Chapter 15: Seeds of Rebellion

Feeling crusty in the eyes and overly wet in the sinuses afterward, Draco drifted off to sleep. He was woken by knocking at his chamber door.

"Draco?" It was Mum.

Draco really didn't want to see anyone, and that included his parents. He pulled himself up out of bed regardless and opened the chamber door just as Mum started knocking again. Her hand remained raised in mid-air, and then gradually lowered as her brow wrinkled with condolence.

"Theodore came downstairs crying," she said. "He told me and Deidra that you two had a row."

Draco nodded, gaze on the floor.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know."

"Can I come in?"

Draco opened the door so that Mum could pass him by. She pulled Draco into a hug inside. He melted with his head against Mum's shoulder, sniffling as she carded her fingers gently through his hair. Draco's eyelids grew heavy again—too heavy to keep open from the affection.

"It'll be all right." Paired with a kiss to Draco's forehead, he felt like he believed her. "Things have been so difficult lately, haven't they?"

Draco nodded.

"Why don't I call for some tea, and you can tell me what happened?"

They took up on one of the sofas. While Mum poured the tea that arrived, Draco scooped up the ginger kitten. It had come over and started meowing, although hushed once in Draco's lap. A little rumble started in its throat, which made Draco's tighten again.

"It's purring," he said.

Mum looked over from directing the teapot with her wand. "It's what cats do when they're content, darling."

"I know." Draco ran the tip of his finger gently over one of the kitten's closed eyes. "I haven't heard it do it before."

"Maybe this is the first time." Mum held a cup out to Draco. "Is it male or female?"

"I don't know how to tell. It all sort of looks the same to me."

"May I see?"

Draco traded her the tea for the kitten. Holding it in one hand, Mum lifted the tail with the other.

"Male," she said. "The testes are starting to come in."

"Oh." Draco didn't have the energy to be embarrassed about his mum talking about balls so casually, or looking at some right in front of him.

"Most ginger cats are male anyway." Mum held the kitten out to Draco. "He's certainly taken a liking to you, hasn't he?"

"Theodore said I could have it, if I wanted," Draco said. "But I wanted to ask you and Father first, to be sure I was allowed."

"Of course you can," Mum replied without hesitation. "We'd left that open, and you've certainly proven that you can handle the responsibility."

That managed to cheer Draco up. He liked looking at the kitten without it being dangerous to feel the accompanying rush of affection. His heart bloomed a little in his chest to think about this little fellow laying on his feet every night for the next several years.

"Is this what you and Theodore were fighting about?" Mum asked.

Draco sighed. "No. . ."

He filled her in on how his friends were involved with this Blaise business. The distrust Draco felt for them made him curious if Mum somehow knew too, but Mum's lips pinched in a way that Draco took to mean this was all just as new to her as it was him.

"That's very frustrating," she said when Draco had finished.

"Yeah." Still, Draco had to ask: "You didn't know about it?"

Mum shook her head. "The going impression I had as far as who you might be interested in was Pansy. Rose has mentioned a few times that Pansy speaks highly of you in her letters home. You two also looked very sweet dancing together at the gala."

"I don't have much interest right now in seeing anyone." Draco skirted the newest wave of discomfort from being pushed toward someone he considered solely a friend. "This whole thing with Blaise has put me off it. It shouldn't have been this complicated."

"It sounds like it started simple, and then went on for too long. Tiny lies on top of tiny lies, and then the entire thing just spiralled."

"I don't know what to do." Draco paused. "It's not like it matters anyway, right? About Blaise?"

Mum furrowed her brow.

"Because he's a boy." Draco's heart started to beat faster. "Father's told me about my duties, and it's up to me to continue the line. Which I want to do, mind."

Mum looked at the ginger kitten curled up underneath Draco's chin, then gave Draco a warm smile. When it started to fade away, Draco grew nervous. He didn't really like the way Mum looked at him, as if she read an interesting book.

"We ought to talk about that," she said.

"About, erm. . .?" Draco's nerves worsened. "About me having fancied a boy?"

"It's not as if it's incongruous with what's expected of you." Mum sipped her tea. "You would be far from the first pureblood to have a more colourful marriage than one like mine and your father's."

Draco sighed internally. He'd brought this up so that Mum could say no, you can't have anything to do with boys, and then Draco could drop this whole thing with Blaise because it didn't matter anyway. Draco hadn't meant to bring yet another big conversation upon himself.

