Warning the remainder of this story WILL have mentions of suicide MOST pretty descriptive so if you have a faint heart….don't read anymore. Please. Like I said this is ALL true…I went through all of this….so if you don't like Suicide or self harm…don't read anymore I'm begging you.
After that phone call I went to visit Charlie broken hearted and all…. Even though I hated his drinking, hated him, he was my father…and I was determined to remain his daughter, no matter the cost. I made a promise to myself that no matter what happens I will stay with him.
It had been a month after the Call that Christine noticed my long sleeves and she didn't have to ask. She just made sure that I was stocked up on peroxide and bandaids. She knew I didn't cut to die, if I wanted to die, I would, and because of my promise…I stayed alive. Even if barely. There were times when she would come over to my house when I called her because I had cut too deep and she would hold my arm until the bleeding stopped. Christine never judged me for my habits and I never told her why I befriended the blade. I cut to FEEL. Edward had left me numb and empty….and broken. So when I went to Charlie's without my Christine, I was sure to sleep in long sleeves as well.
Charlie's new wife Emily was a bitch in my opinion. She nagged at him constantly "Get me this, get me that, hang on let me paint my toenails" kind of person. And I hated her but pretended to love her because Charlie did. I was determined to hold what was left of my broken family together…at least until I left…
I watched Emily degrade my father more and more until finally I wanted to hit her but I doubted I had the strength left thanks to my Blade, my lover. It sang to me every night "It's okay…let it out…the pain you hate…just let it go…" and every night I'd give into my lover promising it one day I'd let it take me away from here…and my lover smiled knowing I never break my promises. I waited until late for my father to come home…just like every night. When I finally heard his truck pull down the drive I watched him climb into the bed of his baby…to dig into the case of beer.
I opened my window in case he needed me and turned away to give him his privacy.
I downed another foul tasting beer glancing at her window. She tried so hard to pull me together…my little Isabella…The poor girl just doesn't understand pain…of what I'm going through… I'm going to lose my house, which means I'll lose Emily…and eventually my little Angel…. I opened another as my thoughts drifted to the shining tool sitting in my lap. Would I do it this time? How many times have I sat beneath my Angels window wondering if I would keep my promise with the Devil? I downed another in the three minutes I thought. The Devils cold tongue licked my temple…Oh my little Angel hear me please….never trade with the Devil….because the Devil does not forgive.
I smiled as our song drifted through my window "hush little baby don't you cry…daddies gonna buy you…a…mockingbird….."
I frowned as tears choked his voice and I began to climb to my feet to see if he needed me….
My eyes widened as I heard the sound that, as quickly and effectively as my lover eased my pain, ended my world.
BANG
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