Fifteenth chapter.
I lay there, panting. Another episode of pain had just rushed through my body. Apparently, the cancer was almost finished with me- I was really just a shell, barely able to think, barely able to breathe, barely able to live. Everyone else thought I was dead. I couldn't speak anymore, couldn't move a muscle on my own, couldn't breathe on my own.
I hated this so much. Why didn't I just die? It was so painful, I couldn't describe it. I was trapped, but I could sense everyone. But they thought I was brain-dead, my brain was so inactive. I could think, but it was somehow... different. I don't know how. I felt like I was changing, like I was immerging from something that had me crippled, and I was becoming free. Was this what dying was? I didn't know.
But I liked it. Maybe Edward and Jacob would be all right someday. Maybe Jacob would find a special someone. I never did believe that Edward truly loved me.
The only person that ever visited anymore was Charlie. Maybe he thought that I could hear him, somehow. It made me want to smile.
But I couldn't anymore.
I was neither dead, nor alive.
But something was happening- I could feel that I was getting stronger.
"Bella? It's Dad. I really wish that you would wake up. We all miss you- Billy tells me that Jake's doing really badly. And Edward's almost always here."
Really? He was really quiet...
"Baby, why don't you wake up? I was supposed to get a goodbye with you. Can't you give me that much? I'm going to miss you around the house- I do miss you around there. It's so empty- it reminds me of when you were still back in Arizona, only a lot worse. Your mom's coming- she's on a plane. I told her not that long ago- I didn't want to worry her. That was a bad mistake, wasn't it?"
Yes, it was, Dad, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, to tell Jake I was really sorry, and Edward...
I wanted to tell Edward that I loved him, and that he hurt me so much when he left.
And now, I would never do that. I would never see them laugh, or cry, or look at me with love. Never kiss Edward... or Jacob, for that matter. That one, brief kiss we shared wasn't enough for me.
I realized then that I loved them both. In different ways, but I loved them. I loved Charlie, and Emily, and the pack, and the Cullens, and Angela, and Mom.
I would miss them so much. And this would make them so very sad.
It was time to let go.
I'm so sorry- but there's a few more chapters.