"There are ways to make it work." Mum set a hand on Draco's ankle, running her thumb over the fuzz that was starting to turn properly to hair there. "Your father and I were talking about it after he spoke with you—"

"Great," Draco mumbled, unable to help himself. "More people talking about me behind my back."

"Of course your father and I talk about you," Mum said. "You're our son."

Draco supposed he had no choice but to accept that. "What did you talk about, then?"

"About how your happiness matters so very greatly to us." Mum's voice went heavy enough with feeling that it manifested as a sympathetic lump in Draco's throat. "Especially after your previous school year and the summer before it, your father and I simply don't have it in us to see you hurt for anything.

"We've also realized that we're in a very unique position, as far as tradition goes in the Black and Malfoy families," Mum said. "Your father is the first Malfoy patriarch under forty since before the Statute of Secrecy went into place. The Black family was rather large when I was born—even when you were born, really." A ghost of grief rippled through Mum's face. "All of that responsibility is a massive burden to bear, but it also grants us certain allowances. We have all the power. There is no one else to tell us what to do. That's a little freeing too, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Draco said slowly. He knew all about how overwhelming the burden of this power could be. He didn't know so much about the allowances, since he still had his parents to keep happy. Like Mum talked about caring for his happiness, Draco cared for hers and Father's too.

"Your happiness can coincide with familial duties," Mum said. "Your father and I are here to help you achieve that."

Draco thought it all over. "You said I wouldn't be the first pureblood to go about things differently, if I did. Who else—? Like Mr and Mrs Selwyn, or. . .?"

"Fraser and Georgia's marriage is certainly colourful. They are a romantic couple, however. They just have other long-term partners, as well."

Draco had heard Ellie and Hazel joke quite a few times that they had never gotten away with anything at home, since there was double the amount of eyes on them. "And Mr and Mrs Selwyn know about the others."

"That's right," Mum said. "Another example would be your grandparents—Abraxas and Severine. Unless you trimmed the fat on telling your father and I all what Tom told you, he misled you on the nature of his and Abraxas' relationship."

"Oh?" Draco grew wary to add Tom into all this conversation.

"It wasn't just something they shared before your grandparents married." Mum sipped her tea. "It went on in one form or another until Tom's death."

Draco nodded slowly, digesting that. "And Grandmother knew?"

"Of course." Mum's thumb ran over Draco's ankle again, her hand warm. "Although to say your grandparents married for convenience would be selling it short. They did love each other, even if not in a romantic way. They shared values. They loved their ch—your father deeply."

Readjusting on the sofa, Draco reasserted the way his kitten tucked underneath his chin. He couldn't even imagine talking to his friends right now, let alone start sorting out which girl he might like best to marry—whether for love like his parents had, or for the type of love his grandparents had.

"I. . ." Draco cleared his throat. "This is a lot. Thanks, but—it's a lot."

"It's nothing you have to worry about any time soon," Mum told him. "You're only thirteen. Now's the time for fun—for finding out what you want, and what you like."

Draco wrinkled his nose, feeling his face grow warm. He truly didn't want much of anything right now, although his skin disagreed. It still had a residual tingle to it that reemerged every time he revisited snogging Blaise. Thinking about the fight that followed effectively killed it.

"I'll keep it all in mind," Draco forced himself to say.

Mum chuckled. "This has been quite the holiday for you, hasn't it?"

"Not much of one," Draco mumbled. "And things might not get better any time soon. I don't know what to do about Blaise, or how I'll even look my friends in the eye when I'm back to school."

"You have—what is it, five days?—until the train pulls out of London." Mum banished her empty cup with a flick of her wand. "Take that time to clear your head and step back from it all. Maybe then you'll know how you feel."

Nott's owl showed up before Draco had any chance to follow that particular bit of his mum's advice:

I'm really sorry. I didn't think you'd be that upset, but I get it. It wasn't until we were talking about it that it seemed like such a big deal. It had been going on for so long that it was just kind of the way things were. Blaise fancies Draco, and Draco has no idea. That's how it's been for a long time. It's what was normal.

Draco didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't reply. He grew nervous when Crabbe's owl showed up next:

So you finally figured it out. It's about time. Nott said you and Blaise snogged. So what now?

Great. So everyone was caught up on that, were they?

Goyle owled Draco next, and then Pansy. After that, Draco asked Sooky to stop his post. He didn't want to hear anyone's justifications, or read their concern or apologies. His entire world had been completely flipped upside down, and he couldn't find his balance.

