I whispered. That was a good question. What in the world was I thinking last night? Instead of going to bed like I intended, I did the thing that I knew would alter my whole life. I got fucked.
Yep, he fucked me.
And I loved it.
Jesus, I loved it. I never came so hard in my life. He handled me roughly, but always careful not to go too far. His words – God, the way he spoke – turned me on more than anything. He was in control of my body in every way.
It wasn't the Edward I knew; this was a totally different Edward. He was powerful and abrasive, dominating yet tender.
What was obvious was that Edward changed. I was not naive to think that he would be the same. I knew that his parent's accident, the hatred he held for me, the depression I knew wounded him, changed him dramatically.
There was a lot to get reacquainted with if we were going to make a go of being friends or whatever else we were doing. There had to be conditions, though.
I turned on the cold water to wake myself up. After splashing my face and running my fingers through my hair, I toweled off.
As I patted my face, there was a knock on the door. I froze.
"Yes?" My voice shook.
"I'm coming in," Edward called through the door.
I didn't get a chance to answer before the door opened and a naked Edward walked into the bathroom without a care in the world. He looked so beautiful even with his bed-head and sleep wrinkles.
I felt my nipples get hard.
God.
I turned around abruptly, shielding my eyes.
Considering that I was naked too, I probably should've shielded more than just my eyes.
Edward smirked at me in the mirror as he went over to the toilet.
With horror, I averted my eyes and coughed-squeaked, "What are you doing?"
"Going to take a piss, what does it look like?" he answered.
I rolled my eyes. "No, I mean, why are you doing that in front of me."
Without using the toilet, Edward sauntered over to the sink next to mine and cupped is hand, filling it will water. He slurped the water out of his hand and spilt is out. "Bella," he rested his hip on the counter, drying his hands with a towel, "you let me suck every one of your body parts, but you're disgusted to watch me pee. That's funny."
"I'm not disgusted. I was…"
"Surprised, shocked, mesmerized…" He grinned, throwing the towel down and inching closer to me.
"Stop putting words in my mouth," I scolded him.
Edward moved even closer to me, his chest lightly brushing my hardened nipples. He looked down, then back into my eyes, smirking still as he traced his finger over my left nipple. My whole body erupted in goose flesh as I shuddered under his light touch. I closed my eyes, loving the way he made me feel.
He blew in my ear. "I can put something else in your mouth if you'd like."
My eyes flew open. "That's gross," I breathed quietly. "Be serious."
"I'm very serious. First, I'm going to put my tongue in your mouth…" Edward leaned in slowly, running his nose along mine before he chastely kissed my lips. My eyes shut automatically. I had no choice but kiss him back and open up to him when he teased my lips with his tongue. He delved into my mouth, caressing, probing.
"Second, I'm going to put my fingers in your mouth," he murmured, "and you're going to suck them hard." My eyes flew open once more when instead of feeling his fingers pass my lips; they separated the folds of my sex. I moaned in response.
"So wet already?" Edward raised his hand to my mouth. "Taste."
I looked at his hand then back at his face. The eroticism was like a hunger, I needed more than sustenance. I opened my mouth willingly, taking in his fingers, tasting myself. My tongue swirled with his fingers. I watched him as he gazed at my mouth, panting and hungry himself. He began to pull back but I stopped him, grabbing his hand.
"Not done yet." I held his hand firm to my mouth and lapped up the rest of my wetness on his fingers. When I was done, I placed his hand over my heart. "I wasn't finished." It was my turn to smirk.
"Fuck, Bella." Edward gaped. Without letting him think, I dropped to my knees, putting my hands on the back of his thighs.
I kept my eyes on his. "You did say you could put something else in my mouth…"
I lowered my mouth – our eyes still connected – and sucked his now hardened dick into my mouth. He threw his head back, impassioned with desire. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. I took the base into my hand and stroked what I couldn't fit into my mouth. With vehemence, I plunged his cock deeper and deeper.
"Just like that, just like that," Edward chanted as he gripped my hair, guiding my mouth over his arousal. "Fuck that cock with your mouth."
His words stung and turned me on even more. This Edward was crass, vulgar.
I made him this way, I thought.
Everything that happened between us created this Edward. And this Edward didn't make love anymore, he fucked.
I felt ashamed that I yearned for this Edward; I got off from this Edward.
I rubbed my thighs together wanting as much friction as possible before I couldn't take it anymore and started to rub my clit as I sucked him off.
I moaned around his cock, my own pleasure building. Before I could enjoy myself, Edward pulled me to my feet, kissing me furiously.
