After the first time they make love since she's returned, he asks her to accompany him to dinner with Astor, Cody and Harrison several evenings later.
She blanches at the request.
She doesn't want to come face-to-face with proof that she doesn't deserve him, that she could never compare to the one who once stood in her stead. He has been her rock, her constant in everything since he'd rescued her, just as Rita had been for him.
An angel.
Not dark, not fallen, but pure and good and everything Lumen wasn't and could never be.
She can feel her head almost spinning until two of his fingers skim her elbow, retrieving her from her reverie. His brows are furrowed quizzically, uncertain yet concerned.
She tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear, crossing her arms and opening her mouth to say something (anything), but the words don't come.
He then turns rigid, shifts his glance to the side, pausing for a moment to think, his tone far too casual, "If you don't want to..."
She knows what he's thinking, that she wants to run again.
But she's likes to think she's less of a coward now.
She still can't speak, so she takes a step closer to him, stands near him, not touching, but staring into his eyes, reassuring him that she isn't going anywhere, that she will do this for him.
After several long moments, the corner of his lips turns up infinitesimally, a gesture she then reflects.
She's still afraid, still fights the natural compulsion to tuck tail and run when things turn difficult, but he's here and for now it's enough.
Dinner is...awkward.
Dexter introduces her as his...partner.
She's more than a little shocked when he does as such. She'd assumed he would give her the harmless label of friend or acquaintance, but she overcomes her surprise by giving them what she hopes is a comforting smile.
Harrison keeps reaching out for her; Lumen doesn't know if it's because he remembers her or because he doesn't and merely wants to be on the receiving end of another person's attention. This, to her utter surprise, doesn't earn her any contemptuous glares from Astor (more wary glances than anything else). Cody, after several stilted attempts at conversation, seems to treat her with a sort of bemused affability, which Lumen believes is better than him screaming in her face that his mother should be here instead of her.
But it was Astor Lumen had been most anxious in meeting again.
As soon as she'd first laid her inebriated eyes on Lumen, Astor had done nothing to conceal her blatant disdain for her step-father's 'tenant', labeling her his girlfriend every chance she could, despite her and Dexter's relationship being completely non-romantic at that point.
The young girl that sits before Lumen now is not entirely different (but definitely not the same) as the one she'd initially encountered, exuding – instead of palpable hatred – caution, concern.
She's worried about her family.
Harrison soon needs a diaper change. Lumen offers, but Dexter refuses, leaving her with Astor and Cody. Astor has her arms crossed over her chest, scrutinizing her in such a way a teenager can, while Cody continues to plough through his dinner.
Lumen doesn't break their gaze, keeps it steady, not aggressive.
Then Astor blinks, leans forward, voicing a question only an adolescent can do so indifferently, "Do you love him?"
Cody's head cranes upward at the question, focusing on both his sister and the woman in front of him, curious.
Lumen's throat immediately goes dry, and underneath the table her fingers claw at the fabric of her pants, "I don't know what he's told you about me."
She cocks her head to the side, frowning slightly, "He said he'd been helping you." A beat. "That you'd gone through bad stuff."
Lumen's temples suddenly ache from gritting her jaw so hard, as sharp images of everything – the broken sounds of her screaming – play again in her mind. One hand digs painfully into her thigh as she wills the memories to go away, her fingers on the other hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose. When she casts her eyes back up, she sees Astor peering at her with a begrudging sympathy.
"Like my mom."
Lumen bites the inside of her cheek; she doesn't know much about what had happened to Rita, only that she'd died a horrific death (one she didn't deserve).
Lumen shifts in her seat, feeling the fabric of her shirt rubbing against the raised scars on her back, reminding her of why she could never be normal, attempting to keep her voice neutral as she speaks through the parchedness of her throat, "I'm not trying to replace your mom." Before Astor can respond, Lumen continues. "Dexter did...he did help me." She smiles wetly. "He helped me a lot. And the truth?" She then bites back the tears that threaten to form, tone nowhere near as steady as she would have liked. "That word isn't enough to describe what he means to me."
Astor's expression softens somewhat, but before she can respond, Dexter returns with Harrison, sidling in next to her until their thighs are pressed against each other. Solid and comforting.
"Everything OK?"
His eyes dart from Astor to Lumen, Cody has already returned to his meal.
Astor flicks her hair over her shoulder, nodding, "Everything's fine."
Lumen breathes.
TBC
A/N Sorry about the delay. I've just changed laptops and I lost the original file, plus life hasn't really been kind lately, but thank you all for sticking through.