Draco knew people kept secrets. He himself had plenty. But for all of his friends to share in one massive one, with him as the subject, just felt so wholly different. It changed the entire way Draco looked at reality. He thought he knew how his friends all regarded him, whether good or bad. They probably all thought he was so stupid, or—worse—that Draco played around with Blaise on purpose.

The day the train was due to leave London came too quickly. As soon as Draco arrived at the platform, he searched the nearby vicinity with a sweeping look. He didn't see any of his friends. Nobody called out to him.

Draco took his trunk from Father.

"I'm going to get on the train," he told his parents. "I'll see you at Easter?"

"Of course, darling." Mum squeezed him in a hug, kissing the side of his head. "Write in the meantime."

"I will." Draco hugged his father next. "Love you."

"Love you too." Father pat his upper back before they parted. "Be good. I'll keep you posted on everything from our end, as well."

Draco nodded, although Hagrid's Hippogriff had fallen to the back of his mind with everything else going on. He darted for the nearest train door.

With a stumbling stop along the corridor, Draco backed his trunk up to a compartment occupied by people fit to hide away with. He slid open the door. The compartment's four occupants—Justin Finch-Fletchley, Ernie Macmillan, Lily Moon, and Jale Runcorn—all looked up, their conversation interrupted.

"Is it all right if I sit in here?" Draco asked with what he hoped was a winning grin.

"Er—sure." Ernie shrugged. "There won't be room for Crabbe and Goyle, though."

"That's fine," Draco said. "They're not with me."

A few eyebrows popped up at that. Draco tossed his trunk up onto the luggage rack. Like when Draco had ridden with Justin and Ernie back in September, he tucked himself into the corner beside the door. He hoped that should anyone he was avoiding look in, he would be missed.

"Good holidays?" Draco broke the ice with. "Did any of you do anything exciting?"

Jale, whose mother's side of the family lived in Turkey, had left the country for a week. Draco learned from there that both she and Lily lived in London like Justin did, although in Kingston. They were just in the process of answering whether they knew each other before attending Hogwarts (they didn't), when the train left the station.

"Your father works at the Ministry, doesn't he?" Draco asked Jale. "I think my father spoke to a Runcorn here and there, when he used to drag me along on his visits."

Jale chuckled with the others. "He works in International Magical Cooperation, yes. In the law office."

"Big beard?" Draco narrowed his eyes. "Tall?"

"That's him, yes."

Lily's parents worked similar sorts of jobs. They were both Muggle solicitors. Although Lily was Muggle-born, she wasn't the only kid with magic in her family. Her older brother Dennis had also gone to Hogwarts. He'd played Chaser on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team up until he finished his NEWTs in June.

Lily wiggled her eyebrows playfully at Draco. "Are you getting nervous about facing off against us?"

"I have to get past Ravenclaw before I even start to worry about Hufflepuff." Still, there was a little flutter of nerves in Draco's stomach. "The matches seem a lot closer on this side of the holidays."

"Only a week away, isn't it?" Justin asked. "Slytherin and Ravenclaw?"

Draco nodded.

"Are you worried at all about Cho Chang?" Jale asked. "She's quite good."

"You're making me nervous, if that counts."

"For what it's worth," Lily told Draco, "Dennis always worried about Slytherin. Your Chasers are really good—they were, anyway. You replaced one, didn't you?"

"Pucey decided he would rather be a swot," Draco replied in a solemn tone. "It's unfortunate, really."

They all laughed.

"Warrington's shaped up nicely, though." Draco smirked. "I wouldn't get too excited about a weak point in our front line."

"Careful," Jale jested with a grin fit to squint her eyes. "You might come off a tad bit arrogant."

Justin spoke before Draco could. "Confidence is earned, though."

While Jale, Ernie, and Lily all murmured in agreement, Draco looked at Justin. His cheeks went a little warm to receive a smile. That warmth seemed to overflow like water in a cup, pooling in Draco's stomach.

The compartment door opened. Draco stiffened, briefly fearing he'd finally been sniffed out, but it was only the trolley witch. Draco took a few handfuls of sweets along with everyone else. The compartment fell quiet after the trolley left, since everyone's mouths were busy. Draco himself chewed on a pumpkin pasty.

"Where are Crabbe and Goyle?" Ernie asked. "It's strange to see you without them."

Draco shrugged. "I didn't see them before I got on the train."

"Did you have a fight, or something?" Ernie opened up a cauldron cake. "You lot looked like you were having fun at the gala."

"Ooh, a gala?" Lily spoke up. "What's this about?"