"You think that you can play with yourself and I wouldn't notice," he growled into my mouth. "This right here," Edward cupped my crotch," is mine. You will be damned sure that my cock will feel ten times better than your finger fucking."
I bit his lip. "Then fuck me," I challenged.
Edward turned me around, placing my hands on the sink top. "Hold on."
Running his hands down my sides, he gripped my hips while spreading my legs apart with his foot. He bent down and I felt him place warm kisses down my spine. I could have been mistaken but his gestured felt almost loving. I closed my eyes and savored it.
"Edward?" I shivered.
His mouth roamed back up my spine and he pressed his body to mine. I could feel his hard-on pushed against my ass. Edward set his chin on my shoulder as we both stared at our reflection in the mirror. His arms encasing mine, his body so close, his eyes hooded.
"Tell me what you need, baby," he whispered in my ear.
My breath paused. Would I really confess to him what I really wanted? I wanted more but I wasn't sure if I could have it or if I deserved it. I needed him back, but how could I tell him this? Was it even really what I wanted? To let him back into my heart? How do you share with someone that you still love without telling them because you're too scared to say it out loud? This question is confusing to me
So I stuck to simple.
Keeping my eyes on his in the mirror, I confessed, "You."
Edward nodded and kissed my shoulder. Something shifted between us - a layer of hardness seemed to shed away. Lifting the back of my thigh to set my knee on the countertop, he entered me slowly from behind. He closed his eyes and I dropped my head as he started to rock into me. Edward was so deep, it almost hurt but when he reached around and started massaging my clit, I started pushing back as much as he was giving. It was slow and agonizingly pleasurable.
"Oh, Edward. That feels so good, God…I…."
I couldn't form any more words.
"Say it." Edward picked up on my hesitation and increased pace. "Tell me," he hissed through his teeth.
"I…ah…" I tightened my eyes.
"You know what you want, tell me."
He pinched my nipple, hard.
I yelped but found my courage. "Pull my hair and fuck me hard!"
Yanking my long hair so that my head rested on his shoulder, Edward began pumping into me harder and harder. I was bouncing against the counter, holding on as best as I could. I cracked open my eyes and took in the beautiful sight of Edward taking me, controlling me. He grunted with exertion, his face contorted in concentration and pleasure. He sucked on my neck and I turned my head to whisper in his ear.
"Oh yes, fuck me…."I murmured.
This drove Edward to go faster.
We both didn't say another word as we both moved together, my orgasm approaching fast. With one last flick of his thumb on my clit, I exploded, shouting incoherently. Edward continued to thrust into me until he shuddered and let go of my hair. Our bodies stayed connected as we both caught our breath and calmed down.
"That was intense," Edward chuckled, slipping out of me. He helped me lower my sore leg from the countertop to the ground and reached his arm around my waist. I placed my hand over his and looked at him in the mirror, smiling shyly.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm good. You're right. Intense."
Edward quirked his brow. "Come here," he took my hand and led me to the shower, "let's get soapy."
I giggled because a sliver of my old Edward was still there. This gave me some hope.
"Okay, but I get under the showerhead first." I joked.
"Babe, there's like three heads, I think we're covered." Edward smiled radiantly, one of the first genuine smiles he had given me in a long time.
"I like that," I told him as I stepped into the shower. The already warm water cascaded down my back when Edward stepped behind me.
"Like what?"
"You smiling."
"Well, I like you naked, so we both win."
"Ha-ha," I laughed dryly.
I took the complementary shampoo and placed a dollop in my hand. Wetting my hair, I the lathered the fruit scented shampoo into my scalp.
"Here, let me help you." Edward took over, moving his fingers through my hair. "This scent reminds me of the shampoo you used to use. Almost reminds me of home."
The mention of home snapped me back to the present. Getting lost in our little sex bubble made me forget that Edward and I still needed to have a serious conversation.
I turned around to face him. "Edward?"
"Yep," he answered, guiding my hair under the water to rinse the soap away.
I closed my eyes as his nimble fingers went through my hair. "You know we can't stay here forever."
He sighed, brushing the suds out of my face. "I know."
"We're both so different now. We don't know each other anymore." I blinked the water out of my eyes as we changed places and Edward stood under the water. I took some shampoo and returned the favor and washed his hair.
"God…fuck! I know!" he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked like a petulant child.
I paused mid-scalp massage. "Why are you getting mad?"
Edward tensed his jaw and looked away as he thought over his words. "Because I just got you back in my arms and I feel like you're going to push me away."
