Chapter 17. (SO SORRY!!!! AN at end)

And then...

I was back, in my body. It was an amazing feeling- unexplainable.

I felt stronger, harder... like I imagined being a vampire would feel like.

I heard voices somewhere to my left. I was shocked when I recognized Carlisle and Edward arguing.

"No, you shouldn't leave. You need to be here for her funeral. You owe her that."

"It doesn't matter. She's dead! I have no reason to still be here- by her coffin, in this city, on this earth. Why won't you just let me go?"

"Because she wouldn't want that. You heard what she said those three weeks ago."

So I had been dead for three weeks. That was... amazing. It had felt like a few minutes, walking through the monotone castle, no doors, no ceiling, always twilight, always russet brown ground.

Maybe it was because there was no time there.

"I'm going, Carlisle. You can't stop me. Italia vocộ."

Italia- Italy.. I felt panic, wanted desperately to sit up and tell him not to, say that I wasn't dead, that I was still alive somehow, I didn't know how. But I couldn't- it was worse than before.

I heard a sigh, and footsteps receded. Footsteps! Not again! Was I back to the beginning of the cancer? Was it all a dream? No- it couldn't have been. It had been too painful to be a dream.

But maybe...

Maybe I had been in a coma, or something, and everyone thought I was dead.

No, too implausible.

I sighed and opened my eyes, to find myself on a metal table. Carlisle's back was in the doorway, and it looked like he was arguing with Edward with his mind.

"No, I have to," Edward said quietly, confirming my suspicion.

'Have to go where?' I almost said, until I realized that I would probably scare them if I did that. I don't know where that thought came from- I had never able to scare Edward in that way- but I knew this instinct was correct.

Why would I be on a metal table with Carlisle and Edward arguing a mere few feet away if they did not think I was dead, and therefore...

My heart was silent, therefore.

Somehow, that thought didn't scare me. I had been preparing to become a vampire, after all, and their hearts did not beat. But still, not having a heartbeat wasn't something that I necessarily was immediately comfortable with, since I had been taught from birth that no heartbeat equals no life.

But apparently, I was alive- and much more so than I had been a few... weeks... ago. I could literally feel the air against my skin, pressuring me to do something, move, anything just to feel it the way it was meant to be felt. Being still was almost agonizing- but I couldn't move right now, not unless I wanted to raise questions that I couldn't answer right now. Or ever, really.

"Perhaps I shall see you again." That was Carlisle. I could almost feel the sadness and hope radiating from him. It almost made me weep myself.

"Probably not." Edward. He was going to Italy. He was going to the Volturi.

He was going to die.

"No," I whispered, so low that I could barely hear it. But, of course, Edward and Carlisle heard it, and turned around much more slowly than I would have thought, giving me a chance to close my eyes before they freaked out.

"Did you hear...?" Edward whispered.

I think Carlisle nodded because Edward then proceeded to say, "Well, then I'm not going completely crazy."

Carlisle chuckled softly, and said, "Perhaps you should rethink your decision, if Bella-" an audible gasp- "wants you to stay so much, she found a way to talk from beyond the grave."

I could feel the torment and indecision that was tearing at Edward just then. It was almost too much to bear silently- I bit my lip, to find that my teeth had become much harder and longer, and my lip had become almost... bark-like. It was a weird feeling, and I had to hold in a shudder at it, and the thought that I had become some sort of tree- rhino.

"Perhaps." I was shocked that I had missed none of the conversation in my contemplations about being a tree-rhino. Either they were slowing down, or my thinking had gotten faster. A lot faster.

I was brought back to attention- yet again- by a sound that, I'll admit, shocked me. I heard receding footsteps, as if Edward or Carlisle were walking away. But they were vampires- no one but another vampire could hear them walking. Maybe a werewolf could, but I wasn't a werewolf, or a vampire for that matter.

I was officially scared by my new self.

Ok, I just wanted to officially apologize. I know that you guys may be very angry, or feel betrayed by the last AN at the end of the last chapter. I have really, really good explanations.

First- I moved. I am now officially about 16 thousand miles from my hometown- from a suburb to a very small town. Kinda like Bella, but not really, seeing as how I'm in the Northeast. Not the west.

Moving is very stressful. I have learned this over the past few months. I have been so busy trying to get friends, catch up on long-term projects, PLUS the normal school work.

I joined the book club- don't even think it- and it chews up even MORE time.

Second- I have had really, really bad writer's block for the past, oh, about 6 months. Longest time I have ever had writer's block.

And this was no ordinary writer's block- it was specific writer's block. Which basically means, my muse (the stupid thing I can't live without) decided that it was tired of fanfiction, and wanted to make up a completely different story, unrelated to Twilight, Bones, or whatever. THe good news is that I'm pretty far into it- about 2 chapters of about 20 pages each. 40 pages- which is really, really long for me. I'm a pretty concise person- oh. i just looked at the AN that I'm typing. Okay, but my muse is really out in force because I'm sick. Oh yeah-

Third- I'm sick. As in, I've been almost constantly sick since I got here. I have a theory that I'm getting used to the germs here.

SO SORRY!!! (and there is more to come eventually.)