"The one at Malfoy Manor," Ernie replied.

"My house," Draco elaborated with a hand over his mouth to hide his food.

"Oh, that's actually your home?" Lily tilted her head slightly. "I've seen your name on a few different buildings since coming to the wizarding world. I thought it was just another place like those."

Draco shook his head, chewing.

"So what's the deal with those parties being on the solstice?" Lily asked. "Is it some sort of pagan thing?"

"'Pagan thing'?" Draco repeated.

"You know, like old religions, or whatever."

"I don't think so. . ." Draco looked at Ernie, whose brow too had furrowed. "Maybe it used to be, but now it's just a party. We hold a winter and a summer one. There's food, music, and everyone visits and dances. Things like that."

"My dad used to go," Jale said. "He fell off the guest list after he couldn't make one."

"My grandfather used to be really sticky about how exclusive the whole thing is." Draco smirked. "My father's been organizing them now since Grandfather died. He's relaxed a bit in that tradition, but I was still surprised to see Dumbledore at the last two."

"Me too." Ernie sat up straighter. "They sure don't like each other much, do they?"

Draco hesitated, for he'd only wanted to make a comment about how his father had the power to exclude Dumbledore from what was probably the most exclusive party in the wizarding world. "I think it's safe to say they don't."

Jale pulled her legs up onto the seat. "Didn't Dumbledore have your father sacked as school governor?"

"My father resigned," Draco recited the official story. "He didn't think Dumbledore handled the Petrifications properly."

"You mean him protecting Potter about the whole thing?" Ernie asked.

"I've heard that," Jale said, "and that that's why we never heard any other name about who was involved—other than Ron Weasley, I guess."

"It was really strange that nobody got into trouble for it." Lily smiled apologetically at Draco. "No offence, but I thought it was you behind it all."

Draco couldn't help but roll his eyes. "You and plenty others."

"Sorry." Lily shifted in her seat. "I meant that I did last year, when it was all still going on. Obviously it wasn't, or you would've gotten in trouble."

"I was asked about it, and everything." Draco feigned nonchalance. "I was only ever around for Mrs Norris. I'd gone to see what all the fuss was about."

"It's over, anyway," Justin said in a final sort of tone. "It won't happen again."

"No," Draco agreed. "It won't."

In the silence to follow, Lily studied Draco. An easy smile came up over her.

"You know," she said, chipper again. "You're actually a lot easier to talk to than I expected."

"Told you," Justin said.

Draco had to obscure how chuffed he was behind a smirk. "Talk about me then, do you?"

Lily and Jale giggled, guilty. Ernie had the grace to smile abashedly as he dipped his chin. Justin remained unperturbed, idly regarding Draco from the opposite end of the seat they were separated by Ernie on.

"It's fine," Draco drawled with a wave of his hand. "I'm used to it, and usually quite rudely at that. The Gryffindors are very loud about not liking me. That's rather mutual."

"I'm pretty sure most of what I hear about you comes from Gryffindors," Lily said. "They are pretty loud."

"They're still shouting about you faking that injury, you know." Justin snorted. "I heard them at it again before the holidays."

"It's about to get worse, too." Vindictive pleasure lit up like a candle in Draco's chest. "There's a hearing date for that Hippogriff of Hagrid's. It's probably going to end up put down."

"That'll stir them up, for sure." Lily laughed mirthlessly. "But that's what happens when a creature like that attacks someone. It doesn't matter that you turned out all right. It still happened. Someone could die next time they acted the wrong way around that thing."

"Maybe the Gryffindors are just disappointed I didn't die," Draco said. "I bet they could have come up with a good enough reason why I would've deserved it."

Conversation kept on like that through the afternoon. When the train drew close to Hogsmeade, the girls left the compartment to change. Draco too headed off. When he stepped out of the toilet afterward, he nearly walked into Justin.

"Sorry," Justin said. "I wanted to see that you're all right."

Draco furrowed his brow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Uncomfortable topics, I guess." Justin leaned one shoulder against the wall and raised the other in a half-hearted shrug. "I know what it's like to be poked and prodded at like that, when people get curious about personal things. Not to mention, you're rather outnumbered."

"It wasn't anything I can't handle." Still, Draco's innards squirmed with some sort of pleasure that Justin felt it pertinent to come check on him. "They were more curious than anything, weren't they?"

"Yeah." Justin's spine straightened as he folded his arms. "You're different than expected, which makes it easier to ask about things you've only heard one side of the story for. I like you anyway, and I wouldn't if you were an absolute prat."