Letting the water run over his soapy hair, I pushed away the bubbles. He stared at the ceiling as I continued to run my hand over his hair. With all the shampoo washed away, I brought my hands to his face, forcing him to look at me. "I'm not going anywhere but I think that we should," I paused, "take it slower."
"Take it slower," he repeated.
I smiled. "We both have so much stuff going on. I have Jake…"
"Fucker," Edward muttered.
"Stop," I warned him. "This is about us right now, not what you think of Jake."
He ran his hands over my arms. "I'm sorry."
I nodded and grabbed the bar of soap, running it over his body. He watched my every move. "And….you have Jessica." I tried not to sneer when I said her name or hurl the bar of soap across the tub. "I still can't believe you're with her."
Edward grabbed my wrist. "I thought this was about us, not them?" he countered, glaring at me.
I ducked my head. "It is. I'm sorry. It's just hard for me to think about you being with her."
"How do you think I felt learning you've been with Jake for the last five years?"
I shrugged. "Truthfully, after a while I didn't think you cared anymore."
Edward took the bar of soap from my hand and took a step closer so that our noses almost touched. "Oh, I cared. I thought about you every fucking day. You were with me in everything I did, everything I saw – felt. Every time I walked into your house to pick up Charlie for work or whatever, I could smell you everywhere. It killed me."
He took a deep breath. "All our friends were always so careful not to mention you, but I noticed things they didn't think I would see. The postcards you sent Rose from Memphis, the pictures on Charlie's fridge of you and Alice, the flowers you sent to the cemetery every fucking year on the anniversary of the accident….it was like you never left. Even if you weren't there, you were everywhere. I couldn't even fuck without thinking about you."
I winced.
Tears slipped from eyes. I couldn't hold back the lump in my throat any longer and let out a small sob.
"I'm sorry, so sorry."
Edward wiped the tears away and kissed my lips. "I'm sorry, too. But I have you now; I'm not letting you go again. It almost killed me before, I'm never doing that again."
I sniffled, running my hands up his chest. "I don't want to let you go, either." I bit my lip. "If we are going to do this, be together, I still think we need to take it slower, like really slow."
"What do you mean by really slow?" Edward ran the bar of soap over my stomach. His hands felt hot as they passed over my skin.
I gulped, trying to keep my composure. "I mean we need to get to know each other again. We fought so much since yesterday; I want to iron out all our issues. And I want us to cut all our ties before we're together again."
"Cut all our ties?" He washed my backside. Thoroughly.
"I don't want to hurt them anymore than we have."
"Jess and Jake."
"Yes."
"So let me get this straight, you don't want to fuck again until we break up with our significant others?"
"You're putting it bluntly, but yes."
"And you want to talk?"
"Yes."
"About our feelings and shit?"
"Yes."
He chuckled. "Woman, that's asking a lot from me."
I touched his arm. "Do you think we can do that, not touch each other until we figure everything out and talk to Jessica and Jake?
Edward squinted his eyes. "Can I touch you a little bit?"
"Depends." I took his hands off my hips and placed them at his sides. "Let's set some ground rules."
"Okay." He tapped his chin. "I get to touch your tits." Edward moved to grab my breast.
"Absolutely not!" I slapped his hand away.
"How 'bout your ass?" He tried to pinch my butt.
I moved out of his reach almost falling in the process. "No!"
Edward steadied me by my shoulders. "You see, you start acting all klutzy and I have no choice but to touch you."
"Minor setback."
He shook his head. "What if we kept all our clothes on and I touched you?"
"No!" I slapped his arm. "But you can hold my hand."
"Holding hands? How old are we?"
"Edward!" I stomped my bare foot on the shower floor and almost slipped again.
"You're going to fall. Wait, keep doing that," he smiled, holding my hand, "because then I can touch you."
"Concentrate!" I pleaded with him.
He held up his hands in surrender. "So you want me to court you? Is that it?"
"I guess if that's what you want to call it. Edward, we have so much to get over. I think sex will only confuse us more."
"But I like our sex," he whined.
"I do too. Believe me, I really, really do, but we need to be strong, just for a while. I want to do this right, if I can. Everything we've done has been so backward."
"It's still going to be tough when we get back. I hate hurting Jess, but I never promised her anything. She knows how I feel, even if I haven't said in so many words, she knows I couldn't ever be what she wanted. You know, she's a lot different than the girl you remember."
"I highly doubt that."
"I won't fight with you about her. She helped me when I needed it. I will always be grateful to her."
"Let's just not talk about her."
"Yeah, but..."
"Please, Edward. Just not yet, okay?"
"All right. Can I ask you something now?"
"Of course."
"Why did you cry last night….afterward?"
I dipped my head down, embarrassed. I was hoping he wouldn't ask me that. "I was overwhelmed."
"Why?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I wasn't expecting to feel and act the way I did last night. I lost control of myself. I was helpless and it scared me."
Edward pressed his forehead to mine. "I didn't think last night or this morning would be happening. In fact, I was pretty sure I could stay away from you. Pretty stupid thinking, huh?"
I chuckled. "If someone would have told me yesterday morning that I would find out that my fiancé was cheating on me and then I would be fucking my ex that night, I would have laughed in their faces."
"Do you regret it?"
"No," I whispered.
"Good, because I don't."
I still wanted to confront Edward on how different being with him last night was compared to five years ago. I needed to know what happened to him, what I drove him to be, but now wasn't the time.
With a slow smile, Edward asked, "Can we make out, at least?"
Without answering him, I leaned into his lips. Edward slipped his arms around my waist, inching close to my butt. I grabbed his hand quickly.
"Keep it above the equator, mister."
"Can't blame a guy for trying."
The sound of the phone ringing in the other room made us both jump.
"That's my cell." Edward kissed my lips and stepped out of the shower, walking briskly to the other room - still naked. I got out after him and wrapped a towel around my body. I heard Edward talking from the other room but couldn't make out what he was saying.
I reached for another towel and patted my hair dry. My hair was a mess with tangles so I ran my fingers through it the best I could. Then I remembered my suitcase was right outside the bathroom door and held my cosmetic case.
After I quickly used the toilet, I walked out and looked over to see Edward still on the phone by the now open window. The sun lit up the entire room, a bright contrast from earlier. The light hit Edward in all the right places, making him look ethereal. His body was perfection. Every muscle seemed to glint in the light.
I sighed, feeling overjoyed for once.
I knelt beside my bag and rummaged through its contents for my case, pushing the pictures of Edward and me to the side. I located my comb in my case and started to untangle the knots.
"So you're carrying around a suitcase of pictures of me, I see. I thought all this time you hated me." Edward laughed as he leaned against the wall, watching me.
"You should thank Alice. She must have put these in here. I threw them away while I was cleaning out my room." I said truthfully.
"I'll pretend that you didn't say that.
"I'm not going to lie to you."
"Thank you, or Alice, I should say."
"You're very distracting like that," I said, gesturing to his naked body. "Got a thing against clothes?
"Nope, but since you want to attempt this no touching thing and I'm not all for it, I figured that if I stayed naked long enough, you'd cave."
"You're evil!" I smiled. "Put this on." I threw him the towel I used on my hair.
Edward wrapped the towel around his waist and sat on the bed. Leaning back on his elbow, he said, "All I have here is my jeans. We're going to have to go get my room key from the front desk so I can get dressed."
I grabbed a pair of clean clothes and started to get dressed. Edward watched my every move, entranced. I held his eye, slipped on my panties, and fastened my bra. He smirked when I turned around and bent over to pull my jeans up, giving him a nice view of my ass.
"Like the show?"
"I would like it more if you were taking it off rather than putting it on."
"What are you lying around for, put your jeans on so we can get your key. I'm hungry and buying you breakfast."
"Isn't the courting male supposed to treat the female? It's only proper, my love."
My heart leapt. But then I wasn't sure if he even realized he said, "my love." After all, old habits die hard.
"Not in this millennia," I replied. "Anyway, you paid for the rooms and didn't even use yours."
"I'm not broken up about it."
"I am!"
"Bella, you don't need to think about money right now."
"Why would you say that?"
"Because that phone call I just got was about your car. They found it."
Some of you have stressed that you are concerned with the lack of "emotion" in the lemons. I just have to say that it's very intentional for storyline purposes. You'll learn later on what I mean. These two are going to be confused for a while. Things aren't going to just be magically healed now that they did it. So I hope you stick with me.
Okay, I have a rec. I haven't done it in a while. But I read a lot of fic and for the last couple of months lost faith in finding some really original work until I stumbled on to a fic called Miror Quaenam Sis Tam Bella by MeraNaamJoker.
Now, stay with me. It's a Bella/Paul. I know, I know, I'm a cannon girl like the rest of you but this is amazing.
This story delves into imprinting and describes it in such depth, the reason, the connection, the lust….it's all I wanted to read in the books but Meyer never really described. You can tell there are going to be twists down the road and I can't wait to see how this author plays them out.
Go check it out, give it a try and tell her I sent you.
Next up for TW, a visit to Renee's.
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