Draco's stomach fluttered. "An absolute prat?"

"You're only a little one." Justin's eyes squinted with his slow-growing grin. "In a funny way, like—"

"So you did make it on the train."

Draco looked behind him. Crabbe and Goyle stood at the carriage door. Draco rolled his eyes and took a step off in the opposite direction.

"Let's go back to the compartment," he told Justin.

"Malfoy," Crabbe said in a warning tone. "You can't hide forever."

Draco put a couple fingers up over his shoulder. Crabbe and Goyle thankfully didn't follow, although Draco hardly breathed for relief once he and Justin had made it to the next car.

"So you are fighting with them, huh?" Justin asked.

"It's stupid." Draco rolled his eyes again with a rapid shake of the head. "And too long of a story to tell before we'd be getting off the train."

"Fair enough," Justin replied.

Draco couldn't help but consider Lily and Jale going from cautious of him to friendly by their arrival in Hogsmeade as a win. He also realized that Justin had likely touched base out of concern his friends might have put Draco off him.

Or, maybe that was how the funny way Draco's stomach had been going wanted to interpret it. That it went funny in the first place made Draco a little nervous. Everything with Blaise wasn't quite yet far enough away for him to be keen on a repeat experience. Draco chose instead to narrow in on Mum's statement that this time in his life was meant for fun. He really wouldn't mind forgetting about his duties and marriage and birth control and everything else for a long, long while.

Draco separated from the Hufflepuffs in the Great Hall. He'd arrived before everyone else in his year, so was able to plonk himself down between Bole and Derrick. Flint sat across from them.

"All right?" Draco said breezily as greeting. "Good rest of your holidays?"

"Quiet." Derrick leaned into an amiable nudge of the elbow. "Yours?"

"Same," Draco replied. "Very quiet."

He similarly greeted Montague, Bletchley, and Warrington when they took the remaining seats in their near vicinity. While all the mouths in the Great Hall were for the most part busy, Flint started discussing the strategies he wanted to focus on before they'd step out onto the Quidditch pitch opposite Ravenclaw.

Draco became aware of a looming presence behind him.

"You're hiding," Crabbe spoke near Draco's ear.

"Excuse me?" Draco drawled in response over his shoulder. "We're talking about Quidditch. Go away."

"See you in the dorm, then."

It was with great trepidation that Draco headed for the common room after the feast. His stomach froze as though he'd swallowed a glacier when he spotted Blaise setting his chess pieces up opposite Nott. That Draco didn't see Crabbe and Goyle tipped him off on what he would be walking into when he tried to sneak off to bed.

Sure enough, they sat on their beds in the dorm. Draco pretended not to notice them as he headed for his.

"Cute," Crabbe commented. "You're not ignoring this."

Draco ignored him.

"Malfoy," Goyle said, sounding exasperated. "Come on."

"Come on, what?" Draco snapped. "Fucking hell, how can I make it any more clear that I don't want to talk to you? Do I need to hang a bloody sign around my neck? Just leave me alone."

"You're taking this way too far," Crabbe said.

"I don't need to explain anything to you. I shouldn't have to. If you think hard enough about why I might be pissed off, I'm sure you'll get there on your own." Draco threw his trunk open to find his pyjamas. "Sooky."

A pop in the middle of the dorm floor interrupted whatever Crabbe had been trying to say.

"Good evening, Master Draco," Sooky greeted him.

"Would you bring Ares and the kittens here?"

Sooky bowed her head. "Of course."

She disappeared.

"Nice to know you aren't going to use Ares as some sort of assurance," Crabbe grunted.

"Shut up," Draco said. "Just shut up and leave me alone."

Sooky reappeared then with the full cat basket. Draco set it over by Nott's bed.

"For what it's worth," Goyle spoke after Sooky had gone again, "I thought you should have been told."

"So why didn't you tell me?" Draco shot back.

"Blaise begged me not to."

"He begged all of us," Crabbe said. "He wanted to sort this out on his own. He wanted the opportunity."

"Well, he didn't take it, did he?" Draco wrenched his bed curtains shut so that he could change. "He decided to be a complete prat instead."

"It isn't like this was always happening, Malfoy," Crabbe replied. "He gave up for a good long while, and it didn't matter that there was a secret. It was dead in the water."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Draco said as he pulled his tie loose. "I want to be left alone."

"Fine." Crabbe sounded more annoyed than ever. "Throw your little strop, then."